Repentance - Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16:

It’s safe to say I avoided Edward for the next several days. I wasn’t ready yet. I couldn’t really talk about it yet without getting upset and I didn’t want to be upset anymore. I just wanted some time to myself without having to think about what Edward did to me.

I decided I wanted to get out of town for a little while to try to clear my head. As soon as I got Masen from daycare Friday night I went home, packed a bag, and left for Forks. With the extra money I was saving from Edward having paid all the rent, I was able to rent a car. I almost had enough saved up so that I could buy my own car. It wouldn’t be much, but at least it would be paid for.

I had never told Charlie about what was going on with Edward and I. I couldn’t. A part of me, although I wasn’t ready to admit it, hoped Edward and I could work through things in the long run. He was Masen’s father. He wasn’t a bad person. I never thought Masen would know his real father, much less ever have someone step up to be his father figure. I wanted that for him and it was obvious that he craved Edward’s attention. If I told Charlie the truth, he would make sure Masen and I never saw Edward again.

I told Charlie I was coming to visit because Edward was going out of town to see his family. I was glad Charlie had to work most of the weekend. I wanted to relax and be alone.

I was laying across the couch watching Cartoons with Masen on Saturday morning when there was a knock at the door.

As I was heading to the door, I saw Jake through the window. This was going to be awkward, I thought.

“Hey, Jake. Charlie isn’t here.”

“Bella? What are you doing here?”

“I just came to visit for a few days. Charlie is working.”

“Oh, I thought he was off today. I brought him some left overs. We had too much last night, dad wanted me to bring them by for him. We try to keep an eye on your old man, make sure he stays fed and all.”

I laughed. “Good idea, Jake. I’ll leave it for him.”

Jacob handed me the bag and just stared at me. There was an awkward moment of silence. I hadn’t spoken to him since we broke up my freshman year of college.

“Uh, Bella, I heard about what happened. I just wanted to say I’m sorry.”

“It was a long time ago, Jake. We’re doing better now,” I lied.

“We?” he asked. “You kept the baby?”

“Yes, I did. His name is Masen. He’s wonderful.”

“Oh, I thought I heard you were giving it up for adoption,” Jake said, confused.

“Well, that was the plan, but things changed.”

“Wow, that’s crazy, Bella. I just didn’t really picture you as a mom. How old is he now?”

“He’s almost two. He’s just inside if you want to meet him.”

Jacob hesitated for a moment. “Uh, sure.”

I moved out of the doorway and let Jacob inside. We walked through the kitchen and into the living room where Masen was sitting quietly on the couch, engrossed in his cartoon.

“Masen, I want you to meet an old friend of mine.”

Masen hardly looked up from his cartoon to acknowledge Jacob.

Jacob awkwardly tried to speak to him, but Masen wasn’t interested. Masen usually liked strangers, but he seemed more interested in the TV.

I turned to Jake. “Sorry, I guess he is really into Sesame Street right now.”

“He looks sort of like you,” Jacob said.

“Really?” I asked surprised. I didn’t think he looked like me at all, except for his fair skin and big brown eyes. I always thought his father’s features, even before I knew about Edward, over powered my own.

“Yea, he has your eyes. They are beautiful.”

Jake never really got over our break up. I broke up with him. We were good friends, but being intimate with him just didn’t feel right. It felt like a chore, I liked him as a friend, but the physical chemistry was never there for me.

“Thanks, Jake.” I began walking towards the door again. “Well, thanks for bringing some food by for Charlie. I’ll make sure he eats it when he gets home.”

Jacob nodded his head. “Have you got any plans today?”

“Um, not really. I was just going to hang around here.”

“Well, I was going to go surfing in La Push. It’s really nice out. You and Masen should come with me.”

My initial reaction was to say no. But, the sun was shining, which was rare in Forks, and I missed the beach. Jake and I spent a lot of time there when we were younger. I’d love to take Masen. He’s never been to a beach before.

“That’s a good idea, Jake! Why don’t I just meet you there? I need to get cleaned up a little bit and get Masen ready.”

“Okay, sounds good. I’ll see ya there, Bells.”

I waived as he left. I went inside and changed clothes and explained the beach to Masen. Masen didn’t quite believe me when I told him it would be more exciting than Big Bird.

I noticed my cell phone on my nightstand before I walked out of my room. I remembered that Edward had asked me to let him know when I arrived and I forgot to send him a message last night, possibly on purpose. This was supposed to be a break from him. I grabbed my phone and attempted to send him a text message, but became frustrated with the lack of signal. My cell phone rarely worked in Forks. I gave up and threw it on the bed.

I gathered Masen, my camera, a good book, and a few beach towels at the door before scribbling a note to Charlie and leaving it on the kitchen table.

Dad - we went to First Beach in La Push with Jake. There are left overs for you in the fridge. Don’t wait up. Love you - B.

***

**EPOV**

I was growing increasingly frustrated with Bella. I had a feeling she was getting out of town to get away from me, so I didn’t want to crowd her, but I was worried. She said she would let me know when she got there, and that was last night. I hadn’t heard from her yet and she wasn’t answering her phone or responding to her text messages.

By the time late afternoon rolled around on Saturday, I decided I’d just give Charlie a call and make sure she got there.

“Hello?”

“Hi, Mr. Swan, it’s Edward. I haven’t been able to reach Bella on her cell. Is she there?”

“Oh, hey Edward. She was here, but I just got in and there is a note here that says they went to the beach with Jacob. I’m not sure when she’ll be back, she told me not to wait up, so it may be late. You want me to have her call you?”

I stumbled for words for a moment. Jacob? Wasn’t that the name of Bella’s high school boyfriend? I felt myself growing angry, or jealous. I’m not sure which. “Um, no Mr. Swan. I just wanted to make sure they made it safely. I’ll try her tomorrow.”

“Alright then. Did you make it to Portland? How are your folks?”

I scrambled to make sense of what he was saying, to understand that he had no idea what was going on between Bella and I. I assumed she must have said I was elsewhere this weekend, which is why I didn’t accompany her to Forks. “Uh, yes. They’re just fine, thank you for asking. I will try to catch Bella tomorrow. Thank you.”

I hung up quickly. Bella was with Jacob? Masen was with Jacob? I didn’t know the guy, but he looked pretty buff in the photos I remembered from Bella’s childhood room. I was confused about how I was feeling. When she was with James, I knew she was doing it to spite me. I was never actually jealous of James because I couldn’t get past my concern for Bella’s safety and I knew James’ true character would eventually show itself.

I didn’t know anything about Jacob, other than what he looked like, and that he and Bella used to be good friends and date in high school and college. It wasn’t anger I was feeling, no, it was hurt.

I phone Alice. She answered immediately. “Hi, Edward.”

“Hi, Alice. I’m sorry to bother you, I have a question.”

“Sure, what’s up?”

“What do you know about Jake or Jacob?”

“Jake? Jake who?”

“I don’t know, whoever Bella dated in high school...”

“Oh, Jacob Black. What do I know about him? Wait, why are you asking?”

I took a deep breath. “Bella is with him.”

“What?? What do you mean with him? Like, right now?’

“Yes, she went home for the weekend. I called, Charlie told me she left a note that they went to the beach, and she told him not to wait up. Should I be worried?”

Alice stumbled for words, seemingly stunned. “Well, define worried? I mean, she is safe with him, if that is what you mean.”

“Uh, no. I mean...” I trailed off, not able to even put the thought into words. “Do you think she would ever go back to him?”

Alice sighed. “Oh, Edward. I don’t know anymore. I shouldn’t even be talking to you about this. This isn’t my place.”

“Please, Alice. Please. If you don’t tell me something, I’ll drive up there myself and find out.”

“Edward, don’t be irrational. I haven’t talked about Jacob with Bella in a long time. They were best friends when they were younger. Jacob has been in love with her since the day he was born. She finally gave him a chance in high school, but it never felt right to her. From what I understood, they never spoke again after she broke up with him her freshman year of college. That’s all I know. I’m sure she is just being friendly with him. They used to hang out at the beach all the time, that was there place, I mean...”

Alice tried to retract what she said. “I mean, not their place, they just went there a lot. I don’t think you have anything to worry about Edward, not with Bella anyway. I’m sure Jake is probably still head over heels for her. It’s sad, really.”

I was at a loss for words. I was hurt. “Alice, would this be Masen’s first time at the beach?”

She sighed deeply. “As far as I know. I’m sorry, Edward. She isn’t even thinking about things like that, you understand that, don’t you? She will give Masen every opportunity she can; she never had to consider you being there for his firsts before.”

I felt deflated. The woman I loved more than any other being, and my son, were taking their first trip together to the beach, without me. With her ex-boyfriend no less.

I didn’t have anything else to say. I needed a drink. “Thanks, Alice.”

***

**Bella POV**

I had the most relaxing and amazing time at the beach. Jake stayed in the water the majority of the time and Masen and I played in the sand, read books and sun bathed. I got some really cute photos of him.

I was exhausted and Masen and I both were a little pink from the sun by the time we arrived back to Forks later that evening.

Masen was asleep and I carried him inside. I could hear the TV on in the living room, but I could hear Charlie snoring over it. I sat my bag down, and noticed my note to Charlie was now on the counter, near the door. I picked it up, and scribbled on the bottom was, Edward called, told him you were at the beach with Jake. He said he would try you tomorrow. - Dad

Oh no! “Dad!! What the hell!” I screamed.

I heard Charlie shuffle on the couch. I went into the living room, Masen was awake now, and he crawled into Charlie’s lap.

“What is it, Bells?”

“Why did you tell Edward I was at the beach with Jake?!”

Charlie looked confused. “I don’t know, that’s what your note said, so that’s what I told him.”

“Ugh! Way to go, Dad. What else did you say? What did he say?”

Charlie rubbed his eyes. “That was about it, told him you didn’t know when you would be back, not to wait up, asked how his folks were, if he made it to Portland, that was it.”

I shook my head. “Oh my God, Dad! Don’t ever talk to him, please! Just don’t answer the phone!”

Charlie looked at me like I had six heads. I took Masen from him and we headed upstairs. My previous text messages had finally come through from Edward, wondering if I had made it safely. I received nothing from him after 4:00 p.m. There was nothing about his phone call with Charlie, or the beach. I had a missed call from Alice about an hour ago.

I used the main line to call her back first. She was calling to tell me Edward had called her about Jake. She said he was upset that I was with Jake, but was more upset about the fact that he missed Masen’s first trip to the beach.

My heart broke. It never even crossed my mind. I didn’t think about it. I felt awful. There was nothing going on between Jake and I and I certainly didn’t want Edward thinking there was. I was so frustrated. I had a such a nice time at the beach, only to get home and have to deal with this crap.

I called Edward as soon as I got off the phone with Alice.

“Hello?” he answered softly.

“Hi, it’s me.”

“I assume you made it home; thanks for letting me know.”

I sighed. “Edward, stop brooding. I’m sorry, my phone doesn’t get very good service out here. I forgot to let you know last night and I couldn’t get my phone to work this morning.”

“Charlie has a land line, Bella.”

“I know, I didn’t think about it. I was in a hurry. I said I was sorry.”

“In a hurry to get to the beach with your ex-boyfriend and my son?”

I could tell he had been drinking, he was being an ass. “How much have you had to drink, Edward?”

Edward laughed. “So now you are turning things around on me??”

I had become extremely angry. Masen was asleep on my bed and I stepped outside my room and closed the door. “I’m not turning anything around on you, Edward. First of all, Masen is my son. I’m the one who busted my ass the first year of his life to keep a roof over his head and milk in his bottle and second, yes I was on my way to the beach with Jacob and Masen, as friends. We are only friends, but even if we weren’t it wouldn’t matter!” I was screaming and in tears. “You and I are not together anymore, Edward. I can do what I want. I came here to have some time away from you, can’t you just understand that? After what you did to me, I need room to breathe!”

Edward didn’t say anything for a moment. I think my outburst surprised him. I began to hear muffled sounds through the phone. Was he crying?

“Edward?”

He blew out a deep breath, into the phone. “Bella, I’m sorry. I don’t know what else to do! I’m so afraid to lose you. I can’t live like this. I feel like I can’t breathe when I don’t know where you are, when I can’t see your smile. I’m sorry if I over-reacted, but something has to change. Please, tell me, is there hope for us, or do I need to move on?”

I didn’t know what to say. I had no intentions of being with anyone else, I just couldn’t. I imagined that one day Edward and I would be able to work things out, but that day wasn’t now. I wasn’t ready. “Edward, I don’t know,” I cried. “There is nobody else, I’m just not ready. Do what you think is best for you.”

“You are best for me, Bella.”

I sighed. “Then let me work through my feelings, give me time. I’m not ready to forgive you. We can talk when I get home, okay?”

Charlie stepped around the corner at the bottom of the stairs and looked up at me. I could tell by the look on his face that he had heard everything. “Shit,” I said.

“What?” Edward asked, confused.

“Edward, I have to go.”

“Are you alright?”

“Yes. I’ll be home tomorrow.” I hung up and starred back at Charlie blankly.

“Isabella Marie Swan, what did he do to you?”

“Nothing, Dad. It’s nothing. It’s not a big deal,” I said as I wiped the tears from my cheeks. “I’m fine.”

“Bella, tell me. Why did you lie to me about being together with him?”

I didn’t know what to do, or say. I wanted Alice, she would know exactly how to talk her way out of this.

“Dad, I can’t talk about it.” I turned and went back into my room, closing the door and locking it. I heard Charlie coming up the stairs. I began packing my bag, as well as Masen’s. I’m pretty sure it was time for me to go home.

Charlie began knocking on the door. “Bella, don’t make me call your mother.”

“She doesn’t know,” I yelled.

“I’ll call Alice.”

“She won’t tell you!”

Masen sat up in my bed and rubbed his eyes, starring at me blankly. He always looked at me with these big sad brown eyes when he knew I was upset.

I felt trapped. I was beginning to panic. I didn’t want Charlie to know because I didn’t want him to hate Edward. I didn’t want him to be disappointed in me. If he knew, what Edward did, and that I didn’t realize it until he told me, he would think I was an idiot. I was so confused. He would never understand.

“Did he cheat on you? Did he hurt you? Bella, open this damn door.” Charlie kept turning the door knob, as if it would suddenly open.

I heard the key drop to the floor from above the door frame. The door began to open, and I fell to the floor, on my knees, and cried.

Charlie came to me immediately, he sat next to me, and held me. “Bells, what happened?” he said softly. “It’s okay, you can tell me.”

I cried even harder, this is exactly what it felt like when I came home and told Charlie I had been raped. He held me, just like this, in the center of my room for hours. I had to tell him. I wouldn’t be able to hide it forever. I finally pushed Charlie back from me. “Take Masen to your room.”

Charlie immediately did as I asked. I heard his door shut, and Masen begin to cry. He would just have to cry. I don’t care how young he may be, I didn’t want him to see or hear this.

Charlie returned and I looked up at him from the floor, begging with my eyes for his understanding.

“Bella? It can’t be that bad. Guys cheat, especially guys your age. You just move on, there will be others, I promise.”

I shook my head. “He didn’t cheat on me, Dad.” I looked down and fidgeted with my shirt in my lap. I took a deep breath and blew it out. “Dad, Edward is Masen’s biological father.”

I could see Charlie attempting to make sense of what I said. “What do you mean? You’ve been dating him all this time? You weren’t really raped? You just got knocked up?”

My sobs grew louder. “No, Edward was the one who raped me.”

“So...you’ve just been screwing him ever since?”

“Ugh!” I picked up a shoe next to me and launched at it Charlie. “No!! Would you just shut up and let me finish!”

Charlie held up his hands in submission.

“I didn’t know it was him. He knew I was the girl all a long, from the day we met. He was sorry for what he did and wanted to make it up to me and Masen, but he ended up falling in love with me and I fell in love with him. He confessed a few months ago. We haven’t been together since.”

When Charlie didn’t say anything, I looked up. He looked extremely confused, angry and hurt. “Bella, why didn’t you tell me?”

“Because Masen loves him. Edward loves Masen. I didn’t want you to hate him,” I cried.

Charlie took a deep breath. “Have you called the investigator who was handling your case?”

I shook my head. “No. I don’t think I want him to go to jail, Dad.”

“That’s where he belongs, Bella.”

“I know it isn’t an excuse, but I believe that he is truly sorry, and he is Masen’s father. They have formed a bond, I can’t take that away from Masen. I can’t explain it all to you right now, I told you that you wouldn’t understand!”

Charlie shook his head, he was angry. “My grandson is not going to be living with a rapist.”

“It’s not like that, Dad! I made him leave after he told me, we haven’t been living together.”

Charlie turned to leave my room and I gathered my things. I heard him going down the stairs and I opened Charlie’s bedroom door to retrieve Masen. Masen was standing just behind the door, crying loudly. I picked him, and our things, up and headed downstairs.

“Bella, you don’t have to leave,” Charlie said.

“Yes, I do,” I said as I opened the door to leave. I hated that Charlie was so disappointed in me, but he didn’t understand. He had never seen Masen and Edward together the way that I had. I was angry at Edward for what he did, but he was not a danger to Masen and I.

I closed the door behind me and never looked back.



***Author’s Note: Happy Memorial Day! I hope you all had a good long weekend! There won’t be an update next weekend, as I will be on a mini vacation, but possible mid-week next week will be the next one, depending on when I get back in town. Thanks for all the lovely reviews!

**CHAPTER 17 - CLICK HERE**