Elusive Reality - Chapter 2

CHAPTER 2

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I felt trapped. I was stuck between these four small walls and all I wanted to do was scream and get out. I couldn’t remember the last time I heard my own voice. I wasn’t sure it even worked anymore. I tested it out, speaking to no one but myself.

“Hello?”

It came out a strangled whisper. I cleared my throat and tried again. It was normal. At least I could still speak.

I often went back and forth with my decision to either take my medication or not take it. I liked remembering Edward, but when I remembered him, I also remembered other things. Other things, like waking up to my mother screaming at me, asking me what I did, and seeing my dead father next to me in a pool of blood. I shuttered at the thought and felt the warm tears pool in my eyes. Today I would take my medication, because today I wanted to forget.

They told me I killed him and that is why I was here. I wouldn’t have. I couldn’t have. I missed my dad as much as I missed Edward. It hurt more to think about my dad though, because according to a jury of 12, I killed him with my bare hands.

When I had vivid memories of my father, I almost wanted to request the padding be put on my walls. I wanted to hurt myself for what I did. Why would I hurt my own father? I loved him more than anything, especially my mother. Sure, we had our moments, especially before I left for London, but what family doesn’t have their problems?

Whoever the hell was serving dinner tonight was late accordingly to my constant counting. I needed my fucking medication.

If I counted correctly, today was the second Saturday of the month. My mother would visit me at 6:00 p.m., after dinner. We would stare at each other for twenty minutes and she would leave, but only after I asked her about Edward and she insisted he was a figment of my imagination.

I sighed and paced the floor, waiting on dinner. The floor was cold. It was concrete and boring. They didn’t let me have socks. I was always cold. I had to wear these generic one size fits all clothes, which were really just thin sheets of cotton. The shirt was far too big for me, but at least the pants had a drawstring. Don’t worry, I had already thought about pulling it out and hanging myself, but it broke. It’s like a paper towel. These fucking people think of everything.

I didn’t want to die. I wanted to find Edward. I wanted to find out what happened. I wanted the truth. The longer I was here, the more hopeless I felt. The more I felt like I would never leave and that Edward would never come for me.

“Swan!”

Dinner was here! I turned to face the steel door and accepted my tray while staring at the overweight androgynous woman on the other side of the glass. I took the little plastic cup with the two blue pills and popped them in my mouth immediately. I took a sip of water and swallowed them anxiously before passing the cup back to the beast and showing her the underside of my tongue. She was satisfied and moved on to the next cell.

I ate my dinner quickly. I was hungry and eager to see my mom before the medication really started to effect me.

At first I thought the food was disgusting. It felt like chewing on rubber, no matter what it was. But now, I was getting used to it. The rubber carrots were comforting now and so was the plastic salisbury steak served every Saturday. The food schedule also helped me keep up with the days of the week. This place did everything on a schedule.

Forty minutes latter when the woman came back for my tray, she unlocked my cell. The sound of that lock clicking was the most wonderful thing I ever got to hear. I often fantasized about running as fast as I could as soon as it was unlocked but there were doors everywhere. Large, steel, locked doors. Her attendant entered my cell and placed the cuffs and chains around my ankles and then my wrists. I wasn’t allowed out unless I was bound at the wrists and ankles. The attendant led me through two sets of doors before I was in the visiting area, which consisted of a cold concrete room with interior windows, none to the outside world. My mom sat at a small picnic like table inside. They opened the door for me and told me, “Twenty minutes, no gifts.”

I never knew if I should be excited or terrified of seeing my mom once a month. I was glad at least one person on the planet came to see me, but I also had this nagging feeling that she had something to do with my being here.

“Hey, mom.” My voice still worked.

“Hi, Bella.” She smiled, it appeared genuine. She reached for my hand as a I sat and she held it. “How are you?”

Why does she even ask that question? I shrugged my shoulders. How the hell does she think I am?

“Are you staying on your medication? It really helps you.”

“Yeah, yeah. I take it every night.”

She nodded her head. “Good.”

“How long is my sentence?” I asked. I think I ask her every time, but I forget.

She took a deep breath, as usual. “Twenty years.”

I couldn’t grasp how long that was. It was far too long. I wondered what Edward would look like 20 years from now. “Have you heard from Edward?” I asked.

“Bella, honey, we’ve talked about this. Are you sure you’re still taking your medication?”

I nodded my head. “I promise. Why?”

“Bella, Edward isn’t real. He doesn’t exist. He’s only in your mind.”

I shook my head. “He’s not only in my mind. I met him in London. We were happy together.”

“Then why hasn’t he come to see you? Has he written to you?”

“I don’t know. He probably doesn’t know where I am. Can I get mail here? Why can’t I write to anyone?”

“You can get mail. They don’t feel you’re stable enough to use a pen or pencil yet. I’ve spoken with the doctor and we might start you out with crayons soon if you continue to do well.”

“Crayons? What am I? A fucking five year old?”

“Bella, watch your language.”

“Tell me again why I killed Dad?” I knew this conversation always pissed her off.

“Do we really need to go over this again, Bella? We have the same conversation every time I’m here.”

“Yeah, I want to know.”

“Well, I don’t know exactly why. I wasn’t there. I just know you two had an argument before you left for London and you hadn’t spoke much while you were gone and when you came home from Christmas, you got in an argument and the next thing I knew, I came home and he was gone and you were next to him with the knife in your hand.”

Every time she told me the story I couldn’t remember any argument. I couldn’t remember anything but waking up with the knife in my hand. “What was the argument about?” I asked.

“I don’t know, Bella.”

I began to tear up. Something wasn’t right. “Why would I kill my Dad?” I asked her. “I love him. I miss him so much. If anyone had a problem with him, it was you.”

“Bella, stop it. Right now. We are not having this conversation again.”

I sat there and cried. “Can I have a picture of him?”

“I don’t have a picture with me, Bella, and besides, you’re not allowed any gifts or personal belongings.”

“Will you look for Edward? His name is Edward Cullen. He works for Cullen Enterprises in London. Please, mom?” With that she stood quickly, pushing the chair out behind her.

“You need to up the dosage on your medication. It’s obviously not working. This Edward person isn’t real, Bella! I’m going to speak with your doctor right away.”

She turned and left. She never looked back at me. The attendant guided me back to my cell, removed my cuffs and chains and left me alone in my sorrow. I fell asleep crying.

I awoke a couple of hours later. It was dark. The medicated haze had taken over and it took me a few minutes to realize where I was.

The sounds you heard in this place at night were terrifying. People talking to themselves, slamming themselves against the concrete walls, telling nobody in particular that they were going to kill them. I guess that is to be expected in a mental institute.

I paced the cold concrete floor trying to remember the conversation I had previously with my mother. I couldn’t remember much. Something about crayons not being real. I shook my head. That wasn’t right.

I wonder if I could stop up the sink with something and leave the water running until I drowned. Somebody would probably see the water leaving my room and stop it before it got me. I sighed and continued pacing. It was too fucking cold to sleep.

I looked out the tiny window and could see the moon. It was so beautiful. I ached to be outdoors again. To feel the breeze against my skin and the warmth of the sun. The moon triggered a memory. I remember looking at the moon one night on campus with Edward. I think it was the first time he kissed me. He said the moon and stars were almost as beautiful as I was.

I sighed. There was nothing beautiful about me anymore. Maybe my mom was right. Maybe he wasn’t real. I didn’t know I could get mail. I had never gotten any before. I’m sure if some innocent, smart, young girl killed her police officer father, it would make the news. Surely Edward would have seen the news and tried to find me or heard about the trial. Maybe he didn’t want anything to do with a crazy girl in a mental institute. Maybe that’s why he had never tried to find me. Or maybe he wasn’t real. Maybe I really am crazy.



***Author’s Note: Sorry for the delay w/ this update, it’s been a hectic few weeks! Thank you all for the reviews! Happy Halloween <3 Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR Facebook: Allornothingkr @ gmail (dot) com

****CLICK HERE TO GO TO CHAPTER 3****

Repentance - Chapter 30

CHAPTER 30:

Edward kept his promises, both of them. He made sure to make time for Masen and I at least two nights a week and he also called every florist in town trying to find out who sent me the flowers.

I had a sinking feeling that James sent the flowers. I have no idea why he would do that or if he was keeping an eye on me, or what. I have no idea, I just cannot imagine who else could have sent them.

Edward tracked down the flower shop that delivered the flowers but all they could tell him was that the person asked to remain anonymous. Edward made a personal trip to the florist across town to question the lady that took the order. Edward sweet talked the young girl into giving him a description of the guy that purchased the flowers, but all she remembered was that he was tall, attractive and had dark brown hair.

Edward kept up with my every move ever since. I couldn’t help the creepy feeling sometimes that James was keeping an eye on us. I was just grateful that he hadn’t bothered us anymore. Edward drove me nuts about the guy who sent the flowers. He didn’t fit the description of James, but I’m sure James must have put someone up to it. Edward sounded jealous, and I couldn’t help but laugh at him.

“Seriously, Edward? Are we really having this conversation? I am the size of a hot air balloon and you think I have a secret admirer?”

“You are not and I would secretly admire you if I weren’t already publicly admiring you.”

I laughed. “Oh, Edward. You’re so hopeless. I’m sure this is exactly what he wanted to happen. He’s just trying to piss us off. Stop falling for his tricks.”

Edward sighed. “I guess you’re right. I just can’t stand living in the same city as him, knowing that he is out there somewhere.”

“I know, I feel the same way. I really don’t think he will try anything before the trial. He would just be too stupid to get in trouble right now.”

“Yea, but he’s smart enough to get someone to cause trouble in his place. That is what I’m concerned about, like the guy that ran you off the road.”

I took a deep breath. I didn’t like the memories his comment conjured up. “I swear it was him, Edward. I know they said it wasn’t, but I swear it was, unless I’m just completely crazy.”

“I believe you.” Edward leaned down and placed a soft kiss on my lips. “I’ve got to get going. Please let me know if you decide to go somewhere. I worry about you two,” he said as he placed a hand on my stomach.

I sat up from my position on the couch and kissed him again. “I think we may go to the park, but I promise I’ll text you and let you know. Try to get some studying done, don’t worry about us.” Edward was going to the library to work on a paper for class and Masen and I were probably going to go to the park when he got up from his nap. So far, it had been a lazy Saturday morning and I was dying to get out of the apartment.

Edward told me he loved me before he disappeared out the door, books in tow.

I got Masen up from his nap. He threw a small tempter tantrum when he realized Edward was gone. The fact that I told him we were going to the park and playground made up for it though. Rosalie and Emmalie came with us as well. I was glad she agreed to come with us because I didn’t feel like I could keep up with Masen on the playground. I could walk for about ten minutes and feel exhausted.

Rose ran a few laps around the track at the park, as she still felt like she had baby weight on her, but she looked thinner than she did before she was pregnant. While Rose ran, I pushed Masen on the swings as Emmalie slept in her stroller next to me.

By the time Rose came back, I was beat, and Masen was ready to move on to the slides and seesaws.

I decided to keep an eye on Emmalie while I took a break on a nearby bench, while Rose ran around with Masen. I brought a book with me, so I started reading it while the sun washed over me. The sun felt so good on my skin. The weather was perfect. It would’ve been chilly without the warmth of the sun.

I don’t know how long I had been lost in my book. Emmalie started crying at exactly the same time Rose started yelling my name from across the playground.

“Bella!!”

I stood up from the bench so I could see her better. I knew almost instantly something was wrong. She looked panicked. I didn’t see Masen anywhere. I grabbed Emmalie and went over to Rose, she met us half way, out of breath.

“I can’t find him anywhere, Bella!” she breathed. “I’ve looked everywhere, it’s like he just vanished.”

I felt my heart drop into the pit of my stomach and I had to put Emmalie back in her stroller before I dropped her.

Rose kept rambling on about Masen being in line to go down the slide, but he never came down it and she couldn’t find him. I tuned her out. I couldn’t hear anything but the humming noise of children laughing and playing, none of them matching the sound of my sweet boy’s laughter.

The playground was huge, and parts were like a maze. He could be anywhere. Rose was starting to freak out.

“Calm down. Maybe you just over looked him, or he’s hiding,” I tried to reassure her, and myself.

Rose was bent over, her hands resting on her knees, trying to catch her breath. “I’ve looked everywhere, Bella.”

“Well, look again!” I screamed.

I stomped off in the direction of the slide she said he was last at. I looked everywhere. I crawled through every little tunnel, nearly getting myself stuck. I looked inside every tire swing, underneath ever slide or bridge, everywhere. We yelled his name for nearly an hour. We asked every adult on that playground if they had seen him. Finally, we ran into a lady on the other side of the playground that remembered seeing a little boy in a red t-shirt.

“Well he was playing with this little black puppy and the man, I assumed it was his father, took them both back to the car. They got in a gold car, right over there.” She pointed to a nearby parking lot.

“Are you sure it was him? He’s about two and a half years old, he has copper colored hair, and big brown eyes.”

“I’m fairly certain. You don’t see that kind of hair very often, he has beautiful hair, and such a unique color.”

I felt my knees begin to shake, as if she could read my mind, Rose came up behind me to help support me. We sat down on a nearby bench and I completely lost it. I felt like my insides had been ripped out. I could hear Rose on the phone with the police but I just couldn’t comprehend what was happening. All I could think about was the fact that I had to tell Edward I had lost our son.

“Bella, I’m so sorry. This is all my fault. The police are on their way. I’m going to catch that lady before she leaves so she can describe the car to the police.”

I nodded my head, not really listening to her. I pulled out my cell phone and called Edward.

He answered quietly on the third ring. “Hi, baby.”

“Edward...” I cried.

I could hear the chair scoot out from under him when he heard my shaking voice.

“What’s wrong? Where are you?”

I couldn’t even speak. I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth. I cried hysterically. I could hear the sounds of him gathering his things into his bag as he was trying to get out of the library so he could talk.

“Bella, what happened? Where are you?”

“At...at the...at the park,” I said between sobs.

“Bella, calm down, take a deep breath. I’m on my way, what happened? Where is Rose?”

I just continued to cry. I couldn’t get horrible images out of my mind. I couldn’t help but imagine where Masen was and who he was with and what they were doing to him. I heard police sirens in the distance. Edward must have heard them too.

“Bella, what the fuck is going on!” he yelled.

“Masen is gone!” I finally screamed. “Somebody took him! We can’t find him...”

There was silence on the other end of the phone. My sobs grew louder. “I’m sorry,” I cried.

“I’ll be there in ten minutes,” he said solemnly before the line went dead.

Before Edward arrived at the park, the police and Emmett arrived. Emmett took Emmalie to his mother’s house. Rose was beside herself with guilt, but ultimately it was my fault. He was my son. I should’ve been watching him. The lady that saw him leave in the gold car was a big help. She described everything she saw to the police.

Edward, being as smart as he was, arrived about 15 minutes later. He stopped by the apartment to get a recent photo of Masen to provide to the police. I couldn’t even look at Edward when he arrived. I felt sick to my stomach.

He spoke to Rose instead of me.

“Edward, I’m so sorry. He was there one minute and just gone the next. I was supposed to be watching him, it’s not Bella’s fault.”

Edward dismissed her apology. “Why don’t you take her home, she looks exhausted,” he said, referring to me.

I looked up at them both. “I’m not leaving.”

Edward dismissed us both, knowing he couldn’t win with me, not about this. He went to talk to the officers. They had an amber alert out for Masen and had passed along the description of the vehicle to every officer on duty. They felt certain they would at least be able to locate the vehicle in a couple of hours since they had a good description of it and they got it quickly. They alerted the Washington State Patrol as well, incase they were attempting to leave the state.

“Bella, let’s go home. There’s nothing else we can do here.” Edward said, as he knelt down in front of me, trying to see my face.

I continued to hide from him, unable to look him in the eye. I shook my head no. “I’m not going home without him.”

Edward sighed. “They’re doing everything they can. Whoever took him isn’t just going to bring him back to the park, Bella. He’s not here. He’s not coming back here. Your feet and hands are swollen,” he said as he pulled my hands away from my face and looked at my palms. “You’re dirty, too. When is the last time you ate or had something to drink?”

I glanced down at my hands. I was covered in dirt from running all over the playground looking for Masen. “I had breakfast.”

“It’s almost 5:00 o’ clock, Bella. I know you’re upset, I am too. I’m sick about it, but you can’t neglect one child because you’re worrying about another...”

I burst in to tears when he said that. I just wanted my little boy back. I didn’t care about anything else in the world except seeing his smiling face again, but I was starving. I knew I was. My stomach had been growling loudly for hours now and the baby was kicking up a storm. I didn’t deserve to be a mother. I was obviously terrible at it. Edward pulled me towards him and I buried my face in the crook of his neck and just cried.

I don’t know how long we stayed like that. It felt like a while, until my stomach betrayed me again, growling so loudly even Edward could hear.

“Please, let me take you home. The lead investigating officer has both of our phone numbers and I have his.”

“Okay,” I reluctantly agreed.

Every time my phone would ring, I’d jump and expect it to be an officer calling to tell us something or give us some news, but apparently the word was out about Masen and anyone that ever knew Edward or I was blowing up our phones wanting to know what was going on. It was completely nerve wracking. If I wasn’t pregnant, I would’ve been well through a bottle of wine by now.

Edward got me something to eat on the way back to the apartment. I picked at it in the car as he drove us back across town, but I just felt too sick to eat. I forced a few bites of my sandwich down, more for the baby than for me.

I threw the remains of my sandwich back into the bag. “I just can’t eat right now.”

Edward sighed, but didn’t push me further about it.

We got home and the sun had nearly disappeared from the sky. “I should’ve put a jacket on him this morning, it’s going to be cold tonight.”

Edward helped me out of the car and we rode in silence in the elevator. We stepped out on to our floor and Edward opened the door and went in. I stood in the hallway.

“I can’t,” I said.

“Come on, Bella,” Edward held out his hand to me, so I would come inside.

“I just can’t admit to myself that I’m coming home without him. He’s out there somewhere, he needs us.”

Edward took a deep breath. “Bella, come inside. Whether you are out in the hallway or in here is not going to change the fact that he needs us.”

I sighed and took his hand to go inside. It was quiet in the apartment without him. It just felt empty without him there and not knowing where he was. Edward excused himself to the bathroom and I sat down on the couch to start going through all the missed calls on my phone. My dad had called, as well as Alice and Edward’s parents.

I called my dad back first. I told him everything, but he already seemed aware of most of the details. He was swearing he would kill anyone that laid a hand on Masen when I thought I heard strange sounds from the bathroom.

I pulled the phone away from ear and confirmed my thoughts. It sounded like Edward was throwing up. “Dad, I have to go. I’ll call you back in a minute.”

I dropped the phone and went through our bedroom to the bathroom. Sure enough, Edward was hugging the toilet like it was his best friend.

“Edward?”

Edward flushed the toilet and looked up at me. He looked flushed and pale all at the same time.

“Are you okay?”

Edward began to stand up. “Yea, I’m okay. It’s just my nerves I think.”

Edward rinsed his mouth out at the sink.

“Don’t make yourself sick, trying to be strong for me or nice to me. Yell at me, scream at me...let it out! I lost our son! It’s okay to be mad at me.”

Edward leaned on the bathroom counter for support and hung his head. When he looked back up at me his eyes were red with tears just waiting to pour over the edge and my heart broke for him.

“I’m not mad at you, Bella. It’s not your fault. It’s nobody’s fault. This isn’t some random act. Somebody wanted him, was looking for him. If it wasn’t today, it would’ve been the next day. James is connected to this somehow, he’s trying to get back at us. I just can’t handle the thoughts of what he might do to him. It just makes me sick.”

I pulled Edward to me. “I know,” I tried to fight back the tears that were stinging my eyes. “Edward, I can’t do this. If he doesn’t come home, if I can never see that little face again, I quit. I give up. I can’t live without him. I can’t overcome any more obstacles. I’m not strong enough,” I cried.

“Yes you are. You’re the strongest woman I know.”

I started to disagree with him when we both heard his phone ringing in the living room. Edward was first out of the bathroom to get it and I followed behind him.

He picked his phone up from the coffee table. “Edward Cullen,” he answered. My heart started to race. He only answers the phone like that if he doesn’t recognize the number.

“Yes.” Edward pulled the phone from his ear and put it on speaker phone so I could hear.

“We have him. He’s safe. No word yet on the suspect. We’re still looking for him. We found the car, abandoned, in an industrial park outside of town.”

I felt like I could breathe for the first time in hours.

“Is he okay?” Edward asked.

“He doesn’t have a scratch on him. He was found at Pike’s Place Market, watching the guys throw fish. There is a female officer escorting him to a nearby deli for a snack. She will meet you guys down there. I’ll give you guys some time to catch up and I’ll be back in touch tomorrow with some more details. We are following a couple of strong leads, but it’s a lot to go into right now, so let us do our job and we’ll be in touch.”

“Okay, thank you.”

Edward hung up and I nearly tackled him. “Thank God,” he said. “I don’t understand it, but I don’t care. Let’s go!”

I grabbed Edward’s hand and followed him out of the apartment. He drove like a crazy man and we made it to the market in about ten minutes.

Masen and a few police officers were sitting just outside the deli. Masen looked surprised to see us.

“Mamma! Daddy!” Masen slipped off the bench and ran towards us. I planted myself on the sidewalk and squeezed him until he told me I was hurting him. I ran my hands through his mess of copper hair and kissed him until he told me to stop.

Edward attempted to get more details from the officer but she was pretty tight lipped. She stated he was dropped off at a toy store down the street and that he wandered down to see the fish throwers. One of the employees there called the police since they couldn’t find his parents when they were ready to close.

News crews began to arrive to Pike Place and Edward and I took Masen home. We didn’t want to be on the news. We wanted to remain as low key as possible.

Masen talked about the fish the entire way home. We couldn’t get him to shut up about them.

“Who did you leave the park with?”

“I was helping find puppy dog.”

“You were helping him find his dog? What did you do after that?”

“Went and got happy meal and den we saw the fish! They throw dem really far!”

Edward and I looked at each other. This didn’t make any sense. Who kidnaps a child, takes him to McDonald’s and drops him off at a fish market? Edward and I didn’t get it, but we knew that Masen had quite the adventure and he seemed perfectly happy and unaffected, and for that, we were grateful.


***Author’s Note: Sorry for the delay w/ this update...real life has been crazy hectic! It may seem like the story is sort of going in circles here, but answers are on the way...and they may not be the ones you were expecting. :) Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! If you haven’t already, also check out my newest story - Elusive Reality!

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: Allornothingkr at gmail (dot) com

**CHAPTER 31 - CLICK HERE**

Elusive Reality - Chapter 1

***Author’s Note: Please note the date/location in this chapter versus the Prologue so you don’t get confused. The story will go back and forth between past and present a little bit.



CHAPTER 1

London, England - 2004

I walked through the automatic glass doors at London Heathrow Airport and took in a large breath of fresh air. I thought I’d never make it here.

It was my Senior year of college and I was spending it abroad. I couldn’t be happier to study international business on the other side of the world. I had always had a small fascination with London anyway, so when I was accepted for the study abroad program through the University of Westminster, I was elated.

I rented a tiny flat near the university. My grandmother’s inheritance covered my tuition and the entire year’s worth of rent. I wouldn’t even have to work.

As soon as my belongings were unpacked, I hit the streets to familiarize myself with the area and find a good local pub. I ended up at some hole in the wall place that had beer specials and live music. The music wasn’t that great initially. I’m not sure it was even music. It was just a bunch of college kids laughing and having a good time. That is, until, I heard his voice. He eventually began strumming his guitar in a rhythm and lifted his mouth to the mic. What came out of him was unlike anything I’d ever heard before. It made me freeze. I just sat there, beer in hand, gaping at him. He was so childish and full of laughter a moment ago, and now the words he sang and the emotion behind them were ripping me apart inside.

There’s a soft sweet space on the back of your neck
Smells like rain
There’s a way you look at me baby
Heals my pain
I’ve studied every inch of your body
Baby, what’s on your mind
The touch of your skin just pulls me in
Every single time

When he finished the song, he looked up momentarily and our eyes met. We held our gaze for a second before he broke away and began laughing again with his buddies. I went back to nursing my beer.

The guys on stage grabbed their guitars and allowed the next group to come up. The three of them were walking past me and one of them pushed the handsome one in front, with the voice, urging him on.

“Just talk to her, you pussy!” They pushed him forward even more and he almost fell into the empty chair across from me. His beautiful cheeks flushed red as he stood to look at me.

“Um, Hi,” he started. “Sorry about that; they get a little rowdy when they drink too much.”

His accent nearly had me melting into my chair. I felt my cheeks color immediately. This man was entirely too beautiful to want to speak to me. I shook my head, “No, it’s okay.”

We exchanged an awkward moment of silence.

“Is anyone sitting here?” he finally asked, motioning to the chair in front of him at my table.

“No, I’m alone.”

A large smile spread across his perfect face. “Do you mind if I join you?”

I smiled and shook my head.

“So, what is a beautiful American girl doing in London at a place like this all by herself?”

“Well, I just arrived actually. London is going to be my home for the next year while I attend UW. I don’t know anybody yet, so, hence why I’m alone.”

His glassy green eye grew larger in surprise. “Really? I just graduated from UW.”

“You did?” I asked. I wanted to beg him to show me around campus, but I hesitated. Perhaps he only wanted a roll in the sheets. I’d be okay with that, based on the way he looked alone. He was tall, toned, and fucking beautiful. He had a mess of wild copper hair atop his head, green eyes, and a smile that could make your knees turn to mush.

“Yea, I studied business there and now I’m doing some small business transactions in my spare time for my father’s company, but I’m really just taking a break from everything before I really have to dive into the working world.”

“ How did you like the program? I’m studying international business.”

“Oh, it’s really good. There are some really great professors there...”

He was about to go on when his two lanky and slightly awkward friends popped up behind him. “Hey man, we’re heading out, you coming or staying?”

The yet to be named handsome figure of a man before me, looked to me and then back to his friends. “I’m going to stay here a bit. I’ll catch up with you guys.”

His friends laughed and made inappropriate jokes as they left us to our conversation.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” he laughed. “I’m Edward. Edward Cullen. And you are?”

“Bella Swan.”

“Bella? That’s a beautiful name. It’s very fitting of you.”

I smiled shyly as I felt my cheeks tint crimson again.

Before we knew it, we were being kicked out of the pub. Edward started to question the bartender, asking what the problem was, and why he was making us leave, when the bartender informed us they closed half an hour ago.

We must have sat there talking for hours and not even realized the time passing. Edward laughed at himself and escorted me out of the pub. It was raining, which made it feel a bit chilly. I pulled my coat tightly around me as I scanned the area around the bar.

“Should I call you cab?” Edward suddenly asked as he held his guitar case over his head.

I laughed at the sight of him. “No, that’s okay. I walked, I think I’m just around the corner over there.” I pointed a couple blocks ahead of us and then turned and looked the other direction. “Or over there...” I was lost. I couldn’t remember which direction I came from.

Edward laughed at me. “What’s your address? I’ll walk you home.”

I rattled off my address. “Oh, that’s right by me! We’re practically neighbors.” He smiled and ushered us along the sidewalk.

By the time we arrived to my flat, we were soaking wet and freezing cold. He walked me all the way inside and up to my door. I stood in the doorway, watching him shiver like a little lost puppy.

“Would you like to come inside for a minute and warm up?”

He stood there, dripping wet, with his mouth hanging open for a moment before he agreed and stepped inside.

My flat was tiny. It was just a small studio, but it was cozy and quaint and I loved it. It consisted of one large room, which was my bedroom, living room and kitchen, with a tiny bathroom and laundry area off the entry way.

“Sorry, it isn’t much.”

Edward looked around briefly. “You don’t have any furniture.”

“Not yet, I just got here yesterday. I just need to get a bed.”

Edward looked appalled. “Where have you been sleeping?”

I pointed to the corner of the room where my sleeping bag and pillow wear neatly folded.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Yea, it’s not a big deal, really. I was going to get a bed or pull out couch tonight, but I ended up talking to some random guy at a bar all night.”

Edward laughed. “What an ass hole that guy is.”

I laughed too.

“Well, I can’t very well let you stay here.”

My brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I feel responsible that I delayed your shopping trip. You can stay at my place tonight. I have a spare bedroom and I will see to it that you get a proper bed tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s really not necessary. I’ll be okay here.” Was he asking me to spend the night?

“I insist.”

Ok! “Well, if you insist.”

He smiled this killer crooked smile that I will never tire of seeing. “Just grab an umbrella and we’ll be on our way.”

I packed a small bag, grabbed an umbrella and headed out with Edward.

His place was a block down the street in a really nice building. He failed to mention prior to my arrival that he had the penthouse suite.

“How do you afford this?” I asked, as I stepped inside and was astounded with the beauty of the place.

“Oh, it’s not much. My dad owns it. He owns a lot of places.”

Not much? I’m pretty sure I looked at a couple places in this building and it was three times my current rent. It was a moderately sized two bedroom flat. It was gorgeous and disgusting all at the same time. The living room was rather grand with a beautiful bay window overlooking the city. It had a really cute bench seat that was littered with papers. To the left of the window was a baby grand piano and across the room was a sofa and love seat with matching end tables. There were beer cans and trash scattered about, but the bones of the flat were beautiful. The hardwood floors were in excellent shape. I walked further in, inspecting the kitchen, which didn’t look safe to enter.

“You’re an immaculate housekeeper,” I teased.

He laughed and his cheeks colored in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting guests.”

He apologized but made no move to attempt to clean anything up. It was nearly 4:00 a.m. and I was exhausted and still jet lagged.

I yawned. “So, where will I be staying?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, of course. Follow me.” We walked down the small hallway. There was a room to the left and right, and a bathroom directly in front of us. We entered the room on the right. It was obviously his bedroom, but at least it was better kept than the kitchen. “You can stay in here, I’ll stay in the study.”

“I thought you had a guest room. I don’t want to put you out.”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I have a pull out sofa in my study.” He motioned me across the hall where we entered a small library of sorts. It was complete with walls of books, a writing desk, a computer desk, and a small sofa.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I really don’t mind the sofa at all.”

“I’m positive, please, take my bed.”

I nodded my head in agreement and went across the hall to his room. We went our separate ways and I got ready for bed, changing into my pajamas. I would normally just wear a t-shirt to bed, but I actually made a conscious decision to grab pajama pants and a matching tank. I was just pulling the tank top over my head when I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

I walked to the door and opened it quietly. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

Edward, standing before me, bare chested, with only a pair of jersey cotton pajama pants on. He looked like sex on legs. I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn’t make it shut. I couldn’t breathe. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly.

That’s when I noticed the little cup and saucer in his hand.

“I made some hot tea. Would you like a cup?” he offered, attempting to hand the cup and saucer over to me.

I smiled and reached out and took it. “Yes, thank you. That sounds wonderful.”

“Let me know if I can get you anything else. Please, make yourself at home.”

I smiled shyly. “Thank you; you’ve been more than hospitable.”

He flashed me that damn crooked grin and said goodnight. I watched him turn to enter the study. Even his ass looked delicious. I sighed and returned to his room and sipped my hot tea before turning into bed.

His bed actually smelled quite enticing. It smelled like him, a little bit of smoke and spice. It smelled good. I had been laying in bed, tossing and turning a bit, when I heard it. The piano playing softly. It was beautiful. At first I didn’t believe it was him. It sounded too perfect. I quietly crawled out of bed and attempted to come up with an excuse to leave his room and see if it was him playing. I grabbed my now empty tea cup and saucer and decided I needed to return them to the kitchen.

I opened his bedroom door very quietly, so he couldn’t hear me and I tiptoed out to the end of the hall and peeked into the living room towards the large bay window. There he was, in his bare chested glory, playing the piano and bathed in moonlight. The sight literally took my breath away. He was so talented and the song he played sounded so emotional and he looked emotional.

I didn’t move until the song he played came to an end and then I cleared my throat to make him aware of my presence. He looked over at me quickly and smiled. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” he asked.

“Oh, no. I was just returning my dishes to the kitchen. That was really beautiful though. You’re incredible.”

“It’s nothing. I’ve played my entire life. It helps me sleep sometimes. I’m sorry if it was keeping you up.”

“No, it was beautiful. Please, don’t stop on my account.”

He continued to play and I dropped my dishes quietly in the sink before returning to the living room. I laid on the couch and listened to him play. It lulled me quickly to sleep.

The next thing I remembered was waking, in his arms, the early morning sun drifting in through the bay window. He was carrying me to bed, his bed. I pretended to remain asleep as he carefully carried me through his flat and into his room. He laid me gently down on his bed and pulled the covers over me. I could feel him linger in the room momentarily before he left quietly.

I woke a few hours later and it was unusually quiet. I assumed he was still asleep. I cleaned myself up a bit and made my way out to the living room. The piano was easily the most beautiful thing in the room. I sat in front of it, gently tracing the keys he touched so effortlessly the night before, careful not to actually sound the keys.

I wandered aimlessly and quietly around his flat until I became bored. I didn’t want to leave before he woke. I knew I should. I should have returned to my flat and probably never spoken to him again, but I couldn’t. I just had this terrible desire to be near him.

I eventually grew too impatient and needed something to do to occupy my time until he woke. I began cleaning his apartment. It was quite the task. By the time I finished, I had gathered two bags of trash that sat near the door. I hoped he wouldn’t mind. His apartment sparkled now, especially his kitchen. I thought about making him breakfast, to thank him for his hospitality, but the place was devoid of food.

As I thought about running out to grab us something for breakfast, I heard him rustling about the room. He stumbled aimlessly out of the room and into the bathroom, never looking my direction. I heard the water run momentarily and the toilet flush before he exited and saw me sitting on his couch.

He smiled his unbelievably gorgeous smile at me and said, “Good morning, Bella.”

I was rendered speechless, so all I could do was smile and nod in return. Edward went to his room, and returned a few minutes later, completely dressed. He came into the living room and stopped suddenly, looking around.

“Holy shit this place is clean. Did you do this?” he asked.

“I, uh, well, yeah. I hope you don’t mind. It’s just so beautiful without the trash.”

He laughed. “I don’t mind, but you really shouldn’t have. I’m a terrible house keeper.”

“I figured it was the least I could do since you offered me your bed last night.”

He smiled at me. “I assume you realized there was nothing decent to eat in there, right?” he said, motioning towards the kitchen.

I nodded my head.

“Well, come on then. I owe you breakfast and a bed.”

I smiled and jumped to my feet.

Edward and I enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at a little cafe between our flats and then we went on the hunt for the perfect bed. We found it, or rather, it found us. We were strolling through a department store when a herd of little children came running down the aisle towards us, knocking us backwards on to a display bed. We both laughed, but we were so comfortable, neither of us made a move to get up. The bed was big, the type of bed I would possibly need a step stool to get into. Edward insisted we could still get the mattress and box springs, the comfortable part, and buy a smaller frame that would be more appropriate for my studio flat.

Edward enlisted the help of Emmett, one of the guys he was playing with the night I met him, and his enormous pickup truck to deliver my bed so I wouldn’t have to pay for delivery. They got it safely to my flat and all set up for me. Edward even helped me make the bed. It took up most of the room, but I didn’t care, because sleeping on it felt like sleeping on clouds.

I excused myself to the bathroom, and due to the small size of my flat, I could hear Emmett and Edward talking.

“What’s going on with you two?” Emmett asked Edward.

“I don’t know. What do you mean?”

“Dude, she’s fucking hot, and you let her spend the night at your flat and you slept in separate rooms? What the fuck? That is so unlike you.”

I heard Edward laugh lightly. “She’s not like that, Emmett. I don’t want to use her.”

I did a silent celebratory dance in the bathroom.

“Whoa, that sounds serious man,” Emmett said. “What are you going to do with her if you’re not going to fuck her?”

Edward laughed again. “I don’t know. I just like being around her.”

“Okay man, whatever floats your boat.”

I exited the bathroom as I wasn’t comfortable listening to anything more. I thanked them both for helping me and Emmett left before Edward did.

Edward and I stood in front of my door looking at each other stupidly, wondering what to do next.

“Thank you again for helping me today. You’ve been so kind.”

Edward smiled. “It was nothing. Thank you for cleaning my flat.”

I smiled. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?” Edward asked.

“I don’t have any plans,” I said honestly.

“Well, I was thinking maybe I could show you around campus and we could grab brunch or something.”

“Oh! That would be wonderful! I’m going to be so lost on Monday!”

Edward laughed. “I’ll meet you here at 11:00 a.m. I’ve had a really great time with you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded my head and saw him out, grinning like a little school girl.



***Author’s Note: Thanks for the reviews <3 Mental Health Institute Bella is back in the next chapter w/ some answers for you! Follow me on Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKr Or Facebook: Allornothingkr at gmail (dot) com


****CLICK HERE TO GO TO CHAPTER 2*****

Repentance - Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29:

Edward and I returned home refreshed and ready to face the challenges that lay ahead for us. I guess we just weren’t expecting quite so many all at once.

I felt like I rarely saw Edward anymore. He was usually gone in the morning before I pulled myself out of bed and I was in bed before he returned in the evenings. He was trying so hard to be the best he could be, at everything. I knew he had still been working with the state prosecutor with respect to James and a trial was set about six months out. Edward worked constantly at his new job. He felt it was important to do well and to make good contacts because he says the legal world is all about who you know and not what you know. He did research for big litigation cases his firm was working on. When he wasn’t at school or work, he was at the library working on one or the other. Edward was insistent that his trust fund wouldn’t support us forever and he wanted to be able to make a good living and provide our children with the same kind of support when they were older.

It was refreshing not to have to worry about school anymore. I just went to work, occasionally saw Edward at lunch, came home and entertained Masen. I never quite realized how much I missed Masen until I realized how much time I hadn’t been spending with him. I was really grateful to have a couple of months of bonding time with him before the baby arrived and changed everything.

I was growing at an alarming rate and I officially no longer felt anywhere near attractive. Edward hadn’t touched me in weeks, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I disgusted him or if he was just too exhausted to care.

Edward and I had planned to meet for lunch one afternoon on our lunch hour and I was eagerly awaiting the clock to strike 1:00 p.m. when I received his email.

Bella,

I’m sorry I can’t make it today. I have to cover a business lunch with a client for one of the other guys that is stuck in court. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I love you.

Edward

I sighed and deleted his email, almost instantly feeling tears sting my eyes. I wished them away and called Rose to see if she wanted to grab lunch instead. She eagerly agreed, advising she’d need a drink also because she had been having a terrible day. That made two of us.

We met at a little boutique restaurant near Rose’s office. Rose got there before I did and as I walked towards her she immediately jumped up and came towards me.

“Hey, let’s go some where else!” she said, hurrying me back the direction I came from.

“Why?” I asked confused as I looked passed her.

That’s when I understood. Edward’s business lunch was there and apparently it consisted of only him and a really attractive young blonde lady who was dressed to kill and had legs for miles. I immediately felt sick. “Oh, I see,” I told her. “Yea, we should go some where else.”

It was obvious they were there on business, based on the amount of documents spread across their table, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. I missed Edward and there was no way in hell I could sit in such close proximity to him while he was having lunch with her. It was obvious he saw us and as we turned to leave he excused himself from the table and came towards us.

“Bella, wait a second!” He called to us as he made his way to the front of the restaurant where we were.

I turned to face him, trying to smile.

“You don’t have to leave because of me,” he said.

Rose interjected. “Yeah we do. We are not watching you have lunch with legs over there,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the blonde.

“Who?” Edward asked confused.

I laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Edward. We’ll go somewhere else. Go finish your lunch.”

“I don’t understand.”

Rose sighed. “Oh for God sakes, Edward. You weren’t born yesterday. That woman is really attractive and she’s scheming a way into your wallet and your pants as we speak.”

Edward turned to look at the woman who was just looking over some documents and eating her lunch. He turned back to face us. “Okay, yeah, you two do need to go somewhere else. Her husband just died! She’s not trying to get in my pants. I’m working on her deceased husband’s estate!”

Rose laughed. “She probably killed him for the money.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at Rose and Edward ushered us outside. There was no doubt the lady was very attractive, but even as unattractive as I felt, I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about with Edward.

Rose walked ahead of me a bit on her cell phone as Edward and I said goodbye.

He held my face in his hands and kissed my lips briefly. “I’m sorry I had to cancel. I love you.”

I nodded my head in understanding and sighed as he stepped away. When I didn’t say anything in response to him he asked if I was alright.

“I’m okay. I just miss you and I’m starting to feel like a single mom again.”

Edward’s face changed from one of concern to torment and he came to me, wrapping his arms around me. “Bella, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been busy, but this is important. I’ll try to get home earlier tonight, okay?”

I nodded my head, knowing in my heart it wouldn’t happen.

He told me he loved me again before disappearing back inside the restaurant.

~

He didn’t get home early that night. However, he did send a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my office just before I left work. They looked really nice on my desk. I chose to tell my co-workers they were “just because” flowers, instead of “I’m sorry I fucked up again,” flowers.

I decided that night that two could play at this game. Not that it was a game, I knew Edward was working hard and had a lot of ground to make up for all the time he missed in class when he was recovering, but I missed him so much it hurt.

When 8:00 p.m. came around and Edward still wasn’t home, I pulled Masen out of his pajamas and told him we were going out for ice cream. He was thrilled, of course. I actually did a little bit of shopping for the baby before we went for ice cream so we ended up being out pretty late.

“Masen, what kind of ice cream do you think sissy will like?” I asked as we peered over the glass counter into the freezer full of colorful selections.

I felt my phone vibrating on my hip and I knew Edward must have gotten home. I didn’t answer. He could worry about us for a little while.

“Sissy wants dat one!” Masen screamed excitedly and pointed to the cotton candy ice cream. The thought of cotton candy nearly made me sick.

“Sissy says it’s too sweet.” I responded. Since Edward and I had yet to name our future daughter, she was just sissy to Masen.

Masen frowned and studied the rest of flavors before he landed on mint chocolate chip.

“That sounds good. I bet she’ll like that.”

Masen nodded his head enthusiastically and insisted he wanted mint chocolate chip too.

We enjoyed our ice cream and then headed back home. By the time we got back, Masen was sound asleep in the back of the car and it was after 10:00 p.m.

I carried my bags and Masen into the building and up to our apartment. I put the key in the door and just a second later it swung open.

“Where the hell have you been?” Edward said loudly.

I was slightly taken back by his attitude, so I didn’t respond to him, and walked past him to put Masen in bed.

When I returned to the living room, I could tell Edward was fuming. I almost felt bad. I wouldn’t normally upset him on purpose, but I was almost eight months pregnant and I couldn’t predict my own behavior anymore. He hadn’t even changed out of his work clothes. He still had his nice dress slacks on and his white button up shirt. The first few buttons were undone, exposing his chest, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. Damn it, he was beautiful. I had to stay focused.

“Well?” he asked, still waiting for a response.

“Well what?” I asked. “You just expect us to be here when you finally decide to come home? I’m tired of sitting around this apartment waiting for you. Masen and I went out alone. I lost track of time, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal, Bella?” It’s not a fucking big deal?” he screamed louder now. He rarely raised his voice to me and I was really starting to regret my decision to piss him off. He continued, “It is a fucking big deal when the guy who tried to rape my wife and kill me is out walking around on the street somewhere!”

“Wife?” I asked. “Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Uh!” Edward threw his hand over his face and tried to not to grin, embarrassed. “I just think of you that way, you know what I mean,” he said softly.

I was silent. I guess it made him nervous.

“I mean, that’s still the plan isn’t it?” he asked.

My eyes met his quickly and I nodded my head.

He sighed, relieved, and I felt bad for making him so upset. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about James when I went out. I’m just not going to lock myself inside this apartment all night and wait for you to come home. It’s not fair to me or Masen.”

“That’s fine. I don’t expect you to wait on me, but for god sakes, answer your damn phone when I call.”

He approached me then, wrapping his arms around my enormous waist and pulled me to him. “I’m sorry; I was worried sick about you.”

I sighed. He looked and smelled entirely too good to stay mad at him. “I’m sorry, too. Oh, and my flowers were really pretty. Thank you.”

I looked up at him with full intent to kiss him, but the look on his face made me stop. “What?” I asked, confused by his look.

“Flowers?” he asked.

“Yeah, the flowers you sent today...”

“I didn’t send you any flowers,” he said seriously.

“Then who did?” I asked, not believing him.

“I don’t know. You tell me! I did not send you flowers. I probably should have, but I didn’t.”

Now I was confused.

“Who was the card from?” he asked.

“There wasn’t one. I just assumed they were from you. I got them just a couple hours after I saw you at lunch.”

“Do you remember who the florist was that delivered them?”

“No, I wasn’t paying attention. I was too excited that you thought of me, but you really didn’t.” I pretended to pout.

Edward laughed and kissed me. “I take back what I said earlier, don’t leave the house without me.”

I didn’t feel like protesting at that point. The mystery flowers freaked me out.

“And I’m always thinking about you...always,” he added.

“Will you come to bed with me?” I asked softly against his lips. His routine was normally to stay up studying, long after I had gone to bed, alone.

“I was going to study...” he trailed soft little kisses across my jaw and down my neck. “But I’ve missed you like crazy and I’m relieved you came home safely and I really just want to be wherever you are.”

I smiled as his lips founds mine again and we began to make our way back to our bedroom.

We spent the next few hours re-familiarizing our selves with each other and catching up. I missed everything about Edward so much. “Will you please just give me one night a week, like this? Just us.”

“I’ll give you anything, Bella,” he whispered softly against my neck. “I’ll give you two nights, but the second includes Masen.”

“Promise?” I asked.

“I promise,” he kissed my bare shoulder and pulled the covers more tightly around us. “I love you.”

I smiled at the words I felt like I hadn’t heard, with as much meaning, in so long. “I love you, too.”

“And I promise to call every damn florist in this city tomorrow to find out who sent you those flowers,” he mumbled, more to himself, than to me. I squeezed his hand before drifting off to sleep.

**CHAPTER 30 - CLICK HERE **

Elusive Reality - Prologue

PROLOGUE

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I had never known loneliness like this before. It was cold and damp here. The six by nine space felt like it got smaller every day. There is a small rectangle window near the ceiling. I can see the clouds out of it, but that is all. It is too high to reach. The walls are made of cement blocks that had been painted white some time ago. The paint was chipping. There were silver hooks at the top, middle and bottom of the walls. I imagined they would hold the padding, should I ever become violent and try to hurt myself.

I have been in this hell hole for months now and I have never left this room, and nobody has ever entered it. At least I had my own bathroom, if you could call it that. It wasn’t much, just a toilet, a small stainless steel sink and a tiny stand up shower stall. I didn’t even have a mirror. I often wondered about how grotesque I had become. I remember being fond of hair products and lipgloss. They didn’t allow me to use a razor. I couldn’t shave my legs, or anything for that matter. It was truly disgusting.

Some underpaid orderly person routinely pushed my medication and meals through a rectangle space in the window of my door. The person always stood there, staring at me through the glass window of the door and watched me swallow my medicine. When I was finished I had had to show her the inside of my mouth and lift my tongue. After I did that, the person disappeared. They never cared if I ate or not, only that my medication went down.

Someone would come by and pick up the tray that my meal had arrived on precisely forty minutes after it was delivered. They didn’t allow me to have a watch or a clock. I counted the seconds for an entire week to arrive at my conclusion regarding meal times. Thirty minutes was allotted for breakfast and lunch and forty minutes for diner and medication.

Tonight, like last night, I only pretended to swallow my medication. While my head was back, I quickly used my tongue to lodge the two little blue pills between my gums and my cheek. I graciously slid the little plastic cup through the rectangle space in the door and smiled. Once the orderly had moved on to the next room, I spit the pills out and put them in the toilet. I find that I can remember him better if I don’t take my medication. Him. It made me sad to think of his name, although I was glad it came to me so easily today. Edward Cullen. The love of my life, or so I thought.

I really didn’t know what to believe anymore. Most days I had to look at the band around my wrist to remember my own name. Isabella Marie Swan. On days like these in which I was absent of the medicated haze, and I could remember him so clearly, I truly believed he was real and not a figment of my imagination, or my illness. I must be really mentally ill to conjure up someone as magnificent as him in my mind. But, like they said, if he was real, why had he never come to see me here. Why had he never looked for me? Why didn’t he write to me? He never existed, says my mother; says everyone.

*CLICK HERE TO GO TO CHAPTER 1*

Elusive Reality

INTRODUCTION:

After the death of her father, Bella is sentenced to a life of solitude. This is her story in which she attempts to find out what really happened, who she was, and what was just a figment of her imagination, including her whirlwind romance with Edward Cullen.

All Human - Bella/Edward - Crime, Drama, Romance

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PROLOGUE!

Repentance - Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28:

Esme got us safely back to Seattle. I was under the impression she was just going to drop of us and get back on her way. I was wrong. She came in with us to see the new place and she went straight to the third bedroom and starting going on and on about how to decorate it.

“Oh, Bella, it’s going to be so lovely!”

“I’m not sure I’m into that much pink. I mean, I know it’s a girl, but I don’t want too much pink.”

“Oh, Bella, don’t be silly! She will be a little princess! Let’s talk about it over lunch.” Esme said as she exited the room with Masen in tow.

I turned to follow them down the hall and Esme was standing at the door with her keys in hand and Masen on her hip.

“Grab your purse, darling, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To lunch. I have to make sure you eat and then we’re going to the grocery so you two will have everything you need until Edward arrives since you are without a car.”

“That’s really not necessary. I’m sure we can manage.”

“Oh, Bella. You’re so exhausting. Just let people help you. Come on!” Esme opened the door and I grabbed my purse and followed after her. Why does everyone think I need help all the time?

Lunch was exhausting, but sort of fun. Esme continued to go on about the baby’s room, even going so far as to take out a pen and paper and start drawing a layout. I did at least talk her into lavender as opposed to pink. Esme insisted we paint the walls a nice lavender color and she would stencil some bright colorful flowers on the wall, as well as the baby’s name.

Masen insisted we name her Dora, after Dora the Explorer. I laughed and told him to ask his dad about that one.

After lunch, Esme took us grocery shopping and bought far more food than Masen or I could ever consume in one week’s time. I didn’t argue though. By the time Esme left, Masen was passed out in his bed for a nap and I was asleep as soon as the back of my head hit the couch.

As if on cue, just about the time I fell asleep, the phone rang. I knew it was Edward. I hadn’t called him when I got home.

“Hey, baby,”I said groggily.

“Hi, are you home? You didn’t call.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. You’re mother wore me out. She took us to lunch and to buy groceries.”

Edward laughed. “Good, she followed instructions perfectly.”

“Oh, you put her up to all this? Here I thought she was just being nice.”

“She is being nice. She really does love you guys, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I suppose. I’m just not used to a motherly figure being around. I mean, my mom was never around when I was growing up. I just did everything for myself. It’s just strange that she wants to be a part of everything. I don’t even think my mother knows I’m pregnant.” I had to laugh after I realized that. I hadn’t even spoken to her. I’m sure Charlie would pass the news along.

Edward laughed too. “You should call her before your father does.”

“Nah, let him do it. I’m too exhausted to listen to her. Oh, that reminds me. Why weren’t the Denali’s at Thanksgiving dinner? You’re mom said they were no longer welcome?”

“Oh, yea, it’s sort of a long story. They basically found out about everything that happened between you and I from the beginning and didn’t have nice things to say about either of us. They thought mom should disown me. She told them to go to hell.”

I giggled. “Good for her. This Thanksgiving was so different than the last! I really enjoyed it, Edward. It felt like a real family.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Bella. Everyone loves you and Masen just as much as I do.”

I smiled contently and a yawn slipped out. “Baby, I’m really sleepy. I need to take a nap. I’ll call you when I get up, okay?”

“Alright. Did you lock the door after mom left?” I jumped off the couch because I knew I hadn’t. It slipped my mind. I lied, “Yes, of course, I did.”

“Okay, get some rest. I’ll check on you later. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I waited to lock the door until he hung up, fearing he would hear it click. I couldn’t believe I forgot to lock the door. Being pregnant made me so forgetful. I locked up, checked on Masen, and passed out in my bed.

***

The next few days were uneventful until Edward arrived home. I took the day off work and Masen and I spent the afternoon baking and decorating a cake that said “Welcome Back Daddy!” Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Emmalie all came over to eagerly await his return.

He came through the door with his parents and was surprised to see all of us. The cast was gone, but he still wore a partial boot on his foot up to his knee. He hobbled in and I nearly attacked him before he got half way into the apartment. I threw my arms around his neck and his arms circled my waist. I kissed his cheek. “Welcome back. I’m so glad you’re home.”

He smiled and kissed me again before I felt Masen lunge at our legs trying to crawl his way up Edward’s boot.

“Masen, quit! Be careful.” I warned as I pulled away and picked Masen up so he could be handed over to Edward.

Edward carried Masen around with him as he greeted everyone. The Cullens stayed for cake and helped get all of Edward’s things inside before they headed back out with everyone else. The Cullens were joining Rose and Emmett at their place for dinner. They invited us, but Edward and I declined.

After everyone left, we got Edward settled and had a quiet dinner. For the first time in a long time, we both got to read Masen a bedtime story that night.

It felt good to have Edward home, and it especially felt good to have him next me in our bed again.

Things were unusually quiet in the weeks to follow. I continued working and going to school, with the exception of the class I shared with James. I continued my studies in that class via correspondence. I thought maybe I’d run into James on campus somewhere, but I never did. In fact, I’d never seen him since. Edward and I were settling into a routine. I knew he was wearing Emmett out with his appointments but he was almost finished with his physical therapy.

Edward had been so amazing since he had gotten home. I was gone most of the day and every single night when I’d get home, he would have the apartment sparkling clean and dinner on the table. He tried to help out as much as he could and not burden me. I mean, I didn’t think he was a burden, but he seemed to think he was.

***

Edward was nearly 100% back to normal by the time Christmas rolled around. As soon as Edward was back to his old self, he dove right back into school and work. He got registered for classes for the Spring semester and had a heavy course load. With the help of one of the attorneys I worked with, Edward secured a position at a law firm down the street from the one I worked at. He was going to work full time and go to school full time in the evenings.

I was personally dreading the big switch our schedules were about to take on. I decided not to return to class in the Spring. I had finished my undergrad and still had a ways to go with my graduate classes. I felt like I’d never see Edward any more after the first of the year. I made it a point to really enjoy our time together at Christmas.

We spent Christmas with the Cullens in Portland and Charlie and my mother came as well. It was truly wonderful. Charlie seemed to be coming to terms with Edward and I’s situation and he seemed to no longer hold it against him, or at least he acted like he didn’t. I’m sure deep down he probably still wants to slit his throat for what he did. I really try not to think about it anymore.

Edward’s gift to me was a small vacation before he returned to work and school. To my surprise, the three of us ended up flying back to Jacksonville with my mom. Masen was so amazed by the flight. He got the window seat and stared out the window commenting on the clouds until he finally fell asleep.

It wasn’t until we got to my mom’s house that I realized we were going somewhere else. Renee was keeping Masen for three days while Edward and I drove to St. Augustine.

He rented a nice little beach house for us, and although it was a little chilly, the scenery was still beautiful. I was a little disappointed that Masen wasn’t coming with us, but I soon discovered why.

It was New Year’s Eve and Edward and I had been to an early dinner and to a little ice cream parlor before we found ourselves walking down the beach at sunset. Edward set a blanket out for us on the beach just down from where we were staying. I sat between his legs and he had his arms wrapped around me. We watched a beautiful sunset and tried hopelessly to name our future child. Edward wanted to name her after me and I absolutely refused. I wanted to name her something different. I wanted her to have her own identity. We went back and forth for a few minutes and I was still throwing out random names when Edward interrupted me.

“Bella, I didn’t bring you here to name the baby,” he said suddenly.

I frowned, slightly taken back by his sudden unwillingness to continue the conversation.

“Oh,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

He chuckled lightly and I looked back at him over my shoulder and I nudged him. “What? What’s you’re problem?”

Edward laughed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out so harsh. Bella, I brought you here to do something else.”

“Oh, well what is it?” I asked as I turned back to look at the waves and vivid colors painting the sky.

Edward sighed and squeezed me tighter. “Bella, I want to talk to you about something. I know you don’t like this topic, but please, hear me out until I finish, okay?”

That made me a little bit uncomfortable. I was afraid to look back at him. “Okay,” I said.

“Will you turn around and look at me?” he asked softly.

I sighed. I was pretty damn comfortable where I was and now I wouldn’t be able to see the sunset. I got up and turned to face him, sitting on my knees, between his legs. “Okay, what is it?” I asked anxiously.

Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair and took a deep breath before blowing it out. He was really making me nervous. He never looked this anxious and I knew the topic I didn’t want to hear about was the night he...I couldn’t even say it to myself anymore. It didn’t matter anymore. It still hurt. The thoughts still terrified me, but it was in the past. Edward was a different person now, but the way he was acting made me feel like he was about to drop a bomb on me that I wasn’t prepared for.

“Bella, when I...”

I interrupted him. “Wait!” I said suddenly, holding my hand up. “Are you about to tell me something I don’t want to hear? Something that will hurt me?”

He just stared at me, open mouthed.

I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I averted my gaze and looked down at the blanket beneath us. “Please, don’t,” I whispered. “I can’t...I don’t want to know if it it’s going to hurt me.”

Suddenly, Edward looked deflated and his hand came up, his palm caressed my cheek and urged me to look up at him. I obliged and when our eyes met, he continued.

“Bella, I’m not going to hurt you, at least I sure as hell don’t think I am. I just don’t want you to interrupt until I finish.”

I let out a strangled laugh. “I guess I already messed up.”

Edward laughed too. “It’s okay. Just hear me out?”

I nodded my head, still anxious, and waited for him to continue.

Edward swallowed loudly and ran his hand through his hair again. I wished he would stop, he was making me a nervous wreck. A million obscene thoughts were flooding my mind. I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me and it was frustrating me to see him so unusually anxious.

He took a deep breath and looked up at me again with questioning eyes. “Don’t interrupt?” he asked.

I scoffed. “I said I wouldn’t...hurry up! You’re making me nervous and I have to pee!”

Edward laughed loudly. “Okay...” he began. His expression turned serious. “I don’t care what you say, or how many times you tell me to forget, I will never, ever, forgive myself for what I did to you that night.”

I sighed and looked away. I didn’t want to hear this. It hurt too much, but I tried to keep quiet, because I promised I would.

He tilted my chin back up towards him. “The image of your innocent face never left the backs of my eyelids. I wanted so badly to undo that night. Every single fucking day. Even now, every day.”

I pleaded with him with my eyes, to understand it would never be undone. He shot me a warning glance, so I stayed quiet and let him continue.

“When I first met you, on the street outside your place in Seattle, I knew who you were the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew Masen was mine. You were upset and frustrated and you looked miserable and I knew it was all my fault, but you kept your cool and carried on. I promised myself that day that I’d make sure you and Masen were okay. I’d find a way to make your life easier, even if you didn’t want my help. I wanted to make it up to you so badly. Not to make my own guilt any less easier to deal with, but because you deserved it. Because you raised a child that any other reasonable person would’ve handed off to the first decent set of parents that came into an adoption agency. I loved Masen from the instant I realized he was my flesh and blood. I know it sounds crazy, but I was so grateful to you, that you kept him and even though your situation at the time wasn’t ideal, you were doing your best and it was so much more than anyone would’ve expected of you.”

I didn’t know why he was doing this, why he was bringing back all these old memories. He was hurting me and he said he wouldn’t. Tears filled my eyes and I had to look away from him.

He wiped the tears that fell over my cheeks and urged me to look at him.

“I promise I’m not trying to hurt you, just hear me out, please?”

I nodded my head, encouraging him to go on, hoping this was somehow making him feel better.

“I never meant to fall in love with you. It was never my intention. I had resigned myself to a lonely existence because that is what I deserved. I just wanted to know you were okay and that our son was okay and provided for. It just happened so fast. Everything you did, every smile, every hurdle you climbed over, it took my breath away. You were stronger than me and had such a passion to move forward and I was still stuck in the past. I fell in love with you...and I fell so hard. I never should’ve let our relationship move forward, to being intimate, without telling you first, but I knew you’d leave. Looking back, I know how selfish I was. It terrified me every time we touched, that you’d realize who I was. But you were persistent, and beautiful, and I wanted to love you and not lose you.”

He reached for my shaking hands and took them in his.

“The last year and a half with you and Masen, has been the best time of my life. I know we’ve been through excruciating highs and lows and we’ve beaten all the odds stacked against us. I know that as long as you and I are together, we can make it through anything. I know we have a lot of changes coming our way in the next year and more hurdles to get over, but Bella, you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met and I wouldn’t want to go on this journey with anyone else. Next year is going to be hard for both of us, but I want you to know how committed to you and to our family, I am.”

I was such a baby. I could hardly see him for all the tears in my eyes. I blinked once and they poured over on to my cheeks. I sniffed and he brought his hand to my face, gently brushing away the tears so I could see him clearly. He leaned in and kissed my lips, slowly and gently, before pulling back just a tiny bit and our eyes met. His thumb moved back and forth across my cheek as he whispered against my lips, “Bella, will you make me the luckiest man in the world, and marry me?”

I shot back from him and gasped, my eyes wide. I just wasn’t expecting it. Tears blurred my vision again as I lunged forward and hugged his neck tightly, feeling his arms come around my waist.

“Edward!” I screamed. “You scared me to death, I thought you were going to tell me something terrible!”

Edward laughed. “Is that a yes or no?” he asked.

I laughed and nudged him as I pulled back to look at him. “Of course it’s a yes! There’s no one else in the world I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.”

We both grinned wildly at each other. Edward pulled a ring from his pocket and slid it gracefully onto my ring finger and the waterworks started again. It was beautiful. It was simple. It was perfect. It was me.

“Do you like it?” he asked as I stared breathlessly at it. It was a simple platinum band with a moderately sized marquis diamond that absolutely sparkled. It wasn’t too much, or too flashy, it was just perfect.

“Oh, Edward.” I looked up at him. “I love it. I love you.”

He smiled and our lips crashed upon each other as we fell back on to the blanket, smiling and giddy, like two teenagers in love.


***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and for all the awesome reviews! I’m sure you guys enjoyed this drama free chapter! When I update the next chapter, I’ll also be posting a preview of my new story - Elusive Reality. It’s all human B/E. I don’t even know how to briefly describe what it’s about - you just have to read it. I’m looking forward to getting more of it written (the first several chaps are done), and while I really love the story and it has an interesting story line, it doesn’t have as controversial subject matter as Repentance does, so you don’t have to worry about that. ;)

**CHAPTER 29 - CLICK HERE**