Elusive Reality - Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

London, England - 2006

Edward’s Story - One Year Later

Although nobody else would say so, I thought I was doing better. I was working full-time again. In fact, I was working all the time. I used work as a distraction. A distraction from her. My family and friends constantly told me how unhealthy my obsession with her was. I tried to call at random times throughout the year, holidays and whatnot. Eventually, her home phone was disconnected. I found an address and wrote to her, but I never received a response. A couple of months ago, just before the home phone was disconnected, I got an angry call from Jake. He threatened me and told me to stop bothering Renee or he would come after me. I thought it was humorous, but also a little strange. While he did say that Bella was never coming back to me, he didn’t really mention anything else about her.

I was finally beginning to come to terms with the fact that she wasn’t coming back. My family and friends constantly tried to get me out of the house and set me up with other women, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Nobody compared to Bella, nobody. I didn’t want anyone but her. Things really got bad when Rosalie found out that I had renewed Bella’s lease on her flat and had been paying the rent so all of her things would still be there. In the year she had been gone, she never once returned for any of her belongings. In the months after she left, I would spend every spare minute of time I had at her flat, just thinking she would show up one day for her things, or that eventually a moving company would come to pack and ship her things, but it never happened. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper came together to try to get me some help. They suggested counseling even, but I laughed it off. I was fine, just heartbroken. Emmett started dating my sister, which was really weird, but they seemed to be really into each other. Jasper checked on me a lot. He found me at Bella’s frequently. He was the one who finally convinced me to let her flat go, to clean out her things, ship them to her address in the states, and move on.

It was harder than I thought it would be. Bella haunted my dreams in the days leading up to the weekend I planned to pack up her things and turn in her key to the leasing agent. If it weren’t for some of the things in her flat, I sometimes think it would be as if she never existed. If it weren’t for our picture in the frame next to her bed, I sometimes think I’d forget what her brown eyes looked like, or the way she bit her lip when she was nervous. Every time I started to feel ready to move on, to let her go, she would appear in my dreams, hauntingly beautiful and so very real.

I felt her shuffle on the bed next to me, and then saw the light from the morning sun come in as she opened the curtains. She was wearing an ivory night gown that was practically see through with little spaghetti straps and a lace v-neckline. She was breathtaking. Her mahogany waves fell down her back and over her shoulders. “It’s a beautiful day. The view from here is gorgeous,” she said as she looked out the window. “Indeed it is,” I responded, speaking of her, not the scenery. She turned and smiled at me, taking my breath away. The sun danced across her features and I stretched out my arms towards her. She slowly sauntered towards our bed. She reached out to touch me, but I couldn’t feel her. When I reached for her hand, she wasn’t there. “Don’t forget me, Edward,” she said as she was only inches from my face. I reached out for her again, but she was gone.

Dreams like those would set me back so far. It’s impossible to describe the ache in my chest when I would see her in my dreams. It was like she was really there for a moment, only to be taken away from me again. If only she would’ve explained. If only I had some closure.

I shook the thoughts from my head. I had to do this. I had to move on. I had to let her go.

~

I took off work the following Friday to get her flat cleaned out. I was supposed to be packing things up at her flat, but I was more or less just going through her things. Seeing her clothes and smelling her shampoo, it killed me. I had only gotten two boxes packed when there was a pounding at the door.

“Edward! Are you in there?”

My sister. What the hell was Rose doing here. I sighed and went to open the door. She looked crazed.

“Rose, chill out. I’m packing her stuff up to send. See, I have two boxes already,” I said, pointing next to the bed. I looked back at Rose. She looked sweaty and pale. “Are you okay?” I asked. She was breathing heavy, like she had been running.

“Edward, I know what happened to her,” she panted.

“What are you talking about?”

“She killed her father. She’s in prison.”

“Who? Rose, who are you talking about?”

“Bella!” she screamed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you out of your mind?”

She smacked me across the face. “No! I’m not out of my mind. I just ran six blocks from my international criminal law lecture, you ass hole!”

Okay, she was serious. “Can you elaborate?” I asked.

She stepped inside and threw her messenger bag on the bed, opening it and pulling out some printed information. “I was in lecture, and someone was giving a presentation, they were talking about plea bargains and when they’re a good bargain and when they’re not, they cited her case. They said her name, and cited the Circuit Court in Phoenix, Maricopia County. I ran to the library, I mean, how many Bella Swans can there be in Phoenix, right?”

She shoved the papers in my hand, I started to read the first article and then she took them from me, flipping several pages to a newspaper printout, with her picture. Isabella Swan Pleads Guilty and Takes Plea Bargain for the Murder of her Father. I was frozen. Not by the words on the page, but the terrified look in her eyes. I couldn’t breathe. She looked terrified and confused. I couldn’t make sense of all this. “What the fuck?” I asked Rose.

“I’m sorry, Edward,” she said sincerely.

I kept flipping through the papers. “No, I mean, this isn’t right. She didn’t kill her father. She would never do that. What was the date?”

“What?”

“What was the date of the murder!” I screamed.

Rose took the papers from me and flipped to one that was earmarked. “December 19, 2004.”

I lost it. “God damn it!” I kicked my feet like a toddler throwing a temper-tantrum. I tore my hands through my hair. I couldn’t believe it.

“What?” Rose asked as she backed away from me.

“This is bullshit! Her mom has something to do with this! Why would she lie? The last time I spoke to Bella was December 18, 2004. She sent me a text message sometime after Christmas saying she was back together with Jake. That couldn’t have been her if she killed her father on the 19th. Her mother told me she was with Jake, too. She’s trying to hide something.”

“Edward, maybe you should calm down. You’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”

“No, I’m not! How did she do it?” I asked.

“She stabbed him,” Rose said cautiously.

“Bullshit! Look at her!” I said pointing the paper with her picture on it. “She’s tiny! How is she going to stab a fucking police officer to death? He couldn’t defend himself against a 110 pound girl with a knife? Give me a break.”

Rose stared at me blankly.

“I need access to this case. Let’s go to the library.”

“Edward, you can’t go in there. You’re not a law student.”

“I don’t care, I need to see everything.”

“Edward, there’s nothing to see. This is it. She plead guilty in exchange for a 20 year sentence, avoiding life and the death penalty. She claimed temporary insanity. She’s in a mental hospital and has been since she accepted the plea. The case never went to trial.”

I was sick to my stomach. This was too much to take in all at once. “I need some time to digest this. I’m going back to my flat. Do you mind if I keep these?” I said, referring to the information she brought.

“Of course; it’s yours.”

We left Bella’s flat and I went back to mine. I spent the next four hours scouring the internet for any information about her case. Rose was right though, there wasn’t much. Bella had one of the most well respected criminal defense attorneys in Phoenix, not just some court appointed attorney, the guy knew his stuff. There must have been some pretty significant evidence stacked up against her if her attorney felt the plea bargain was her best option. It still just didn’t sit right with me. Bella wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t believe it until I heard it from her mouth.

After doing a fair bit of research, I learned what hospital she was at and I attempted to call to see if I could speak with her.

“Maricopia County Mental Health this is Bree, how may I direct your call?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m trying to get in touch with a patient there. Isabella Swan.”

“Just a moment, sir.”

My heart started racing. Would it really be that easy? Would it really have been that easy all this time?

“I’m sorry, sir. She cannot accept phone calls.”

Deflation. “Well what is your address? Can I write to her?”

“Let me check.”

I heard her hitting some keys on her computer.

“No sir, she cannot accept mail either, I apologize. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Well who I can speak to on her behalf? I need to get in touch with her.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I am unable to release that information.”

I sighed, frustrated. “Thank you.” I disconnected the call and the wheels started turning in my head. If I couldn’t call her or write to her, I’d just have to go see her.

~

When I told my family that I was planning on going to the states to try to find Bella, they all thought I was crazy. Initially my father refused to allow me time off work, but after I begged and pleaded he finally relented, advising I could handle some of our accounts in the states while I was there. I agreed, immediately. We had several accounts in Los Angeles and I could easily stop by there on the way in and out of Phoenix.

I spent the next week doing even more research and working with a private investigator that I hired in Phoenix. I knew where Bella’s mother lived. I knew where her father was buried. I knew where the hospital was in which Bella was sentenced. I knew the office in which her attorney worked. I knew how much money Renee inherited upon Charlie’s death. When I felt like I had enough information, I booked my flight and my hotel. I was planning to stay at least a week in Phoenix and a week in Los Angeles. I packed my bags, and left London on a journey that would change my life forever.


***Author’s Note: Sorry this one was a shorty, but the next one will make up for it! Thank you all for reading/reviewing. For those of you who have not already been out to see Water for Elephants, you must! It is absolutely stunning, by far the best movie I’ve seen in a while.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

**CHAPTER 16 - CLICK HERE**

Elusive Reality - Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

Today something different was supposed to happen. I had been staying on my medicine, trying to do good and appear normal so that I could get to get out of my cell more. I had met with Dr. Cline a few more times and after my last evaluation, he decided that I should start participating in social activities.

I was kind of excited, but scared at the same time. From what I understand, this is the first step to being deemed sane. If I could function socially, they will eventually start reducing the amount of my medication and slowly start introducing me into normal every day activities. Once they found me to be mentally stable, I’d be transfered back to the women’s penitentiary. Today I don’t remember a lot about the women’s penitentiary, but I seem to have a bad connotation about it. I don’t want to go back there, but I did want social time.

I decided I would check out the social time today and see what it was like, and in the future, if they decide to send me back to the prison, I will pretend to be unstable again. The thought of playing these charades for twenty some years was unbelievably depressing.

Social time was from 2:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m. Lunch was at 11:30 a.m. I was laying in bed counting until I determined it was fairly close to 2:00 p.m.

I don’t have a mirror in my cell, so I found myself unusually concerned about my appearance. I hadn’t actually seen myself in months. It would be weird to interact with people again. I tried to smooth down my wavy hair as I waited for someone to come get me.

Someone finally arrived to take me to the lounge, as they called it. I was glad I had been taking my medicine, this experience may have otherwise been overwhelming.

I was released into the lounge and the door closed and locked behind me. There were three guards and one nurse who kept an eye on us. The lounge was kind of neat. There were chairs, couches, TV’s, board games, books and a foosball table.

I sat down on the couch by myself and pretended to read a book while I observed everyone. Most of the people were fairly scary. There was an overweight younger guy playing with the foosball table but he was just pushing and pulling the handles really hard. An older lady was on the other side of the table playing with the foosball men, like literally fondling the little plastic guys. I made a mental note to steer clear of her. Other people were sitting around looking like they were minutes from killing themselves or someone else. There was a young blonde girl in the corner rocking back and forth and another little brown haired girl across the room that was staring at me and giving me the creeps.

Uh oh, the brown haired pixie was approaching me. I opened my book to the middle and started reading. There was a man and woman having sex in the book. I momentarily had the thought that I knew what that was like, but the pixie interrupted.

She sat down unusually close to me. She was a cute little thing if her stares weren’t so creepy. It looked like she had product in her hair and it made me jealous. She suddenly stood up and circled me, staring at me really closely. She was completely freaking me out. I looked around for the nearest guard incase she tried anything funny. She eventually sat down next to me, in the same spot she started in. She crossed her arms and legs.

“YOU, are not supposed to be here,” she said as a matter of fact.

“What?” I asked, thinking I may have misunderstood her.

“You are not supposed to be here,” she said, turning away from me, like she was trying to be discreet.

“Yes, I am. It’s 2:00 o’clock, social time. Dr. Cline said it was okay for me to come.”

She let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m not talking about here in the lounge, stupid. You’re not supposed to be in the hospital.”

I was so confused. This chick was off her rocker. “What are you talking about?”

“Are you deaf?” she asked more quietly. “I said, you are not supposed to be here. You’re here for the wrong reasons. I can’t be caught talking to you about this, I’ll never get out of here, just believe me.”

The pixie stood and went back to the other side of the room where she came from. That was strange, I thought. I didn’t know what she meant.

The rest of social time was uneventful. The pixie un-relentlessly stared at me from across the room while I read my book. I remember thinking it was a good book, but by the time I returned to my cell, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember what it was about. I was tired, and napped until dinner.

~

I hadn’t taken my medication since last week. After I couldn’t remember the book I was reading in the lounge, I knew the medication would make my memory foggy at best. I wanted to have a clear head to talk to crazy pixie girl.

I missed Edward this week. I had more memories of us. I missed the way he made me feel. I was sad that he never came for me. I missed my dad. I was so depressed with out my medication, but I vowed I would start taking it again after I figured out what was up with the pixie.

It was 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Social time. I got released into the lounge and immediately sought out the pixie. She jumped when I sat down next to her.

“Hey, I’m Bella,” I said, extending a hand.

She didn’t look at me. “I know who you are.”

How did she know me? Did I know her? I racked my brain trying to conjure up a memory of her face, but I couldn’t come up with anything. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. Should I know you?”

The pixie laughed. “No, you don’t know me. I’m Alice.”

Okay. Man, I was confused. “So, how do you know me if I don’t know you?”

Alice shook her head. “I can’t tell you, they think I’m crazy,” she whispered.

I scoffed. “Sounds like we have something in common.”

She laughed too. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

I nodded my head but inside I was thinking about how stupid I was for letting this mentally unstable girl entertain me.

“I can see things, about people, about the future, about the past. Some people give off stronger vibes than others, yours are very strong, Bella.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t understand everything about my gift. I just know it’s there and I know you are not supposed to be here. There’s nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly sane.”

That was reassuring. “Am I?” I asked. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Alice laughed. “It’s the medication.”

“I know, but it helps me forget.”

Alice nodded. “Indeed it does. It makes my gift go away.”

“It makes me forget my memories.”

Alice nodded in understanding. “Sometimes it’s better to forget.”

I agreed.

“Why are you here, Bella?”

“I murdered my father,” I said just above a whisper.

Alice giggled and I turned to face her, anger apparent on my face. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny. Did someone actually believe you were capable of murdering someone?”

“Apparently so.”

Alice shook her head. “You didn’t do it.”

“Then who did?”

Alice sighed. “It wouldn’t help you right now if I told you. It would make you miserable. They would think you were even more crazy. She would see to it that you never got out.”

“She?” I asked.

“I can’t say anymore. You know, Bella. You know.”

“Do you know if there is an Edward?”

Alice’s head quirked to the side. “Is he the tall guy with the accent?”

My eyes grew large. Holy shit. She was for real. I nodded my head. “Why didn’t he search for me?”

Alice looked down. “There’s so much, Bella. I can’t make sense of it all. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what happened. He’s really depressed.”

My heart hurt. Of course he wouldn’t know. How could he.

“Do you think you could help me try to contact him?”

Alice shook her head. “I can’t help you. I don’t want to get involved. I’ll never get out of here if they know I’m still seeing things. Just keep the faith, Bella. Keep your hopes up, and your eyes open. Try to stay off the medication. Don’t let the bad memories win when there are so many beautiful memories to remember.”

With that, she got up and moved to the other side of the room to read a book. I sat their stunned and confused.

~

I stayed off my medication for two more weeks. I was miserable. I remember every detail of Edward’s scruffy face, his soft lips, his hands, the way they danced over the piano keys, the heart breaking sound of his voice when he sang, his laughter. Memories of him, while wonderful, were extremely hard to bare. Memories of what once were, and what would never be again, were too much handle. No matter how hard I tried and how long I stayed off my medication, I couldn’t remember what happened to Charlie. All I remembered was waking up with the knife in my hand, the smell of the blood, the dry feeling in my mouth. I hated those memories.

My mom was visiting today. I had a lot of questions for her. I was tired of playing nice. I wanted answers.

~

“Hi, Bella!”

She greeted me when I entered the room. I sat across the table from her. “Okay, Mom. We don’t have a lot of time. Cut the shit.”

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I remember things. You’re not being honest with me about what happened.”

“Bella, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

I sighed. “I remember that night. I had just told you and Dad that I was going back to London for Christmas. I blacked out and then woke up to you screaming. What happened when I blacked out?”

“Bella, you are confused. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You and your father were arguing about you leaving and I couldn’t stand it anymore so I went out and met up with a girlfriend for a drink down at the Tavern and when I get home...” she pretended to get choked up. “When I got home, you were there, with Charlie.”

I shook my head. It didn’t make sense. Charlie was a veteran police officer. His gun is always on the end of the bar in the kitchen. How could I have fatally stabbed him?

“What happened after I hit my head, though? I got dizzy and I fell out of the chair. I hit my head on the tile floor...”

Renee shook her head. “I don’t remember you hitting your head. Maybe you hit your head when you struggling with Charlie.”

I sighed. This was useless. “Why do you continue to lie about Edward? Why do you lie to me all the time? There wasn’t a trial, a jury didn’t convict me. What was the evidence, why did my attorney feel so strongly about me accepting the plea?”

“Are you taking your medication properly?”

“Nope. I don’t want to take it. What is it that you are so concerned about me remembering, Mom?”

“Bella, this is absurd!” She stood to leave. “I’m going to be speaking with your doctor this afternoon. You are out of control.”

I stood too. “I didn’t do it, and you know it!” I screamed after her. “I hate you!”

She kept walking and never looked back. I was quickly escorted back to my cell. Less than an hour later, I was being woken up and taken away by two male nurse’s aides. I was taken to the clinic in one of the examining rooms. The put me on the table and strapped my arms and legs to the table. I couldn’t move. Oh no. What were they doing to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

They ignored me and were organizing some things on the surgical tray nearby. Dr. Cline walked in.

“Dr. Cline, what is going on?”

“Hi, Bella. I heard you’ve been giving your mother a hard time. If you cannot take your medication as it is prescribed, we will just have to do it the old fashion way,” he said as he picked up a syringe and needle.

I started to scream and protest, but realized very quickly it was useless. I changed my demeanor, quickly. If I couldn’t control taking my medicine, I was screwed. “Dr. Cline, I’m terrified of needles. I swear I’ll take my medication. I promise. Please.” He gave me a shot in my left arm. I immediately felt the effects of the medication. The ceiling tiles started to dance, like the snow on the TV when the cable goes out. I was relaxed and tired. Everything went black. Peacefully black.

***Author’s Note: Hi! Some of you guessed where Alice would come into play! Sorry I didn’t get two chapters posted this week, maybe next week if work gives me a break. We fast forward one year in the next chapter (from Edward’s POV). Thanks for the reviews! <3

Also, Happy Water for Elephants premier day!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKr at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 15 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Phoenix, Arizona - 2004/2005

My dad was home the following morning and Renee made breakfast. It was disgusting. It was nice to see Charlie, though. I missed him. He wasn’t very pleased about what happened between Jake and I. While Renee was cleaning up the kitchen, Charlie and I sat outside enjoying our coffee, the one thing Renee couldn’t screw up.

“I gotta say, I’m really disappointed, Bells.”

“I know, Dad. I know that everyone wants what is best for themselves and not for me.”

Charlie scoffed. “That’s not true, Bella. We just always saw you and Jacob together. I mean, you broke his heart. It’s hard for me to face Billy knowing that my daughter ruined his son.”

“I didn’t ruin him. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry Dad, but I’m not going to stay in a relationship I am not happy in. I refuse to be like you and mom.”

“What do you mean? I’m perfectly happy with your mother.”

He was so blind. “You know she isn’t perfect.”

“Nobody is perfect, Bella.”

Edward is perfect, I thought. I missed him. I missed feeling normal. I didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t stay here for two weeks. I couldn’t.

“Nobody may be perfect, Dad, but it doesn’t mean you have settle. I was content with Jacob. He was all I knew. I needed to find myself and learn about who I was as an individual without him. In that process, I just so happened to fall in love with an amazing guy.”

Charlie sighed, he didn’t want to hear it.

“Dad, I wish you would just give Edward a chance. He takes such good care of me. He treats me like a princess. I’ve never felt so cherished and loved in my entire life. He’s such an amazing person.”

Charlie took a deep breath and blew it out. “What about when your program is over and you come home?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t gotten that far. We both know we want to be together, so we’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t like it, Bells. I’m happy for you, if he makes you happy. But, I don’t care how nice he is, nobody is taking my baby girl away from me. You are not moving to London permanently.”

“Well see,” I said. “Who knows.”

I stood up went back inside to my room. I decided I’d meet up with some of my college friends for lunch and later that night at dinner, with my parents, I’d tell them I wasn’t staying for Christmas.

~

Later that evening I was helping Renee cook dinner. Actually, I was cooking dinner and she was watching. I was making mexican. Renee kept refilling Charlie and I’s mugs of beer. At least everyone was relaxed and in a good mood, thanks to Mr. Corona.

I served dinner and the three of us sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed it. I couldn’t remember the last time we all sat at the table together. If my mom wasn’t such a fake, it would’ve almost been enjoyable.

“So, I know you guys were expecting me to be here for Christmas, but I’d really like to spend Christmas in London, so I’m actually going to be leaving on Friday.” Today was Tuesday. I hoped I could get a flight on Friday, I hadn’t even talk to Edward about it. I wanted to surprise him.

My mom dropped her fork and got up and went to the kitchen. She brought all three of us another Corona.

“Bella, don’t leave. We want to spend Christmas with you,” Charlie said.

Renee started in on me too, “Yes, Bella. You need to be with your family on Christmas. You are just totally caught up in this Edward guy and it’s completely unhealthy.”

I felt my cheeks flame. I was feeling light headed. “Unhealthy? Like your relationship with multiple men behind Dad’s back is unhealthy, is that what you mean?”

When Charlie started to defend her, I started sweating. I tried to speak, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. The room was spinning and so very warm. I tried to stand up, and then everything went black. I remember the sound of my head hitting the tile floor and then, nothing. Nothing. Darkness. Silence.

~

“Bella! Bella! What did you do?!”

Darkness. My head hurts. My head hurts so bad. It’s so hot. I’m so tired. What is that smell? Why is Renee screaming at me. Why do I feel wet. Renee is so loud and erratic. I tried to open my eyes. My head is so heavy. Darkness. Silence.

~

Screaming. Renee is still screaming. Light. My eyes opened. The room is still spinning. Renee was shaking me.

“Bella! What did you do? What happened?”

What was she talking about? Was she crying?

I slowly sat up and attempted to take in my surroundings. I tried to prop myself up on my elbows but my hand slipped in something wet. Why is the floor wet? The room stilled and I looked around. I immediately felt the bile rise in my stomach. Charlie. Charlie was bleeding. He was next to me and bleeding, everywhere. I was laying in a pool of blood. There was something cold in my other hand. A knife. A large knife. Why did I have a knife? Why is Renee looking at me like that? What did I do? The rusty smell of blood hit me and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I vomited on myself. Renee backed away from me. I heard sirens. They were so loud. Charlie wasn’t moving.

“Dad? Dad, wake up. Are you okay?”

He didn’t respond. I started crying.

“How could you do this, Bella? What did he do that was so bad?”

My head was pounding. Did I do this? I couldn’t have. Why can’t I remember anything?

Police officers moved in, men that I recognized as Charlie’s co-workers. They told me not to move and to drop the knife I didn’t know I was still holding. Paramedics checked Charlie briefly and then walked away. They weren’t trying to save him. Officers began to pick me up. They cuffed me and started walking me out of the house. I looked back at Renee. She was crying and shaking her head. What had I done? Why couldn’t I remember?

~

I was booked into the Women’s Penitentiary. After they took a million photos of me, I was stripped of my clothes in front of two female officers and forced to shower while they watched. I was then searched from head to toe, literally. They gave me a dark blue pair of pants and t-shirt to wear. The clothes were scratchy and stiff. They took me into a small room with a desk and two chairs. The room was all white with a large glass window that looked like a mirror. They were going to interrogate me.

A detective came in some time later. He started asking me questions. I didn’t know the answers. All I could remember is having dinner and then waking up with a knife in my hand, and Charlie was dead. The detective kept asking me about the argument my dad and I had, but I couldn’t remember it. Eventually, I came to my senses and refused to answer anymore questions until I had an attorney present.

When I got to my cell, I was fortunately alone. That was the first time since the whole ordeal began that I thought of Edward. At the first thought of him, I lost it. I cried until I made myself sick. What had I done? What was going to happen to me? What about my school? What about Edward and London? I kept thinking this was all a terrible nightmare, and I would wake up soon, but I never did. It was the first of many nights I would cried myself to sleep.

~

If I was awake, I was crying. I cannot explain the absolute fear and guilt than consumed me in the days following Charlie’s murder. I felt desperate and out of control. Panic constantly consumed me. I had to be sedated on multiple occasions. I was driving myself crazy, trying to figure out what had happened and what I had done.

After one particularly dramatic melt down in my cell, I was transferred to a state hospital. Things were blurry at best after that. Although my mom was horribly upset with me, she said she got me the best defense attorney money could buy, at the time, I was grateful.

London, England - 2004/2005

Edward’s Story

The following day, I never heard from Bella. I didn’t think much of it at first due to the time difference. I sent her a text message to let her know I was thinking of her and I went about my day.

After another day passed and I still hadn’t heard from her, I started to worry. I tried to call her, but I got her voicemail. I left her a message.

Hey, beautiful, it’s me. I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I’m starting to worry about you. Call me when you get this, I don’t care what time it is. I love you.

She never returned my calls. She never responded to my text messages. On the tenth day with no word from Bella, I was awoken in the middle of the night by a text message.

I’m not coming back. I’m sorry. Things changed. Jake and I are back together. I never meant to hurt you. - Bella

I kept rubbing my tired eyes. I couldn’t be reading her message correctly. When I was sure I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and in fact read the message correctly, my heart started racing. My room was warm. I could feel my heartbeat in my head. She wasn’t serious. She couldn’t be. I called her immediately. She didn’t answer. Bella wasn’t this much of a coward. She wouldn’t do this.

Answer your phone. Talk to me. What about school and your flat? How will you get all your belongings?

I sat up in bed and waited for her response, but it never came. I never went back to sleep. At 3:00 a.m. I crawled out of bed and walked the block to her flat. It was cold and windy. It seemed like I was the only person out. The world felt huge around me. I was alone.

Her flat was chilly. I crawled into her bed and savored the smell of her on the sheets. I tried not to cry. I didn’t cry, especially over a girl. But Bella wasn’t just any girl. I eventually fell asleep with the dreadful thoughts that I may never see her smile again, or hear her laughter. The reality of that, was too much to bear.

~

New Year’s Eve. Alone. She never returned any of my calls. She never responded to my text messages. She had never returned for her things. I was devastated and heart broken. She was the only girl I ever loved.

I went through some of her things at her flat, trying to find a phone number for her mother or father. Her cell phone had recently been disconnected. I couldn’t believe she changed her number because of me. None of this made sense. It wasn’t like Bella to do this with so little explanation. I mean, she was so adamant about dealing with Jake cordially when he was here, and she didn’t want to hurt him, but it was so easy for her to hurt me?

I eventually located a phone number for her home in Phoenix. I called, and surprisingly enough, her mother answered.

“Hello?”

I tried to hide my accent. “May I speak with Bella?”

“Who is this?”

“A friend of hers.”

“Is this Edward? She’s done with you. Can’t you take a hint? She’s not home right now, and she doesn’t want to talk to you. Please stop calling.”

The line went dead. The anger that coursed through my veins was more than I could control. I had to leave her flat so I wouldn’t destroy everything in sight, the same way Jake had. How could she do this? How could everything we shared not have been real? How could she leave here and tell me she loved me and then walk out of my life and never come back? Was everything I thought we had together a lie?

Over the months that followed, I asked myself those questions on a regular basis. I never found the answers and my heart never healed. I was irrevocably broken.


***Author’s Note: Hi! So...things are starting to shape up! The next couple of chapters are a little short, so I may try to update twice this week and next. We meet Alice in the next chapter....can you guess where? :) Thanks for reading/reviewing!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllorNothingKr at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 14 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

London, England - 2004

I thought I knew what love and happiness were before I met Edward. It turns out, I didn’t have a clue. I knew what complacency and settling were with Jake. I knew before I came to London that Jake and I were finished because I needed to figure out who I was and what made me happy. I had learned more about myself in the few months I had been in London than I had in a lifetime in Phoenix. The feeling I got when I was around Edward was unlike anything else. He made me happy, he made me smile, he made me comfortable, he made me feel good, he made me feel loved. I guess, in retrospect, Jake did all of those things too, but it didn’t feel the same. I get so much satisfaction from seeing Edward smiling and laughing. His happiness is my own.

The last few weeks had been fairly uneventful as Edward and I went about our daily lives. I never heard from, or saw, Jake again, and I was okay with that for now. One thing never changed though, and that was the way Edward and I felt about each other. Every day was new and exciting. Every day I learned something else about him that I loved. We practically lived together, alternating time between his place and mine. I appreciated that he never complained about staying in my tiny flat when we could be in his more luxurious and roomy place. He said he liked it at my place because it had so much of me in it. I liked his place because it was such a reflection of him. We were not to the point of rushing into living together officially, so we alternated time between the two places. I liked staying at Edward’s better because his piano is there and he always plays something for me and sings me to sleep and its the most beautiful thing to hear him sing. He is so incredibly talented. One gloomy Sunday afternoon it rained most of the day and Edward glued himself in front of the piano playing very emotional and riveting pieces. I laid nearby on his couch with a cup of tea and a warm blanket listening and watching. It was such a simple day, but so perfect in it’s own way.

Unfortunately, things cannot always remain ideal. Christmas was quickly approaching and I would be returning to Phoenix for nearly two weeks to be with my family. As sad as it may sound, I would rather stay in London with Edward and his family. I didn’t want to go home, but my mother and father insisted. I did miss them, but two weeks without Edward was a very long time.

There were less than 48 hours to go before Edward would be dropping me at the airport and things seemed sort of tense between us. I’m not sure if it was me or him causing the tension, or both of us. Going home for Christmas unfortunately reminded me that my time in London was limited. What would happen between us when my student visa expired at the end of the school year and I had to return to the states? It was a question neither of us ever spoke of and it worried me.

The evening before I went to the airport eventually arrived and Edward was brooding. He seemed so unhappy and unsure. He wasn’t confident anymore and I didn’t understand why. I mean, I would miss him terribly, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

I was packing the last of my things before bed when I felt him come up from behind me and hug me. His chin rested atop my head.

He sighed. “I’m going to miss you so much. I wish you would’ve just let me come with you.”

I turned around. “Edward, you need to spend Christmas with your family. We talked about this, it just isn’t a good idea right now. I’m going to miss you, but I’ll call you every day. Two weeks will be over before you know it,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. The truth was, I really didn’t want Edward to see how dysfunctional my family was, not to mention my dad probably wouldn’t be too pleased about the whole situation.

“I know, I just hate the idea of you being in the same city as him.”

Oh. “Is that what all this brooding is about?”

Edward laughed. “I’m not brooding.”

“Yes, you are, and you have been for a few days.”

“I just wish you weren’t going. I just don’t have a good feeling about it.”

“Edward, I’m coming back. Nothing is going to happen in Phoenix. I hopefully won’t even see Jake. It’s not a big deal. Trust me, there is nothing in this world that he could do or say to me to change the way I feel about you.” I sighed, “I wish you were more confident about us.”

Edward looked defeated. “I’m sorry. I am confident about us. I trust you. I just really don’t like that guy.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around him and reached up for a kiss. “I promise. It’s getting late, why don’t you take me to bed and give me something good to think about for the next two weeks.”

“Mmmm....that sounds like a great idea,” he said as he began to kiss down my neck. I smiled in return and vowed to myself to remember every detail of that night so I’d have something to look forward to when I returned.

~

We were up before the sun the following morning. We hadn’t said two words to each other. We silently made coffee, showered, and grabbed something quick to eat. I shuffled my suitcase to the door and waited for him to follow me.

He eventually met me at the door and sighed as he took my suitcase from my hand. I grabbed my keys and took the key to my flat off the ring. I handed it to Edward. “Will you come by occasionally and water my plants?” I had brought a little cactus with me from home and I had a few other little house plants that I didn’t want to die while I was gone.

“Of course,” Edward said, taking the key and putting it in his pocket.

I thank him and turned off the light before we left. The ride to the airport was in silence. He dropped me off at the international gate and unloaded my suitcase for me. We were standing on the curb, and I was running late.

“Come here...” I said, with my arms open.

He walked into my embrace and we hugged each other so tight it felt hard to breathe. I kissed his cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

He sighed into my shoulder and kissed my neck. “I love you. Call me as soon as you arrive, okay? I don’t care what time it is.”

I nodded my head and kissed his lips, savoring his taste, hoping it would get me through the next two weeks. “I love you. I’ll see you soon, and we’ll do Christmas when I get back.”

Edward nodded his head and we separated, but our hands lingered a moment longer. I headed into the terminal and turned around just before entering. Edward was still watching me. He blew me a kiss and smiled. I couldn’t wait get this over with and be back here, with him. I smiled back at him and went inside.

I was one of the last ones to board and I was exhausted. I had only gotten two hours of sleep, at best, the night before. I made myself comfortable, hoping I’d sleep a good portion of the flight.

I switched planes in Los Angeles and was only an hour away from home. Once in Phoenix, I caught a cab to my parents house. My dad was working, and my mother couldn’t be bothered. I text messaged Edward.

I made it. I miss you already - Bella

His response was immediate.

I’m glad you made it safely. I miss you, too. I’m spending the evening with my parents, trying to forget you’re not here. - Edward

I love you. I’ll call you before I go to bed if it isn’t too late. - Bella

I don’t care what time it is. I’ll want to hear your voice. - Edward.

I smiled and tucked my phone back into my purse as the cab pulled into my driveway. It was kind of nice to be back. I had missed seeing the sun so much. I paid the driver after he unloaded my suitcase. My mother came running out the front door and nearly knocked me over with a hug. That was a bit unusual, she wasn’t normally a hugger.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Oh, Bella! It’s so good to see you. You look really good.”

“Thanks, so do you.”

We made our way inside and I got my things settled. I didn’t really know what to talk about with my mother. I wished my dad was home with us, but he didn’t get off work until late.

Eventually the topic of Jacob came up.

“I just can’t believe you did that to him, Bella. You should’ve seen him. It was so pitiful.”

I shook my head. “Mom, I really don’t want to talk about this. He’s not as innocent as he looks.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did he tell you what he did to me?”

My mother shook her head.

“He destroyed my flat. He ruined all of my belongings, my bedding, everything. If it weren’t for Edward and his mom, I’d have nothing left.”

Renee sighed. “Well maybe you deserved it. Imagine how he must have felt walking in on what he walked in on.”

I was fuming. I wanted to hit her. How could she say that to me? I knew damn good and well she was cheating on Charlie.

“Seriously, Mom? We were not together. I had no obligation to him! He had no right to do what he did to me. How can you say that to me? I know you are not perfect. At least I broke up with Jake before I started sleeping with someone else. It’s more than I can say about you,” I said as I stood up and walked up to my old room. My mom stayed put on the couch, speechless.

She made me so mad I couldn’t see straight. Angry hot tears fell over my cheeks. I knew it was very early morning in London, but I had to talk to Edward. I selfishly dialed his phone.

“Bella,” he answered, groggily.

“Hey, did I wake you?”

“Yes, but it’s okay. I was waiting for your call.”

I sighed. “I wish I hadn’t of come here,” I said, as my tears betrayed me again. I could hear Edward shuffling around on the line.

“What’s wrong, Bella? Are you crying?”

“Yeah, but I’m okay. My mom just makes me so angry. She said some stuff that upset me. She said I deserved what Jake did to me.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she’s just like that. She’s mean, and then I accused her of cheating on my dad,” I sighed. “These are going to be the worst two weeks of my life.”

“Bella, I’m sorry. Don’t let her talk to you like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, it just hurts to hear your own mother stick up for your ex, instead of her own daughter.”

Edward sighed. “I don’t want you to be upset and crying.”

“I’ll get over it.”

“Well, if you change your mind about being there for two weeks, just say the words. I’ll pay to have your flight transfered, you can come back to London whenever you want.”

That was a really enticing offer, but I couldn’t give up so easily. “Thank you, Edward. I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll let you get back to sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, cheer up. I love you.”

“I love you, too. I miss you.”

I cried myself to sleep that night. I hated my mother. I hated what she did. I hated that she had been betraying my dad for so many years. I hated myself for not calling her out on it sooner and pretending like it wasn’t happening. I hated Charlie for loving her unconditionally and turning his head when he saw signs of her infidelity. I hated being home. None of these problems and feelings plagued me when I was with Edward in London. He was my escape, my peace and comfort. He made me feel normal and beautiful and better than I really am. I missed him. I desperately missed my life in London, and I had only been gone less than 24 hours.


***Author’s Note: Hi! Hope you all enjoyed. The next several chapters will be rocky at best, and we will eventually switch over to much more of Edward’s point of view, but hang in there. Next update is next weekend. Thanks for the reviews! <3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 13 - CLICK HERE***