CHAPTER 14
Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006
Today something different was supposed to happen. I had been staying on my medicine, trying to do good and appear normal so that I could get to get out of my cell more. I had met with Dr. Cline a few more times and after my last evaluation, he decided that I should start participating in social activities.
I was kind of excited, but scared at the same time. From what I understand, this is the first step to being deemed sane. If I could function socially, they will eventually start reducing the amount of my medication and slowly start introducing me into normal every day activities. Once they found me to be mentally stable, I’d be transfered back to the women’s penitentiary. Today I don’t remember a lot about the women’s penitentiary, but I seem to have a bad connotation about it. I don’t want to go back there, but I did want social time.
I decided I would check out the social time today and see what it was like, and in the future, if they decide to send me back to the prison, I will pretend to be unstable again. The thought of playing these charades for twenty some years was unbelievably depressing.
Social time was from 2:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m. Lunch was at 11:30 a.m. I was laying in bed counting until I determined it was fairly close to 2:00 p.m.
I don’t have a mirror in my cell, so I found myself unusually concerned about my appearance. I hadn’t actually seen myself in months. It would be weird to interact with people again. I tried to smooth down my wavy hair as I waited for someone to come get me.
Someone finally arrived to take me to the lounge, as they called it. I was glad I had been taking my medicine, this experience may have otherwise been overwhelming.
I was released into the lounge and the door closed and locked behind me. There were three guards and one nurse who kept an eye on us. The lounge was kind of neat. There were chairs, couches, TV’s, board games, books and a foosball table.
I sat down on the couch by myself and pretended to read a book while I observed everyone. Most of the people were fairly scary. There was an overweight younger guy playing with the foosball table but he was just pushing and pulling the handles really hard. An older lady was on the other side of the table playing with the foosball men, like literally fondling the little plastic guys. I made a mental note to steer clear of her. Other people were sitting around looking like they were minutes from killing themselves or someone else. There was a young blonde girl in the corner rocking back and forth and another little brown haired girl across the room that was staring at me and giving me the creeps.
Uh oh, the brown haired pixie was approaching me. I opened my book to the middle and started reading. There was a man and woman having sex in the book. I momentarily had the thought that I knew what that was like, but the pixie interrupted.
She sat down unusually close to me. She was a cute little thing if her stares weren’t so creepy. It looked like she had product in her hair and it made me jealous. She suddenly stood up and circled me, staring at me really closely. She was completely freaking me out. I looked around for the nearest guard incase she tried anything funny. She eventually sat down next to me, in the same spot she started in. She crossed her arms and legs.
“YOU, are not supposed to be here,” she said as a matter of fact.
“What?” I asked, thinking I may have misunderstood her.
“You are not supposed to be here,” she said, turning away from me, like she was trying to be discreet.
“Yes, I am. It’s 2:00 o’clock, social time. Dr. Cline said it was okay for me to come.”
She let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m not talking about here in the lounge, stupid. You’re not supposed to be in the hospital.”
I was so confused. This chick was off her rocker. “What are you talking about?”
“Are you deaf?” she asked more quietly. “I said, you are not supposed to be here. You’re here for the wrong reasons. I can’t be caught talking to you about this, I’ll never get out of here, just believe me.”
The pixie stood and went back to the other side of the room where she came from. That was strange, I thought. I didn’t know what she meant.
The rest of social time was uneventful. The pixie un-relentlessly stared at me from across the room while I read my book. I remember thinking it was a good book, but by the time I returned to my cell, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember what it was about. I was tired, and napped until dinner.
~
I hadn’t taken my medication since last week. After I couldn’t remember the book I was reading in the lounge, I knew the medication would make my memory foggy at best. I wanted to have a clear head to talk to crazy pixie girl.
I missed Edward this week. I had more memories of us. I missed the way he made me feel. I was sad that he never came for me. I missed my dad. I was so depressed with out my medication, but I vowed I would start taking it again after I figured out what was up with the pixie.
It was 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Social time. I got released into the lounge and immediately sought out the pixie. She jumped when I sat down next to her.
“Hey, I’m Bella,” I said, extending a hand.
She didn’t look at me. “I know who you are.”
How did she know me? Did I know her? I racked my brain trying to conjure up a memory of her face, but I couldn’t come up with anything. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. Should I know you?”
The pixie laughed. “No, you don’t know me. I’m Alice.”
Okay. Man, I was confused. “So, how do you know me if I don’t know you?”
Alice shook her head. “I can’t tell you, they think I’m crazy,” she whispered.
I scoffed. “Sounds like we have something in common.”
She laughed too. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”
I nodded my head but inside I was thinking about how stupid I was for letting this mentally unstable girl entertain me.
“I can see things, about people, about the future, about the past. Some people give off stronger vibes than others, yours are very strong, Bella.”
“What does that mean?” I asked.
“I don’t know. I don’t understand everything about my gift. I just know it’s there and I know you are not supposed to be here. There’s nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly sane.”
That was reassuring. “Am I?” I asked. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”
Alice laughed. “It’s the medication.”
“I know, but it helps me forget.”
Alice nodded. “Indeed it does. It makes my gift go away.”
“It makes me forget my memories.”
Alice nodded in understanding. “Sometimes it’s better to forget.”
I agreed.
“Why are you here, Bella?”
“I murdered my father,” I said just above a whisper.
Alice giggled and I turned to face her, anger apparent on my face. “It’s not funny.”
“It is funny. Did someone actually believe you were capable of murdering someone?”
“Apparently so.”
Alice shook her head. “You didn’t do it.”
“Then who did?”
Alice sighed. “It wouldn’t help you right now if I told you. It would make you miserable. They would think you were even more crazy. She would see to it that you never got out.”
“She?” I asked.
“I can’t say anymore. You know, Bella. You know.”
“Do you know if there is an Edward?”
Alice’s head quirked to the side. “Is he the tall guy with the accent?”
My eyes grew large. Holy shit. She was for real. I nodded my head. “Why didn’t he search for me?”
Alice looked down. “There’s so much, Bella. I can’t make sense of it all. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what happened. He’s really depressed.”
My heart hurt. Of course he wouldn’t know. How could he.
“Do you think you could help me try to contact him?”
Alice shook her head. “I can’t help you. I don’t want to get involved. I’ll never get out of here if they know I’m still seeing things. Just keep the faith, Bella. Keep your hopes up, and your eyes open. Try to stay off the medication. Don’t let the bad memories win when there are so many beautiful memories to remember.”
With that, she got up and moved to the other side of the room to read a book. I sat their stunned and confused.
~
I stayed off my medication for two more weeks. I was miserable. I remember every detail of Edward’s scruffy face, his soft lips, his hands, the way they danced over the piano keys, the heart breaking sound of his voice when he sang, his laughter. Memories of him, while wonderful, were extremely hard to bare. Memories of what once were, and what would never be again, were too much handle. No matter how hard I tried and how long I stayed off my medication, I couldn’t remember what happened to Charlie. All I remembered was waking up with the knife in my hand, the smell of the blood, the dry feeling in my mouth. I hated those memories.
My mom was visiting today. I had a lot of questions for her. I was tired of playing nice. I wanted answers.
~
“Hi, Bella!”
She greeted me when I entered the room. I sat across the table from her. “Okay, Mom. We don’t have a lot of time. Cut the shit.”
“Excuse me?” she asked.
“I remember things. You’re not being honest with me about what happened.”
“Bella, I don’t know what you are talking about.”
I sighed. “I remember that night. I had just told you and Dad that I was going back to London for Christmas. I blacked out and then woke up to you screaming. What happened when I blacked out?”
“Bella, you are confused. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You and your father were arguing about you leaving and I couldn’t stand it anymore so I went out and met up with a girlfriend for a drink down at the Tavern and when I get home...” she pretended to get choked up. “When I got home, you were there, with Charlie.”
I shook my head. It didn’t make sense. Charlie was a veteran police officer. His gun is always on the end of the bar in the kitchen. How could I have fatally stabbed him?
“What happened after I hit my head, though? I got dizzy and I fell out of the chair. I hit my head on the tile floor...”
Renee shook her head. “I don’t remember you hitting your head. Maybe you hit your head when you struggling with Charlie.”
I sighed. This was useless. “Why do you continue to lie about Edward? Why do you lie to me all the time? There wasn’t a trial, a jury didn’t convict me. What was the evidence, why did my attorney feel so strongly about me accepting the plea?”
“Are you taking your medication properly?”
“Nope. I don’t want to take it. What is it that you are so concerned about me remembering, Mom?”
“Bella, this is absurd!” She stood to leave. “I’m going to be speaking with your doctor this afternoon. You are out of control.”
I stood too. “I didn’t do it, and you know it!” I screamed after her. “I hate you!”
She kept walking and never looked back. I was quickly escorted back to my cell. Less than an hour later, I was being woken up and taken away by two male nurse’s aides. I was taken to the clinic in one of the examining rooms. The put me on the table and strapped my arms and legs to the table. I couldn’t move. Oh no. What were they doing to me.
“What’s going on?” I asked.
They ignored me and were organizing some things on the surgical tray nearby. Dr. Cline walked in.
“Dr. Cline, what is going on?”
“Hi, Bella. I heard you’ve been giving your mother a hard time. If you cannot take your medication as it is prescribed, we will just have to do it the old fashion way,” he said as he picked up a syringe and needle.
I started to scream and protest, but realized very quickly it was useless. I changed my demeanor, quickly. If I couldn’t control taking my medicine, I was screwed. “Dr. Cline, I’m terrified of needles. I swear I’ll take my medication. I promise. Please.” He gave me a shot in my left arm. I immediately felt the effects of the medication. The ceiling tiles started to dance, like the snow on the TV when the cable goes out. I was relaxed and tired. Everything went black. Peacefully black.
***Author’s Note: Hi! Some of you guessed where Alice would come into play! Sorry I didn’t get two chapters posted this week, maybe next week if work gives me a break. We fast forward one year in the next chapter (from Edward’s POV). Thanks for the reviews! <3
Also, Happy Water for Elephants premier day!
Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKr at gmail (dot) com
***CHAPTER 15 - CLICK HERE***
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