Repentance - Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sensitive subject matters that may not be appropriate for everyone. If you have a sensitivity to the topic of rape, you shouldn’t read this story. It is not meant to condone rape or offend anyone, it is a fictional story. Nobody is making you read it.

CHAPTER 14:

A couple weeks had passed and while Edward and I were on more cordial terms, I wasn’t ready to let him back into my life. Rose, and I assumed Edward, kept Masen one evening when I went out with James. There was a local band playing at a bar nearby and he insisted I had to check it out with him. The band was great, but he and I both had too much to drink and we took a cab back to my place. I told him I could get home on my own, but he insisted on making sure I arrived safely. It was dark and raining, so I obliged.

We were standing outside my door. “Well, thank you for everything tonight. I had fun.”

“Me too, the night doesn’t have to end. Your kid isn’t here, right?”

Even though I was more than tipsy, little red flags went off in my head. “No, he’s not here, but I need to go get him.” I cursed myself for saying those words as soon as they left my mouth. I should’ve said something different. I had already put my key in the door and James turned the handle, letting himself in.

I walked in behind him and set my purse down near the couch. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” I asked, hinting for him to leave.

He sat down on the couch and yawned. “I’m pretty tired. I might crash on your couch.”

I laughed uneasily as he pulled me down next to him and began kissing me. He smelt like smoke and liquor. I pushed him away. “James, stop. You need to go. We’re just friends.”

James laughed. “I thought we were more than friends, Bella,” he said as one of his fingers traced my jaw, down my neck, and between the opening of my button up shirt.

I could see where this was going and I began to panic. “James, no. You need to leave.” James didn’t even flinch at my words. I took a deep breath, trying not to check out of the situation, and began to think of the best way out of it. He laid me down on the couch, his nasty hands moved all over me. I let him do what he wanted for a moment so he was distracted while I desperately dumped my purse out on the floor next to the couch. I reached around frantically for my phone. I sent Edward a text.

Help me. James is here. Hurry. - B Right as I went to hit send James knocked the phone from my hand and I nearly burst into tears because I wasn’t sure if I pushed the button or not. He grabbed both my wrists and held my hands above my head. He held both of my wrists in one hand above me. I could feel him bruising the delicate skin around my wrists.

His mouth was all over me and his free hand went up my shirt. I squirmed beneath him, but I was no match for him. “James, stop. Please.” I thought I should try some reverse psychology on him. “James, stop. Let’s go to my bed, where it is more comfortable.” That got his attention. He let go of my wrists and he began to get up from the couch. As soon as I was able, I ran for the door. I opened it, but before I could exit, he threw me back onto the couch and slammed the door shut.

I felt so stupid for not listening to Edward.

James immediately climbed back on top of me as I screamed. “Shhhh, Bella. You’ll like this, I promise. You must have enjoyed it when Edward did it. Did he do it like this?”

He pulled at the button on my jeans and struggled to pull them over my hips with one hand. I pressed myself firmly into the couch, making it even harder for him. I was not going to let this happen to me again. I couldn’t. What did he mean about Edward? How did he know? Was he there? I felt sick to my stomach as I struggled with him.

Suddenly, James looked up at me and backhanded me across the face. It stung like nothing I had ever felt before.

“Stop fighting me,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ll make this really shitty for you if you don’t stop.”

I sobbed loudly, and gave into the realization that maybe I wasn’t going to find a way out of this. As soon as I had the thought, I pushed it away, refusing to give in. I tried to free one of my legs to knee him in the nuts long enough to get away from him, but his weight on top of me was too much.

There was blood dripping into my eye, blurring my vision. James had a football ring on that must have hit my brow bone.

He forced his hand inside my jeans and I cursed myself again for being so stupid and not listening to Edward. I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt me or control my life.

James forcefully pushed his palm between my panties and my jeans, grabbing at me. I screamed loudly, not knowing what else to do, and hoping that someone would hear me. He told me to shut up again before he began sucking on my neck, biting me, hard.

I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming. At that moment, I heard the front door burst open. Edward and Emmett. I couldn’t help but feel relieved. I was saved. I was so glad Edward didn’t come alone. He and James would’ve surely killed each other.

James growled at the disruption and Edward pulled him off me, throwing him into the adjacent wall. Emmett took care of James while Edward came to me.

He pulled me into his arms immediately and I clung to him.

“Bella, I told you...” he began.

“I know, Edward,” I cried. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t continue, he just held me.

Emmett got rid of James, threatening to kill him if he ever so much as looked in my direction again. Emmett said he and Rose would keep Masen tonight and give Edward and I some privacy. I thanked him before he left.

Edward finally had to peel me off of him. “Bella, let me look at you. Are you okay?”

I pulled back and couldn’t see him very well for my eye. He caressed my opposite cheek. “God, Bella. He could’ve really hurt you.” His fingers traced my jaw, and down my neck. “He bit you,” Edward growled. He stood and went to the linen closet down the hall to get a wash cloth. He cleaned the blood from my eye and just above it. I had a small cut just under my right eyebrow. Edward bandaged it up and cleaned the bite on my neck with alcohol. It stung, but I was glad it was cleaning James’ disgusting germs from me.

“I want to take a shower,” I said quietly.

“Of course, Bella. I’ll get one started for you.” Edward stood from the couch.

“Edward?”

He turned to look at me. “Yes?”

“Was he there?”

Edward sighed and sat back down next to me on the couch, pulling me to him. “Bella, I’m sorry. I tried to tell you. I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t think you would believe me...”

“I probably wouldn’t have,” I cried.

Edward kissed my cheek and disappeared into our bedroom and returned a few moments later. He helped me to the bathroom before leaving me alone.

**EPOV**

Hours had passed and Bella still hadn’t come out of the shower. I finally went to check on her. I knocked on the bathroom door twice. She didn’t answer.

“Bella? I’m coming in.”

When she didn’t respond, I went inside. I opened the glass door to the stand up shower and she was sitting in a little ball on the floor, the water hitting her. The water was cold and her lips were blue.

“Bella, what are you doing?” I turned the water off, as it had obviously ran cold.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it, pulling her from the shower. “Bella? Your skin is like ice.”

“I don’t want to feel anything anymore,” she mumbled.

“Bella, don’t say that.” I put her down on our bed and grabbed a long sleeve t-shirt from her dresser and a pair of sweat pants and put them on her. I let her crawl under the covers and pulled them over her, tucking them in at her sides.

“Will you stay?” she whispered.

“Of course, Bella. I’m not going to leave you now.”

A weak smile displayed on her lips and she closed her eyes. I kissed her cheek gently. I changed clothes and crawled in bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her. “Is this okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head and I held her tighter, grateful that she was okay. Seeing her lying in the shower, covered in water, and cold, it reminded me of how I left her that night after I had done the unthinkable. I would never forgive myself for what I did to her. Ever. I was grateful that I was a different man today, than I was then, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. I had always found what I did incredibly difficult to deal with, but it was a million times more difficult to know the girl I did it to. To know that she was beautiful, innocent, and perfect in every way. To know that she gave birth to my child, and loved it and cared for it, despite believing he was the spawn of a monstrous man. It takes an incredible kind of woman to be able to do and accomplish what Bella has done. She deserved none of this and it was all my fault. She deserved to have a normal college experience, to graduate, and fall in love with a respectable man. She deserved to have children when she wanted to, not for them to be forced into her life. Bella speaking startled me from my thoughts.

“Edward?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“It’s okay, Bella. You should never apologize to me. I am the one who is forever in debt to you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

She entwined her still cold fingers with mine and squeezed my hand before falling asleep.

***

Whatever transpired between us the night before, was long gone when Bella woke the following morning.

I woke to the sound of her gasping and releasing my hand from hers. I opened my eyes to see her staring back at me, almost frightened.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She looked around the room momentarily, as if all the events of last night were coming back to her.

She quickly stammered out of bed. “I’m sorry, Edward.” She shook her head, looking back at me. “I didn’t mean to...we’re not...” she stumbled for words. She took a deep breath. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my rescue last night, but it doesn’t change things between us.”

All the air left my lungs at once. All my hopes just hit a concrete wall. “Bella, you’re being irrational. Can’t we just talk about everything?”

“You don’t understand, Edward,” she said quietly.

I sat up in bed, leaning towards her. She was standing at the side of the bed. “Bella, make me understand,” I begged.

She shook her head and looked away from me, trying to fight back her tears. “I’m not ready, Edward.”

I felt crushed. I couldn’t push her anymore, not after everything that happened last night. I pulled back the sheets and climbed out of bed. “I guess I’ll head back to Rose and Emmett’s. Let me know when you’re ready for Masen.”

I didn’t wait for her response. I grabbed a few of my belongings and left the room. I could hear the soft sounds of her bare feet on the hardwood floor, she was following me. I turned to face her when I got to the door. There was nothing but confusion in her eyes. I was surprised when she threw her arms around my neck, and pulled me down to her. My arms instinctively wrapped around her small waist. I inhaled her scent and recalled how much I had missed it, how much I had missed her.

“Thank you for last night, Edward,” she whispered. I could tell she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know how you manage to make me feel so safe and so terrified all at the same time.”

I let go of her and she pulled away from me. “You’re terrified of me?” I asked quietly.

She couldn’t keep her tears back any longer. “I’m terrified of everything, Edward. I’m terrified of what I feel for you, despite what you did to me. I’m terrified that you’re not the person I thought you were. I’m terrified to lose you. I’m terrified that every time from now on when I look into you’re green eyes, or smell alcohol on your breath, that I’ll think of that night, and remember that you were the one.”

It killed me when she said things like that. The guilt I felt was almost too much to bear. It made me physically ill. I never knew what to say to her. Sorry was not enough. There were no words for my repentance.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, obviously regretting her out pouring. “We’ll talk soon, okay? I’ll try not to keep you so far away anymore, but I need time, Edward.”

I nodded my head.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like some time to myself. I’ll call you later for Masen.”

“Take all the time you need.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

She looked up at me with sad eyes and I had to turn away from her. I left our apartment with a heavy heart, wondering if I’d ever feel like I could breathe again.

**Bella POV**

I spent the entire day curled up in a ball on our bed. Our bed. It smelled like him. I felt guilty for enjoying his scent.

I eventually pulled myself up, showered, and made myself presentable. I went to retrieve Masen and was disappointed to learn that Rose and Edward had taken him for ice cream. Emmett offered to entertain me until they returned, but I declined. I decided I would meet up with Alice for an early dinner.

It was nice to spend time with Alice without Masen around. I told her about everything that happened the night before. Of course, she said she understood how I felt, but thought perhaps I should take it easier on Edward, but I wasn’t ready. I was still so hurt.

I was taking a cab home when I received a text from Edward.

Emmett told me you came for Masen. We’re home now. Do you want me to bring him up? - Edward

I responded immediately. I’m not home. I’ll be there soon. You can bring him at 7:00 p.m. -B

I arrived home a few minutes later and started some laundry while I waited on Edward and Masen to arrive. I felt like I had been in a fog the past two months and I wanted out of it so badly, but I didn’t know how to get out. The doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

I let Edward in and Masen was asleep on his shoulder. “He had a big day,” said Edward. Edward carried Masen back to his room and placed him in his crib.

I was standing in the living room waiting on him when he returned. I was torn. I was so lonely. I wanted so badly to tell him to stay, but I couldn’t.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

I nodded my head and sat down on the couch. “About what?”

Edward sat next to me. “What are you going to do?”

I assumed he was referring to James. I had given this a little bit of thought. I took a deep breath. “I’m quitting the job at the restaurant. I do need to spend more time with Masen. And, I guess I’ll just have to drop the class I have with him. At this rate, I’ll never graduate.”

“So does that mean you’ll let me help you? Financially?”

“You have already helped. You paid the rent. That’s more than enough. I don’t want anything else.”

“Fine, but you’re not dropping another class. Not because of me, this is all my fault.”

“I don’t have a choice, Edward.” I began to feel my tears sting my eyes and my throat constrict as I tried to fight them back. “I cannot sit in a classroom with him, knowing that he was there, that he saw everything and what he tried to do last night...I can’t,” I cried.

Edward sighed. “Bella, I’m so sorry, about everything. You don’t deserve any of this. Please, don’t let him win.”

“It’s not about winning, Edward. I wouldn’t feel safe. What if he followed me? I would be a nervous wreck. I don’t want to live like that anymore!” I cried.

Edward pulled me too him and held me firmly. I inhaled his scent and it relaxed me, but I wasn’t sure why. I was still mad at him.

“Let me help,” he whispered, pleadingly.

“How?” I asked.

“You only have the class with him on Thursday nights, right?”

I nodded my head.

“I’ll let the library know that I’m not available that day. I’ll take you to class and I’ll pick you up. I’ll meet you outside your classroom so you don’t ever have to walk alone.”

“You would do that?” I asked. I really didn’t want to drop that class. I needed it, and I felt like I did pretty good on the mid-term. I’d hate for it all to go to waste.

“Of course, Bella. It’s the least I could do.”

I sighed and swallowed my pride, agreeing to his offer.

Edward stood and made his way to the door and I followed him. I wished I had I the nerve to ask him to stay, but I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

I was following too closely when he stopped and turned around suddenly, almost knocking me over.

He ignored our near mishap and caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. My breath hitched at his intimate touch, which used to be so familiar.

“Bella, can we really not work this out? I regret what I did to you more than you’ll ever know, but at the same time, I don’t regret the outcome. I don’t regret falling in love with you. I don’t regret Masen. When I see him, I’m so grateful. He’s so beautiful, innocent and full of life. He has so much of your goodness inside him.”

“He is so much like you, though,” I whispered.

“He is both of us. He is perfect. I couldn’t imagine my son having a better mother. Please don’t keep him from me.”

“I won’t, Edward. I won’t anymore. I’m sorry. He needs you.”

He kissed my forehead. “Thank you. I’ll see you Thursday.”

I nodded my head and watched him walk out the door, feeling like he was taking a part of me with him.

**CHAPTER 15 - CLICK HERE**