Repentance - Chapter 17

CHAPTER 17:


I drove through the night until I was home. It took just over three hours, and I made it home by midnight. I just wanted to put Masen to bed, and be alone.

Of course, that wasn’t what happened.

I opened the door to the apartment, flipped the light switch on, and saw Edward asleep on the couch. He woke up immediately.

“What are you doing here?” I asked.

“I was just giving Rose and Emmett a break. Are you okay? What happened?”

I didn’t respond. I walked past him and down the hall to put Masen to bed. I closed his bedroom door and returned to the living area. I went into the kitchen and poured myself a glass of wine before returning to Edward.

“Bad night?” Edward asked as he sat up on the couch.

I nodded my head. “I hate my life.”

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

My initial reaction was to say that it wasn’t his fault, but it was.

“My dad overheard me talking to you.” I looked at Edward and his eyes grew large. “I ended up telling him everything. We sort of got into it and I left.”

Edward sighed and hung his head. “He will hate me forever and I can’t blame him.”

“He doesn’t understand everything yet. I mean, he knows what you did, and that you’re Masen’s father, but he doesn’t know why and he doesn’t understand that even though you hurt me then, you protect me now...” I trailed off.

Edward looked up at me as I finished speaking. He pulled me into a hug. “Bella, I’m so sorry. If I could take it all back, I would.”

“I know, Edward. I’m tired, I’m going to go to bed.”

Edward nodded his head. “Do you mind if I stay on the couch?”

I shook my head, got up and headed towards the hallway. I looked back at him. “Edward, I think I need to talk to someone. I think your mom may be right, I cannot work through my feelings on my own.”

Edward nodded his head. “I think we both should.”

“Okay,” I responded and I disappeared down the hallway.

***

Nearly two months had passed since the weekend Charlie found out about Edward. Charlie would phone occasionally to check on me, but we didn’t speak much about it. I knew he was disappointed in me. I was finished with the Spring semester of school and was thrilled to be away from James and Dreadlocks, as I liked to refer to him.

Edward and I had been seeing a counselor that his mother suggested. As of now, we were going separately, but the goal was eventually to have us go together. So far, I didn’t think it was helping much, but I knew I hadn’t given it enough time yet. I was still just reliving the past year, I wasn’t moving forward. Ms. Harding, our counselor, assured me it would begin to feel beneficial soon.

Edward and I still kept our distance. We saw each other even less once school was finished, as he no long had to escort me to class once a week. He picked up Masen twice a week from daycare and kept him until 8:00 p.m. I also allowed him one weekend day every week with him. I didn’t mind him spending time with Masen, I just needed to develop a routine about it. Ms. Harding actually suggested it and I liked it. I could mentally prepare myself for having to see Edward at specific times, and he didn’t just pop up at my door anymore and throw my mind into a tailspin. Things were just beginning to feel like they were manageable.

I found myself missing Edward more and more. The more is was gone, the more I wanted him around. The more time that passed and the more I was assured that he was the same person I originally fell in love with, and not the confused, immature, desperate man that raped me, the better I felt. I wasn’t ready to forgive him, or let him back in, but it was becoming easier to deal with.

While I was at work one afternoon scheduling an appointment for a client, I realized while looking at the calendar, that Masen’s second birthday was only a week away. I completely panicked. I had almost forgotten. I called Rose to see if she wanted to grab lunch and plan a party for Masen. She agreed, and we called in Alice for obvious reasons.

Rose insisted we get Esme in on the party planning for financial assistance, if nothing else. I couldn’t help but laugh. I eventually agreed.

Two days later, Rose, Alice and Esme were in full force party planning mode. I sent invites via email due to the short notice. Esme, Carlisle and Nanna Cullen were coming. I was actually sort of excited about it. I was glad they would get to spend some time with Masen and see how wonderful he was. I was searching the internet for birthday cake ideas when there was a knock at the door. It must have been Edward with Masen. I was glad he here, I needed to tell him about the party, I hadn’t seen him in a few days.

I opened the door to let them in, and as usual, Masen was sound asleep against Edward’s shoulder.

“You always wear him out,” I teased.

Edward smiled. “He wears me out.” Edward headed down the hall and I assumed he was putting Masen to bed. I sat back down on the couch with my laptop to resume my cake search.

Edward sat next to me on the couch a few moments later and I was too lost in what I was doing to react.

“Bella, I didn’t even know when his birthday was.”

Shit. Rose must have told him about the party. His own sister knew when his birthday was and Edward didn’t, because I had never told him. “I’m sorry. I was going to tell you about the party tonight. You know I want you to be there.”

He nodded his head. “I should’ve asked you. I should’ve known. What kind of father doesn’t know when his child’s birthday is?”

“A father who wasn’t there for his birth.”

I didn’t mean it the way it came out and I immediately tried to retract what I said when Edward gave me a painstaking look. “I mean, you weren’t there, you couldn’t have known. It’s okay.”

“There are so many things I missed.”

I sighed; I didn’t feel like dealing with emotional Edward tonight. I was tired of feeling emotional. I just wanted our son to have a wonderful second birthday.

“Edward, get over it. You did it to yourself. All you can do is move forward. Stop living in the past.”

Edward glanced at me quickly, and I realized I just opened a can of worms.

“I could say the same thing to you.”

“But you wouldn’t...” I warned.

“You’re right, I wouldn’t.” Edward looked away from me and stood to leave. “Where and what time?”

“Saturday, the rooftop deck, at 2:00 p.m. I’m not sure if Rose told you, but your mom, dad and Nana Cullen are coming.”

“That will be nice. Are you going to put restrictions on what I can buy him?”

I rolled my eyes at Edward. “No, he deserves to be spoiled.”

Edward laughed and let himself out.

***

By the time the weekend rolled around, I was completely exhausted. My mom had surprised me and flown in the night before Masen’s birthday party. I wasn’t expecting her to be able to come, but it was nice to see her. Unfortunately, we spent the majority of the evening sharing a bottle of wine while I told her everything about Edward and I. She was completely shocked, but grateful that Masen would have a real father.

I was really worried about how the party would turn out, especially with the majority of the people knowing about Edward and I, and some that didn’t.

Just before my mom went to bed, she told me that she had talked to Charlie, and that he was planning on taking off work and coming up tomorrow for the party.

I completely panicked. Charlie told me he couldn’t make it because of work, and I was fine with that. I should’ve known he would come if my mom was here. I was tipsy, and it was late, but I had to worn Edward.

I sent him a text message.

Are you awake? Can you meet me on the rooftop deck? - B

He replied immediately. I’m awake now. What’s wrong? Why don’t I just come there?”

Mom is here. Meet you up there in 5? -B

Okay.

I only had on a pair of pajama shorts and a tank top, but it was warm out, so I didn’t care. I was alone when I stepped out on to the rooftop, with the exception of a younger couple off in the corner. The warm breeze felt quite nice, and I was glad I brought my glass of wine with me.

Edward was only a few minutes behind me, and he was wearing a pair of ragged blue jeans and a white t-shirt. He had bare feet, and bed hair. He was beautiful.

“What are you doing, Bella? How much have you had to drink?” He took the wine glass from me and I quickly reclaimed it.

“It doesn’t matter how much I’ve had to drink,” I said sternly. “I just had to tell my mother that you raped me, fathered my child, and then made me fall in love with you...I think that deserves a drink.”

Edward sighed. “I know what I did, Bella. You don’t have to remind me. Why are we here? It’s two o’clock in the morning.”

“Don’t remind you?!” I nearly screamed. “I’m reminded every day! Every single time I have to tell the fucked up story that is my life, every time I look at our son, every time I look at you!”

Edward took a deep breath. “Bella, I’m sorry. Calm down, and tell me why we’re here.”

I sighed and looked at my feet. I felt bad for taking my anger and frustration out on him. “I just found out Charlie is coming to the party tomorrow.”

Edward ran his hands through his hair. “So you don’t want me to attend now?”

I looked up at him quickly. “Of course not. I want you there. You’re his father. He would be devastated if you weren’t there.”

“But, Bella, I don’t want anything to be ruined for Masen. I’m sure Charlie will want a few words with me. I don’t want to cause a scene.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know what to do. I just want everyone to act like adults and make it through the party without upsetting Masen. I just wanted to warn you, so you wouldn’t be caught off guard tomorrow.”

Edward nodded his head. “Thank you.”

I turned to face the city while I sipped my wine. It was a beautiful night. I felt Edward come up behind me, wrapping his arms around my waist and burring his face in the crook of my neck. I couldn’t help but lean back into him. It felt so good to let my guard down for a moment.

He just held me, and neither of us spoke for a long time. I could have almost fallen asleep standing up, leaning against him.

I eventually turned around to face him, his arms still circled my body. I was going to tell him I had to leave, that I would see him tomorrow, but I couldn’t make the words come out of my mouth.

Instead, I sat my glass of wine down on the ledge next to me, and my hands cradled his scruffy face. It had been so long since I’d touched him, smelled him, kissed him. Oh God, it had been so long since I had kissed him. I missed him so much. I knew it was wrong, but I had to know if it would feel the same.

My finger tips explored his strong facial features as I leaned up on the ends of my toes. His breath hitched as I moved dangerously closer.

“Bella...” he warned.

“Shhh,” I whispered.

He tried to shake his head, but my hands held him still. “Don’t do this to me, and then take it all away tomorrow,” he whispered against my lips.

My heart ached. What I was about to do was entirely selfish, but I had to know. I slowly moved forward, pressing my lips to his. If he weren’t holding me upright, I would’ve fallen over.

Any hesitation he had quickly disappeared. Our hungry mouths quickly sought entrance to the other. Our tongues danced furiously together, and my hands found their way into Edward’s hair. He tasted and smelled so amazing, so familiar, and so safe.

Our lips eventually separated and we both clung to each other like there was nothing left in the world. Tears sprang to my eyes, but I wasn’t sure why. Maybe because I knew that I loved him, and I knew it was wrong.

Edward held me firmly to him, and I struggled to lean back enough to whisper in his ear. “Edward, I love you. I’m sorry I’m not ready yet, but I love you. Don’t give up on us, not yet.”

Edward pulled back to look me in the eyes. His eyes were sparkling in the moonlight. “I won’t give up, Bella,” he whispered. “You and Masen are the world to me.”

A small smile displayed across my face, and I reached up to kiss him on the cheek, unsure if my heart would survive another lip lock. “We should go, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Edward nodded his head. “Can I walk you home?”

I smiled shyly. “Of course.”

We walked hand in hand back inside the building, and our hands didn’t separate until we were at the entrance to our apartment.

Edward’s hand caressed my check, and he kissed the top of my head. “Goodnight, Bella.”

“Goodnight, Edward.” I turned, went inside, and wondered what the hell just happened.

**CHAPTER 18 - CLICK HERE**