Repentance - Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11:


**Bella POV**

I felt Edward’s hand on my hip, making its way up my side. I must have fallen asleep while I was waiting on him. I rolled over to face him.

“Hey, you. How was your night?” The smells of alcohol and smoke on him were strong.

“It just got a lot better. I found this really hot naked girl in my bed.”

I giggled and began kissing him. I could taste the alcohol on him. “How much did you drink?”

“I don’t know. A lot.”

“Did you have fun? Emmett’s not so bad, is he?”

“Yea, it was alright. Emmett’s a decent guy.”

I was glad he was finally realizing that. Edward tilted my head up and kissed me. The smell of the alcohol on his breath was suddenly eerily familiar. I quickly pushed him back.

He caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. “Bella, what’s wrong?”

“What did you drink tonight?”

“Scotch, why?”

“I can’t deal with that smell. I’m sorry.” I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. It reminded too much of that night. My assailant must have been drinking scotch.

Edward quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

I sat on the edge bed feeling stupid for even bringing it up. Why was he running to the bathroom? I didn’t mean to make him feel bad. I could have sworn I heard him vomit in the bathroom. I got up and quickly put a t-shirt on before I knocked on the bathroom door.

“Edward? Are you okay?”

“Yea, I just had too much to drink. Go back to bed.”

I sighed and did as he asked. I heard him turn the shower on a few minutes later.

I fell asleep before he returned to bed. I was extremely disappointed when I woke the following morning and realized I slept through a perfectly good opportunity at some alone time with Edward.

I rolled over to find him staring back at me.

“Good morning, how long have you been awake?”

“Not long.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry about last night.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I feel asleep. Are you feeling better?”

He nodded his head. He captured my lips with his. He tasted delicious, much better than last night. I crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. He was so beautiful in the morning. His hair was messier than usual. I traced the features of his face with my fingertips and ran my hands down his chest. I leaned down and kissed just below his earlobe. I swirled my tongue there momentarily. I felt his hands exploring my back and hips. I could feel his growing erection beneath me. I crawled down his body and slipped his boxers off. I straddled him again and let him slip inside me. He felt so good. His fingertips ghosted up my thighs, my stomach, ribs and breasts. It sent a chill through me. He caressed my face in his hands, pulling me down to kiss him.

“I love you, Bella.”

I smiled against his lips. “I love you too, Edward.”

We made love for hours that morning until we were forced to stop by Emmett and Rose. Rose had been knocking on our door, begging me to help her get ready. I jumped in the shower shortly after she arrived.

**EPOV**

Emmett had returned to his room to shower. Rose was lingering around our room, waiting on Bella to get ready.

“How’s Emmett?” I asked her.

“He’s fine. Sounds like you guys had a good time last night.”

I laughed. “He did.”

“You didn’t?” she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve had trouble lately dealing with my guilt about what I did to Bella. I had too much to drink last night. I drank scotch. That is what I drank the night it happened. She recognized the smell when I got in last night. It made me sick, literally.”

“You have to tell her, Edward. Not this weekend, of course, but when we get back home.”

I felt my chest tighten. “She’ll leave me. She’ll hate me.” I looked up at my sister’s cold eyes.

“You did this to yourself. What were you thinking, Edward? You could just fall in love with the girl you raped and live happily ever after?”

“Keep your voice down, Rose! Of course I didn’t think that. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, it just happened.”

I looked up when I heard the bathroom door swing open and Bella emerged in a fluffy white towel, looking angelic as ever. I couldn’t help but smile, but she read the trouble on my face before I could hide it. Rose turned to look at her too.

“What’s going on?” She came and sat on my lap, wrapping her arm around my neck. “Are you okay?”

I pulled her closer to me, inhaling her fresh scent. “I’m fine, just having a brother/sister moment,” I lied. I pleaded to Rose with my eyes over Bella’s shoulder.

Rose scoffed. “I’m going back to my room. Bella, join me whenever you’re ready.” She disappeared out the door.

“What’s her problem?” Bella asked.

“I don’t know. I guess Emmett is hung over.”

“Oh, well, I’m surprised you’re feeling as good as you are.”

“Me too.” I laughed.

Bella and I finished getting ready and went our separate ways. She was helping Rose and I was helping Emmett.

**Bella POV**

“Rose, you look beautiful.” Her dress was gorgeous. It was a white satin gown with an empire waste and a lot of beading and detail. It was simple, but elegant.

“Thank you, Bella.” There were tears in Rose’s eyes as she looked herself over in the mirror. She took a deep breath.

“Are you okay? This is what you want, right?”

Rose nodded her head. “I think so. It’s just a big commitment, more so the baby than Emmett. I just wish my parents were here and things were different.”

I gave her hug. “Trust me; I understand. When you see your child’s face for the first time, you’ll regret nothing.”

“Do you think you could forgive the person who raped you? Knowing that they gave you such an amazing gift in Masen?”

My voice shook. I hesitated, I wasn’t expecting that. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s very strange to see so much of another person in your child, but you don’t know who that person is, you just know that it isn’t you. You don’t know whether to love or to hate them.” I felt tears sting my eyes. I missed Masen. Rose sensed my uneasiness and changed the subject.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Bella. I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot initially.”

I smiled. “I’m glad I’m here too.”

***

Later that evening Rose and Emmett were married in a beautiful little ceremony out on the dock just as the sun was setting. They both looked extremely happy and Edward and I were happy for them. We all went out to dinner together before going our separate ways that night.

Edward and I spent a nice romantic evening together, although he seemed slightly distant.

I talked him into leaving a little early Sunday because I really missed Masen. We ended up driving all the way to Forks and we met Charlie at the diner for dinner before heading back to Seattle.

Masen was exhausted from his busy weekend and was asleep when we finally got home. I was a bit surprised when Edward said he was going to run errands.

“Right now? It’s late.”

“I know, I just need to pick up a few things.” He kissed my forehead. “Don’t wait up.” He disappeared through the door and I stood frozen in the living room. He hadn’t been acting right lately.

Of course I waited up, and waited, and waited. I was laying in bed, crying softly into my pillow when I heard him come in shortly before 1:00 a.m. He changed clothes and crawled in bed, pulling me to his chest. He kissed my cheek and I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I turned to face him. “Edward? Why have you been drinking? Where were you?”

“I just needed a drink.”

“You could’ve had a drink here. Did I do something?”

His eyes were watery. “No, Bella. You didn’t do anything. You’re perfect. I’m the one who has screwed up.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, unsure whether or not I wanted to hear the answer.

He shook his head. “Nothing, never mind.”

“Edward, you’re scaring me. Is there someone else? You can tell me.”

Edward nearly started sobbing and I rolled over to face him and pulled him to me.

“No, Bella. There’s no one else. Please don’t ever think that. You’re all I want.”

“Please, tell me what’s wrong.” I cried. “I want to make it better. Don’t shut me out.”

“It’s just family stuff. I don’t want to worry you with it. I’m fine, I promise. I love you. Get some sleep.”

I sighed and rolled over away from him. I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t wait for Rose and Emmett to get back from their mini honeymoon. I was convinced Rose would know what was going on with Edward.

Edward and I hardly saw each other that week. We were both working and had class. By the time Friday night rolled around, I was extremely disappointed to get a text from Edward that said he was going to the library and wouldn’t be home for dinner.

Rose and Emmett had just gotten back in town and I hated to burden Rose, but I felt like I had to. I knocked on her door and she opened immediately.

“Hey, Bella! Masen, you’re getting so big! Come in!”

We stepped inside. “I’m sorry to bother you, Rose.”

“Don’t be silly, Bella. What’s up?”

“Do you know what’s going on with, Edward? He’s been so distant, and he’s drinking a lot. I feel like he’s avoiding me, and I don’t know why. He says it’s family stuff.”

Rose immediately avoided my gaze. She knew. She wasn’t talking.

“Bella, it’s not my place. I’m sorry.”

Tears stung my eyes. “Would you mind watching Masen for a little while? I need to go find him.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

I left Masen with her and took the bus across town to the library. I went to Edward’s usual spot. He was reading. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“Bella, what are you doing here?”

“I came to get you.”

He just stared at me.

“I want you to come home. Why are you avoiding me?”

Edward looked down and swallowed noisily. “We can’t do this here,” he said through watery eyes again.

“Do what?” I asked. “Please, just come home. Talk to me.”

He exhaled loudly and stood quickly. He grabbed his things and walked towards the stairs. I followed him and we drove back to our apartment in silence. My stomach was a mess. I felt like I was going to be sick.

When we got in, Edward didn’t see Alice or Masen. “Where’s Masen?” Edward asked.

“She’s with your sister. I’ll go get him after we talk.”

Edward came up to me and pulled me to him. “Bella, I’m sorry I’ve been distant. It’s not your fault. I’m fine, I promise. We don’t need to talk about anything.”

I sighed. “Edward, I’m worried about you.”

His eyes watered again and my heart ached for him.

“Please, Bella, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Why don’t you go get Masen and I’ll run you a bath, okay?”

I sighed and nodded my head.

When I arrived at Rose and Emmett’s, Masen was asleep.

“Bella, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying,” Rose asked.

“I’m just worried about Edward. He won’t talk to me.”

She averted her eyes again.

I picked up Masen and left without saying goodbye. I knew that she knew what was going on and it upset me that she wouldn’t tell me, nobody would tell me.

When I got upstairs to our apartment I put Masen to bed and Edward had a warm bubble bath and a glass of wine waiting on me. I slipped into the warm water and closed my eyes.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on the front door. I could hear Rose’s voice, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I quickly stepped out of the tub, dried off and wrapped myself in the fluffy blue towel that Edward had set out for me. It was warm, he must of put it in the drier. I smiled momentarily at his thoughtfulness. I tip toed through our bedroom and stood just behind our bedroom door, which was just slightly ajar. I listened.

“Get out of here, Rose. She’s in the bath. She can’t talk to you right now.”

“Edward, you make me sick! You have to tell her. I can only keep it from her for so long. She knows that I know. She asks me what’s wrong with you all the time. She’s the only girlfriend I have, Edward. I don’t want her to hate me.”

I could hear Edward sobbing. I wanted to run to him and comfort him, but I waited.

“I can’t, Rose. I can’t.”

“Well, if you’re not going to, I will.”

“No!” he growled.

“Edward, you have to tell her!”

I thought that was my only opportunity, so I took it. I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. “Tell me what?” I asked.

Edward and Rose both stared at me, frozen. “What is it?” I asked again.

Rose looked to Edward. “Tell her.” She turned and left without even looking back at me. Edward sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. He held his head in his hands. I rubbed his back reassuringly. “It’s okay, Edward. What is it?”

When he finally turned to look at me, I was surprised to see his tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. He took a deep breath.

“Bella, there’s something you don’t know about me. Something terrible. Please, let me finish before you get mad.”

I was going to be mad? Why would I be mad at him? I sat silently, waiting.

He started sobbing, and so did I. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I had a really bad feeling about it.

“Bella, I did this to you,” he finally choked out.

“Did what? I don’t understand.”

He was nearly hyperventilating. “It was me, Bella. I raped you.”

I gasped. “What? No you didn’t, Edward.”

“Yes, I did. It was September 25, 2008.”

My eyes grew large. Nobody knew that date. Nobody. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend what he had just said. A million things rushed through my mind - the ghostly look on his face the first time he saw me on the street, his fascination with Masen, he and Masen’s resemblance, his willingness to wait to sleep with me, him being okay with Masen calling him daddy, he was Masen’s father.

My whole body shook with the last realization. I stood and backed away from him. The room was spinning around me. My stomach felt like it had flown into throat and I fought back the bile that desperately wanted to escape me.

“Bella, please, hear me out.”

I couldn’t find words, so he continued.

“I wasn’t going to get in to med school. My father would kill me. If I could get into that fraternity, if they were on my med school apps, I would have had a better chance. I was a senior, I was joining late, so I had to go through the worst initiation. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was drunk out of my mind, I had to be. I didn’t want to do it. I hesitated for so long. The other guys kept telling me that they were going to use you to show me how it was done. I was afraid if I didn’t do it when I had the chance, that they would’ve done something even worse to you. The guilt I felt afterwards was more than I could bear.”

I still couldn’t speak. He was talking so quickly, I couldn’t take it all in fast enough. I felt all the blood rushing to the surface of my skin. My entire body tingled. I was warm, too warm. He continued.

“I walked the campus for weeks, day and night, looking for you. I eventually dropped out and disappeared for a while before deciding I wanted to go to law school, to prosecute people like me. Then, out of nowhere, there you were out on the street that day. I never forgot your face. Then I saw Masen and I knew. It was like looking in a mirror. I just wanted to see that you were okay. I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know how, so I asked you to dinner.”

I was violently sick to my stomach. “You took me on a pity date,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.

“No, Bella.” He rose and came toward me.

I found my voice. “Don’t touch me!” I yelled.

He backed away. “I admit, our first date, I just wanted to know that you were okay, that I hadn’t ruined you. But damn it, Bella, I fell in love with you that night. You captivated me. I’ve loved you ever since. I love Masen. I’ve been so screwed up the past couple weeks because I feel so guilty. It’s been eating me alive. Every time we touch, I think about what I did to you. I tried to ignore it in the beginning, I tried to forget what I did. I tried to push it away, but it was always there...”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Get out.”

“Bella, please.”

I couldn’t see through the tears pooling in my eyes. I shook my head no. “Leave.”

“Bella...” he pleaded.

I felt like I was about to burst. I ran towards him, pushing him with every ounce of might I had. “Get out!” I screamed. He only stumbled back briefly and my towel feel to the floor. I suddenly felt self conscious, like I was standing naked in front of a stranger. I quickly bent over and grabbed my towel and covered myself.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he backed up towards the door.

“Yea, I’ve heard that before, Edward,” I said, as I recalled him whispering that in my ear after he raped me. “It meant nothing to me then, and it means nothing to me now. Get out.”

The tortured look on his face nearly made my heart ache. Big tears, like giant rain drops, rolled over his perfect cheek bones. You could hear them as they dropped against the leather of his loafers. We stood there for a moment, in silence, only our sobs audible. For a brief second, I almost started to panic, as I wondered if this would be the last time I ever saw him. I swallowed my love and need for him and opened the door. He walked out.

The door closed behind him and I slid down the back of it. I pulled my knees to my bare chest and let the glass shattering sobs escape me. Masen was screaming at the top of his lungs. Our exchange had obviously disturbed his peaceful slumber. I couldn’t even pull myself up to go to him. The thought of looking into his Edward-like eyes was too much to bear.

**EPOV**

I couldn’t breathe. It felt like my entire life was just blown away by a strong gust of wind. I felt the way I did right after I raped her. Heavy. I slid down the front of our door and sobbed. I could hear her sobbing on the other side. It killed me that I couldn’t comfort her, that I couldn’t make it better. Masen was screaming so loud that I could hear him outside the apartment. I was angry that she wasn’t going to him, but I understood why. After a few minutes I pulled myself up and called Alice on the way down to Rose’s apartment.

“Hi, Edward!”

“Hi, Alice. I’m sorry to bother you, but I need a favor.”

“Sure, are you okay? You don’t sound good.”

“No, I’m not. I need you to go check on Bella.”

“Okay, is something wrong?” Alice asked, concerned.

“Yes. I’ll let her tell you. Please, just go check on her and take care of Masen.”

I heard Alice sigh. “Okay, Edward. I’m going now.”

I hung up and walked into Rose and Emmett’s apartment, which would be where I was staying indefinitely.

**CHAPTER 11 - CLICK HERE**

Never Think - Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

The wait was killing me. I paced the floor incessantly, waiting for something, for anything. Finally, my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Kristen! Why on Earth am I seeing pictures of my son being taken to jail? What happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Oh my God, his mother. I began explaining to her what really happened and assured her Rob did nothing wrong, well, not that she needed to know about. It took me forever to get her off the phone, I finally nearly hung up on her when I saw Rob’s lawyer beeping in.

“Hello?”

“Hey, love.”

“Rob! Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m on my way back. The press are going crazy, we are having a hard time losing the paparazzi.”

I groaned. “Just be careful. What’s going to happen?”

“Nothing really. There will be some stupid hearing you will have to go to and state whether or not you want to press charges. Your attorney can go on your behalf.”

“This is so stupid. I hate Michael.”

“It will all work out. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

I got off the phone with him and continued putting the house back together.

He came through the front door nearly half an hour later. His face looked even worse than it did when he left.

“Are you okay?” I gently brushed my hands along his cheeks and across his swollen right eye.

“I’m better now,” he said softly.

“Was it horrible and dirty?” I asked.

He laughed. “It was dirty and interesting.”

“Did anyone try to rape you in the ass?”

Rob chuckled loudly. “No, I was in a holding cell with a few other people, all of which were entirely too fucked up to care about my ass.”

I laughed. “Good. I’m so sorry, baby.” I pressed my lips gently to his.

“It’s not your fault.”

“This has got to stop. I can’t live like this. You make me a nervous wreck.” I looked down at my stomach. “She’s been doing cartwheels since you left. I guess my nerves were getting to her.”

Rob placed his hand on my belly. “I’m sorry. If you just wouldn’t let him in our damn house to begin with, I wouldn’t have to kick his ass.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I was mad at you.”

“Well, if you would learn to trust me and not let him in the house...” he trailed off.

I sighed. I hated that he thought I didn’t trust him. I trusted him. It was the women I didn’t trust. “I do trust you. I don’t trust them. I’m sorry. It’s hard, being away from you, and pregnant, and semi-crippled. I’m just ready for things to get back to normal.”

Rob kissed my forehead. “Me too. Let’s go to bed, the sun will be up soon. I’m exhausted.”

I nodded my head. He turned the lights out and we walked hand in hand through the living room into the hallway. As soon as we started towards our room, I stopped him.

“Oh! The nursery! You have to see it!” I turned around and led him down the opposite end of the hall with me. I pushed open the door and flipped the light on. It was still as cute as the last time I was in it.

“This is awesome, I really like it! You’re amazing! Who knew you could decorate?” he teased.

I nudged him in the side and led him over to the chest of drawers and showed him some of the clothes I got for her.

He held up a little three month old outfit. “Oh my God, is she going to be this little? This is tiny!”

I smiled. “She will be smaller at first. That’s for when she’s three months old.”

“Wow, I’ll surely drop her, or step on her, or something terrible.”

A loud laugh escaped me. “No you won’t! You’ll do fine, you’ll see.”

He sighed. “Just two more months.”

I nodded my head. “Things will never be the same.”

He put his index finger under my chin and tilted my head up. Our eyes met and I thought about how long it had been since I truly got lost in his eyes. “They’ll be better,” he said, before kissing me.

“I hope you’re right.” I hugged him momentarily before finally pulling away. I looked up at him, even all mangled and bruised, he was beautiful. “I thought of a name, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

“What is it?” he asked, excited.

“Well, I sort of wanted it to have some meaning, you know, to us.”

He nodded his head, urging me to continue.

“So, Bella Swan is sort of how we began. I was thinking about Isabella Jules, after Bella and my mom. But I’d want to call her Izzy, not Bella.”

Rob grinned from ear to ear. “I love it! I actually thought about Isabella, but I thought you’d think it was too cheesy. I never thought of Izzy though, I really like it.”

“Really?” I squealed.

He nodded his head and bent down and kissed my stomach. “Izzy Pattinson. She’s going to be a rock star!”

I laughed and pulled his face up to mine. “So, our baby has a name?”

He kissed me. “Yes! Finally!”

I smiled. “Yay!”

I rattled off a list of things I wanted to do in Izzy’s room that would require Rob’s help.

Rob finally insisted we worry with it the following day and we retired to our bedroom. The sun was just beginning to rise. We both climbed in bed and Rob assumed his position behind me with his hand resting on my stomach. He kissed my cheek and I smiled, content that things were getting back to normal.

“I’m glad you’re home. I’m sorry I was a bitch earlier.”

“No worries. It’s good to be back. Get some sleep, baby.”

***

Rob and I spent the next two months getting everything perfect in Izzy’s room. My ankle was healed and Rob’s face was back to normal. We were both sort of surprised that we hadn’t seen or heard from Michael since the night he and Rob got into it. We kept our eyes open though, as we both knew he must have been quietly scheming.

Izzy’s arrival was due at any day. She was actually two days late and I was dying to have her out. I was miserable. It was hot, I was fat, and extremely bitchy. Rob waited on me and foot. He brought me an icee every single day. If I didn’t have an icee at my disposal at all times I was borderline out of control. No matter how mean I was to him, I made it a point every night before we went to sleep to thank him for putting up with me. And every night, I asked him, again, if he was sure he was ready for two of me. Every single night, he placed his hand over my growing belly and whispered, “I can’t wait,” into my ear.

The last two months made me fall further in love with Rob. If he could deal with me like this, he could deal with me forever. I loved the way he loved me. He never complained. Ever.

I couldn’t wait to meet our daughter. I had pushed all thoughts of the baby being Michael’s from my mind. It just couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be. I couldn’t live if it was.

I had been having mild contractions before bed but they were rather far apart and my doctor told me not to worry about it until they were closer together. I wasn’t in a great deal of pain yet. Rob and I went to bed as usual that night, our bags packed and waiting by the door.

It was just before 5:00 a.m. the next morning when I awoke with sharper pains. I tried to get out of bed so I could go to the bathroom. As soon as I stood up, I felt a gush of liquid between my legs. I stood quietly for a moment, wondering if I had peed on myself. I felt another sharp contraction and gasped loudly.

“Are you okay?” Rob asked.

“I think my water broke or I peed on myself,” I whispered, unsure, into the darkness between us.

Rob laughed loudly momentarily and then he suddenly got serious. “Well, which is it?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure my water broke. My contractions are much closer together. I’m really uncomfortable. It hurts.”

Rob jumped out of bed and started running around the room like an idiot. I stood in place, afraid to move. Eventually I sauntered into the bathroom and started a shower.

“What are you doing?” Rob asked frantically.

“Um...I’m taking a shower.”

“We have to go to the hospital.”

“We will, as soon as I take a shower. There’s, like, fetal fungus all over me.”

Rob shook his head at me, only slightly amused. “Are you sure you have time? What if something is wrong? What if she comes on the way to the hospital? The Jag has leather seats and all, but I don’t think I’m prepared for all that.”

I pushed Rob out of the bathroom. “Go take a chill pill.” I closed and locked the door and stepped into the steamy shower. The warm water felt amazing on my aching back. I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t crying, it was just the water from the shower. It was the last time Rob and I would truly be alone. It was the last time I’d ever feel her move inside me. It was the last time she would be attached to me. It was the last time I could convince myself she wasn’t Michael’s. I’d know the answer soon enough, and it could never been undone.

The previous year played over in my mind like a movie; how quickly things change. I couldn’t grasp the fact that I was about to have a child. It was unreal. I guess that’s why I wasn’t panicking. Another strong contraction shot through my lower back and around to my lower abdomen, leaving me breathless. I leaned against the tile wall of the shower to support myself. I fought an internal battle. I wanted to leave, to get to the hospital and to have my baby. The other part of me wanted to keep her inside, and delay motherhood as long as possible. The pain eventually won the battle, and I got out of the shower.

After I dressed, collected myself, and replaced my bitch face, I opened the bathroom door and Rob nearly fell into me.

“What are you doing?” I screamed at him. “You almost knocked me out! Why are you leaning against the door?”

“I was just listening to make sure you were alright.”

I gasped again, another sharp contraction. It hurt badly.

“Kristen, breathe, you’re turning purple.”

I exhaled slowly as I felt the pain begin to subside. “Okay, I need drugs. Let’s go.”

Rob had already packed the car. The little car seat had been installed weeks prior, just in case. We got in and both looked back at it.

“I can’t believe we’re going to be bringing a baby home. Who in their right mind would let us have a child?” he asked.

I hit him playfully in the arm. “Drive.”

He did as I asked, and I called our families to let them know we were on our way to the hospital.

By the time we got checked in and I got to my room, I was in a lot of pain. I was almost dilated to four centimeters and my epidural was on its way. The epidural was horrible, but it sure made me feel better. After it kicked in, I was able to rest for a couple hours.

When I woke, my mom and dad were there. I visited with them momentarily before I became increasingly uncomfortable. The doctor came back to check me and I was almost to nine centimeters. The doctor went to get his scrubs on and the nurses hurried around the room preparing things. I wanted to push so bad, but they kept telling me to wait. My family waited outside. Rob stood next to me, at the head of the bed. He held one of my knees back when I finally got to push, but he refused to look between my legs and it made me laugh.

“Don’t you want to see her be born?” I breathed between pushes.

He shook his head nervously. “I don’t know. This is scary and gross. I think I’m going to be sick.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Wait till you have to change diapers!”

He barely laughed. I think he was more or less nervous about seeing the baby for the first time, seeing if she looked like him.

“Okay, one more big push and she should be out,” the doctor announced.

I squeezed Rob’s and took a deep breath. I said I silent prayer to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in, that the baby was Rob’s. I pushed one final time and my daughter was born.

I felt a great deal of relief at having her out. I didn’t hear her crying though. I looked down briefly and the doctor held a blood and goo covered baby in front of me for about two seconds before carrying her away. I didn’t even get see her. I thought as soon as I saw her face, I’d know who her father was, but I didn’t get to see her long enough.

I glanced to Rob with questioning eyes, perhaps he got a better look at her.

He looked worried and he shook his head at me. I didn’t know what that meant.

“What?” I asked. “No, she’s not yours? Or no you didn’t see her?”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t tell. I didn’t get a good look.”

The nurse said they were just trying to get her airway cleaned out and they’d bring her back to me. Rob and I waited, silently, until we heard her cry. Relief washed over me. They were still cleaning her up on the other side of the room and I ushered Rob over to her.

“Go check on her!” I yelled at him.

He slowly and hesitantly walked over to where the nurses were caring for her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. It was music to my ears for a few minutes. And then there was silence. I opened my eyes and looked in her direction to see Rob turning around, tears in his eyes, our baby in his arms. She stopped crying. He brought her to me and I held her. As soon as I saw her clean face, my thoughts were confirmed. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring over like tidal waves.

Rob kissed my cheek. “She’s ours.”

I wanted to look at him, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She looked just like him. She was beautiful. She had a full head of copper colored hair. She had my eyes and nose, but Rob’s beautiful mouth and chin. She looked up at me in wonderment and I grinned from ear to ear. I kissed her briefly before the nurses took her to the nursery for all her little tests.

I reached for Rob, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him to me. I cried into his shoulder, harder than I’ve ever cried before. Nine months of wondering, worrying, obsessing...it was finally over.

Rob rubbed my back. “It’s okay.”

“I was so scared.” I cried.

“I know, me too. You did a good job of hiding it though,” he joked.

I laughed half heartedly. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

He kissed my forehead and used the pads of his thumbs to whisk away my tears. “I’m going to let everyone know she’s here and check on her in the nursery.”

I nodded my head and laid back against my pillow. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I was asleep before my eyes closed.

***

We brought Izzy home two days later. She was perfectly healthy, weighing in at six pounds, eight ounces. She was 19 inches long. The fact that she was born hit news stands almost immediately, but I’ll be damned if I ever let them get a picture of her.

Adjusting to being a parent was very hard, on me at least. Rob seemed to be handling it okay. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep, and all she wanted to do was cry, eat and poop. I was up all hours of the night. The breast feeding thing totally wasn’t working out. It lasted about a day and I was over it. Fortunately, Rob was an expert bottle maker and he didn’t mind feeding her occasionally so I could rest.

My baby weight seemed to disappear almost instantly. I still wasn’t back to normal, but I was a lot better off than I thought I’d be.

I woke up one evening in the middle of the night when Izzy started crying. I groaned and started to get out of bed.

“I’ll get her,” Rob offered, rolling out of bed before I could. He picked her up from the bassinet at the foot of the bed and left the room. I collapsed back on to the bed. A little while later I heard the most angelic sound. Rob was singing a lullaby.

I got out of bed and padded down the hallway towards his voice. It was like a omen calling me. I had to go. I peeked my head into the nursery and saw the most beautiful sight.

Rob was in the glider rocking Izzy. She was asleep on his bare chest. She was so tiny next to him. He was singing softly to her, until he noticed me standing there. I couldn’t help but grin at him.

“You’re so cute,” I whispered.

He playfully rolled his eyes at me.

“And you were worried about hurting her,” I teased softly.

Rob laughed quietly to himself. “I thought I was protective over you. With her, it’s like a whole other level.”

I walked up to them and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I had faith in you as a father, but I had no idea you’d be this amazing. I love you.”

He briefly kissed me back. “I don’t regret anything. I should be thanking Michael.”

I jokingly scoffed. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“If it wasn’t for his dumb ass, we wouldn’t have her.”

I sighed in understanding, content and grateful for the way things turned out, as they could have been so much worse.


***Author’s Note: Hey!! I am so sorry this update took SO long. My life has sort of been unusually crazy and as some of you know, I’ve taken a different job in the last month and it certainly requires more of my time. Repentance and a new lil story have also been keeping me busy.

I didn’t have plans to update this story tonight, but I saw a few reviews from people who had read Repentance and then started reading this and enjoyed it, so those people inspired this update. Thank them! I hope you enjoyed...Michael’s back w/ a vengeance in the next chapter! ;)

Follow me on Twitter: @AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 19 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 10

WARNING: This story/chapter contains the subject matter of rape and a rape victim unknowingly befriending her attacker. If you are sensitive to this type of subject matter in any way, shape, or form...DO NOT READ. If you decide to read anyway, please do not send me hate mail/reviews about how disgusting the subject matter is. You’ve been warned.

CHAPTER 10:


*EPOV*

I knocked on my old apartment door, which seemed odd. An angry Rosalie swung the door open. I knew what she wanted to talk about, which is why I insisted I would come to her.

“Edward fucking Cullen!” she screamed. I sat down on the couch.

“I had lunch with Bella today,” she said angrily.

I quickly glanced up at her. Oh no. “And?” I asked.

“And she told me how Masen was conceived. Edward, please tell me she is lying or that you’re not his father, or something.”

I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had been keeping this secret for so long and it was eating me alive from the inside out.

“Edward!” Rose cried. “You didn’t!”

I cried too. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. It was much easier to deal with when Bella was a stranger to me, when I didn’t know the girl I did this to. But to know her, to love her, to love our son, it was more than I could handle. The regret and the guilt I felt were nearly killing me.

After I calmed down a bit, I began to tell Rose what happened.

“I wasn’t doing well in school. I was under so much pressure from Dad to get into one of the best med schools. The fraternity had all the best connections. If I could have them on my med school application, I’d be way better off. Because I was already a junior, I had to perform one of the worst initiation rituals.”

“How could you do that, knowing what you know about Mom and me?”

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You and Mom aside, I had the fear of Dad in me. Him being disappointed in me was just too much. All my life, that’s all he wanted was for me to go to a prestigious medical school and be just like him. That’s what I was supposed to do. I just wasn’t cutting it, Rose. I hated Anatomy and Physiology. The smell of dead things made me sick. I wasn’t as interested in medicine as he was. I was terrified of letting him down. They always held me to a much higher standard than they did you.”

“That may be true, but it doesn’t make what you did okay.”

“I know, Rose!” I yelled at her. “Anyway, I got trashed. I had to. I was more than drunk. Bella was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can never get the pleading look she gave me out of my mind. It haunted me. I got into the fraternity, but by the time I was sober enough to care, I was too disgusted with myself to even stay there. I left for about six months, I stopped eating, I had horrible dreams of her. I can’t even describe them. She haunted me in my dreams. I’d never forget her face as long as I lived.” My sobs grew louder. “She was like the most beautiful and innocent person. I wasn’t expecting someone like her to be walking around campus at 1:00 a.m. I don’t know what I expected. A sorority girl, a drunk girl...I don’t know, it still wouldn’t have made it right.”

I took a deep breath before continuing. “I decided I didn’t want to go to med school. I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to prosecute people that did what I did. I deserve to sit in a jail cell and rot away! What I did, it’s more common that you think. The way those guys treated girls, even their girlfriends and mothers, it was just disgusting and repulsive.”

“You got that right,” Rose commented.

“I broke it off with Tanya shortly after that. I couldn’t even stand to be around her, or be intimate with her. I just kept seeing what I did to Bella in my mind. I never loved Tanya. She was just what Mom and Dad wanted for me. She was good to me, but I felt nothing for her. I eventually went back to school to finish up my classes and get prepared for law school. I’d walk the campus day and night looking for her. I wanted to know that I didn’t destroy her, that she was okay. I just wanted to see her from a distance and see that she was happy, that she wasn’t broken. But I never saw her. I never found her.”

Rose wiped her tear stained cheeks.

“Then, a little over a year later, there she was. She was walking down the street towards me in Seattle. I stood there frozen. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Masen that he was mine. It was like looking in a mirror. He was my son. She dropped a bag of groceries and some of her things rolled towards me, my foot stopped them. I helped her to her apartment. I couldn’t even speak. I was a total idiot. I couldn’t stop staring at Masen. You’ll understand soon enough what it’s like to see your child for the first time,” I told her.

She nodded her head.

“Anyway, I ran into her at the library a few weeks later. I walked her home and asked her out to dinner. I just wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know she was okay. She was living in that nasty place, she was doing the best she could. I wanted to help her. I had never intended on seeing her again after that night, after I knew she was okay. But, damn it, Rose, I fell in love with her that first night I took her out. Her smile, her laugh...it was infectious. She made me feel like I could breathe again. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to see her again and again. What I did to her caused me so much pain and guilt and sleepless nights, but when I said something that made her laugh or smile, I felt whole again. Seeing her happy took all the pain away. And Masen, everything he did was like a wonderment to me. I see so much of myself in him. I couldn’t stay away if I tried. She doesn’t know. She has no idea. I had a mask on, she never saw me.” I sobbed. “If she ever finds out, it will kill her, it will kill me. I can’t lose her, Rose.”

Rose was speechless at first. I sat there next to her and sobbed. It felt good to let it out, to get it off my chest.

“That is so fucked up, Edward. I just can’t even comprehend it.”

We sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts, for quite some time.

I must have been sitting there a while. I received a text message from Bella.

Hey baby, dinner’s almost ready. You can stay if you need to. I’ll save you a plate. Love you - B.

I tried to straighten myself up. On my way. - Edward

“Rose, please. You have to keep this between us,” I begged.

“Are you kidding, Edward? You have to tell her! She thinks the father of her son is a monster! You may be fucking stupid, but you’re not a monster.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. She’ll never speak to me again. I’ll never see Masen again.”

“You have to. You can only live with this regret so long. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. If she really loves you, she’ll find a way to forgive you.”

“I can’t be forgiven. I can’t forgive myself. I know it’s selfish, Rose. But, if I lose her, I will have lost everything. I can’t lose Masen. I couldn’t have picked a better mother out of a catalog and she will keep him from me and I wouldn’t be able to blame her.”

“I’m only keeping this quiet for so long. Mom and Dad have a grandson for God sakes! Your precious Nanna Cullen has a great grandson!”

I hadn’t really thought about that and it made my stomach churn. I’d love for Masen to get to know Nanna Cullen the way I did.

“I’ll think about it.” I finally said. “In the meantime, stay away from Bella.” I left and slammed the door behind me, frustrated at myself. My life was falling apart. I was spiraling back towards the awful depression I was in after raping Bella. I knew I needed to tell her, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to lose her.”

**BPOV**

I was in the kitchen serving dinner when Edward came in. He looked like I’d never seen him before. He’d obviously been crying. His eyes were red and swollen. He looked deflated.

I stopped what I was doing and walked around the bar separating the kitchen from the living room. “Edward, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He didn’t say anything, he just pulled me into hug. He was holding me so tight I could hardly breathe. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

“You’re really freaking me out,” I said into his chest.

He let me go. “I’m sorry. Let’s eat.” He walked over to the table.

“Whoa, not so quick. What was that about? What’s wrong?”

Masen watched us from his highchair.

Edward walked back over to me. He took a deep breath. “Just some family stuff. It’s nothing to be concerned about it. Everything is fine. My sister just knows how to push my buttons. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Weird, I thought. I decided to leave it at that since Masen appeared to be hanging on our every word.

We didn’t speak much over dinner. I kept staring at Edward, wondering what was going on in his head. He would occasionally look up at me, and I’d quickly glance down. I hated that he didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to share whatever was going on. Part of me still hoped Rose hadn’t told him the details of what happened to me. Surely, if that was his problem though, he would just say so.

We put Masen to bed early that night. Edward had pretty much kept to himself and it saddened me. I normally loved our one night of the week together, but tonight was different. He was different. Eventually, I couldn’t stare at the TV in the awkward silence any longer.

“I think I’m going to take a bath. Care to join me?” I asked, as I stood from the couch.

He just stared up at me for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Why are you closing yourself off to me? I’m only trying to help.” I didn’t wait for his response, I turned and headed back to our bedroom.

I stayed in the bath well over an hour. When I got out, I bathed in my favorite lotion and slipped on one of Edward’s t-shirt’s. I was surprised to see him already in bed when I exited the bathroom. I left our room to check on Masen before returning. I really wanted to sleep on my old bed in Masen’s room, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I crawled in bed next to Edward and he almost instantly had his arms around me. He breathed me in. “You smell good enough to eat.”

“Suck up,” I teased.

He laughed. “Bella, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you away. That is not at all my intention, I just have a lot on my mind.”

I nodded my head in understanding. “Just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk about it. I wish you would. I hate seeing you upset.”

His lips came crashing down against mine. He seemed hungry for me. I loved the way he wanted me. He finally pulled his lips from my own, only to remove my shirt before his warm lips and tongue danced lazily down my neck and across my bare shoulder.

It tickled and I giggled. “Wow, I should’ve said that sooner.”

He laughed momentarily before his lips found mine again. His fingers slipped inside my panties and started an all out riot between my legs. I could feel his erection pressing into my side and I wanted him inside me.

I strained to move my arm under him and I stroked his hard length. “I want this,” I begged against his lips.

I felt him smile as he single handily removed my panties.

The sound he made when he entered me, nearly made me come undone. I loved everything about this man, and I could never get close enough to him. He ever so gently rocked his hips against my own, while kissing every square inch of my body he could reach with his lips. His tongue tangoed with my ear lobe, sending a wave of pleasure straight to my core. I moaned when his tongue left my sweet spot. I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me, his green eyes piercing mine. His hand caressed my cheek.

“Bella, I love you.” He gently pressed his lips to mine. He pulled back and our eyes found each other’s again. “I’ll always love you, I promise,” he continued.

My hands ran up his back and cradled his face. “I’ll always love you too, Edward. You’ve made my life more than I ever imagined it would be.”

“You promise you’ll always love me?” he asked.

“Of course.” I pulled his lips down to my own and kissed him. This new emotional Edward was something I was all together unfamiliar with and it sort of scared me. I wanted inside his head so badly, but I didn’t want to push him. He had taken such good care of me and Masen, I just wanted to make everything better for him for a change.

We made slow, sweet love for hours. We clung to each other as we slept that night. I never wanted to let him go.

***

Edward surprised me two weeks later when it came time for Rosalie and Emmett’s wedding. I knew we were going to attend the small ceremony, but I didn’t know I was getting a vacation.

“So, we’re staying the whole weekend?” I asked.

“Yes, just the two of us, alone.”

“The two of us? What about Masen?”

“Your father is meeting us at the resort this evening. Masen is staying with him for the weekend. We’ll meet him half way to Forks on Sunday night to pick him up.”

My eyes got huge. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was excited, but worried too. “I’ve never left Masen that long,” I said quietly.

Edward laughed.

“What? There’s nothing funny about that! He’s my baby!” I nudged Edward in the side.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead. “You’re father said you’d be like this.”

I laughed. “When did you talk to my Dad? That is so weird.”

“I have my ways,” he grinned. “Needless to say, your father is perfectly capable for caring for Masen for one weekend.”

I sighed. “I know, I’ll just miss him.”

Edward pulled a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “You need a break. It will be wonderful, I promise.”

I smiled and reached up and kissed him. “Thank you, Edward.”

“You’re welcome.”

I packed my bags that evening and made a trip to Alice’s house before we left town so I could borrow some of her clothes. The girl had way more than she could ever wear, and she never minded if I borrowed them.

“Bella, come on, we’re going to be late!” Edward yelled at me from the door to our apartment. He had already carried some our things to the car and I was still running around Masen’s room to make sure he had everything he would need.

“I’m coming!” I yelled. I entered the living room with Masen’s favorite blanket and his little guitar.

“Bella? Seriously? He doesn’t need the little guitar or the blanket. You’ve practically got his entire room in my car already.”

“But he loves the little guitar.” I pleaded.

Edward laughed. “Bella, sweetheart, your father will have him busy with fishing trips and baseball games on the big screen. He’ll only be there two days. Put it back in his room.”

I sighed and did as he asked. Edward was standing by the front door with Masen in his arms, waiting on me. “Okay, I guess I’m ready,” I pouted, and took Masen from Edward.

Edward laughed and shook his head.

We were late, and Charlie met us just before we got to the Resort. He was in his police cruiser, which Masen was thrilled about. We got him all settled in Charlie’s car and Edward and I told him goodbye. Masen was so excited about spending the weekend with Charlie that he could’ve cared less what Edward and I had to say.

“Dad, are you sure you have all the guns and sharp things put away? He’s not a baby anymore, he gets into trouble, you have to watch him.”

“Bella, I’ve done this before. I’m not stupid. I didn’t let anything hurt you, and I won’t let anything hurt him.”

I sighed. “Right. Sorry, Dad. Call me when you make it home or if you have any problems.”

“I will. We’ll be fine. Go enjoy your weekend.”

I nodded my head and we went our separate ways.

We arrived at the resort a short while later. It was heavenly. Our room looked out over the Hood Canal and the view was breathtaking. The furnishings were exquisite. I suspected nothing less when it came to Edward.

Edward and I were unpacking a few of our things when we heard pounding on the door. Edward opened it and in came Emmett and Rose. They were both laughing and looked extremely happy. I was happy for them. Rose ran up to me and gave me a big hug. “Bella, I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it!”

Emmett started rambling off orders. I could see Edward’s lack of enthusiasm.

“So, the deal is, we’re having a guy’s night at the bar, and you ladies are having a girl’s night at the spa.”

Rose and I looked at each other and laughed, excited.

“I’m going to get ready. I’ll meet you downstairs at the bar in an hour, Edward,” Emmett said.

Edward nodded his head. “Bella, come to my room when Edward leaves! You have to see my dress!”

“Okay!”

As soon as they were gone, Edward started complaining.

“This wasn’t my idea. I didn’t come here to hang out with that idiot,” he sighed. “I wanted to spend the evening with you.”

I went up to him and kissed his lips quickly. “Aw!” I laughed. “I’m proud of you for not whining in front of them. It’s their weekend, Edward. Let them have their fun. Do your duty and go get Emmett drunk and show him a good time before he ties the knot!”

Edward laughed. “Fine, I guess you deserve an evening at the spa.”

I nodded my head. “I certainly wouldn’t mind! Besides, we’ll be reunited afterwards, and we can test out the bed,” I grinned at him.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”

We kissed briefly. “Okay, go get ready!”

While Edward was getting ready to go to the bar with Emmett, I unpacked some more of our things and looked through the resort provided activities book.

“Alright, I’m heading out. I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

I looked up to see Edward standing near the front door, just outside the bathroom. He looked delicious. He had a nice pair of dark wash jeans on and a black and white pin strip button up shirt, with the sleeves slightly turned up. I bit my bottom lip, suddenly wanting to go with the guys, instead of to the spa. I got up from my perch near the large window and met him at the door.

“You look really nice,” I said.

He pressed his lips gently to mine. “Thank you, hopefully we won’t be late.”

I kissed him again, this time, with more passion. I sucked on his bottom lip suggestively before he pulled away. He was grinning at me. “Behave yourself, Mr. Cullen.”

“Fuck Emmett, I want you right now.” He pushed me gently against the wall as he kissed down my neck. His cologne smelled intoxicating and it instantly made feel weak in the knees. My hands were in his hair, my right leg hitched around his waist. I needed to tell him to stop, but I didn’t want him to.

“Mmm, Edward...”

Edward began lifting my shirt. As much as I didn’t want him to stop, he needed to.

“Stop, please,” I said, half heartedly. “We can’t.”

He quickly dropped his hand and his body left mine. He was looking at my strangely.

“What?” I asked. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I was really enjoying it, but you need to go. We’ll get carried away.”

He nodded his head. “Of course, I’m sorry.” He kissed my cheek.

“What are you apologizing for? You’re acting funny.” I gave him a questioning look. It’s like sometimes he just goes off to another place and has this lost look on his face.

He shook his head. “I’m fine.” He smiled, and seemingly checked back into reality. He kissed my lips softly. “I’ll see you tonight, okay? Enjoy your spa night.”

I nodded my head. He turned towards the door. “I love you,” I called after him.

He turned around and smiled at me. “I love you, Bella.”

I smiled, content that he was okay.

I headed to Rose’s room a few minutes later and she showed me her dress. It was beautiful. It was simple, but elegant. I was certain she would look amazing in it. I had never seen Rosalie more excited about anything the way she was about marrying Emmett and having a baby.

We made our way down to the spa and I was treated with several glasses of wine while Rose had sparkling water. We were at the spa for hours. We had a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. I was so relaxed and I was worried I’d get back to my room and want to pass out. Not to mention, I had fair bit to drink.

Rose and I were surprised that the guys weren’t back yet when we returned to our rooms.


**Edward POV**

Surprisingly, Emmett and I were having a rather good time. As soon as I got to the bar I started throwing back the liquor. I was so thrown off previously when Bella told me to stop. I had a flashback to that night, to what I did to her. I fucking hated myself. I had nearly drank my problems away by the time Emmett met me at the bar. I guess the drinks made the guy seem pretty cool. He was funnier than shit. Stupid, but funny.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Bella?” he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Isn’t it obvious?” I asked.

Emmett laughed. “Hell yeah it is! She seems like a real nice girl. Rose is really fond of her. I’m not sure when that happened. She hated her when she met her at Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what has gotten into Rose lately. She’s actually been semi-pleasant.”

Emmett laughed, “I wouldn’t go that far, man!”

We both laughed. “I think it’s the baby thing. She’s always wanted to be a mother,” I said.

“That’s what she says. I wouldn’t have believed it unless she told me herself. She doesn’t seem like the mommy type.”

I wondered if he knew about Rose’s past, but I couldn’t come up with the correct way to ask without being inappropriate. I certainly didn’t want to tell any of Rose’s secrets when she knew one about me that would certainly destroy me.

I changed the subject and bought us another round of drinks. There was a large group of women at the bar also, presumably part of a wedding party. It appeared they were also having pre-marital cocktails. I suppose Emmett and I appeared single, and the women flocked to us. Emmett ate the attention up. I suppose if I had been any more sober I would’ve been uncomfortable with the women hanging on me, but I didn’t really care. I was glad Emmett was having a good time. His life was certainly about to change with a wife and baby. One young lady in particular was very fond of Emmett and they were getting a little more comfortable than I would’ve liked. I stood up to excuse myself to the rest room and I leaned down to Emmett’s ear. “Don’t forget your marrying my sister tomorrow.”

Emmett stood from his bar stool and scoffed. “I know, dude! I’m just fucking around!”

I laughed and continued on to the restroom. I text messaged Bella on my way back to the bar.

Are you back to the room? Emmett is trashed. So am I. I miss you. Wait for me. - Edward

I’ve been back. I’m tipsy. I’m tired of waiting. I want you. Now. - B

Dammit, I thought to myself. Bella drove me crazy. I just wanted to get out of the bar and be with her. I thought about ditching Emmett, but he was really trashed and I had to make sure he got back to his room, without a female attachment. I had two more drinks before I insisted to Emmett that we had to go back upstairs. The big idiot could hardly walk by the time we left. We eventually made it to his and Rose’s room. He gave me a big bear hug and I nearly suffocated.

“Thanks for everything, man. This was great. We’re going to be brothers!” he laughed.

I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Go to bed, Emmett.” I pushed the door open for him and he stumbled into the dark room. As soon as I heard Rose cursing, I knew he’d be fine. I walked back down the hall to my waiting Bella.

I was disappointed to see all the lights off when I entered the room, she was asleep.

I stripped down to my boxers and crawled in bed next to her. I was surprised to learn that she was naked.


**CHAPTER 11 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9:

**Bella POV**

I was sitting anxiously on the couch waiting for Edward to come back inside. I wondered what Rose meant about her father. Was Mr. Cullen not Rose’s father? I was so confused and I couldn’t ask him about it because I didn’t want him to know I was listening.

Edward came back inside a few moments later. He explained everything I already knew, except whatever was said outside. I told him the law firm I worked for had a satellite office in Olympia and maybe I could help her out. He told me to look into it.

The following morning, when Edward was in the shower, his cell rang. I saw from the caller id that it was Rosalie. I knew I shouldn’t, but I answered it.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Bella?”

“Yes, I’m sorry, Edward is in the shower.”

“Oh. Okay. Did he tell you what is going on?”

I wasn’t sure what to say. “Yes, he did. I’m sorry you’re going through such a rough time.”

“Thanks. Well, I was just calling to tell him I got the money and thanks.”

“I’ll be sure to let him know.”

“Thanks, Bella. Oh, and maybe we can do lunch sometime. You’re familiar with this whole motherhood thing. I have no idea what I’m doing or what I’ll need. It’s really overwhelming.”

I laughed. “I completely understand.”

“Great, and you may not want to mention it to Edward. Somehow I think he wouldn’t want us having girl time.”

I laughed. “I think you’re probably right. I’ll get your number from his phone and I’ll call you this week, we can set something up.”

“Sound good, I’ll talk to you then.”

I hung up the phone and just stared at it blankly. I couldn’t understand why she was suddenly being so nice to me. Maybe it was the baby thing.

I heard Edward come out of the bathroom and it startled me. I set his phone down quickly.

“Your sister called. She got the money and she says thank you, again.”

“Hmm. Okay. Weird. She’s being awfully nice.”

“I think she’s probably just grateful.”

“I doubt it. She’s just sucking up to get what she wants,” Edward said.

“Edward!” I warned. “She’s your sister. Cut her some slack.”

He scoffed and went back to his bedroom to get dressed.

***

It was my last day of work before Christmas break. I was so frustrated that I hadn’t got to have lunch with Rosalie yet. We had spoken a few times, but something always got in the way of us meeting up. It was usually Edward.

I was standing outside the office waiting for him to pick me up. He had kept Masen so Alice could head of town early with Jasper. It was freezing cold outside and Edward was late. That’s not like him. I picked up my cell to call him.

“Hey, where are you?”

“I’m sorry, we’re sitting in traffic. We did some Christmas shopping today,” Edward said.

I laughed. “Oh, Lord. How did that go? Masen didn’t throw a fit for everything in the store?”

Edward laughed. “Let’s just say it wasn’t his kind of store.”

“Oh, no! Just hurry up, I’m freezing!”

“Alright, I’ll see you in a bit.”

I had no idea what Edward was up to. I don’t think it really mattered what I said, I was pretty sure he was going to spend entirely too much money on me for Christmas.

They showed up a few minutes later and we headed back to Edward’s apartment. We were driving out to Forks that night and spending the night at Charlie’s.

It took us almost four hours to get there. Between Masen’s attempts at singing and Edward laughing, my head was pounding. I wanted to crawl in bed and pass out.

I knocked on the door lightly before pushing it open. “Charlie? We’re here,” I yelled as we entered.

“Bells!” He got off the couch and came to greet us at the door.

“Papa!!” Masen yelled. I put Masen down and he ran to Charlie.

“Jesus, Bells! What are you feeding him? He’s huge!” Charlie picked him up.

Edward and I laughed. “Yea, he’s growing like a weed. Dad, this is Edward.”

Charlie reached out to shake Edward’s hand. “Hello, Edward.”

“Mr. Swan. It’s a pleasure to meet you.”

“I hear you’ve been taking real good care of Bella and Masen.”

“Dad...” I warned.

Edward laughed. “I try. Your daughter can be awfully stubborn at times.”

I nudged Edward in the side. Charlie laughed. “Don’t I know it!”

We got settled in and even though it was getting late, we were starving. I made chili and everyone was thoroughly stuffed before bed.

I was a little surprised when Charlie offered to let Masen sleep with him.

“Are you sure, Dad? I mean, we’re pretty used to him sleeping in the same room with us.” I thought about that for a moment. “I mean, not that we sleep in the same room all the time...” I blushed. I had never had a boy sleep in my childhood bed.

Charlie and Edward laughed. “I’m sure, I missed the little guy. But, that doesn’t give you two the right to fool around in my house.”

I hung my head, embarrassed. We all made our way upstairs. Charlie and Masen went to their room and Edward and I went to mine.

I sat on the bed while Edward inspected my room decor. “I haven’t been here in a long time.”

“It’s interesting to see how you were.”

He was looking at pictures of me and my friends from high school, some of me and Jake from the beach. There was one of us kissing.

“Who’s this?”

I laughed. “My high school boyfriend, Jake.”

Edward gave me a curious eye. “I’ve never heard about him.”

“There’s not much to tell. We were best friends. We were better off as friends. He never made me feel the way you do.” I whispered.

“Is that right?” Edward asked, turning around.

I nodded my head and smiled innocently. He joined me on the bed. We both fell back, lost in a passionate kiss.

“God, I want you,” I breathed.

Edward laughed. “I want you too, but I’m not being intimate with you in this room, in your father’s house. I have manners.”

I giggled. “Screw manners!”

“Not a chance, Ms. Swan.”

I pouted as he got off of me and went to change clothes. I was exhausted. I changed into my pajamas too. I’m not sure who fell asleep first, but we were both out in a matter of minutes.

I had a nightmare that night. It had been a little while since I had one. It was like I was being raped all over again, except the cloth wasn’t in my mouth. I could scream. In my dream I screamed and yelled, begging for my assailant to stop.

“Bella! Bella! Wake up!” Edward demanded.

I sat straight up in bed, struggling to catch my breath. Charlie burst through my door. “What’s going on?”

“I’m sorry.” I got off the bed and ran to the bathroom.

I could head Edward and Charlie talking.

“What was that about?” Charlie asked.

“She had a bad dream.”

“That sounded like one hell of a dream,” Charlie said.

“She has them all the time.”

“She never had them when she lived here. I’ve never heard her wake up screaming like that.”

I swung the bathroom door open. “Dad! I’m fine. Stop it. It was just a bad dream. I’m sorry I woke everyone. Go back to bed.”

Charlie went back to his room, shutting the door. I went back into mine.

I sat on the bed next to Edward. “I’m sorry.”

He pulled me down next to him. “It’s okay, Bella. Don’t worry about it.”

He held me tighter than before. He fell back to sleep quickly. I never closed my eyes again. It scared me how much those dreams could seem so real. They brought everything back that I never wanted to remember.

Needless to say, I was up very early the next morning. I snuck into Charlie’s room and grabbed Masen. I wanted some alone time with my boy for a change. We sat in the living room watching cartoons for a good hour before I decided to get up and make breakfast. Charlie woke up as soon as I started cooking. Edward would’ve slept right through it if I hadn’t of made him get up. Charlie wanted to take Masen fishing. He invited Edward and I, but I didn’t want to go. It was too cold. I bundled Masen up from head to toe and sent him off with Charlie. Edward and I went to Port Angeles to finish some Christmas shopping and we wrapped presents when we got back.

“I’m starting to get worried. I thought they would’ve been back by now,” I said to Edward as I began getting dinner ready.

“I’m sure they’re fine.”

I continued with dinner. We had a full spread. I made a turkey, mashed potatoes, cornbread dressing, salad and rolls.

“Look who rolled in to town!” I heard Charlie say as he came through the door. I turned around to see my mom coming in behind him.

“Oh my gosh! Mom!” I ran to her gave her a big hug. “What are you doing here?”

“I’m only in town for the night. I wanted to surprise you. I missed you so much. Masen is getting so big.”

“I missed you too.” I stood back. “Mom, this is Edward.”

“Hi, Edward. It’s nice to meet you. I’ve heard so much about you.”

Edward smiled and looked at me quizzically. I grinned back at him.

“It’s nice to meet you as well, Renee.”

“Bella was right, you sure are handsome!”

“Mom!” I hit her in the arm. “Cut it out.”

We all laughed and got Renee settled in before we had dinner. It was the most perfect Christmas dinner I could ever remember. My mom and dad together, my son, and the perfect boyfriend. I couldn’t ask for anything else. I was so happy.

We spent the night watching Christmas movies in front of the big screen and eating ice cream and cookies. I let Renee and Masen take my bedroom that night. Edward and I squeezed in together on the couch.

The following morning was Christmas eve. We had a big breakfast together and then headed back to Seattle. We dropped Renee off at the airport on the way.

I hadn’t slept well at all while we were gone and I was so exhausted. Edward dropped me and Masen off at my apartment and he went back to his place to get Masen’s presents.

Edward didn’t come up with us. I was surprised to see a letter slipped between my door. I went inside, unpacked and started a load of a laundry. I read Masen a story and put him down for a nap. I laid down and slept for about an hour. I got up and finished my laundry before remembering the letter that was in the door.

I went back to the living room and opened the letter I had previously discarded on the coffee table. It was from my building manager. I was making too much money to keep my apartment. I had be out in 30 days, I no longer qualified to live here.

My head was spinning. What was I going to do? I knew with my raise I got a few months ago it would probably disqualify me, but that didn’t mean I made enough to live anywhere else, not in the city anyways. I threw the letter across the room and cried. Why would they give this to me on Christmas eve! I was pacing back and forth across the room when Edward knocked on the door. I didn’t even want to deal with him and his handouts.

I opened the door.

“Baby, what’s wrong?” he asked, as he came in with arms full of wrapped gifts. He set them down by the tree, seeing the letter nearby on the floor. He picked it up and read it.

“Is this what you’re upset about, Bella?”

I nodded my head. “How could they do this on Christmas eve! I can’t afford anything else. I don’t know what we’ll do.”

He came over to me and hugged me. “I know you don’t want to hear it, but you know I wouldn’t let you and Masen be out on the street.”

“I know, you just do too much as it is, Edward!” I cried.

He was quiet for few moments.

“Well, what if I transfer to a two bedroom apartment in my building. You and Masen can move in with me. We’re together most of the time anyway.”

“No, that’s such a burden on you.”

“No, it’s not. Stop being silly, Bella. I love you...and Masen.”

I sighed. I really had no idea what else I would do. “Only if you let me pay half the rent.”

Edward laughed and hugged me tighter. “You’re so stubborn, Bella. How about a third of the rent? Half of the rent would probably be three times what you’re paying here.”

“A third of the rent and half of the utilities,” I countered.

“Deal.”

“So, we’re moving in together?” I asked, not sure what I had just agreed to.

“We are.” Edward smiled.

“That was fast. Are you sure about this?”

“Bella, I’ve never been more sure of anything.”

I grinned and leaned up to kiss him. Although I hated him spending money on me, he made me so happy. I don’t know what kind of shape I’d be in if I had never met him.

He grabbed my left hand and kissed my ring finger. “One day, I’m going to put a ring on this finger and give you everything you’ve ever dreamed of and you won’t be allowed to say no.”

I stopped breathing. Bella Cullen. I could get used to that. I laughed and kissed him. “You’ve already given me everything I’ve ever dreamed of. I love you.”

We lingered a bit longer before Edward pulled away. “I’ve got to get more stuff from the car.”

We hid Masen’s gifts from Santa in the linen closet.

“So, if all of Masen’s gifts are in the closet, what is all this under the tree?” I asked.

Edward laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Bella. Santa was good to you this year.”

“Edward Cullen! All of this better not be for me!”

“What if it is?” he asked.

“Then you’re in trouble!”

He walked up to me, wrapping his arms around me. We fell into the wall behind us. “I like the sound of that,” he said as he kissed me.

I laughed and pushed him away. Masen started yelling for me so I went to get him from his crib.

We spent the rest of the evening watching more movies and baking cookies for Santa. Masen was wired and we didn’t get him to sleep until after 11:00 p.m. Edward and I had wine with our cookies instead of milk and we both had the giggles. We tried to quietly get Masen’s presents from the closet but we kept dropping stuff and tripping over our selves. We were exhausted by the time we finished, shortly after 1:00 a.m. We sat against the couch eating Santa’s cookies.

“Let’s do our Christmas now, so we can be alone and focus on Masen in the morning,” Edward suggested.

I laughed. “Why? Did you get me something that wasn’t child friendly?”

“Maybe,” Edward grinned.

I raised my eyebrows at him. “Where do I start?”

Edward laughed and we both ran over to the tree. I had several more gifts than he did. The room was dark, with the exception of the lights on the tree and it reminded me of being a child early on Christmas morning.

I got through the first several gifts. Edward had bought me some lovely pajamas from Victoria’s Secret. There were two silk nightgowns and a pair of cute flannel pajamas. He got me a multitude of gift cards to various places around town. I had no idea when I’d have the time to do this much shopping. He also got me a digital camera which I was super excited about. I was so glad I’d have pictures of this Christmas with Masen.

I got Edward a few books I knew he was interested in as well some clothes. I couldn’t afford much, but my favorite thing I gave him was a card I made. It wasn’t so much the card, but what it said inside. He opened it last.

Edward,

You came into my life when I felt like I had nothing. You’re the most generous man I’ve ever met. You make me smile and laugh. You’re always patient with me and always surprising me. You showed me what it was like to live again. You selflessly watch after my son as if he were your own. I’ll never be able to give you all that you’ve given me, but please know how appreciated it is. I love you so much. Merry Christmas, Baby!

Love,
Your Bella

“Bella, that’s so sweet. Thank you. It means a lot.”

He leaned over and hugged me. “I love you, Edward.”

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “I love you, Bella. There’s one more thing.”

I pulled away. “What?” I asked.

He pulled out a square box, about the size of my hand from behind his back.

“Sorry it’s not wrapped. I ran out of paper and I picked it up on the way here.”

I smiled. “I don’t care if it’s not wrapped.” When he put the box in my hand, I realized what I was holding. It was a blue box with a white ribbon that every girl dreams off. Tiffany & Co.

“Edward Cullen! I told you not to do this!”

Edward laughed. “Please, Bella. Let me, you deserve it.”

I sighed and carefully opened the box. Inside was the most beautiful bracelet I’d ever seen. It was wrapped around a little black velvet pillow. I picked up the little pillow and examined it. It was a platinum bracelet with seven round diamonds set about an inch apart. It was beautiful. It shined, even in the dark.

“Edward, it’s beautiful. I don’t know what to say. It takes my breath away.”

Edward smiled. “Good. That’s how I feel every time I look at you, you take my breath away.”

I nudged him playfully. “You’re too much! Put it on me!” I eagerly handed him the little black pillow. He unhooked the clasp and fastened it around my wrist. I could’ve stared at it for hours. I’ve never owned anything so pretty and sparkly.

Edward and I ended up making a pallet by the tree and spending the night in the living room. Granted, there wasn’t much sleeping involved.

I woke up Christmas morning when the sun started coming in. Edward was behind me. He kissed my cheek, so I knew he must have been awake. I stretched my arm out in front of me, admiring my new bracelet again. I laughed.

“What is so funny?” he asked.

“The fact that I’m only wearing this bracelet,” I said as I rolled over and kissed him.

“You look damn good in that bracelet.”

I giggled, kissing him again. I heard Masen yelling for me. Edward and I got up and got dressed.

“Mamma!! Santa come? Santa come?” he screamed from his crib.

Masen tore through his presents like an animal. It was so cute. He had more than he would ever know what to do with. I got him things he would need, like clothes and more books. Edward got him toys galore, including a little toy guitar and keyboard. The noise level was about to increase dramatically around here.

We spent the day playing with Masen and all of his new toys. When he finally had enough he went down for a nap, and so did we. We were exhausted.

***

Nearly a week later when I went back to work, Edward went into full force planning mode. He had a few days before he went back to class and work and he wanted to get everything squared away with our move.

Before I knew it, we were moving into our new apartment. It had two bedrooms and two bathrooms with a little den that Edward and I were going to use as a study. Edward hired movers and took care of every little detail. We put most of my furniture in Masen’s room. Fortunately, our master bedroom had a large walk-in closet. Edward had a lot of clothes. I was most excited about the en-suite master bathroom. It had a large tub with jets! I’ve never had more than the standard shower/tub combo. I think I spent the first three nights we were there in that tub.

It was back to school and work for both of us and things were beyond hectic. I was glad that I was now closer to Alice. She could walk to my new place to keep Masen on the nights Edward had work and I had class.

Rosalie ended up moving into Edward’s old apartment and I hooked her up with an attorney from our office in Olympia. He thought he had a good chance of keeping the DUI off her record with some community service and counseling. She found a job in the city, not far from my office. Emmett also found a job at a gym and he was doing personal training and teaching a few classes. He seemed to really be enjoying himself.

Now that we were getting back onto a schedule, I was ready to take Rosalie up on the offer for lunch. She was nearly three months pregnant but we had never gotten a chance to talk without Edward being around. Edward and Rose had gotten closer, although neither one of them were speaking to their parents, which I wasn’t really comfortable with.

Rose and I met for lunch on a Thursday afternoon at a small cafe located conveniently between our office buildings. She was already there when I arrived.

“Bella! It’s so good to see you.” She stood and hugged me.

“It’s good to see you too. You’re starting to look pregnant!”

She laughed. “I know, I’ve been eating everything in sight!”

“I know how that goes!” Although, it seemed like the extra weight I put on melted away as soon as Masen entered the world.

We placed our orders and continued chatting about baby stuff. Rose and Emmett were getting married in two weeks. They were eloping and spending the weekend at the Alderbrook Resort and Spa just West of Seattle. Rose seemed really excited about the baby.

“So, Edward never really told me about Masen’s father, do you still talk to him?” she asked.

I shifted uncomfortably in my chair. “He doesn’t really know about it. No, I don’t talk to him.”

“Really? What happened?”

“I mean, Edward probably has his theories. I’ve hinted to as much, I’ve just never really gone into detail about it with him.” I took a deep breath. “I was raped in college. I never really saw the guy that did it. It was some fraternity initiation ritual. Needless to say, I got pregnant and that’s how Masen got here. I wasn’t going to keep him. I had planned to give him up for adoption, but when I saw him, I couldn’t.” Tears started burning my eyes and I forced them away. “I thought he would look like a monster, you know? But he didn’t. He looked angelic, sweet and innocent.”

Rose almost spit her water out when I told her I was rapped. “I’m sorry, Bella. That’s terrible. I just wasn’t expecting something like that.”

I nodded my head and picked at my food. “It’s better though, now. I don’t know where we’d be if I hadn’t of met Edward.”

Rose looked pale. “How did you meet Edward?”

“Just on the street outside my apartment one day. I dropped some things. He picked them up and helped me to my apartment. I ran into him a few weeks later at the library. We’ve practically been inseparable ever since.”

I went on to ask her about how her and Emmett met. I was surprised that they had been together for so long. Edward made it sound like they just hooked up.

We were both late getting back to work and we made plans to go shopping that weekend. We would have to keep Edward out of the loop somehow.

It was the one night of the week Edward and I didn’t have to work or go to class and we both got to be home in the evening. I got home before he did and I started dinner. Masen was playing with his little guitar when Edward came in, on the phone.

“What are you talking about?” he yelled.

Masen and I both looked up at him.

“No, no, you’re not coming here. I’ll come down there.”

He hung up. I assumed he was talking to Rose since she lived three floors down from us now.

Edward came into the kitchen and kissed my cheek.

“Hey, babe. Everything okay?” I asked.

He nodded his head. “My sister is just driving me nuts. I’m going to run down and see what her deal is. I’ll be back before dinner’s ready, okay?”

“Okay.” I wondered what was going on. I hoped Rose wasn’t going to tell him about our lunch that afternoon. I didn’t think she would.

**CHAPTER 10 - CLICK HERE**