Never Think - Chapter 18

Chapter 18:

The wait was killing me. I paced the floor incessantly, waiting for something, for anything. Finally, my phone rang.

“Hello?”

“Kristen! Why on Earth am I seeing pictures of my son being taken to jail? What happened? Are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Oh my God, his mother. I began explaining to her what really happened and assured her Rob did nothing wrong, well, not that she needed to know about. It took me forever to get her off the phone, I finally nearly hung up on her when I saw Rob’s lawyer beeping in.

“Hello?”

“Hey, love.”

“Rob! Are you okay?”

“Yea, I’m on my way back. The press are going crazy, we are having a hard time losing the paparazzi.”

I groaned. “Just be careful. What’s going to happen?”

“Nothing really. There will be some stupid hearing you will have to go to and state whether or not you want to press charges. Your attorney can go on your behalf.”

“This is so stupid. I hate Michael.”

“It will all work out. I’ll see you soon, okay?”

“Okay.”

I got off the phone with him and continued putting the house back together.

He came through the front door nearly half an hour later. His face looked even worse than it did when he left.

“Are you okay?” I gently brushed my hands along his cheeks and across his swollen right eye.

“I’m better now,” he said softly.

“Was it horrible and dirty?” I asked.

He laughed. “It was dirty and interesting.”

“Did anyone try to rape you in the ass?”

Rob chuckled loudly. “No, I was in a holding cell with a few other people, all of which were entirely too fucked up to care about my ass.”

I laughed. “Good. I’m so sorry, baby.” I pressed my lips gently to his.

“It’s not your fault.”

“This has got to stop. I can’t live like this. You make me a nervous wreck.” I looked down at my stomach. “She’s been doing cartwheels since you left. I guess my nerves were getting to her.”

Rob placed his hand on my belly. “I’m sorry. If you just wouldn’t let him in our damn house to begin with, I wouldn’t have to kick his ass.”

“I know, I’m sorry. I was mad at you.”

“Well, if you would learn to trust me and not let him in the house...” he trailed off.

I sighed. I hated that he thought I didn’t trust him. I trusted him. It was the women I didn’t trust. “I do trust you. I don’t trust them. I’m sorry. It’s hard, being away from you, and pregnant, and semi-crippled. I’m just ready for things to get back to normal.”

Rob kissed my forehead. “Me too. Let’s go to bed, the sun will be up soon. I’m exhausted.”

I nodded my head. He turned the lights out and we walked hand in hand through the living room into the hallway. As soon as we started towards our room, I stopped him.

“Oh! The nursery! You have to see it!” I turned around and led him down the opposite end of the hall with me. I pushed open the door and flipped the light on. It was still as cute as the last time I was in it.

“This is awesome, I really like it! You’re amazing! Who knew you could decorate?” he teased.

I nudged him in the side and led him over to the chest of drawers and showed him some of the clothes I got for her.

He held up a little three month old outfit. “Oh my God, is she going to be this little? This is tiny!”

I smiled. “She will be smaller at first. That’s for when she’s three months old.”

“Wow, I’ll surely drop her, or step on her, or something terrible.”

A loud laugh escaped me. “No you won’t! You’ll do fine, you’ll see.”

He sighed. “Just two more months.”

I nodded my head. “Things will never be the same.”

He put his index finger under my chin and tilted my head up. Our eyes met and I thought about how long it had been since I truly got lost in his eyes. “They’ll be better,” he said, before kissing me.

“I hope you’re right.” I hugged him momentarily before finally pulling away. I looked up at him, even all mangled and bruised, he was beautiful. “I thought of a name, but I don’t know if you’ll like it.”

“What is it?” he asked, excited.

“Well, I sort of wanted it to have some meaning, you know, to us.”

He nodded his head, urging me to continue.

“So, Bella Swan is sort of how we began. I was thinking about Isabella Jules, after Bella and my mom. But I’d want to call her Izzy, not Bella.”

Rob grinned from ear to ear. “I love it! I actually thought about Isabella, but I thought you’d think it was too cheesy. I never thought of Izzy though, I really like it.”

“Really?” I squealed.

He nodded his head and bent down and kissed my stomach. “Izzy Pattinson. She’s going to be a rock star!”

I laughed and pulled his face up to mine. “So, our baby has a name?”

He kissed me. “Yes! Finally!”

I smiled. “Yay!”

I rattled off a list of things I wanted to do in Izzy’s room that would require Rob’s help.

Rob finally insisted we worry with it the following day and we retired to our bedroom. The sun was just beginning to rise. We both climbed in bed and Rob assumed his position behind me with his hand resting on my stomach. He kissed my cheek and I smiled, content that things were getting back to normal.

“I’m glad you’re home. I’m sorry I was a bitch earlier.”

“No worries. It’s good to be back. Get some sleep, baby.”

***

Rob and I spent the next two months getting everything perfect in Izzy’s room. My ankle was healed and Rob’s face was back to normal. We were both sort of surprised that we hadn’t seen or heard from Michael since the night he and Rob got into it. We kept our eyes open though, as we both knew he must have been quietly scheming.

Izzy’s arrival was due at any day. She was actually two days late and I was dying to have her out. I was miserable. It was hot, I was fat, and extremely bitchy. Rob waited on me and foot. He brought me an icee every single day. If I didn’t have an icee at my disposal at all times I was borderline out of control. No matter how mean I was to him, I made it a point every night before we went to sleep to thank him for putting up with me. And every night, I asked him, again, if he was sure he was ready for two of me. Every single night, he placed his hand over my growing belly and whispered, “I can’t wait,” into my ear.

The last two months made me fall further in love with Rob. If he could deal with me like this, he could deal with me forever. I loved the way he loved me. He never complained. Ever.

I couldn’t wait to meet our daughter. I had pushed all thoughts of the baby being Michael’s from my mind. It just couldn’t be. It wouldn’t be. I couldn’t live if it was.

I had been having mild contractions before bed but they were rather far apart and my doctor told me not to worry about it until they were closer together. I wasn’t in a great deal of pain yet. Rob and I went to bed as usual that night, our bags packed and waiting by the door.

It was just before 5:00 a.m. the next morning when I awoke with sharper pains. I tried to get out of bed so I could go to the bathroom. As soon as I stood up, I felt a gush of liquid between my legs. I stood quietly for a moment, wondering if I had peed on myself. I felt another sharp contraction and gasped loudly.

“Are you okay?” Rob asked.

“I think my water broke or I peed on myself,” I whispered, unsure, into the darkness between us.

Rob laughed loudly momentarily and then he suddenly got serious. “Well, which is it?” he asked.

“I’m pretty sure my water broke. My contractions are much closer together. I’m really uncomfortable. It hurts.”

Rob jumped out of bed and started running around the room like an idiot. I stood in place, afraid to move. Eventually I sauntered into the bathroom and started a shower.

“What are you doing?” Rob asked frantically.

“Um...I’m taking a shower.”

“We have to go to the hospital.”

“We will, as soon as I take a shower. There’s, like, fetal fungus all over me.”

Rob shook his head at me, only slightly amused. “Are you sure you have time? What if something is wrong? What if she comes on the way to the hospital? The Jag has leather seats and all, but I don’t think I’m prepared for all that.”

I pushed Rob out of the bathroom. “Go take a chill pill.” I closed and locked the door and stepped into the steamy shower. The warm water felt amazing on my aching back. I tried to convince myself that I wasn’t crying, it was just the water from the shower. It was the last time Rob and I would truly be alone. It was the last time I’d ever feel her move inside me. It was the last time she would be attached to me. It was the last time I could convince myself she wasn’t Michael’s. I’d know the answer soon enough, and it could never been undone.

The previous year played over in my mind like a movie; how quickly things change. I couldn’t grasp the fact that I was about to have a child. It was unreal. I guess that’s why I wasn’t panicking. Another strong contraction shot through my lower back and around to my lower abdomen, leaving me breathless. I leaned against the tile wall of the shower to support myself. I fought an internal battle. I wanted to leave, to get to the hospital and to have my baby. The other part of me wanted to keep her inside, and delay motherhood as long as possible. The pain eventually won the battle, and I got out of the shower.

After I dressed, collected myself, and replaced my bitch face, I opened the bathroom door and Rob nearly fell into me.

“What are you doing?” I screamed at him. “You almost knocked me out! Why are you leaning against the door?”

“I was just listening to make sure you were alright.”

I gasped again, another sharp contraction. It hurt badly.

“Kristen, breathe, you’re turning purple.”

I exhaled slowly as I felt the pain begin to subside. “Okay, I need drugs. Let’s go.”

Rob had already packed the car. The little car seat had been installed weeks prior, just in case. We got in and both looked back at it.

“I can’t believe we’re going to be bringing a baby home. Who in their right mind would let us have a child?” he asked.

I hit him playfully in the arm. “Drive.”

He did as I asked, and I called our families to let them know we were on our way to the hospital.

By the time we got checked in and I got to my room, I was in a lot of pain. I was almost dilated to four centimeters and my epidural was on its way. The epidural was horrible, but it sure made me feel better. After it kicked in, I was able to rest for a couple hours.

When I woke, my mom and dad were there. I visited with them momentarily before I became increasingly uncomfortable. The doctor came back to check me and I was almost to nine centimeters. The doctor went to get his scrubs on and the nurses hurried around the room preparing things. I wanted to push so bad, but they kept telling me to wait. My family waited outside. Rob stood next to me, at the head of the bed. He held one of my knees back when I finally got to push, but he refused to look between my legs and it made me laugh.

“Don’t you want to see her be born?” I breathed between pushes.

He shook his head nervously. “I don’t know. This is scary and gross. I think I’m going to be sick.”

I couldn’t help but laugh at him. “Wait till you have to change diapers!”

He barely laughed. I think he was more or less nervous about seeing the baby for the first time, seeing if she looked like him.

“Okay, one more big push and she should be out,” the doctor announced.

I squeezed Rob’s and took a deep breath. I said I silent prayer to a God I wasn’t sure I believed in, that the baby was Rob’s. I pushed one final time and my daughter was born.

I felt a great deal of relief at having her out. I didn’t hear her crying though. I looked down briefly and the doctor held a blood and goo covered baby in front of me for about two seconds before carrying her away. I didn’t even get see her. I thought as soon as I saw her face, I’d know who her father was, but I didn’t get to see her long enough.

I glanced to Rob with questioning eyes, perhaps he got a better look at her.

He looked worried and he shook his head at me. I didn’t know what that meant.

“What?” I asked. “No, she’s not yours? Or no you didn’t see her?”

He shook his head. “I couldn’t tell. I didn’t get a good look.”

The nurse said they were just trying to get her airway cleaned out and they’d bring her back to me. Rob and I waited, silently, until we heard her cry. Relief washed over me. They were still cleaning her up on the other side of the room and I ushered Rob over to her.

“Go check on her!” I yelled at him.

He slowly and hesitantly walked over to where the nurses were caring for her. She was screaming at the top of her lungs. It was music to my ears for a few minutes. And then there was silence. I opened my eyes and looked in her direction to see Rob turning around, tears in his eyes, our baby in his arms. She stopped crying. He brought her to me and I held her. As soon as I saw her clean face, my thoughts were confirmed. I couldn’t stop the tears from pouring over like tidal waves.

Rob kissed my cheek. “She’s ours.”

I wanted to look at him, but I couldn’t take my eyes off her. She looked just like him. She was beautiful. She had a full head of copper colored hair. She had my eyes and nose, but Rob’s beautiful mouth and chin. She looked up at me in wonderment and I grinned from ear to ear. I kissed her briefly before the nurses took her to the nursery for all her little tests.

I reached for Rob, wrapping my arms around his neck and pulling him to me. I cried into his shoulder, harder than I’ve ever cried before. Nine months of wondering, worrying, obsessing...it was finally over.

Rob rubbed my back. “It’s okay.”

“I was so scared.” I cried.

“I know, me too. You did a good job of hiding it though,” he joked.

I laughed half heartedly. “I didn’t want to worry you.”

He kissed my forehead and used the pads of his thumbs to whisk away my tears. “I’m going to let everyone know she’s here and check on her in the nursery.”

I nodded my head and laid back against my pillow. I was exhausted, emotionally and physically. I was asleep before my eyes closed.

***

We brought Izzy home two days later. She was perfectly healthy, weighing in at six pounds, eight ounces. She was 19 inches long. The fact that she was born hit news stands almost immediately, but I’ll be damned if I ever let them get a picture of her.

Adjusting to being a parent was very hard, on me at least. Rob seemed to be handling it okay. I was so tired. All I wanted to do was sleep, and all she wanted to do was cry, eat and poop. I was up all hours of the night. The breast feeding thing totally wasn’t working out. It lasted about a day and I was over it. Fortunately, Rob was an expert bottle maker and he didn’t mind feeding her occasionally so I could rest.

My baby weight seemed to disappear almost instantly. I still wasn’t back to normal, but I was a lot better off than I thought I’d be.

I woke up one evening in the middle of the night when Izzy started crying. I groaned and started to get out of bed.

“I’ll get her,” Rob offered, rolling out of bed before I could. He picked her up from the bassinet at the foot of the bed and left the room. I collapsed back on to the bed. A little while later I heard the most angelic sound. Rob was singing a lullaby.

I got out of bed and padded down the hallway towards his voice. It was like a omen calling me. I had to go. I peeked my head into the nursery and saw the most beautiful sight.

Rob was in the glider rocking Izzy. She was asleep on his bare chest. She was so tiny next to him. He was singing softly to her, until he noticed me standing there. I couldn’t help but grin at him.

“You’re so cute,” I whispered.

He playfully rolled his eyes at me.

“And you were worried about hurting her,” I teased softly.

Rob laughed quietly to himself. “I thought I was protective over you. With her, it’s like a whole other level.”

I walked up to them and placed a gentle kiss on his lips. “I had faith in you as a father, but I had no idea you’d be this amazing. I love you.”

He briefly kissed me back. “I don’t regret anything. I should be thanking Michael.”

I jokingly scoffed. “I wouldn’t go that far.”

“If it wasn’t for his dumb ass, we wouldn’t have her.”

I sighed in understanding, content and grateful for the way things turned out, as they could have been so much worse.


***Author’s Note: Hey!! I am so sorry this update took SO long. My life has sort of been unusually crazy and as some of you know, I’ve taken a different job in the last month and it certainly requires more of my time. Repentance and a new lil story have also been keeping me busy.

I didn’t have plans to update this story tonight, but I saw a few reviews from people who had read Repentance and then started reading this and enjoyed it, so those people inspired this update. Thank them! I hope you enjoyed...Michael’s back w/ a vengeance in the next chapter! ;)

Follow me on Twitter: @AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 19 - CLICK HERE**