Repentance - Chapter 10

WARNING: This story/chapter contains the subject matter of rape and a rape victim unknowingly befriending her attacker. If you are sensitive to this type of subject matter in any way, shape, or form...DO NOT READ. If you decide to read anyway, please do not send me hate mail/reviews about how disgusting the subject matter is. You’ve been warned.

CHAPTER 10:


*EPOV*

I knocked on my old apartment door, which seemed odd. An angry Rosalie swung the door open. I knew what she wanted to talk about, which is why I insisted I would come to her.

“Edward fucking Cullen!” she screamed. I sat down on the couch.

“I had lunch with Bella today,” she said angrily.

I quickly glanced up at her. Oh no. “And?” I asked.

“And she told me how Masen was conceived. Edward, please tell me she is lying or that you’re not his father, or something.”

I felt like I had been hit by a train. I had been keeping this secret for so long and it was eating me alive from the inside out.

“Edward!” Rose cried. “You didn’t!”

I cried too. I put my head in my hands and sobbed. It was much easier to deal with when Bella was a stranger to me, when I didn’t know the girl I did this to. But to know her, to love her, to love our son, it was more than I could handle. The regret and the guilt I felt were nearly killing me.

After I calmed down a bit, I began to tell Rose what happened.

“I wasn’t doing well in school. I was under so much pressure from Dad to get into one of the best med schools. The fraternity had all the best connections. If I could have them on my med school application, I’d be way better off. Because I was already a junior, I had to perform one of the worst initiation rituals.”

“How could you do that, knowing what you know about Mom and me?”

“It was the hardest thing I’ve ever done. You and Mom aside, I had the fear of Dad in me. Him being disappointed in me was just too much. All my life, that’s all he wanted was for me to go to a prestigious medical school and be just like him. That’s what I was supposed to do. I just wasn’t cutting it, Rose. I hated Anatomy and Physiology. The smell of dead things made me sick. I wasn’t as interested in medicine as he was. I was terrified of letting him down. They always held me to a much higher standard than they did you.”

“That may be true, but it doesn’t make what you did okay.”

“I know, Rose!” I yelled at her. “Anyway, I got trashed. I had to. I was more than drunk. Bella was just in the wrong place at the wrong time. I can never get the pleading look she gave me out of my mind. It haunted me. I got into the fraternity, but by the time I was sober enough to care, I was too disgusted with myself to even stay there. I left for about six months, I stopped eating, I had horrible dreams of her. I can’t even describe them. She haunted me in my dreams. I’d never forget her face as long as I lived.” My sobs grew louder. “She was like the most beautiful and innocent person. I wasn’t expecting someone like her to be walking around campus at 1:00 a.m. I don’t know what I expected. A sorority girl, a drunk girl...I don’t know, it still wouldn’t have made it right.”

I took a deep breath before continuing. “I decided I didn’t want to go to med school. I wanted to be an attorney. I wanted to prosecute people that did what I did. I deserve to sit in a jail cell and rot away! What I did, it’s more common that you think. The way those guys treated girls, even their girlfriends and mothers, it was just disgusting and repulsive.”

“You got that right,” Rose commented.

“I broke it off with Tanya shortly after that. I couldn’t even stand to be around her, or be intimate with her. I just kept seeing what I did to Bella in my mind. I never loved Tanya. She was just what Mom and Dad wanted for me. She was good to me, but I felt nothing for her. I eventually went back to school to finish up my classes and get prepared for law school. I’d walk the campus day and night looking for her. I wanted to know that I didn’t destroy her, that she was okay. I just wanted to see her from a distance and see that she was happy, that she wasn’t broken. But I never saw her. I never found her.”

Rose wiped her tear stained cheeks.

“Then, a little over a year later, there she was. She was walking down the street towards me in Seattle. I stood there frozen. I knew from the moment I laid eyes on Masen that he was mine. It was like looking in a mirror. He was my son. She dropped a bag of groceries and some of her things rolled towards me, my foot stopped them. I helped her to her apartment. I couldn’t even speak. I was a total idiot. I couldn’t stop staring at Masen. You’ll understand soon enough what it’s like to see your child for the first time,” I told her.

She nodded her head.

“Anyway, I ran into her at the library a few weeks later. I walked her home and asked her out to dinner. I just wanted to know more about her. I wanted to know she was okay. She was living in that nasty place, she was doing the best she could. I wanted to help her. I had never intended on seeing her again after that night, after I knew she was okay. But, damn it, Rose, I fell in love with her that first night I took her out. Her smile, her laugh...it was infectious. She made me feel like I could breathe again. I couldn’t stop myself from wanting to see her again and again. What I did to her caused me so much pain and guilt and sleepless nights, but when I said something that made her laugh or smile, I felt whole again. Seeing her happy took all the pain away. And Masen, everything he did was like a wonderment to me. I see so much of myself in him. I couldn’t stay away if I tried. She doesn’t know. She has no idea. I had a mask on, she never saw me.” I sobbed. “If she ever finds out, it will kill her, it will kill me. I can’t lose her, Rose.”

Rose was speechless at first. I sat there next to her and sobbed. It felt good to let it out, to get it off my chest.

“That is so fucked up, Edward. I just can’t even comprehend it.”

We sat in silence, lost in our own thoughts, for quite some time.

I must have been sitting there a while. I received a text message from Bella.

Hey baby, dinner’s almost ready. You can stay if you need to. I’ll save you a plate. Love you - B.

I tried to straighten myself up. On my way. - Edward

“Rose, please. You have to keep this between us,” I begged.

“Are you kidding, Edward? You have to tell her! She thinks the father of her son is a monster! You may be fucking stupid, but you’re not a monster.”

I shook my head. “I can’t. She’ll never speak to me again. I’ll never see Masen again.”

“You have to. You can only live with this regret so long. The longer you wait, the worse it will be. If she really loves you, she’ll find a way to forgive you.”

“I can’t be forgiven. I can’t forgive myself. I know it’s selfish, Rose. But, if I lose her, I will have lost everything. I can’t lose Masen. I couldn’t have picked a better mother out of a catalog and she will keep him from me and I wouldn’t be able to blame her.”

“I’m only keeping this quiet for so long. Mom and Dad have a grandson for God sakes! Your precious Nanna Cullen has a great grandson!”

I hadn’t really thought about that and it made my stomach churn. I’d love for Masen to get to know Nanna Cullen the way I did.

“I’ll think about it.” I finally said. “In the meantime, stay away from Bella.” I left and slammed the door behind me, frustrated at myself. My life was falling apart. I was spiraling back towards the awful depression I was in after raping Bella. I knew I needed to tell her, but I didn’t want to hurt her. I didn’t want to lose her.”

**BPOV**

I was in the kitchen serving dinner when Edward came in. He looked like I’d never seen him before. He’d obviously been crying. His eyes were red and swollen. He looked deflated.

I stopped what I was doing and walked around the bar separating the kitchen from the living room. “Edward, what’s wrong? Are you okay?”

He didn’t say anything, he just pulled me into hug. He was holding me so tight I could hardly breathe. He stroked my hair and kissed the top of my head.

“You’re really freaking me out,” I said into his chest.

He let me go. “I’m sorry. Let’s eat.” He walked over to the table.

“Whoa, not so quick. What was that about? What’s wrong?”

Masen watched us from his highchair.

Edward walked back over to me. He took a deep breath. “Just some family stuff. It’s nothing to be concerned about it. Everything is fine. My sister just knows how to push my buttons. I’m just glad you’re here.”

Weird, I thought. I decided to leave it at that since Masen appeared to be hanging on our every word.

We didn’t speak much over dinner. I kept staring at Edward, wondering what was going on in his head. He would occasionally look up at me, and I’d quickly glance down. I hated that he didn’t feel comfortable enough with me to share whatever was going on. Part of me still hoped Rose hadn’t told him the details of what happened to me. Surely, if that was his problem though, he would just say so.

We put Masen to bed early that night. Edward had pretty much kept to himself and it saddened me. I normally loved our one night of the week together, but tonight was different. He was different. Eventually, I couldn’t stare at the TV in the awkward silence any longer.

“I think I’m going to take a bath. Care to join me?” I asked, as I stood from the couch.

He just stared up at me for a moment, unsure of what to say.

“Why are you closing yourself off to me? I’m only trying to help.” I didn’t wait for his response, I turned and headed back to our bedroom.

I stayed in the bath well over an hour. When I got out, I bathed in my favorite lotion and slipped on one of Edward’s t-shirt’s. I was surprised to see him already in bed when I exited the bathroom. I left our room to check on Masen before returning. I really wanted to sleep on my old bed in Masen’s room, but I couldn’t bring myself to do it.

I crawled in bed next to Edward and he almost instantly had his arms around me. He breathed me in. “You smell good enough to eat.”

“Suck up,” I teased.

He laughed. “Bella, I’m sorry. I don’t mean to push you away. That is not at all my intention, I just have a lot on my mind.”

I nodded my head in understanding. “Just know that I’m here if you ever want to talk about it. I wish you would. I hate seeing you upset.”

His lips came crashing down against mine. He seemed hungry for me. I loved the way he wanted me. He finally pulled his lips from my own, only to remove my shirt before his warm lips and tongue danced lazily down my neck and across my bare shoulder.

It tickled and I giggled. “Wow, I should’ve said that sooner.”

He laughed momentarily before his lips found mine again. His fingers slipped inside my panties and started an all out riot between my legs. I could feel his erection pressing into my side and I wanted him inside me.

I strained to move my arm under him and I stroked his hard length. “I want this,” I begged against his lips.

I felt him smile as he single handily removed my panties.

The sound he made when he entered me, nearly made me come undone. I loved everything about this man, and I could never get close enough to him. He ever so gently rocked his hips against my own, while kissing every square inch of my body he could reach with his lips. His tongue tangoed with my ear lobe, sending a wave of pleasure straight to my core. I moaned when his tongue left my sweet spot. I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me, his green eyes piercing mine. His hand caressed my cheek.

“Bella, I love you.” He gently pressed his lips to mine. He pulled back and our eyes found each other’s again. “I’ll always love you, I promise,” he continued.

My hands ran up his back and cradled his face. “I’ll always love you too, Edward. You’ve made my life more than I ever imagined it would be.”

“You promise you’ll always love me?” he asked.

“Of course.” I pulled his lips down to my own and kissed him. This new emotional Edward was something I was all together unfamiliar with and it sort of scared me. I wanted inside his head so badly, but I didn’t want to push him. He had taken such good care of me and Masen, I just wanted to make everything better for him for a change.

We made slow, sweet love for hours. We clung to each other as we slept that night. I never wanted to let him go.

***

Edward surprised me two weeks later when it came time for Rosalie and Emmett’s wedding. I knew we were going to attend the small ceremony, but I didn’t know I was getting a vacation.

“So, we’re staying the whole weekend?” I asked.

“Yes, just the two of us, alone.”

“The two of us? What about Masen?”

“Your father is meeting us at the resort this evening. Masen is staying with him for the weekend. We’ll meet him half way to Forks on Sunday night to pick him up.”

My eyes got huge. I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. I was excited, but worried too. “I’ve never left Masen that long,” I said quietly.

Edward laughed.

“What? There’s nothing funny about that! He’s my baby!” I nudged Edward in the side.

He pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead. “You’re father said you’d be like this.”

I laughed. “When did you talk to my Dad? That is so weird.”

“I have my ways,” he grinned. “Needless to say, your father is perfectly capable for caring for Masen for one weekend.”

I sighed. “I know, I’ll just miss him.”

Edward pulled a loose strand of my hair behind my ear. “You need a break. It will be wonderful, I promise.”

I smiled and reached up and kissed him. “Thank you, Edward.”

“You’re welcome.”

I packed my bags that evening and made a trip to Alice’s house before we left town so I could borrow some of her clothes. The girl had way more than she could ever wear, and she never minded if I borrowed them.

“Bella, come on, we’re going to be late!” Edward yelled at me from the door to our apartment. He had already carried some our things to the car and I was still running around Masen’s room to make sure he had everything he would need.

“I’m coming!” I yelled. I entered the living room with Masen’s favorite blanket and his little guitar.

“Bella? Seriously? He doesn’t need the little guitar or the blanket. You’ve practically got his entire room in my car already.”

“But he loves the little guitar.” I pleaded.

Edward laughed. “Bella, sweetheart, your father will have him busy with fishing trips and baseball games on the big screen. He’ll only be there two days. Put it back in his room.”

I sighed and did as he asked. Edward was standing by the front door with Masen in his arms, waiting on me. “Okay, I guess I’m ready,” I pouted, and took Masen from Edward.

Edward laughed and shook his head.

We were late, and Charlie met us just before we got to the Resort. He was in his police cruiser, which Masen was thrilled about. We got him all settled in Charlie’s car and Edward and I told him goodbye. Masen was so excited about spending the weekend with Charlie that he could’ve cared less what Edward and I had to say.

“Dad, are you sure you have all the guns and sharp things put away? He’s not a baby anymore, he gets into trouble, you have to watch him.”

“Bella, I’ve done this before. I’m not stupid. I didn’t let anything hurt you, and I won’t let anything hurt him.”

I sighed. “Right. Sorry, Dad. Call me when you make it home or if you have any problems.”

“I will. We’ll be fine. Go enjoy your weekend.”

I nodded my head and we went our separate ways.

We arrived at the resort a short while later. It was heavenly. Our room looked out over the Hood Canal and the view was breathtaking. The furnishings were exquisite. I suspected nothing less when it came to Edward.

Edward and I were unpacking a few of our things when we heard pounding on the door. Edward opened it and in came Emmett and Rose. They were both laughing and looked extremely happy. I was happy for them. Rose ran up to me and gave me a big hug. “Bella, I’m so glad you’re here. Thank you for coming.”

“I wouldn’t miss it!”

Emmett started rambling off orders. I could see Edward’s lack of enthusiasm.

“So, the deal is, we’re having a guy’s night at the bar, and you ladies are having a girl’s night at the spa.”

Rose and I looked at each other and laughed, excited.

“I’m going to get ready. I’ll meet you downstairs at the bar in an hour, Edward,” Emmett said.

Edward nodded his head. “Bella, come to my room when Edward leaves! You have to see my dress!”

“Okay!”

As soon as they were gone, Edward started complaining.

“This wasn’t my idea. I didn’t come here to hang out with that idiot,” he sighed. “I wanted to spend the evening with you.”

I went up to him and kissed his lips quickly. “Aw!” I laughed. “I’m proud of you for not whining in front of them. It’s their weekend, Edward. Let them have their fun. Do your duty and go get Emmett drunk and show him a good time before he ties the knot!”

Edward laughed. “Fine, I guess you deserve an evening at the spa.”

I nodded my head. “I certainly wouldn’t mind! Besides, we’ll be reunited afterwards, and we can test out the bed,” I grinned at him.

“Mmm, I like the sound of that.”

We kissed briefly. “Okay, go get ready!”

While Edward was getting ready to go to the bar with Emmett, I unpacked some more of our things and looked through the resort provided activities book.

“Alright, I’m heading out. I guess I’ll see you tonight.”

I looked up to see Edward standing near the front door, just outside the bathroom. He looked delicious. He had a nice pair of dark wash jeans on and a black and white pin strip button up shirt, with the sleeves slightly turned up. I bit my bottom lip, suddenly wanting to go with the guys, instead of to the spa. I got up from my perch near the large window and met him at the door.

“You look really nice,” I said.

He pressed his lips gently to mine. “Thank you, hopefully we won’t be late.”

I kissed him again, this time, with more passion. I sucked on his bottom lip suggestively before he pulled away. He was grinning at me. “Behave yourself, Mr. Cullen.”

“Fuck Emmett, I want you right now.” He pushed me gently against the wall as he kissed down my neck. His cologne smelled intoxicating and it instantly made feel weak in the knees. My hands were in his hair, my right leg hitched around his waist. I needed to tell him to stop, but I didn’t want him to.

“Mmm, Edward...”

Edward began lifting my shirt. As much as I didn’t want him to stop, he needed to.

“Stop, please,” I said, half heartedly. “We can’t.”

He quickly dropped his hand and his body left mine. He was looking at my strangely.

“What?” I asked. “I didn’t mean it in a bad way. I was really enjoying it, but you need to go. We’ll get carried away.”

He nodded his head. “Of course, I’m sorry.” He kissed my cheek.

“What are you apologizing for? You’re acting funny.” I gave him a questioning look. It’s like sometimes he just goes off to another place and has this lost look on his face.

He shook his head. “I’m fine.” He smiled, and seemingly checked back into reality. He kissed my lips softly. “I’ll see you tonight, okay? Enjoy your spa night.”

I nodded my head. He turned towards the door. “I love you,” I called after him.

He turned around and smiled at me. “I love you, Bella.”

I smiled, content that he was okay.

I headed to Rose’s room a few minutes later and she showed me her dress. It was beautiful. It was simple, but elegant. I was certain she would look amazing in it. I had never seen Rosalie more excited about anything the way she was about marrying Emmett and having a baby.

We made our way down to the spa and I was treated with several glasses of wine while Rose had sparkling water. We were at the spa for hours. We had a massage, facial, manicure and pedicure. I was so relaxed and I was worried I’d get back to my room and want to pass out. Not to mention, I had fair bit to drink.

Rose and I were surprised that the guys weren’t back yet when we returned to our rooms.


**Edward POV**

Surprisingly, Emmett and I were having a rather good time. As soon as I got to the bar I started throwing back the liquor. I was so thrown off previously when Bella told me to stop. I had a flashback to that night, to what I did to her. I fucking hated myself. I had nearly drank my problems away by the time Emmett met me at the bar. I guess the drinks made the guy seem pretty cool. He was funnier than shit. Stupid, but funny.

“So, what’s the deal with you and Bella?” he asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “Isn’t it obvious?” I asked.

Emmett laughed. “Hell yeah it is! She seems like a real nice girl. Rose is really fond of her. I’m not sure when that happened. She hated her when she met her at Thanksgiving.”

“Yeah, I don’t know what has gotten into Rose lately. She’s actually been semi-pleasant.”

Emmett laughed, “I wouldn’t go that far, man!”

We both laughed. “I think it’s the baby thing. She’s always wanted to be a mother,” I said.

“That’s what she says. I wouldn’t have believed it unless she told me herself. She doesn’t seem like the mommy type.”

I wondered if he knew about Rose’s past, but I couldn’t come up with the correct way to ask without being inappropriate. I certainly didn’t want to tell any of Rose’s secrets when she knew one about me that would certainly destroy me.

I changed the subject and bought us another round of drinks. There was a large group of women at the bar also, presumably part of a wedding party. It appeared they were also having pre-marital cocktails. I suppose Emmett and I appeared single, and the women flocked to us. Emmett ate the attention up. I suppose if I had been any more sober I would’ve been uncomfortable with the women hanging on me, but I didn’t really care. I was glad Emmett was having a good time. His life was certainly about to change with a wife and baby. One young lady in particular was very fond of Emmett and they were getting a little more comfortable than I would’ve liked. I stood up to excuse myself to the rest room and I leaned down to Emmett’s ear. “Don’t forget your marrying my sister tomorrow.”

Emmett stood from his bar stool and scoffed. “I know, dude! I’m just fucking around!”

I laughed and continued on to the restroom. I text messaged Bella on my way back to the bar.

Are you back to the room? Emmett is trashed. So am I. I miss you. Wait for me. - Edward

I’ve been back. I’m tipsy. I’m tired of waiting. I want you. Now. - B

Dammit, I thought to myself. Bella drove me crazy. I just wanted to get out of the bar and be with her. I thought about ditching Emmett, but he was really trashed and I had to make sure he got back to his room, without a female attachment. I had two more drinks before I insisted to Emmett that we had to go back upstairs. The big idiot could hardly walk by the time we left. We eventually made it to his and Rose’s room. He gave me a big bear hug and I nearly suffocated.

“Thanks for everything, man. This was great. We’re going to be brothers!” he laughed.

I couldn’t help but laugh too. “Go to bed, Emmett.” I pushed the door open for him and he stumbled into the dark room. As soon as I heard Rose cursing, I knew he’d be fine. I walked back down the hall to my waiting Bella.

I was disappointed to see all the lights off when I entered the room, she was asleep.

I stripped down to my boxers and crawled in bed next to her. I was surprised to learn that she was naked.


**CHAPTER 11 - CLICK HERE**