Repentance - Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11:


**Bella POV**

I felt Edward’s hand on my hip, making its way up my side. I must have fallen asleep while I was waiting on him. I rolled over to face him.

“Hey, you. How was your night?” The smells of alcohol and smoke on him were strong.

“It just got a lot better. I found this really hot naked girl in my bed.”

I giggled and began kissing him. I could taste the alcohol on him. “How much did you drink?”

“I don’t know. A lot.”

“Did you have fun? Emmett’s not so bad, is he?”

“Yea, it was alright. Emmett’s a decent guy.”

I was glad he was finally realizing that. Edward tilted my head up and kissed me. The smell of the alcohol on his breath was suddenly eerily familiar. I quickly pushed him back.

He caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. “Bella, what’s wrong?”

“What did you drink tonight?”

“Scotch, why?”

“I can’t deal with that smell. I’m sorry.” I felt like I was going to be sick to my stomach. It reminded too much of that night. My assailant must have been drinking scotch.

Edward quickly got out of bed and went to the bathroom.

I sat on the edge bed feeling stupid for even bringing it up. Why was he running to the bathroom? I didn’t mean to make him feel bad. I could have sworn I heard him vomit in the bathroom. I got up and quickly put a t-shirt on before I knocked on the bathroom door.

“Edward? Are you okay?”

“Yea, I just had too much to drink. Go back to bed.”

I sighed and did as he asked. I heard him turn the shower on a few minutes later.

I fell asleep before he returned to bed. I was extremely disappointed when I woke the following morning and realized I slept through a perfectly good opportunity at some alone time with Edward.

I rolled over to find him staring back at me.

“Good morning, how long have you been awake?”

“Not long.” He kissed my cheek. “I’m sorry about last night.”

I shook my head. “It’s okay. I’m sorry I feel asleep. Are you feeling better?”

He nodded his head. He captured my lips with his. He tasted delicious, much better than last night. I crawled on top of him, straddling his hips. He was so beautiful in the morning. His hair was messier than usual. I traced the features of his face with my fingertips and ran my hands down his chest. I leaned down and kissed just below his earlobe. I swirled my tongue there momentarily. I felt his hands exploring my back and hips. I could feel his growing erection beneath me. I crawled down his body and slipped his boxers off. I straddled him again and let him slip inside me. He felt so good. His fingertips ghosted up my thighs, my stomach, ribs and breasts. It sent a chill through me. He caressed my face in his hands, pulling me down to kiss him.

“I love you, Bella.”

I smiled against his lips. “I love you too, Edward.”

We made love for hours that morning until we were forced to stop by Emmett and Rose. Rose had been knocking on our door, begging me to help her get ready. I jumped in the shower shortly after she arrived.

**EPOV**

Emmett had returned to his room to shower. Rose was lingering around our room, waiting on Bella to get ready.

“How’s Emmett?” I asked her.

“He’s fine. Sounds like you guys had a good time last night.”

I laughed. “He did.”

“You didn’t?” she asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t know. I’ve had trouble lately dealing with my guilt about what I did to Bella. I had too much to drink last night. I drank scotch. That is what I drank the night it happened. She recognized the smell when I got in last night. It made me sick, literally.”

“You have to tell her, Edward. Not this weekend, of course, but when we get back home.”

I felt my chest tighten. “She’ll leave me. She’ll hate me.” I looked up at my sister’s cold eyes.

“You did this to yourself. What were you thinking, Edward? You could just fall in love with the girl you raped and live happily ever after?”

“Keep your voice down, Rose! Of course I didn’t think that. I didn’t mean to fall in love with her, it just happened.”

I looked up when I heard the bathroom door swing open and Bella emerged in a fluffy white towel, looking angelic as ever. I couldn’t help but smile, but she read the trouble on my face before I could hide it. Rose turned to look at her too.

“What’s going on?” She came and sat on my lap, wrapping her arm around my neck. “Are you okay?”

I pulled her closer to me, inhaling her fresh scent. “I’m fine, just having a brother/sister moment,” I lied. I pleaded to Rose with my eyes over Bella’s shoulder.

Rose scoffed. “I’m going back to my room. Bella, join me whenever you’re ready.” She disappeared out the door.

“What’s her problem?” Bella asked.

“I don’t know. I guess Emmett is hung over.”

“Oh, well, I’m surprised you’re feeling as good as you are.”

“Me too.” I laughed.

Bella and I finished getting ready and went our separate ways. She was helping Rose and I was helping Emmett.

**Bella POV**

“Rose, you look beautiful.” Her dress was gorgeous. It was a white satin gown with an empire waste and a lot of beading and detail. It was simple, but elegant.

“Thank you, Bella.” There were tears in Rose’s eyes as she looked herself over in the mirror. She took a deep breath.

“Are you okay? This is what you want, right?”

Rose nodded her head. “I think so. It’s just a big commitment, more so the baby than Emmett. I just wish my parents were here and things were different.”

I gave her hug. “Trust me; I understand. When you see your child’s face for the first time, you’ll regret nothing.”

“Do you think you could forgive the person who raped you? Knowing that they gave you such an amazing gift in Masen?”

My voice shook. I hesitated, I wasn’t expecting that. “I don’t know. I’ve never really thought about it. It’s very strange to see so much of another person in your child, but you don’t know who that person is, you just know that it isn’t you. You don’t know whether to love or to hate them.” I felt tears sting my eyes. I missed Masen. Rose sensed my uneasiness and changed the subject.

“I’m really glad you’re here, Bella. I’m sorry we got off on the wrong foot initially.”

I smiled. “I’m glad I’m here too.”

***

Later that evening Rose and Emmett were married in a beautiful little ceremony out on the dock just as the sun was setting. They both looked extremely happy and Edward and I were happy for them. We all went out to dinner together before going our separate ways that night.

Edward and I spent a nice romantic evening together, although he seemed slightly distant.

I talked him into leaving a little early Sunday because I really missed Masen. We ended up driving all the way to Forks and we met Charlie at the diner for dinner before heading back to Seattle.

Masen was exhausted from his busy weekend and was asleep when we finally got home. I was a bit surprised when Edward said he was going to run errands.

“Right now? It’s late.”

“I know, I just need to pick up a few things.” He kissed my forehead. “Don’t wait up.” He disappeared through the door and I stood frozen in the living room. He hadn’t been acting right lately.

Of course I waited up, and waited, and waited. I was laying in bed, crying softly into my pillow when I heard him come in shortly before 1:00 a.m. He changed clothes and crawled in bed, pulling me to his chest. He kissed my cheek and I smelled the alcohol on his breath. I turned to face him. “Edward? Why have you been drinking? Where were you?”

“I just needed a drink.”

“You could’ve had a drink here. Did I do something?”

His eyes were watery. “No, Bella. You didn’t do anything. You’re perfect. I’m the one who has screwed up.”

“What do you mean?” I asked, unsure whether or not I wanted to hear the answer.

He shook his head. “Nothing, never mind.”

“Edward, you’re scaring me. Is there someone else? You can tell me.”

Edward nearly started sobbing and I rolled over to face him and pulled him to me.

“No, Bella. There’s no one else. Please don’t ever think that. You’re all I want.”

“Please, tell me what’s wrong.” I cried. “I want to make it better. Don’t shut me out.”

“It’s just family stuff. I don’t want to worry you with it. I’m fine, I promise. I love you. Get some sleep.”

I sighed and rolled over away from him. I didn’t sleep that night. I couldn’t wait for Rose and Emmett to get back from their mini honeymoon. I was convinced Rose would know what was going on with Edward.

Edward and I hardly saw each other that week. We were both working and had class. By the time Friday night rolled around, I was extremely disappointed to get a text from Edward that said he was going to the library and wouldn’t be home for dinner.

Rose and Emmett had just gotten back in town and I hated to burden Rose, but I felt like I had to. I knocked on her door and she opened immediately.

“Hey, Bella! Masen, you’re getting so big! Come in!”

We stepped inside. “I’m sorry to bother you, Rose.”

“Don’t be silly, Bella. What’s up?”

“Do you know what’s going on with, Edward? He’s been so distant, and he’s drinking a lot. I feel like he’s avoiding me, and I don’t know why. He says it’s family stuff.”

Rose immediately avoided my gaze. She knew. She wasn’t talking.

“Bella, it’s not my place. I’m sorry.”

Tears stung my eyes. “Would you mind watching Masen for a little while? I need to go find him.”

“Of course. Take your time.”

I left Masen with her and took the bus across town to the library. I went to Edward’s usual spot. He was reading. I cleared my throat to get his attention.

“Bella, what are you doing here?”

“I came to get you.”

He just stared at me.

“I want you to come home. Why are you avoiding me?”

Edward looked down and swallowed noisily. “We can’t do this here,” he said through watery eyes again.

“Do what?” I asked. “Please, just come home. Talk to me.”

He exhaled loudly and stood quickly. He grabbed his things and walked towards the stairs. I followed him and we drove back to our apartment in silence. My stomach was a mess. I felt like I was going to be sick.

When we got in, Edward didn’t see Alice or Masen. “Where’s Masen?” Edward asked.

“She’s with your sister. I’ll go get him after we talk.”

Edward came up to me and pulled me to him. “Bella, I’m sorry I’ve been distant. It’s not your fault. I’m fine, I promise. We don’t need to talk about anything.”

I sighed. “Edward, I’m worried about you.”

His eyes watered again and my heart ached for him.

“Please, Bella, don’t worry about me. I’m fine. Why don’t you go get Masen and I’ll run you a bath, okay?”

I sighed and nodded my head.

When I arrived at Rose and Emmett’s, Masen was asleep.

“Bella, what’s wrong? You look like you’ve been crying,” Rose asked.

“I’m just worried about Edward. He won’t talk to me.”

She averted her eyes again.

I picked up Masen and left without saying goodbye. I knew that she knew what was going on and it upset me that she wouldn’t tell me, nobody would tell me.

When I got upstairs to our apartment I put Masen to bed and Edward had a warm bubble bath and a glass of wine waiting on me. I slipped into the warm water and closed my eyes.

A few minutes later I heard a knock on the front door. I could hear Rose’s voice, but I couldn’t make out what she was saying. I quickly stepped out of the tub, dried off and wrapped myself in the fluffy blue towel that Edward had set out for me. It was warm, he must of put it in the drier. I smiled momentarily at his thoughtfulness. I tip toed through our bedroom and stood just behind our bedroom door, which was just slightly ajar. I listened.

“Get out of here, Rose. She’s in the bath. She can’t talk to you right now.”

“Edward, you make me sick! You have to tell her. I can only keep it from her for so long. She knows that I know. She asks me what’s wrong with you all the time. She’s the only girlfriend I have, Edward. I don’t want her to hate me.”

I could hear Edward sobbing. I wanted to run to him and comfort him, but I waited.

“I can’t, Rose. I can’t.”

“Well, if you’re not going to, I will.”

“No!” he growled.

“Edward, you have to tell her!”

I thought that was my only opportunity, so I took it. I walked out of the bedroom and into the living room. “Tell me what?” I asked.

Edward and Rose both stared at me, frozen. “What is it?” I asked again.

Rose looked to Edward. “Tell her.” She turned and left without even looking back at me. Edward sat down on the couch and I sat next to him. He held his head in his hands. I rubbed his back reassuringly. “It’s okay, Edward. What is it?”

When he finally turned to look at me, I was surprised to see his tear stained cheeks and blood shot eyes. He took a deep breath.

“Bella, there’s something you don’t know about me. Something terrible. Please, let me finish before you get mad.”

I was going to be mad? Why would I be mad at him? I sat silently, waiting.

He started sobbing, and so did I. I didn’t know what was wrong, but I had a really bad feeling about it.

“Bella, I did this to you,” he finally choked out.

“Did what? I don’t understand.”

He was nearly hyperventilating. “It was me, Bella. I raped you.”

I gasped. “What? No you didn’t, Edward.”

“Yes, I did. It was September 25, 2008.”

My eyes grew large. Nobody knew that date. Nobody. I couldn’t breathe. I didn’t understand. I couldn’t comprehend what he had just said. A million things rushed through my mind - the ghostly look on his face the first time he saw me on the street, his fascination with Masen, he and Masen’s resemblance, his willingness to wait to sleep with me, him being okay with Masen calling him daddy, he was Masen’s father.

My whole body shook with the last realization. I stood and backed away from him. The room was spinning around me. My stomach felt like it had flown into throat and I fought back the bile that desperately wanted to escape me.

“Bella, please, hear me out.”

I couldn’t find words, so he continued.

“I wasn’t going to get in to med school. My father would kill me. If I could get into that fraternity, if they were on my med school apps, I would have had a better chance. I was a senior, I was joining late, so I had to go through the worst initiation. You were in the wrong place at the wrong time. I was drunk out of my mind, I had to be. I didn’t want to do it. I hesitated for so long. The other guys kept telling me that they were going to use you to show me how it was done. I was afraid if I didn’t do it when I had the chance, that they would’ve done something even worse to you. The guilt I felt afterwards was more than I could bear.”

I still couldn’t speak. He was talking so quickly, I couldn’t take it all in fast enough. I felt all the blood rushing to the surface of my skin. My entire body tingled. I was warm, too warm. He continued.

“I walked the campus for weeks, day and night, looking for you. I eventually dropped out and disappeared for a while before deciding I wanted to go to law school, to prosecute people like me. Then, out of nowhere, there you were out on the street that day. I never forgot your face. Then I saw Masen and I knew. It was like looking in a mirror. I just wanted to see that you were okay. I wanted to help you, but I didn’t know how, so I asked you to dinner.”

I was violently sick to my stomach. “You took me on a pity date,” I whispered, more to myself than to him.

“No, Bella.” He rose and came toward me.

I found my voice. “Don’t touch me!” I yelled.

He backed away. “I admit, our first date, I just wanted to know that you were okay, that I hadn’t ruined you. But damn it, Bella, I fell in love with you that night. You captivated me. I’ve loved you ever since. I love Masen. I’ve been so screwed up the past couple weeks because I feel so guilty. It’s been eating me alive. Every time we touch, I think about what I did to you. I tried to ignore it in the beginning, I tried to forget what I did. I tried to push it away, but it was always there...”

“Stop. I don’t want to hear it. Get out.”

“Bella, please.”

I couldn’t see through the tears pooling in my eyes. I shook my head no. “Leave.”

“Bella...” he pleaded.

I felt like I was about to burst. I ran towards him, pushing him with every ounce of might I had. “Get out!” I screamed. He only stumbled back briefly and my towel feel to the floor. I suddenly felt self conscious, like I was standing naked in front of a stranger. I quickly bent over and grabbed my towel and covered myself.

“I’m sorry,” he said as he backed up towards the door.

“Yea, I’ve heard that before, Edward,” I said, as I recalled him whispering that in my ear after he raped me. “It meant nothing to me then, and it means nothing to me now. Get out.”

The tortured look on his face nearly made my heart ache. Big tears, like giant rain drops, rolled over his perfect cheek bones. You could hear them as they dropped against the leather of his loafers. We stood there for a moment, in silence, only our sobs audible. For a brief second, I almost started to panic, as I wondered if this would be the last time I ever saw him. I swallowed my love and need for him and opened the door. He walked out.

The door closed behind him and I slid down the back of it. I pulled my knees to my bare chest and let the glass shattering sobs escape me. Masen was screaming at the top of his lungs. Our exchange had obviously disturbed his peaceful slumber. I couldn’t even pull myself up to go to him. The thought of looking into his Edward-like eyes was too much to bear.

**EPOV**

I couldn’t breathe. It felt like my entire life was just blown away by a strong gust of wind. I felt the way I did right after I raped her. Heavy. I slid down the front of our door and sobbed. I could hear her sobbing on the other side. It killed me that I couldn’t comfort her, that I couldn’t make it better. Masen was screaming so loud that I could hear him outside the apartment. I was angry that she wasn’t going to him, but I understood why. After a few minutes I pulled myself up and called Alice on the way down to Rose’s apartment.

“Hi, Edward!”

“Hi, Alice. I’m sorry to bother you, but I need a favor.”

“Sure, are you okay? You don’t sound good.”

“No, I’m not. I need you to go check on Bella.”

“Okay, is something wrong?” Alice asked, concerned.

“Yes. I’ll let her tell you. Please, just go check on her and take care of Masen.”

I heard Alice sigh. “Okay, Edward. I’m going now.”

I hung up and walked into Rose and Emmett’s apartment, which would be where I was staying indefinitely.

**CHAPTER 11 - CLICK HERE**