Repentance - Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4:

The following two weeks were a complete whirlwind. I ended up seeing Edward several times at the library and we spent as much of the weekends together as we could. We couldn’t get enough of each other. He made me feel like a princess and Masen adored him. I felt like the luckiest girl in the world.

It was Monday night before Thanksgiving when I found Edward asleep in the library. I went up behind him and wrapped my arms around him, kissing him on the cheek. He didn’t open his eyes, he just grinned from ear to ear. “Bella.”

I laughed. “How did you know it was me?”

He sat up and laughed too. “I’d know that smell anywhere.”

“I smell?” I asked.

He laughed, “Yes, you smell incredible.”

“Oh.” I smiled and took the chair next to him. “How long have you been here? You look exhausted.”

“A couple of hours. I have a test tomorrow.”

“Alright, well, I’ll let you get back to studying.”

“I think I’ve done all I can. I’ll wait around for you though, so I can walk you home.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Edward. I’m going to sit over there. I shouldn’t be long,” I said, pointing across the room to a vacant table.

He shook his head and grabbed my hand and kissed it before I went to the other table. Edward and I learned right away that our trips to the library were highly unsuccessful if we tried to work at the same table.

I hurriedly did what I needed to do and went back to Edward’s table. “You ready?”

He gathered his things and stood up. “Yea, let’s get out of here.”

We walked hand in hand back to my apartment. Alice was ready to go as soon as I walked through the door.

“Sorry I’m late, Alice.”

“It’s no problem. Jasper has dinner waiting for me, and probably dessert!” She winked at me. “It’s good to you see again, Edward!”

“Likewise, Alice.”

“Masen was an angel, as usual. He’s sound asleep!”

I gave Alice a hug and walked her to the door. “Thank you.”

She kissed my cheek and was gone.

I set my things down and checked on Masen before returning to the living room to Edward.

“Have you eaten, baby?” I asked him while I headed into the kitchen to find something to eat.

“Not since lunch,” he said, coming up behind me and wrapping his arms around me. He kissed my cheek and I felt the butterflies erupt in my stomach.

I heated up some left over spaghetti for us and we both scarfed it down. Our busy schedules didn’t allow a lot of time for eating.

“That was good,” he said, as he took our plates back to the kitchen.

He caught me yawning when he came back into the living room.

“I guess I better let you get some rest,” he said, grabbing his things near the door.

I shook my head and got up to meet him at the door. He kissed my lips gently. “What does the rest of your week look like? When are you leaving to go home?”

“Home?” I asked.

“Thanksgiving. You’re going to spend it with your dad, right?”

“Oh, no. He has to work and I’m only off Thursday and Friday. Plus, he’d have to come get us and bring us back and it’s just more trouble than it’s worth. I’ll see him at Christmas, when I have more time.”

“Well you and Masen can’t stay here by yourselves on Thanksgiving.”

“Sure we can. We’ll be fine.”

“Absolutely not. Come with me,” he said, as he grabbed my hands.

“To your parents’ house?”

“Yea, Rose and I always bring someone. I’m sure she’ll bring that big idiot she’s dating.”

I laughed, “Well, I bet her big idiot doesn’t have an illegitimate child!”

“I wouldn’t doubt it,” Edward laughed.

I shook my head. “I don’t know, Edward.”

“Please? It will be better if I don’t have to go through it all by myself. We’ll make a weekend of it. I’ll get us a nice hotel in Portland. I’ll show you around and we can do fun stuff with Masen.”

“What do you mean if you don’t have to go through it by yourself? Is it bad?”

“Well, I mean, there’s just been a lot of tension between my parents and I since I decided not to go to medical school.”

“Oh, I see. I don’t know, Edward. I don’t want to impose, and besides, we’ve never even spent the night together. You have no idea how scary I am in the morning.”

He laughed loudly. “It can’t be that bad.” He brushed his lips against mine. “I don’t have class until 11:00 a.m. tomorrow. How about I spend the night tonight, and if I’m not scared of you in the morning, you agree to come with me for Thanksgiving.”

I sighed when he made his adorable pouty face. “Fine.” I gave in. “But don’t try anything, you know I share a very small room with Masen.”

“I wouldn’t dare,” he said as he sat his jacket and bag back down.

“Okay, well, I’m going to get ready for bed. Don’t go in my room until I get back, just in case Masen wakes up. I don’t want you to scare him.”

Edward laughed. “Yes ma’am.”

I went to my bedroom and tore through my dresser looking for something half decent to wear to bed. I couldn’t wear an old spit up stained t-shirt as usual. I finally settled on a black tank top and gray sleep shorts. Short sleep shorts. I went to the bathroom and changed clothes and brushed my teeth. When I went to cross the hallway to go back into my bedroom, something caught my attention in the living room.

“Oh my,” I said, noticing Edward standing in the living room in only a pair of plaid boxer shorts. My eyes went to his strong shoulders and I instantly wanted my hands on him. He wasn’t huge, but he was toned and perfect, and his happy trail made my knees shake.

“Is this okay? I can wear my clothes, if you prefer.”

I fumbled for words. “Um, no. I mean, yes. I mean, it’s okay. It’s okay. I may be the one who has the problem not trying anything.”

He laughed. “You’re so cute when you’re flustered, Bella.”

I blushed and reached my hand out for him to join me. I turned the light off and took his hand to lead him into my bedroom. “Be careful,” I said. “There isn’t a lot of space to walk.”

He followed me blindly into the dark and crawled in bed next to me. He was messing with the covers. “Shh! Be quiet for a second,” I said.

He froze and I listened intently for the soft sounds of Masen breathing.

“Okay,” I said, content.

“What was that about?” he asked.

“Sorry, it’s just an obsessive compulsive habit I have. I have to hear him breathing before I go to bed. I’ve been like that since the day he was born.”

Edward curled up behind me and kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Bella.”

I smiled, enjoying his warmth next to me. “Goodnight.” I laid there awake for a while, and I wondered if he really wasn’t going to try anything. We had done nothing more than kiss and it was driving me crazy. Especially after seeing him in just boxers, I was dying to touch him. I realized he was asleep when I heard his breathing even out. I fell asleep wondering what his hands would feel like across my bare skin.

I was walking down a dark alley in Seattle. I could tell by the way my hands rested on my overgrown stomach that I was very pregnant. It started pouring rain. It was cold. I didn’t have an umbrella. I was lost. I couldn’t find my way through the maze of alleys. It felt like someone was following me, but when I turned around, no one was there. I started hearing footsteps behind me. I walked faster, eventually starting to run, feeling the baby moving inside me. I was completely out of breath when I hit the ground, face first. I was forced on my back by a masked man. He had a large knife and cut my stomach open with one slice. I screamed out in pain and tried to cover my wound with my hands. It was of no use, he was much stronger than me. I felt an intense amount of pressure and then I suddenly felt empty. I heard the cries of a baby. The man cut the umbilical cord with his knife and he took the baby and disappeared in the dark alley. I screamed for help, but no one came, and I just kept screaming.

“Bella! Bella! Wake up!”

I sat straight up in bed screaming. I realized where I was and that it was another nightmare. I silenced myself until I felt a hand on my back. I gasped and turned around.

“Bella, are you alright?” Edward asked.

I felt tears sting my eyes. I forgot he was there. “I’m sorry. I should have told you.”

“It’s okay, Bella.” He started to wrap his arms around me, but I pushed him away.

“Masen,” I said, getting out of bed and walking around to the other side of the room where his crib was. He had slept through it. He had been sleeping through my nightmares lately, but I still had to hold him before I could go back to sleep. I picked him up and held him against me for a few minutes before I was content. I kissed his head and carefully put him back in his crib.

“I’m sorry,” I said, as I got back in bed. I noticed the clock said 2:00 a.m. It was always around this time. “I have really bad nightmares sometimes. I should have warned you.”

He wrapped his arms around me tightly and I felt myself relax into him. “It’s okay, Bella. Would it help to talk about it?”

I turned from him quickly. “No. No. I can’t. I don’t want to talk about it,” I said, getting under the covers and laying on my side, facing away from him.

He cuddled up behind me, his body tracing mine, and he wrapped his arms around me again. He held me tighter than before. I felt safe.

He kissed my cheek. “You don’t have to talk about it.”

I exhaled. “Thank you.” I covered his hand that circled my waist with my own.

“Get some sleep, Bella.”

I shook my head and drifted off to sleep in his arms.

It seemed as if only minutes had passed when I heard the alarm going off. I smacked it quickly and started to climb out of bed when I felt Edward pulling me back. I smiled to myself, remembering he had stayed the night.

He pulled me against him and kissed my cheek. “You’re not even going to let me enjoy waking up next to you?” he teased.

I giggled and wrapped my arms around him. “Well, you are really warm.”

He smiled and pressed his lips gently to mine. “There is absolutely nothing scary about you in the morning. You’re beautiful,” he said, pulling a piece of my hair behind my ear.

I felt the butterflies in my stomach start dancing. I just grinned at him, because I didn’t know what else to do.

He laughed at me. “I can tell you’re blushing, even though it’s pitch black in here.”

I playfully nudged him and started to get out of bed. “I have to get in the shower. Masen’s still asleep, he should sleep until I get out.”

Edward shook his head before rolling over and going back to sleep.

I spent nearly half an hour in the bathroom. My shower only took a few minutes, it was my hair that was the problem. Normally I just pulled it up wet and let it dry, but because Edward was here, I wanted to wear it down. I spent nearly twenty minutes blow drying it. I finally got concerned about my electric bill and turned the blow dryer off. It was still a little damp, but it would do.

Crap! I thought to myself. I didn’t bring my clothes in here. I’m going to have to go out there in a towel! I made sure the white towel around me was secure before I opened the bathroom door and ventured across the hall into my bedroom. I was hoping Edward was still asleep and I could grab something out of my closet without waking him.

Needless to say, I was a little shocked by the sight that awaited me in my bedroom. Edward was sound asleep, and Masen was laying on his stomach, sleeping on Edward’s bare chest. Edward had pulled a sheet over him and Masen and tucked it in between their bodies. Edward’s hand rested lazily on Masen’s back. It was the sweetest sight I’d ever seen. If I had a camera, I would’ve taken a picture.

I tiptoed to the other side of the room to find something to wear in my closet. As I opened the bifold doors, they squeaked loudly and I turned around to see if I woke Edward.

I was surprised to see him staring back at me, with his mouth hanging open.

“Definitely not scary,” he laughed.

I laughed too. “I meant to take some clothes with me to the bathroom.”

“Well, I’m glad you forgot.”

I shot him a warning glare and he laughed. “You two look cozy,” I said, referring to him and Masen, who was still asleep on his chest.

Edward looked down at Masen and then back to me. “Yea, he woke up when you started drying your hair. He was crying, so I didn’t know what to do. I picked him up and he went right back to sleep, and then so did I,” he laughed.

“Thanks for getting him.” I smiled as I took a change of clothes to the bathroom. I got dressed and put on a little bit of make-up before heading out to the kitchen to make breakfast. I got Masen’s cereal ready and my pop-tart when I thought about Edward. I don’t have anything decent to eat here!

I went back to the bedroom when I heard Masen laughing.

Edward was making funny faces at Masen and Masen was loving it. “Okay kiddies, it’s time for breakfast!” I laughed.

Masen reached for me, “Mamma!”

I picked him up and kissed him. “Morning sweet boy! Edward, I’d make you breakfast, but I’m kind of overdue on a trip to the grocery store. I do have pop-tarts though,” I laughed. “Unless you want to stay in bed. You can sleep if you want, just lock the door behind you when you leave.”

Edward grinned. “I love pop-tarts! And don’t be silly, I’ll take you to work so you don’t have to take the bus.”

I shook my head at him. “You are seriously spoiling me.”

“Nah, if I were spoiling you, I would have already bought you a car!”

I playfully rolled my eyes at him. He crawled out of bed and kissed me on the forehead and then kissed Masen. Every time he touched Masen it amazed me. It was like he actually cared about this kid that had nothing to do with him. Every time he did things like that, it melted my heart. It had only been a couple of months, but I constantly felt myself falling head over heels in love with Edward Cullen.

We ate our breakfast and Edward got dressed while I got Masen ready.

Once outside, I laughed when I remembered Masen’s car seat was still in Edward’s car, and had been since our second date.

As if reading my mind, “Might as well just keep it in here,” he said as he put Masen in the car seat.

When he came out of the car, he was grinning at me with that crooked smile and it made me feel like I could fly. “Why? You planning on sticking around for a while?” I teased.

He wrapped his arm around my waist, pulling me to him. He kissed me and whispered against my lips, “Yes, if it’s alright with you.”

All I could do was smile and shake my head.

We dropped Masen off at daycare and then Edward took me to work. He pulled up right outside the office and Jessica was outside smoking a cigarette.

“Oh God, you have to work with her?” he said, referring to Jessica.

I laughed. “Yea, you know her?”

“We had a class together last semester. She’s so annoying.”

I sighed. “She sure is. I’m pretty sure she’s screwing the senior partner’s son, so as soon as she passes the bar, she’ll be our newest associate.”

“Who isn’t she screwing?” Edward joked.

I hit him playfully and leaned over to kiss him. “I have to go.” His hand caressed my cheek. Our lips met again and stayed linked together a bit longer than usual.

“Mmm,” he said against my mouth, slowly pulling away. “I won’t be at the library this week, I have to work tonight and I have night class tomorrow.”

I stuck my bottom lip out, pretending to pout.

He laughed at me. “I propose I pick you and Masen up Wednesday night and you can spend the night with me and we’ll leave Thursday morning for Portland.”

I smiled. “Okay.” I kissed him again. And again. I couldn’t get enough of him. I couldn’t get the image of him in his boxers eating a pop tart out of my mind. I accidentally laughed out loud at the thought.

“What are you laughing at?” he asked.

“Nothing!” I grinned. “Be good; I’ll miss you.”

His face lit up when I said that. “Bye, Bella. I hope you have a good day.”

“Thank you!” I got out of the car and went inside, Jessica Stanley was right on my heels.

“Okay, Swan. Spill it,” Jessica barked.

“Spill what?” I asked as I sat down at my desk. She rolled her eyes and I smiled to myself.

“Um...you were just kissing Edward fucking Cullen.”

“And?” I responded.

“And he’s only the most wanted first year law student. Girls throw themselves at him daily, and you, Bella Swan! You’re dating him?!”

I know, it was hard for me to believe too. “Yup,” I said coyly, smiling.

“What the hell? I totally don’t get that, and you have a kid.”

“Well, I heard he doesn’t like loose girls, like you.”

I swear I heard her jaw hit the floor. “Wha...what do you mean?!” she scoffed.

“Matt.” That’s all I had to say. Nobody was supposed to know she was boinking the senior partner’s son.

“Keep your mouth shut, Swan,” she spat at me.

Oh, did I forget to mention, he’s married? I held up my hands and silently acted as if I were zipping my lips and throwing away the key. She stomped off in a frenzy.

I smiled to myself momentarily before her words sank in. He’s the most wanted first year law student. Girls throw themselves at him daily.

I sighed. That’s a little unnerving, I thought. I made a mental note to ask him about it.


***Author’s Note: Hope you enjoyed this chapter. There should be another one coming soon!
Reviews/comments are welcome!

Follow me on Twitter! @ AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 5 - CLICK HERE**

Never Think - Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13:

The first few weeks without Rob were pretty painful. I slipped into a pretty deep depression and I didn’t want to talk to him, or anybody else. Part of me loved the baby inside of me, but the other part of me hated it, because I was sure it would ruin my life. I already had to pass on some great movie offers that I was really excited about. I was only 19 years old. I didn’t want a house, and a baby, and baby daddy drama. I wanted to be 19. I wanted to go out and have fun. I wanted to drink too much and act stupid. I wanted to drive fast. I wanted to explore my relationship with Rob more. I wanted to make great movies. I wanted to sleep late. I wanted to travel. I wanted everything a baby wouldn’t allow me to have. And that’s all assuming the baby was Rob’s. The remainder of my life would surely be a living hell if the baby was Michael’s. I couldn’t help this horrible feeling of eventually losing Rob if the baby was Michael’s. There was just no way our relationship could survive Michael’s childish games.

My phone ringing shook me from my thoughts. I glanced at the caller Id. It was Rob. Again. I hated even talking to him because he knew something was wrong and I didn’t want to talk about it with him. He was so utterly excited about the baby that it sort of made me sick. I thought maybe he was playing up his excitement a bit to help me, but it really wasn’t. I begrudgingly answered my phone.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey, love. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

I nearly laughed. “I’ve been here. I haven’t left this fucking house since you left!” I raised my voice.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

I felt bad. I had been ignoring most of his calls since he left. I was lucky if I talked to him once a day. I did text message him occasionally though. I never called him. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

He sighed. “Kristen, please tell me what is going on with you. Things haven’t been the same between us since I left. I don’t understand.”

“What’s going on with me? I’m pregnant, Rob! There’s an alien inside me and there’s a 50 percent chance it belongs to the devil! There’s not a whole lot for me to be happy about!”

“Then give it up for adoption,” he said sternly.

That surprised me. It made me think. I already knew the answer though. “I can’t.” I said quietly. “I just wish it never happened.”

“Well it did, and we have to deal with it. Stop pushing me away, or you can deal with it by yourself. I have enough on my plate without having to wonder if you’re going to be there when I get home.”

I was speechless. I knew I was being distant, but it didn’t mean I was going anywhere. I felt like such a bitch. I knew I was the pregnant one, but he was the one who was sticking around to help me raise a kid that may not even be his. I felt tears pooling in my eyes and when I blinked, the dam broke.

“Rob, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere. All I have is you,” I cried.

I could hear the relief in his voice. “Kristen, it’s okay. Stop crying. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know this is hard on you. I just wish I could be there. I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

“You’re doing more than enough. You’ve been perfect. I’ve been a huge whiney bitch.”

Rob laughed. “Just a little.”

I laughed too, wiping at my tear stained cheeks. I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m sorry, really. I’m going to try to be better.”

“I can deal with you being bitchy, but just answer the damn phone at least. I worry about you when you don’t answer.”

“Okay, I promise I’ll do better.”

“Okay. I have to get back on set. Almost a month down, two to go. I miss you like crazy.”

“I miss you too. I love you, Rob.”

“I love you too, baby. I’ll call you later.”

I felt better after having talked to him. I wanted him, I just didn’t want a freaking baby! I decided I’d try to relax and take a warm bath.


****

By the time another month passed, I had nearly driven myself insane. I wanted out of the house so bad. I wanted to see people. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin. I wanted to have a conversation with someone, other than Rob and my parents. After much thought and several pestering phone calls from Nikki, I agreed to let her come over. I’m sure she could could keep a secret. At least I hoped she could. Everyone was going to find out in a few months anyway. I hadn’t told her before she arrived. She would understand as soon as she saw me.

She arrived right on time and I opened the door. I had missed her. I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her. When I stepped back and noticed her looking at me with her mouth hanging open, I started to get a little self conscious.

“Wow, so the rumors are true.”

“Rumors?” I asked.

“Yea, everybody was suspecting you were pregnant and that’s why you pushed Eclipse back.”

“Everybody?”

“Most of the cast,” she clarified.

“Shit. Well, come on in.”

We both plopped down on my oversized leather couch.

“So, you and Rob are like...going to do the family thing?”

“Uh, yea. Sort of,” I said.

“Sort of?”

“Well...” I took a deep breath. “I’m not sure it’s his.”

I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. “WHAT?!”

“I was with him and Michael around the same time it happened. Michael had been fucking with my birth control pills for four months, unbeknownst to me.”

“Wow, Kristen. I’m sorry.” She hugged me and it felt good. “What does Michael have to say about this?”

“He doesn’t know. You can’t say anything.”

“I won’t,” she assured me. “Do you know the sex yet?”

I shook my head no. “I’m supposed to find out next week.”

“That’s so exciting! I get to throw you a baby shower!!” She squealed.

“That’s really not necessary,” I insisted.

She went on and on about it and I eventually got to show her around the house. We made lunch and watched movies in the theater room until I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore. I begged her to stay the night with me, but she had an early appointment in the morning. We said our goodbyes and promised to see each other again soon.

The following week, everything fell apart. I mean everything.

It started just before my ultrasound appointment. My mom was running late to pick me up because the paparazzi were following her and she was having a hard time losing them. We eventually decided I’d meet her at the doctor’s office because I didn’t want those guys finding out where I lived. As I stood in our garage looking at the two cars that occupied it, I couldn’t decide which one to drive. I wanted to drive my Mini, but I knew the paparazzi would recognize it. The other car, a Jaguar XF, was Rob’s. He purchased it just before he left for New York, saying the Mini wasn’t safe enough for a baby, and it was too small for a car seat. Rob had only driven the Jag around the driveway. I’d never touched it. It was huge. I went back inside and stared at the keys momentarily before calling Rob.

“Do you already know?” he answered. I told him I’d call him as soon as I found out the sex of the baby.

“Oh, no. I haven’t left yet. The paps are following my mom, I don’t want them to know where we live. I need to meet her there. Can I drive your car?”

Silence.

“Rob?”

“The Jag?” he asked.

“Yea.”

“Um...yes, I guess that would be okay.”

I laughed. “I’m a better driver than you are!”

He laughed too. “I know, it’s just an expensive car! Go ahead, and be careful and call me as soon as you know something, I’ve got to get back on set.”

“Okay, thanks, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you in a month!!”

“I know! I can’t wait! I’ll talk to you later.”

As soon as I got off the phone I grabbed the keys to the Jag and got in. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to figure out how everything worked and get the seat and mirrors situated to my liking. It was a nice car. I took a deep breath and headed out.

After I parked the car in the parking garage I called my mom. She said the paps wouldn’t leave her alone and they kept asking about me. She said she already went into the doctor’s office, hoping they would leave.

I knew they hadn’t left. They were waiting outside the elevators in the parking garage. I saw them when I came in. I looked down at the oversized t-shirt I was wearing, and I wished it was colder so I could have worn a jacket. It was the middle of summer. It was pretty obvious I was pregnant. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I shut the door very quietly so as to not draw attention to myself. I put my sunglasses on and walked quietly to the elevators, hiding behind a larger woman who was heading the same direction that I was.

I was lucky in that as soon as the woman pressed the button to summon the elevator, the doors opened. I didn’t see any flashes, but I heard them say, “there she is!” as soon as I stepped on the elevator. I quickly pushed the close door button before they could snap a picture.

Everything after that was pretty much a blur. The baby was getting big. I saw its little fingers and toes on the ultrasound. The doctor and the ultrasound tech said everything looked good. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I wanted Rob. I didn’t want a girl. It was girl. A girl. I don’t like girls. I don’t like pink. I don’t like frilly dresses. I don’t know what to do with a girl. I cried almost as soon as they said it was girl. They thought they were happy tears. They were actually scared to death tears.

It only got worse from there. Mom and I were bombarded with paparazzi when we reached the garage. I had only gotten two steps out of the elevator when they started surrounding us from all sides. They asked how far along I was. I looked at my mom and my tears won the fight then. My gig was up.

As I tried to get into my car, they were still surrounding me. They were pushing each other and one of them fell into my door, closing it on me. I was pinned between the car door and the door frame. I screamed out in pain and they finally moved and pulled the door open. I quickly got in my car and locked the doors. I sat there and cried, for an hour. I had to calm down before I tried to drive. I had to get Rob’s car back to the house in one piece.

I finally lost the paparazzi after two hours. My Jag was faster than their pieces of shit. Just as I walked in the door my phone started beeping, signaling a new text message.

It’s already all over the news. I’m sorry sweetie. It’ll be okay. Call me if you need me. - Mom

I sat in the floor in my kitchen and cried and cried and cried. My phone rang non-stop after that first text message and I ignored it all. I finally pulled myself up off the floor after it got dark outside. It was then that I realized I hadn’t really eaten much all day and I was starving. I was craving pickles. I loved pickles lately. I made a sandwich and ate it, along with three pickles. I sat frozen on my bar stool in the kitchen as I noticed headlights shining through the windows. Someone was here. It was nearly 8:00 p.m. and I wasn’t expecting anyone. We needed a peep hole. I made a mental note to put that on my to-do list.

I cautiously opened the door and regretted it as soon as I did. Michael.

“Can we please talk?” he asked.

I shook my head no. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Are you okay? I saw the pictures.”

“I’m sure you did, because you’re fucking stalking me. How did you know where I live?”

“I’m not. My mom saw it on the news. Nikki told me how to get here.”

“What?? Nikki?”

“Yea, she’s out of town. She said you wouldn’t answer you’re phone, she was worried about you. When you didn’t answer my calls either, I told her I’d stop by to check on you.”

I shook my head in disbelief. I was going to kill her.

“Can I come in, please? Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Under one condition.”

“What?”

“Don’t touch me and if I say leave, you better fucking leave.”

“Fair enough.”

I stepped aside and let him in. We sat on opposite sides of the couch.

“So, do you know if it’s mine or his?” he asked.

I couldn’t look at him. I shook my head no and those damn tears started burning my eyes again.

“Kris, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to happen like this.”

I turned to look at him. “You didn’t mean for this to happen?? You fucking did this to me! Whether its yours or his. You did this, Michael! You fucked up my life, my career, everything. You knew I didn’t want kids. I will never forgive you. Ever!”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Is there anything else you want? If not, you can leave.”

“Well, I mean...I want to be there if it’s mine.”

I shook my head. “I’ll call you to arrange a paternity test after she’s born. You will not be present at her birth.”

“It’s a girl?” he asked.

I shook my head and cursed myself under my breath for letting that slip. I hadn’t even told Rob yet.

“Well, I want to be there. I have a right to be there if she could be mine.”

“Fuck off, Michael. You lost any rights you may have had when you did all this shit to me! If she is yours, I’ll do everything in my power to keep her away from you. Rob would be a better father than you anyway.” That pissed him off. As he flew to his feet, I did the same, instantly backing away from him.

“Don’t look at me like that; I’m not going to hurt you,” he said.

“I’m never sure anymore,” I said seriously. “I want you to leave now, and don’t come back. Ever. I’ll contact you if I need you.”

“You can’t do this, Kristen.”

At that moment I heard the front door swing open and close loudly. I stepped around the corner to see Rob standing there, coming towards me. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Rob?” A huge smile spread across my face and I ran to him. I threw my arms around his neck, and flinched momentarily as his arms went around my waist. I must have been bruised from the car door slamming on me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I am now. Don’t freak out. He’s leaving.”

He set me down then. “Who?”

As if on cue, Michael walked around the corner. I thought I heard Rob growl for a moment.

“Get out!” Rob demanded.

Michael walked towards the door, stopping as he met Rob. “If she’s mine, I will see her.”

Rob looked at me.

“It’s a girl,” I said.

“You won’t see shit, Michael. I don’t care if she is yours.” Rob suddenly grabbed Michael by the collar on his shirt and threw him against the back of the door. “If you ever touch Kristen again, so help me God, I will kill you. You will never see that baby. I hope she’s mine and I hope you curse yourself everyday for creating such a fucked up plan, and watching how beautifully it turns out in our favor. Get out!” Rob let him go and opened the door. Michael walked out willingly.

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” I said, admiring Rob’s way with Michael.

Rob laughed. “I had a bit to drink on the plane. Liquid courage.”

I went to him, wrapping my arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

“My agent saw what happened on the news. I saw the pictures. You wouldn’t answer your phone. I had to come. I was worried sick about you.”

I squeezed him tighter. “Thank you. You’re exactly what I needed.” I started crying into his chest. “Rob, I don’t know what to do with a girl. I don’t want it to be his. It can’t be. I can’t deal with him for the next 18 years, I can’t.”

His hand ran up and down my back reassuringly. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

I don’t know how long we stood in the foyer holding each other like that. It seemed like a long time. I just didn’t want to let go.

“You’ve really grown,” Rob said, referring to my stomach.

I looked down. “Yea, I can’t believe I’m going to be a mom in four months. I can’t even fathom it yet.” I shook my head and walked away from Rob, sitting on the couch.

He followed me and sat beside me. He leaned back on the couch and blew out a deep breath. He looked agitated.

I turned to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I have to be back by 10:00 a.m. My flight leaves at 4:30 a.m.”

“Are you serious? That’s in like...seven hours.”

He exhaled. “I know, I just had to make sure you were okay. I wanted to see you, if only for seven hours. I feel terrible not being able to be here, and especially now that Michael knows. If you would have just answered your damn phone I wouldn’t have had to fly across the country.”

“I just needed a fucking minute to myself. Sorry I made you fly across the country.” I got off the couch and stomped to our bedroom, slamming the door. I heard him yelling my name after me.

“Kristen!”


***Author’s Note: Sorry to leave ya’ll hanging like that, but it was the best place to stop! I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! Also, check out my new Robsten mini series! Read the introduction first here:

http://twisagagrl118.blogspot.com/2010/01/robsten-lyrical-mini-series-rlms.html

And the first part here:

http://twisagagrl118.blogspot.com/2010/01/rlms-1-i-cant-stay-away.html

Thanks! Enjoy and leave comments! You should be able to comment anonymously now!

Follow me on Twitter for the latest on updates! @AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 14 - CLICK HERE**

RLMS (1) "I Can't Stay Away"

This one shot is based on the lyrics of the following song. I’ve included the lyrics for your convenience!

I Can’t Stay Away... (by The Veronicas)

This is wrong
I should be gone
Yet here we lay
'Cause I can't stay away

Roses bloom
In your dirty room
I come to play
'Cause I can't stay away
No I can't stay away-ay

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I was numb
For you I come
Night and day
And I can't stay away
No I can't stay away

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I wish I could
Leave and never return
Baby, I know I should
But for you I'd burn

Stay away
'Cause I can't stay away-ay

I'm conflicted
I inhale now I'm addicted
To this place
To you babe
I can't stay away
Can't stay away
We get up, we go down
Then we go one more round
It's wrong, they say
I can't stay a- I can't stay away
No I can't stay a- I can't stay away

I can't stay away
I can't stay away
I can't stay away
I can't stay away





I Can’t Stay Away

I know this is wrong. You know this is wrong. We do it anyway.

I have a boyfriend, who is my best friend. I’m only 17. Maybe that’s why I find you so intriguing. When I’m with you, I forget about him.

We’ve been warned, by everyone. This is forbidden. You are four years my senior and we work together. There are clauses in our contracts about this. However, everything about you intoxicates me. You own me and you don’t even know it. I try to act so unaffected by you, but everything inside me is screaming your name.

I sit in my hotel room, two doors down from yours, wondering if I should come to you tonight. It had been nearly a month since we misbehaved. We still hung out frequently after filming had wrapped for the day, but we always tried to behave. This physical thing we had was completely unspoken of. It was like we were afraid to admit that it ever happened, multiple times.

I left your room only an hour ago. We ate pizza and watched late night television. We played guitar and laughed at each other. We went our separate ways at midnight. We normally tried to get at least a few hours of sleep.

This was all your fault anyway. We had always been friends, we always hung out. One night when we first started filming, I left your room to head to mine. A couple hours later, I realized I had left my cell phone in your room. I knocked on your door, for a few minutes. When you finally came to the door, you wearing only a towel. You had just gotten out of the shower. I couldn’t speak. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t make words come out of my mouth. There was this bulge in the towel and I couldn’t take my eyes off of it. I literally couldn’t make my eyes move from that spot.

It was all down hill from there. We never spoke about that night, or the several nights that followed. It was always sporadic and random. We didn’t pressure each other. We never talked about it. It just happened.

I wanted it to happen again. Every time was better than the last. I couldn’t fight it anymore. I wandered down the hall in my little tank top and flannel pants. I knocked on your door while I tried to think of an excuse as to why I would be there.

You opened the door and smiled that crooked smile at me. I turned to mush.

“I can’t stay away,” I said softly.

That crooked smile got bigger. “Good,” you responded. You pulled me into your room and into your arms. You kissed me like I had never been kissed before. Your kisses were passionate, desperate, all inspiring. In that moment, I had never wanted anything more in my entire life.

We twirled aimlessly towards the bed as we frantically tried to remove each other’s clothing. I stumbled backwards to the bed, thinking it was closer than it was. Your hand was there to catch me when I began to fall. You lowered me to the bed, all the while never breaking eye contact with me. Your eyes pierced mine and I couldn’t look away. Your eyes can see straight through me. I hoped they saw how truly affected I was by you.

Your hands came around to the front of me, trailing down my stomach. You gently pulled off my flannel pajama pants. I didn’t have anything on underneath. That silly grin spread across your face, and it made my heart swell. I scooted back on the bed, and you followed, hovering above me. Your eyes ran up and down my bare body, taking it all in. I didn’t feel nervous, or shy. It was kind of exciting. I ran my hands up your bare chest and pulled you down to me so I could kiss you. Your lips felt like heaven on Earth, soft, moist and gentle. You always handled me like I was the most delicate creature. It was endearing.

You peppered soft kisses along my jaw and down my neck before drawing lazy circles with your tongue in the crook of my neck. I smiled to myself, wondering how I went an entire month without this, without you like this.

As your messy hair brushed across my face, I inhaled your scent. It was dark, smokey, natural and most of all, addictive.

Your lips found mine again. Our tongues danced a slow, sensual dance for a long time. Tasting you was like tasting sugar for the first time, so sweet. As much as I enjoyed kissing you, another part of my body was screaming for your undivided attention.

I gently pushed you up, just barely separating our lips. “Take me, touch me, feel me,” I barely whispered the words against your lips. A fire ignited in your eyes. Your tongue trailed down my body, between my breasts, and down my stomach. When your hands gripped my hips, it sent a chill through me. Your hands moved down between my legs, tracing the inside of my thighs. I could feel your breath against my most sensitive area and it was nearly my undoing. You trailed kisses from the inside of right my thigh, starting at my knee, and slowly making your way North. Just when I thought you would finally taste me, you backed away, and followed suit with my left thigh. Feeling your hands and lips on me was the most wonderful of sensations, but I wanted more.

“Rob, I want you. Please!” I breathed.

With that, a throaty moan escaped you and you ran one finger down between my folds. “I know you do. You’re so wet, Kristen,” you said, as you explored me with your finger again.

I moaned, pleading with you. You finally tasted me and explored me with your wet velvet tongue. Everything inside me was on fire. My limbs were cold, but I felt flames clawing at the underside of my skin, begging to escape.

When your fingers entered me and moved inside me in perfect rhythm to your tongue against my bundle of nerves, the flames escaped. The most pleasurable sensation crashed over me like a wave. It started at my center and rolled outwards, like the epicenter of an earthquake. I didn’t begin to catch my breath until the waves rolled out into a smooth sea.

My knees shook and I gently pushed you from between my legs, as I was too sensitive to handle your touch any longer. Your hands gently covered my shaking knees, steadying them. You smiled down at me, and I grinned back at you.

“That, is the reason I can’t stay away,” I breathed in satisfaction.

You let go of my knees and settled between my legs. As you put most of your weight on your right arm, your left hand traced my silhouette, from my hip, all the way to my lips. You traced my bottom lip with your thumb, before gently pushing a stray strand of my hair back behind my ear. “Is that the only reason you can’t stay away?” you whispered.

My breath hitched. My heart stopped beating. What did you mean?

I answered the best way I knew how. “There a million more reasons why I can’t stay away from you.” My hand came up to cup your face and I kissed you with everything I had. I wanted you to know, I meant what I said.

When I finally freed your lips from mine, you looked away and sighed, in what sounded like frustration.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

I caught you off guard. You quickly glanced back to me, and put on a pretend smile. “Nothing is wrong. Everything is perfect.” You kissed me again and I quickly forgot your troubled look.

You gently spread my legs apart and I felt you, hard and ready, at my entrance. A huge grin swept my face in anticipation of you inside me. You laughed at me and then you filled me.

I felt my eyes roll back in my head. I don’t know why you felt so different from my boyfriend, but you did. You felt amazing. You made me feel beautiful and wanted.

I loved seeing you so vulnerable. At any other time, we’re just good friends, and you make a joke of everything. Now, though, when we’re like this, you’re serious. You always joke about liking me, about me leaving my boyfriend. When we’re like this, I believe you.

Feeling you move rhythmically inside me was incredible. You left no square inch of my body untouched. I wanted to explore you like that. I pushed against you and you stopped moving.

“What?” you asked.

“Um...” I shyly glanced away, before bringing my eyes back to yours. “I’d like to go for a ride.”

Your grin was heart stopping. You put an arm around my waist, behind my back, and in one motion, you flipped us, without ever leaving my body. Now I was on top, ready to ride the Rob roller coaster. I looked your naked body over, wondering where to start my assault first. You were so different from Michael, and I loved it. I loved your long, lean frame, the spattering of chest hair, your soft happy trail, I loved it all. I leaned down against your chest and kissed you, everywhere my lips could reach.

Your hands tightly gripped my hips, guiding me at your pace. I wanted to go at my own pace.

I sat back, my hands covered yours and slowly moved them up my body, resting over my breasts. “Here,” I said, referring to where I wanted them. “Please keep your hands inside the ride, on the handle bars, at all times, until we come to a complete stop.”

You smiled back at me as you kneaded my breasts in your hands. “This is going to be one hell of a ride,” you said.

I leaned down to you, and whispered in your ear, “Is that a promise?” I asked, before nibbling your ear lobe.

You moaned, delighted. “What has gotten into you, Kristen?”

“You,” I answered honestly. We both smiled simultaneously and I began moving on top of you. You felt so good. I closed my eyes, as I picked up the pace, and enjoyed the sensations of your hands on me and you inside me.

At one point I opened my eyes, only to find yours staring back at me intently. Neither one of us spoke, we just looked at each other. I don’t know why, but it was so erotic. You broke our staring contest first. You clinched your teeth momentarily and your eyes shut. Your face squished up so cutely.

“Ohhh, Kristen!”

I smiled to myself. That was always my favorite part, listening to you say my name. I rocked my hips against yours even harder, your hands raked across my skin, over my breasts and down my stomach, latching on to my hips. You began thrusting your hips into mine at the exact time I thrust mine into yours. We were in perfect rhythm. I felt everything inside me start to scream. I felt that little familiar tingling feeling building between my legs.

Your eyes were squeezed tightly shut and, for a change, you were biting your bottom lip.

You moaned, “Fuck, Kristen, I’m about to come...”

We never used protection. It just didn’t start out that way, and I wanted nothing between us. Normally, though, that would be my queue to slip off of you and take you in my mouth. This time though, I was enjoying the look on your face entirely too much to move.

The pressure continued to build between my legs and I could feel you tensing inside me. You stopped thrusting and began pushing at my hips, warning me to move. I held on. I rocked my hips harder against you. The friction was sending me over the edge.

We came at the same time. I’ve never heard a more beautiful sound, than that of you saying my name when you came.

I collapsed onto your chest. Your arms instantly surrounded me, your finger tips drawing a beautiful portrait against my skin.

“That was wonderful,” I said as I nuzzled into the crook of your neck.

I could feel you smile and I smiled too. I eventually left the comfort of you and excused myself to the bathroom to clean up. I never stayed the night, normally. But I so badly wanted to on this night. I wasn’t sure what you’d think of that.

I came out of the bathroom, you appeared to already be asleep. I quietly crawled in bed next to you. I wanted to touch you, but I didn’t want to wake you. As I lay next to you contemplating what to do, you rolled on to your side, towards me, and scooped me up next you. I smiled contently, loving your smell and your warmth.

“Kris?”

I thought you were sleeping. “Yea?”

“Remember when you asked what was wrong with me earlier?” you asked.

“Yes.”

“There is something wrong.”

I turned my head so I could see you behind me. “What is it?” I asked.

You sighed and looked me directly in the eyes. “I don’t want to share you anymore.”

I smiled, “Rob, I don’t want to be shared.”

We kissed briefly before falling asleep together, and in that moment, everything was bliss.




***Author’s Note: Hope you guys like this! Let know what your suggestions for future songs are!

Follow me on Twitter!! @AllOrNothingKR

Robsten Lyrical Mini Series (RLMS) - INTRODUCTION

Hello everyone! Thanks for hanging in there with me, it’s been a rough year so far! I’m starting a new Robsten mini series of sorts and this blog is just to tell you about it! It’s going to be called “Robsten Lyrical Mini Series”. It’s a collection of one-shots based on lyrics of a song. I decide on what lyrics I want to use first, and then I write the one shot. They are going to be a little x-rated! I know some of you will be thrilled with that, and some of the younger ones, not so much! I don’t think anything I write will be “vulgar,” but you use your own judgment. I’m sure most of you have done worst things behind closed doors!

I’ve chosen the first song myself, but I’d like you all to chose future ones! Feel free to leave comments/song suggestions here (you should be able to leave them anonymously now) or you can get them to me via Twitter! (@AllOrNothingKR). Or, if your not technologically inclined to do either of those, you can email me directly at AllOrNothingKR@gmail.com. So, if you hear a song you like and you want me to write something to it...let me know!

The titles of the new series will be “RLMS (1) ___________” and the name of the song will go in the blank - so that’s how you can locate them in the archive. I’ll be posting the very first one next! I hope to maybe do a couple of these a month, but not as frequently as weekly so I can keep up with the other stories!

I’m going to post the first RLMS one-shot and then I will update Never Think! Thank the blizzard Tennessee is getting for all this updating in one day!

Enjoy!

Repentance - Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3:

It was late when I got in and Alice was asleep on the couch. She woke up when I closed the door behind me.

“Hey,” she yawned. “How did it go?”

I grinned from ear to ear. “It went really well.”

She laughed and patted the spot next to her on the couch. “Tell me everything!”

We sat on the couch for over an hour and I told her every little detail. She was really excited for me.

“He’s so gorgeous, Alice. I just don’t get what he sees in me! We’re from two different worlds.”

“Stop being so hard on yourself, Bella. Any man would be lucky to have you!”

I sighed. “Well, I guess we’ll see if he calls tomorrow. I don’t want to like him, but I do.”

Alice laughed. “Why don’t you want to like him? What isn’t to like! He’s gorgeous, rich and smart!”

“I don’t know. I just don’t want to get hurt.”

“You have to learn to take risks, Bella. No pain, no gain.”

“Yea, in case you haven’t noticed, Alice, I’m not much of a risk taker,” I laughed.

“Maybe it’s time for change, Bella,” Alice said seriously.

“Maybe, but it’s still early. What do I tell him if he asks about Masen?”

“I don’t know. I was wondering about that too.”

I sighed. “I’m not telling him the truth, I can’t.”

Alice shook her head in agreement. “How about your high school sweetheart? When you got pregnant, he left. That sounds good, right?”

I laughed. “I guess.”

“I’ve got to get going. See you next week!”

“Okay, thanks again.”

She smiled and let herself out.

I didn’t sleep much that night. I couldn’t help but see Edward’s striking features when I closed my eyes. I found myself wondering what he looked like without clothes on. Those thoughts especially scared me.

I was grateful when the sun finally rose and I could get out of bed. I used the few hours Masen slept in to get some homework and cleaning done. It was shortly before noon when I heard my cell ringing. I tripped over one of Masen’s toys while running to the kitchen to find my purse.

“Hello?” I answered, breathless. Masen was still laughing loudly at my clumsiness.

Edward laughed. “What’s got him so tickled?”

I laughed too. “He’s laughing at me. I tripped trying to get to the phone.”

“I wish I could’ve seen that!”

“No, really, it was quite embarrassing, even if he’s the only one who saw it.”

Edward laughed again. “Well, I hope it’s not too soon, but I wanted to see if you’d like to go to dinner again, tonight perhaps?”

“Um...,” I hesitated. “Well, I’d like to, but I don’t think I am able to.”

“You can say no, if you want.”

I laughed. “No, I mean, no, I want to.” I fumbled my words. “Its just that, I can’t ask Alice to keep Masen again. The weekends are the only time she and Jasper really get together and I kept her from him last night.”

“Is Jasper her boyfriend?”

“Oh, yea, sorry.”

He laughed. “That’s alright. Well, you can say no, but what if I make you and Masen dinner, at my place. I really like you, Bella. I know our schedules are insanely busy during the week, so I guess I’m being greedy by wanting to see you again tonight.”

I giggled and my heart raced. “Are you sure? I mean, dealing with me is one thing, but dealing with me and Masen will be a handful.”

Edward laughed. “I’m sure I can handle it. Does Masen require any sort of special diet?”

“No, he can eat whatever we eat. Whether he will or not, is another story. But I’ll take care of him, you just worry about us.”

“I can do that. How does 6 o’clock sound?”

“That’s fine, but there’s one other problem.”

“What is that?” Edward asked.

“Um, I don’t have a car and I don’t like to take the bus after dark with Masen.”

“I’ll pick you both up at 5:30 p.m. then, you’ll just have to help me cook.”

I smiled. “You’ve got yourself a deal.”

As soon as I got off the phone with him I started frantically running around the house wondering what Masen and I were going to wear. I called Alice for suggestions and between the two of us we figured it out. She also suggested I bring desert, which was a good idea.

Masen and I ran to the store and got the necessary ingredients. I spent the majority of the afternoon making sure my homemade apple pie turned out perfectly.

As soon as I got Masen down for his nap, I hit the shower and began the never ending task of my hair. I wanted to wear it down, for Edward. I tried to mimic what Alice had done to it the previous evening, but I wasn’t exactly successful. I clipped some of it back from my face and left the majority of it down and slightly wavy. I decided on a v-neck, fitted, dark crimson imitation cashmere sweater with a nice pair of dark wash skinny jeans. A black belt and black ballet flats finished the look. I wanted to be casual, but still look nice. I dressed Masen in blue jeans and a dark blue sweater and then I gave him a talk.

“Masen, we’re going to visit a friend for dinner tonight, okay?”

Masen eagerly shook his head. “Ms. Alwice?” he asked.

“No, not Ms. Alice. We’re going to see my friend, Edward. You have to be on your best behavior, okay?”

Masen laughed and shook his head in agreement. “Try not to have a stinky in your diaper, that’s not cute,” I joked.

Masen giggled. “tinky!” he exclaimed. Stinky was his newest word and he loved repeating it. I got all of our things together and set them by the door. Between my purse, Masen’s diaper bag, a smaller bag full of things to entertain him and his car seat, Edward would think we were moving in. The site at the front door almost made me want to cry. It was such a production to go anywhere. Surely Edward wouldn’t be expecting all this, but it was necessary with an 18 month old. I was making sure I had everything together when I heard a knock at the door.

I took a deep breath and opened the door. “Hi, Edward. Come on in.”

Edward came inside and stood near the door while I went to grab Masen. He started screaming as soon as I told him we were leaving. “What’s wrong? I told you we were leaving.”

He started pointing behind me. “Unky!”

“You’re monkey. Right. We’ll get your monkey.” I ran back to the bedroom and grabbed his stuffed monkey from his crib. I met Edward back at the front door. “Are you sure your ready for this?” I laughed.

Edward laughed too. “I’m sure.”

“Okay, well, we have to get all of this stuff downstairs,” I said, gesturing to the pile next to the door.

“Oh, wow. I didn’t even think about a car seat!” Edward laughed.

“Yea, it’s a big production to take us anywhere.”

“Nonsense, Bella,” Edward said, grabbing the car seat and the diaper bag. I took Masen and my purse. I couldn’t believe how willing he was to jump in and help with Masen. We made it outside and down the street a little ways to Edward’s car. He opened the passenger side door and scooted the seat up and placed the car seat in the back seat. “I have no idea how to install that thing,” he laughed.

“I’ll do it. Do you mind holding him for a second? If I put him down, he’ll disappear.”

Edward laughed. “I don’t mind at all,” he said as he took Masen from me. I struggled with the car seat for a few minutes. I was used to having a little more room in a four door car, unlike Edward’s two door.

I was a little surprised when I turned around. Masen was asleep in Edward’s arms, his head nuzzled into his neck. Edward was brushing a lock of hair back from Masen’s eye. Our eyes met and Edward smiled at me. My heart melted. Edward stepped around me and placed Masen in the car seat. “I’ll let you buckle him in. I’ll probably screw it up.”

I laughed at him and did as he suggested. It was a quiet ride to his apartment on the other side of town. He lived in a nice area, like Alice. We took the elevator to the 10th floor and entered his apartment. Masen was still asleep and I placed him on a blanket on the floor with some pillows around him from Edward’s couch.

“You have an amazing waterfront view,” I said, looking out the wall of windows in his living room.

“Yea, that’s why I got this place. It’s a little small, but it works, and you can’t beat the view.

I continued to look around his apartment. “I didn’t know you were musically inclined too,” I said, noting his guitar and keyboard in the corner. “Is there anything you can’t do?” I joked.

Edward laughed. “I can’t instal car seats.”

I laughed too and nudged him in the side.

We started working on dinner in the kitchen. He was making baked salmon, baked potatoes and a salad. I was cutting up tomatoes for the salad when we suddenly heard the guitar being played in the living room. I dropped what I was doing and ran in there. Masen was picking at the strings on the guitar. I started to go get him when I felt Edward’s hand grab my wrist, pulling me back.

“It’s okay. Let him,” Edward said, staring at Masen.

“I don’t want him to break anything.”

“He won’t. Has he seen a guitar before?”

“Never.”

Edward laughed. “Amazing.”

“What?”

He looked at me. “Oh, nothing. It’s just that, I was about his age when I first became fascinated with the guitar.” Edward left my side and went over and picked up the guitar. He sat down on the couch and Masen followed him, sitting directly in front of him on the floor. Edward started playing. Masen watched him; his eyes fixated on Edward’s fingers strumming the acoustic guitar.

The site made me a little sad. I’d never be able to afford to give Masen a guitar, or lessons. I went back to the kitchen and continued preparing the salad. A few minutes later Edward joined me in the kitchen, carrying Masen.

“I want one doze mommy,” Masen said, referring to the guitar.

I laughed. “Maybe when you’re older.”

Edward passed Masen off to me to finish dinner. “Here,” he said, handing me a glass of wine. “Go have a seat, relax, I’ll take care of this.”

I smiled and went into the living room and sipped my wine while playing with Masen.

Edward popped his head in the living room about 45 minutes later. “Dinner’s ready.” I picked Masen up and went to the small dining area off of the kitchen.

“Wow, this looks really good,” I said, as I sat down.

“I hope you like it.”

I mashed a baked potato up for Masen and fed him some of my salmon. He liked it as much as I did.

The dinner conversation mainly focused around Masen being silly. It amazed me how enthralled Edward seemed to be with Masen. It was as if he had never been around a child before. Maybe he hadn’t. Edward seemed amazed by everything Masen did, it was cute.

Edward stopped me when I tried to help with the dishes. “I’ll take care of this,” he insisted.

“Okay,” I finally agreed. “Edward, is there somewhere I can put Masen down? I mean, he can stay in the living room with us, but we can’t be noisy.”

Edward laughed. “Noisy? What did you have in mind, Bella?”

I blushed. “I...that’s not what I meant...never mind.”

Edward laughed loudly. “I’m just messing with you. He can sleep on my bed. It’s down the hall on the right.”

“Okay, I have to read him a story first, so I may be a few minutes.”

“Of course, take your time, Bella.”

I smiled and got Masen and headed to Edward’s bedroom. It felt kind of awkward being in there without him. It was perfectly spotless though. I changed Masen’s diaper before I started his story. He was asleep before I finished. I put some pillows around him and joined Edward in the living room.

“He’s out,” I said, sitting next to Edward on the couch.

Edward smiled. “He’s a great kid.”

“Yea, he is. I keep waiting for him to turn into a monster,” I laughed.

Edward laughed too. “Why would he do that?”

At that point, I realized what I had said. That was always my biggest fear, Masen becoming like his father. “Um...I don’t know. Never mind.”

Edward seemed to sense my uneasiness and he didn’t ask anymore questions.

“Are you ready for dessert?” I asked, to break the awkward silence.

“Sure.”

We both headed to the kitchen and I warmed up two slices of the apple pie.

“Apple pie is one of my favorites and I have just the thing to go with it!” he said, as he pulled a container of vanilla bean ice cream from the stainless steel freezer.

“Mmm! That will be good!” We made our plates and went back and sat on the couch.

“So, Edward, tell me something.”

“What?” he asked.

“What do you want with a girl like me?”

He laughed. “What do you mean, a girl like you?”

“Well, I mean, we’re obviously from two different worlds. I’m a single mom, I live in government housing and can barely pay the bills.” I laughed.

His face turned serious. “Bella, none of that matters to me. I don’t know why. I was initially just drawn to you. You’re beautiful, and last night, I learned so much more about you, and I really like what I’ve seen of you so far. You’re not pretentious like other girls. You’re real and your passionate and you’re smart and caring and you give 110 percent at everything you do.”

I stared at him blankly. I couldn’t remember the last time someone took the time to get to know me, instead of classifying me as a whore, or single mother on food stamps. He stared at my lips and he moved closer to me. His hand caressed my cheek. His lips were mere inches from mine and my heart was thundering inside my chest.

“Is it alright if I kiss you?” he whispered against my lips.

I shook my head and instantly felt his lips against mine. Time seemed to stop. I set my plate in my lap and my hands made there way around his neck and into his wild hair. Everything inside me was on fire. I couldn’t help the way my body reacted when I was around him.

He pulled my bottom lip between his, sucking gently and pulling slightly away from me. “And you’re an amazing kisser,” he said, before lightly pressing his lips to mine again.

I smiled against his lips. He tasted incredible. I finally pulled away from him, grinning from ear to ear. “I should get going.”

He shook his head in agreement. We got Masen and gathered my things together before heading to the car. Fortunately, it was parked in the garage. It was pouring rain. I momentarily had a flash back to that night when I looked out on to the street from the covered garage. I didn’t realize I had stopped walking until Edward turned back and looked at me.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

“Oh, yes. I’m sorry. I just don’t like the rain.”

He didn’t say anything. He walked back over to me and put his arm around my waist and led me to his car.

When we arrived at my apartment it was still raining and we had too much to carry to deal with an umbrella, so we got wet. Edward came in and I put Masen to bed. I met him at the door.

“Thank you for dinner; it was wonderful.”

He smiled. “Anytime. Maybe I’ll catch you at the library sometime this week, otherwise, I hope to see you next weekend.”

“Definitely,” I grinned.

He grabbed my hands and pulled me closer to him, pressing his lips to mine. His hands left mine and his arms wrapped around me. His scent, again intoxicated me, and I wanted nothing more than to take him to bed with me. But I couldn’t. Our lips finally parted.

“I can’t get enough of you,” he whispered against my lips.

I smiled against his lips before kissing him again momentarily and then pulling away. “Goodnight, Edward.”

He laughed and kissed my forehead. “I’ll call you. I hope you have good week.”

“Thank you.”

“Goodnight, Bella.” He walked out the door and as I closed it behind him, I exhaled, feeling like I had been holding my breath all night. I couldn’t help but to do a little happy dance around my living room before calling Alice and telling her everything.

***Author’s Note: Hey! Sorry this update took SOOOO long. This year has not been kind to me and it’s taken me a while to get my brain functioning again. Things should move a long better from here, hopefully! I hope you all liked this chapter! Thanks reading and reviewing!

Follow me on Twitter! @ AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 4 - CLICK HERE**

Never Think - Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12:


My mom arrived the following morning. I did a few voice overs in the studio, but otherwise, I didn’t do any filming. They couldn’t make my puffy face look “Bella” enough.

My mom took me the doctor and they pretty much just confirmed what the doctor in the hospital did. I was almost eight weeks pregnant. I was due just before Christmas. If I counted correctly, that would mean the baby was conceived the weekend I snuck off to L. A. to see Michael, and ended up with Rob. I was with both of them. I had never felt more dirty than the moment I realized I really had no way of knowing who the baby’s father was.

I cried to the point of hyperventilation on the way back to the hotel. Rob had been blowing my phone up all day, but I couldn’t talk to him. My mom was starting to drive me nuts, insisting I tell him.

I laid down on the bed when we returned to my room and just cried.

My mom sat next to me. “Kristen, you have to stop this. Get it together. What do you want to do? I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be a mom! I don’t even like kids!”

“Well, you can have an abortion.”

“Yea, just what I need. I can hear the press now!”

My mom sighed when she heard my phone ringing, again. “Will you please talk to him?”

“And say what, Mom? Oh, by the way, I could be pregnant with either your or Michael’s baby.” I laughed half heartedly at the thought, and then I cried. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in Rob’s arms and have him tell me everything would be okay. But I knew it wouldn’t be. Everything was at stake, including my career and my relationship with Rob.

I finally decided I might as well get it over with. I wiped my eyes. “Will you go get him? He’s three doors down on the right.”

My mom shook her head. “I’ll go back to my room, I’ll check on you tonight, okay? Get some rest after he leaves.”

I nodded my head and felt the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as she left the room. I had to really concentrate so as not to run to the bathroom and lose my lunch. I was so scared.

He startled me when he came rushing through the door a few minutes later. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you alright? Why is your mom here?”

Hot tears poured down my cheeks as he sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me. As I cried into his chest, I wanted to prolong the inevitable. I wanted to stay right there, safe, loved, forever.

“Please,” he begged. “Tell me.”

I couldn’t even look at him. “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes got huge and the comfort of his arms around me disappeared. “I thought you were on the pill?”

“I was. I am. I found out Michael had been switching my pills out for the past four months, trying to get me pregnant, to stay with him.”

Rob’s face turned pale. “How far along are you?”

“Almost eight weeks.”

I could see him doing the math in his head. “Los Angeles,” he said.

I shook my head as tears nearly drowned me.

“You were with both of us that weekend. You could be carrying that bastard’s fucking child!” He stood and started pacing the floor. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Rob stormed out of the door, slamming it behind him, before I could say another word.

***

For the next three days I laid on my bed in the hotel room and cried until I was out of tears. My mom told the producers I was really sick and still recovering from the incident with Michael. I hadn’t seen or heard from Rob since he left. It absolutely tore my heart out. The worse part of all was knowing that even if there was a slight chance I was carrying Rob’s baby, I couldn’t have an abortion. I couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt anything that was a part of him. I couldn’t even bring myself to consider the fact that it could be Michael’s. I was so confused. A knock at the door brought me out of my daze. My heart stopped beating when I realized it was our knock.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way to the door. I hadn’t showered in two days and my face was red and swollen. I didn’t care.

I opened the door and stood to the side, inviting him in.

He immediately embraced me. “I’m so sorry.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief and went to sit down on the edge of the bed. I stared at him, thinking it had been too long since I had seen his face.

“Kristen, I’ve spent the past few days really thinking about things. I’ve decided that I’ll support whatever you want to do,” he said quietly. “If it’s a part of you, I’ll learn to love it, even if it isn’t mine. I fought to fucking long to have you, just to let that ass hole come between us.”

I hugged his neck. “Thank you. That’s exactly what I needed. I’m so scared, Rob.”

He rubbed my back. “Me too.”

“Rob, please know...if I knew, for sure, that it was his, I’d have an abortion. I wouldn’t do that to you. But, just knowing that there’s a chance that it’s yours...I can’t.” I cried.

“Can’t you find out?” he asked.

“Yes, later on. But, it’s not without risks.”

“There’s no point I guess.” His expression turned very serious. “Kristen, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together, I’ll love it if it’s his, but there’s one condition.”

“What?” I asked.

“Don’t tell him.”

That was easy. The thought never crossed my mind. “I’m not. I don’t want him to know. I don’t care if I have to stay inside my house 24 hours a day for nine months. I don’t want anyone to know. Not right now.”

Rob shook his head in agreement. We didn’t want to know what kind of schemes Michael would come up with if he knew there was a possibility I was pregnant with his child.

***

The next several weeks were spent finishing the filming of New Moon and quietly re-organizing almost two years of filming schedules, saying that I needed some time off. The filming of Eclipse would begin almost four months after the baby was born.

It seemed like I never slept anymore. Rob and I stayed up most nights incessantly worrying about things that were out of our control. I got massive backlash from my co-stars when they found out Eclipse had been pushed back for no apparent reason, other than me needing a vacation. I tried not to let it get to me. They would understand eventually. My mom was on a search for a house in L. A. for Rob and I. And the baby.

I had basically decided that I was never going to leave the house once I started showing. Rob and I contemplated marriage a few times, but decided it wasn’t necessary. Not that I didn’t want to marry him; I did. But not under these circumstances.

Once we were back in L.A. Rob initially stayed at my condo with me, we didn’t care so much anymore about being seen together, but we weren’t officially going to announce it.

After changing cars several times, the three of us, my mom, Rob and me, made it unnoticed by the paparazzi into my first ultrasound appointment. It was the first time I didn’t resent the thing growing inside me. It was the first time it really felt real. It looked like a little peanut. I heard its heartbeat, and for a moment, the world stopped spinning. There were two hearts inside me and that fact absolutely boggled my mind.

When the technician turned off the ultrasound machine and began cleaning me up, Rob kissed my hand and whispered into my ear, “I promise I’ll love it, even if it’s his.” I had been on the edge of tears all day and those words pushed me over. I cried, because I knew he was being honest, and I knew I already loved it, no matter whose it was.

***

We only had a few more days together before Rob left for New York to film another movie. He’d be gone for nearly three months and the thought of it made it hard to breathe. He had been my rock the last several weeks. We spent our final days together getting settled in our new home. I insisted I didn’t want anything big or flashy and I wanted it to be homey. I wanted it to be secluded and gated, and safe. My mom found the perfect place, and we loved it. It sat atop a large hill in a small clearing in the woods about thirty minutes outside of L. A. and only twenty minutes from my mom’s house. There was an attached three car garage behind the house and when you walked in the front door, you could see straight out to the back, through the large windows. There was an amazing view of the valley out back. The house had beautiful hard wood floors, a large fireplace, designer kitchen, and a modest three bedroom floor plan, with an office. Our master bedroom was to the left of the hallway leading off the living room, while the office and other two smaller bedrooms were to the right.

There was also a fully finished basement that included a guest suite, bonus room, and theatre room. Rob liked spending time in the theatre room because it was sound proof and he could play his music there without bothering me.

We had been moved in and unpacked for only three days when several boxes started arriving via FedEx, that Rob insisted I wasn’t allowed to open until he said so.

It was our last night together when, before bed, he said, “It’s time.”

“Time for what?” I asked groggily, getting up from the leather chair and heading upstairs from the theatre room.

He followed behind me. “To open the boxes.”

That woke me up a little bit. As I reached the top of the stairs I saw the boxes neatly stacked up by the front door.

“Open the smallest one last,” he said.

As I eagerly got through all the boxes I realized they were full of things to keep me entertained while he was gone, and while I was stuck in this house for the next five and a half months. There were lots and lots of books and movies, and various other things.

“One of those is for me,” he said, as I made my way through the books.

I laughed when I understood what he was talking about. “What to Expect as a First Time Father?” I asked.

He laughed, “I don’t have a clue, I figured I could read it while I’m gone, there’s one for moms too, and some others.”

I was touched by his thoughtfulness. There were nearly a dozen books on what to expect during pregnancy, labor, and the first years.

I laughed. “I’m going to be an encyclopedia by the time you get back.”

Rob smiled. “Good, one of us needs to be prepared.”

I reached over and kissed him softly. “Thank you. I needed this.”

His hand caressed my cheek and I was momentarily saddened by the thought of not feeling his touch again for a long time.

“Don’t forget the small one,” he said.

“Oh, right.” I unburied the smallest box from the large collection of cardboard and paper that had gathered.

I gasped when I opened it. “Rob!”

He smiled. “His or her first pair of Converse.”

They were little baby black and white Converse sneakers. They were so freaking adorable. I think it was the first time I started to get excited about all of this. “Rob, that’s so sweet, I love them!”

He kissed my forehead. “I’m glad.”

He helped me add all my new books to the book shelves in the living room and put the movies in the theatre room before cleaning up the mess we made. All that was left were the baby sneakers, sitting alone in the middle of the floor.

We both looked at the sneakers, then each other, wondering where we should put them. “I guess we need to decide on a room,” he finally said.

“I guess so.” I hadn’t even thought about the baby’s room. This was the first baby item I had. We both walked into the hallway, to the right and looked back and forth between the two empty bedrooms.

Rob looked to the left. “This one’s bigger.”

I looked to the right. “This one has more natural light.”

We both stood there silently for a moment. “I like the smaller one, it’s cozy.” I said, as I walked into the empty room. I opened the closet and set the tiny pair of sneakers on the empty shelf. I stepped back and observed the nearly empty closet. “That’s sad.” I said. “I should probably start getting it some things.”

Rob laughed as he took my hand and led me in the opposite direction down the hallway, to our bedroom, where we would spend our last night together for a while.

We made love for hours, savoring everything about each other. As he had done for the past several weeks, he fell asleep with me pulled against his chest, and his hand resting gently on the little bump that was forming on my stomach. I knew it would be impossible to get out of bed without waking him, so I formulated my excuse before I moved.

I wiggled out from his embrace and as I swung my legs over the edge of the large bed, I felt his hand on my back.

“Where are you going?”

I turned to face him. “I can’t sleep. I’m just going to read for a little while. I’ll be back.” I kissed his cheek and left the room.

His daddy book was sitting on top of his suitcase by the door. I picked it up and made quick work of creating a new cover for it out of one of my old ones. I cut it down to size and glued it to the daddy book. I didn’t want Rob to get caught with an expecting fathers book while filming his next movie. Now, people would think he was reading Shakespeare. Perfect, I thought, admiring my handy work and placing it back where I found it.

I crawled back into bed, into my spot against his chest, and placed his hand back on my stomach and for the first time, I thought everything might turn out okay.

The shrill sound of the alarm going off woke me from my nightmare. Lately I had been having horrible dreams about Michael and the baby - him taking the baby to be exact.

Rob reached over me and smacked the alarm on the nightstand because I still hadn’t moved. He noticed my wide eyes when he moved over me.

“Another bad dream?” he asked.

I exhaled sharply and shook my head. I never told him exactly what the dreams were about.

He kissed my forehead. “Go back to sleep, it’s early. I’ll wake you before I go.”

I looked at the alarm clock. It was only 5:00 a.m. I had only slept a few hours. I did as he said and closed my eyes.

It seemed like only moments later when I felt his hands running up and down my bare arm. I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me.

“It’s time,” he said.

I closed my eyes. “Nooo,” I whined.

“You don’t have to get up, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

I opened my eyes. “I’m not whining because I don’t want to get up, stupid!” I’m whining because I don’t want you to leave!”

He crooked smiled. “Oh.”

I sighed. “I’m going to miss that.”

He took my hand and pulled me out of our oversized bed. His arms wrapped around me and I clung to him.

“I’ll miss every absolute beautiful thing about you,” he said as his lips captured mine.

The car honking outside interrupted us.

“My car is here. I have to go.”

I shook my head as I felt his arms disappear from around me and the chill that followed in his absence.

As I followed behind him to the front door, I took a deep breath to hold back the tears that were pooling in my eyes. I had a hard time controlling my emotions lately.

“What is this?” he asked as he picked up his book. “Shakespeare? What happened to my book?”

I laughed. “It is your book. I made a new cover for it, so you could read it on the plane if you wanted.”

He smiled as he flipped through the pages quickly, seeing that it was the same book. “How thoughtful, thank you. I’ll start reading it today!”

I reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. “Be good. I’ll miss you.”

He hugged me quickly. “I’ll miss you too.” He placed his hand on the small bump at my stomach. “Take care of yourself.”

I shook my head and he picked up his bag and went through the door. I stood at the kitchen window, watching his car leave until it disappeared from sight.

As much as I knew I would miss him, I was a little relieved when he was gone. I needed some room to breathe. Moving into our house and getting settled together and having baby books and little baby shoes was making this all entirely too real.


***Author's Note: Sorry this update took forever. I've had a bit of an insane week and weekend. I hope you all liked this chapter. Tell me what you'd like to see happen! (Not that I'll do it...but ya know, you never know!) :) Thanks for reading girls, I appreciate it!

Follow me on Twitter: @AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 13 - CLICK HERE**