Never Think - Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13:

The first few weeks without Rob were pretty painful. I slipped into a pretty deep depression and I didn’t want to talk to him, or anybody else. Part of me loved the baby inside of me, but the other part of me hated it, because I was sure it would ruin my life. I already had to pass on some great movie offers that I was really excited about. I was only 19 years old. I didn’t want a house, and a baby, and baby daddy drama. I wanted to be 19. I wanted to go out and have fun. I wanted to drink too much and act stupid. I wanted to drive fast. I wanted to explore my relationship with Rob more. I wanted to make great movies. I wanted to sleep late. I wanted to travel. I wanted everything a baby wouldn’t allow me to have. And that’s all assuming the baby was Rob’s. The remainder of my life would surely be a living hell if the baby was Michael’s. I couldn’t help this horrible feeling of eventually losing Rob if the baby was Michael’s. There was just no way our relationship could survive Michael’s childish games.

My phone ringing shook me from my thoughts. I glanced at the caller Id. It was Rob. Again. I hated even talking to him because he knew something was wrong and I didn’t want to talk about it with him. He was so utterly excited about the baby that it sort of made me sick. I thought maybe he was playing up his excitement a bit to help me, but it really wasn’t. I begrudgingly answered my phone.

“Hey,” I answered.

“Hey, love. Where have you been? I’ve been calling you all day.”

I nearly laughed. “I’ve been here. I haven’t left this fucking house since you left!” I raised my voice.

“I’m sorry,” he said quietly.

I felt bad. I had been ignoring most of his calls since he left. I was lucky if I talked to him once a day. I did text message him occasionally though. I never called him. “No, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to yell at you.”

He sighed. “Kristen, please tell me what is going on with you. Things haven’t been the same between us since I left. I don’t understand.”

“What’s going on with me? I’m pregnant, Rob! There’s an alien inside me and there’s a 50 percent chance it belongs to the devil! There’s not a whole lot for me to be happy about!”

“Then give it up for adoption,” he said sternly.

That surprised me. It made me think. I already knew the answer though. “I can’t.” I said quietly. “I just wish it never happened.”

“Well it did, and we have to deal with it. Stop pushing me away, or you can deal with it by yourself. I have enough on my plate without having to wonder if you’re going to be there when I get home.”

I was speechless. I knew I was being distant, but it didn’t mean I was going anywhere. I felt like such a bitch. I knew I was the pregnant one, but he was the one who was sticking around to help me raise a kid that may not even be his. I felt tears pooling in my eyes and when I blinked, the dam broke.

“Rob, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make you feel that way. I’ll be here. I’m not going anywhere. All I have is you,” I cried.

I could hear the relief in his voice. “Kristen, it’s okay. Stop crying. I didn’t mean to upset you. I know this is hard on you. I just wish I could be there. I feel like I’m not doing enough.”

“You’re doing more than enough. You’ve been perfect. I’ve been a huge whiney bitch.”

Rob laughed. “Just a little.”

I laughed too, wiping at my tear stained cheeks. I took a deep breath and blew it out. “I’m sorry, really. I’m going to try to be better.”

“I can deal with you being bitchy, but just answer the damn phone at least. I worry about you when you don’t answer.”

“Okay, I promise I’ll do better.”

“Okay. I have to get back on set. Almost a month down, two to go. I miss you like crazy.”

“I miss you too. I love you, Rob.”

“I love you too, baby. I’ll call you later.”

I felt better after having talked to him. I wanted him, I just didn’t want a freaking baby! I decided I’d try to relax and take a warm bath.


****

By the time another month passed, I had nearly driven myself insane. I wanted out of the house so bad. I wanted to see people. I wanted to feel the sun on my skin. I wanted to have a conversation with someone, other than Rob and my parents. After much thought and several pestering phone calls from Nikki, I agreed to let her come over. I’m sure she could could keep a secret. At least I hoped she could. Everyone was going to find out in a few months anyway. I hadn’t told her before she arrived. She would understand as soon as she saw me.

She arrived right on time and I opened the door. I had missed her. I threw my arms around her neck and hugged her. When I stepped back and noticed her looking at me with her mouth hanging open, I started to get a little self conscious.

“Wow, so the rumors are true.”

“Rumors?” I asked.

“Yea, everybody was suspecting you were pregnant and that’s why you pushed Eclipse back.”

“Everybody?”

“Most of the cast,” she clarified.

“Shit. Well, come on in.”

We both plopped down on my oversized leather couch.

“So, you and Rob are like...going to do the family thing?”

“Uh, yea. Sort of,” I said.

“Sort of?”

“Well...” I took a deep breath. “I’m not sure it’s his.”

I thought her eyes were going to pop out of her head. “WHAT?!”

“I was with him and Michael around the same time it happened. Michael had been fucking with my birth control pills for four months, unbeknownst to me.”

“Wow, Kristen. I’m sorry.” She hugged me and it felt good. “What does Michael have to say about this?”

“He doesn’t know. You can’t say anything.”

“I won’t,” she assured me. “Do you know the sex yet?”

I shook my head no. “I’m supposed to find out next week.”

“That’s so exciting! I get to throw you a baby shower!!” She squealed.

“That’s really not necessary,” I insisted.

She went on and on about it and I eventually got to show her around the house. We made lunch and watched movies in the theater room until I couldn’t hold my eyes open anymore. I begged her to stay the night with me, but she had an early appointment in the morning. We said our goodbyes and promised to see each other again soon.

The following week, everything fell apart. I mean everything.

It started just before my ultrasound appointment. My mom was running late to pick me up because the paparazzi were following her and she was having a hard time losing them. We eventually decided I’d meet her at the doctor’s office because I didn’t want those guys finding out where I lived. As I stood in our garage looking at the two cars that occupied it, I couldn’t decide which one to drive. I wanted to drive my Mini, but I knew the paparazzi would recognize it. The other car, a Jaguar XF, was Rob’s. He purchased it just before he left for New York, saying the Mini wasn’t safe enough for a baby, and it was too small for a car seat. Rob had only driven the Jag around the driveway. I’d never touched it. It was huge. I went back inside and stared at the keys momentarily before calling Rob.

“Do you already know?” he answered. I told him I’d call him as soon as I found out the sex of the baby.

“Oh, no. I haven’t left yet. The paps are following my mom, I don’t want them to know where we live. I need to meet her there. Can I drive your car?”

Silence.

“Rob?”

“The Jag?” he asked.

“Yea.”

“Um...yes, I guess that would be okay.”

I laughed. “I’m a better driver than you are!”

He laughed too. “I know, it’s just an expensive car! Go ahead, and be careful and call me as soon as you know something, I’ve got to get back on set.”

“Okay, thanks, baby. I love you.”

“I love you too. I’ll see you in a month!!”

“I know! I can’t wait! I’ll talk to you later.”

As soon as I got off the phone I grabbed the keys to the Jag and got in. It took me nearly fifteen minutes to figure out how everything worked and get the seat and mirrors situated to my liking. It was a nice car. I took a deep breath and headed out.

After I parked the car in the parking garage I called my mom. She said the paps wouldn’t leave her alone and they kept asking about me. She said she already went into the doctor’s office, hoping they would leave.

I knew they hadn’t left. They were waiting outside the elevators in the parking garage. I saw them when I came in. I looked down at the oversized t-shirt I was wearing, and I wished it was colder so I could have worn a jacket. It was the middle of summer. It was pretty obvious I was pregnant. I took a deep breath and got out of the car. I shut the door very quietly so as to not draw attention to myself. I put my sunglasses on and walked quietly to the elevators, hiding behind a larger woman who was heading the same direction that I was.

I was lucky in that as soon as the woman pressed the button to summon the elevator, the doors opened. I didn’t see any flashes, but I heard them say, “there she is!” as soon as I stepped on the elevator. I quickly pushed the close door button before they could snap a picture.

Everything after that was pretty much a blur. The baby was getting big. I saw its little fingers and toes on the ultrasound. The doctor and the ultrasound tech said everything looked good. I should have been happy, but I wasn’t. I wanted Rob. I didn’t want a girl. It was girl. A girl. I don’t like girls. I don’t like pink. I don’t like frilly dresses. I don’t know what to do with a girl. I cried almost as soon as they said it was girl. They thought they were happy tears. They were actually scared to death tears.

It only got worse from there. Mom and I were bombarded with paparazzi when we reached the garage. I had only gotten two steps out of the elevator when they started surrounding us from all sides. They asked how far along I was. I looked at my mom and my tears won the fight then. My gig was up.

As I tried to get into my car, they were still surrounding me. They were pushing each other and one of them fell into my door, closing it on me. I was pinned between the car door and the door frame. I screamed out in pain and they finally moved and pulled the door open. I quickly got in my car and locked the doors. I sat there and cried, for an hour. I had to calm down before I tried to drive. I had to get Rob’s car back to the house in one piece.

I finally lost the paparazzi after two hours. My Jag was faster than their pieces of shit. Just as I walked in the door my phone started beeping, signaling a new text message.

It’s already all over the news. I’m sorry sweetie. It’ll be okay. Call me if you need me. - Mom

I sat in the floor in my kitchen and cried and cried and cried. My phone rang non-stop after that first text message and I ignored it all. I finally pulled myself up off the floor after it got dark outside. It was then that I realized I hadn’t really eaten much all day and I was starving. I was craving pickles. I loved pickles lately. I made a sandwich and ate it, along with three pickles. I sat frozen on my bar stool in the kitchen as I noticed headlights shining through the windows. Someone was here. It was nearly 8:00 p.m. and I wasn’t expecting anyone. We needed a peep hole. I made a mental note to put that on my to-do list.

I cautiously opened the door and regretted it as soon as I did. Michael.

“Can we please talk?” he asked.

I shook my head no. “I can’t do this right now.”

“Are you okay? I saw the pictures.”

“I’m sure you did, because you’re fucking stalking me. How did you know where I live?”

“I’m not. My mom saw it on the news. Nikki told me how to get here.”

“What?? Nikki?”

“Yea, she’s out of town. She said you wouldn’t answer you’re phone, she was worried about you. When you didn’t answer my calls either, I told her I’d stop by to check on you.”

I shook my head in disbelief. I was going to kill her.

“Can I come in, please? Can’t we just talk about this?”

“Under one condition.”

“What?”

“Don’t touch me and if I say leave, you better fucking leave.”

“Fair enough.”

I stepped aside and let him in. We sat on opposite sides of the couch.

“So, do you know if it’s mine or his?” he asked.

I couldn’t look at him. I shook my head no and those damn tears started burning my eyes again.

“Kris, I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for things to happen like this.”

I turned to look at him. “You didn’t mean for this to happen?? You fucking did this to me! Whether its yours or his. You did this, Michael! You fucked up my life, my career, everything. You knew I didn’t want kids. I will never forgive you. Ever!”

“You’re right. I’m sorry.”

“Is there anything else you want? If not, you can leave.”

“Well, I mean...I want to be there if it’s mine.”

I shook my head. “I’ll call you to arrange a paternity test after she’s born. You will not be present at her birth.”

“It’s a girl?” he asked.

I shook my head and cursed myself under my breath for letting that slip. I hadn’t even told Rob yet.

“Well, I want to be there. I have a right to be there if she could be mine.”

“Fuck off, Michael. You lost any rights you may have had when you did all this shit to me! If she is yours, I’ll do everything in my power to keep her away from you. Rob would be a better father than you anyway.” That pissed him off. As he flew to his feet, I did the same, instantly backing away from him.

“Don’t look at me like that; I’m not going to hurt you,” he said.

“I’m never sure anymore,” I said seriously. “I want you to leave now, and don’t come back. Ever. I’ll contact you if I need you.”

“You can’t do this, Kristen.”

At that moment I heard the front door swing open and close loudly. I stepped around the corner to see Rob standing there, coming towards me. I couldn’t believe my eyes.

“Rob?” A huge smile spread across my face and I ran to him. I threw my arms around his neck, and flinched momentarily as his arms went around my waist. I must have been bruised from the car door slamming on me.

“Are you okay?” he asked.

“I am now. Don’t freak out. He’s leaving.”

He set me down then. “Who?”

As if on cue, Michael walked around the corner. I thought I heard Rob growl for a moment.

“Get out!” Rob demanded.

Michael walked towards the door, stopping as he met Rob. “If she’s mine, I will see her.”

Rob looked at me.

“It’s a girl,” I said.

“You won’t see shit, Michael. I don’t care if she is yours.” Rob suddenly grabbed Michael by the collar on his shirt and threw him against the back of the door. “If you ever touch Kristen again, so help me God, I will kill you. You will never see that baby. I hope she’s mine and I hope you curse yourself everyday for creating such a fucked up plan, and watching how beautifully it turns out in our favor. Get out!” Rob let him go and opened the door. Michael walked out willingly.

“I have to say, I’m impressed,” I said, admiring Rob’s way with Michael.

Rob laughed. “I had a bit to drink on the plane. Liquid courage.”

I went to him, wrapping my arms around him. “What are you doing here?”

“My agent saw what happened on the news. I saw the pictures. You wouldn’t answer your phone. I had to come. I was worried sick about you.”

I squeezed him tighter. “Thank you. You’re exactly what I needed.” I started crying into his chest. “Rob, I don’t know what to do with a girl. I don’t want it to be his. It can’t be. I can’t deal with him for the next 18 years, I can’t.”

His hand ran up and down my back reassuringly. “It’s okay. We’ll figure it out.”

I don’t know how long we stood in the foyer holding each other like that. It seemed like a long time. I just didn’t want to let go.

“You’ve really grown,” Rob said, referring to my stomach.

I looked down. “Yea, I can’t believe I’m going to be a mom in four months. I can’t even fathom it yet.” I shook my head and walked away from Rob, sitting on the couch.

He followed me and sat beside me. He leaned back on the couch and blew out a deep breath. He looked agitated.

I turned to look at him. “What’s wrong?”

He shook his head. “I have to be back by 10:00 a.m. My flight leaves at 4:30 a.m.”

“Are you serious? That’s in like...seven hours.”

He exhaled. “I know, I just had to make sure you were okay. I wanted to see you, if only for seven hours. I feel terrible not being able to be here, and especially now that Michael knows. If you would have just answered your damn phone I wouldn’t have had to fly across the country.”

“I just needed a fucking minute to myself. Sorry I made you fly across the country.” I got off the couch and stomped to our bedroom, slamming the door. I heard him yelling my name after me.

“Kristen!”


***Author’s Note: Sorry to leave ya’ll hanging like that, but it was the best place to stop! I hope you enjoyed it nonetheless! Also, check out my new Robsten mini series! Read the introduction first here:

http://twisagagrl118.blogspot.com/2010/01/robsten-lyrical-mini-series-rlms.html

And the first part here:

http://twisagagrl118.blogspot.com/2010/01/rlms-1-i-cant-stay-away.html

Thanks! Enjoy and leave comments! You should be able to comment anonymously now!

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**CHAPTER 14 - CLICK HERE**