Never Think - Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12:


My mom arrived the following morning. I did a few voice overs in the studio, but otherwise, I didn’t do any filming. They couldn’t make my puffy face look “Bella” enough.

My mom took me the doctor and they pretty much just confirmed what the doctor in the hospital did. I was almost eight weeks pregnant. I was due just before Christmas. If I counted correctly, that would mean the baby was conceived the weekend I snuck off to L. A. to see Michael, and ended up with Rob. I was with both of them. I had never felt more dirty than the moment I realized I really had no way of knowing who the baby’s father was.

I cried to the point of hyperventilation on the way back to the hotel. Rob had been blowing my phone up all day, but I couldn’t talk to him. My mom was starting to drive me nuts, insisting I tell him.

I laid down on the bed when we returned to my room and just cried.

My mom sat next to me. “Kristen, you have to stop this. Get it together. What do you want to do? I’ll support whatever decision you make.”

“I don’t know. I don’t want to be a mom! I don’t even like kids!”

“Well, you can have an abortion.”

“Yea, just what I need. I can hear the press now!”

My mom sighed when she heard my phone ringing, again. “Will you please talk to him?”

“And say what, Mom? Oh, by the way, I could be pregnant with either your or Michael’s baby.” I laughed half heartedly at the thought, and then I cried. I wanted nothing more than to curl up in Rob’s arms and have him tell me everything would be okay. But I knew it wouldn’t be. Everything was at stake, including my career and my relationship with Rob.

I finally decided I might as well get it over with. I wiped my eyes. “Will you go get him? He’s three doors down on the right.”

My mom shook her head. “I’ll go back to my room, I’ll check on you tonight, okay? Get some rest after he leaves.”

I nodded my head and felt the butterflies fluttering in my stomach as she left the room. I had to really concentrate so as not to run to the bathroom and lose my lunch. I was so scared.

He startled me when he came rushing through the door a few minutes later. “Where the hell have you been? I’ve been worried sick about you. Are you alright? Why is your mom here?”

Hot tears poured down my cheeks as he sat beside me and wrapped his arms around me. As I cried into his chest, I wanted to prolong the inevitable. I wanted to stay right there, safe, loved, forever.

“Please,” he begged. “Tell me.”

I couldn’t even look at him. “I’m pregnant.”

His eyes got huge and the comfort of his arms around me disappeared. “I thought you were on the pill?”

“I was. I am. I found out Michael had been switching my pills out for the past four months, trying to get me pregnant, to stay with him.”

Rob’s face turned pale. “How far along are you?”

“Almost eight weeks.”

I could see him doing the math in his head. “Los Angeles,” he said.

I shook my head as tears nearly drowned me.

“You were with both of us that weekend. You could be carrying that bastard’s fucking child!” He stood and started pacing the floor. “What are you going to do?”

“I don’t know.”

Rob stormed out of the door, slamming it behind him, before I could say another word.

***

For the next three days I laid on my bed in the hotel room and cried until I was out of tears. My mom told the producers I was really sick and still recovering from the incident with Michael. I hadn’t seen or heard from Rob since he left. It absolutely tore my heart out. The worse part of all was knowing that even if there was a slight chance I was carrying Rob’s baby, I couldn’t have an abortion. I couldn’t. I couldn’t hurt anything that was a part of him. I couldn’t even bring myself to consider the fact that it could be Michael’s. I was so confused. A knock at the door brought me out of my daze. My heart stopped beating when I realized it was our knock.

I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror on the way to the door. I hadn’t showered in two days and my face was red and swollen. I didn’t care.

I opened the door and stood to the side, inviting him in.

He immediately embraced me. “I’m so sorry.”

I let out a huge sigh of relief and went to sit down on the edge of the bed. I stared at him, thinking it had been too long since I had seen his face.

“Kristen, I’ve spent the past few days really thinking about things. I’ve decided that I’ll support whatever you want to do,” he said quietly. “If it’s a part of you, I’ll learn to love it, even if it isn’t mine. I fought to fucking long to have you, just to let that ass hole come between us.”

I hugged his neck. “Thank you. That’s exactly what I needed. I’m so scared, Rob.”

He rubbed my back. “Me too.”

“Rob, please know...if I knew, for sure, that it was his, I’d have an abortion. I wouldn’t do that to you. But, just knowing that there’s a chance that it’s yours...I can’t.” I cried.

“Can’t you find out?” he asked.

“Yes, later on. But, it’s not without risks.”

“There’s no point I guess.” His expression turned very serious. “Kristen, I’m not going anywhere. We’ll get through this together, I’ll love it if it’s his, but there’s one condition.”

“What?” I asked.

“Don’t tell him.”

That was easy. The thought never crossed my mind. “I’m not. I don’t want him to know. I don’t care if I have to stay inside my house 24 hours a day for nine months. I don’t want anyone to know. Not right now.”

Rob shook his head in agreement. We didn’t want to know what kind of schemes Michael would come up with if he knew there was a possibility I was pregnant with his child.

***

The next several weeks were spent finishing the filming of New Moon and quietly re-organizing almost two years of filming schedules, saying that I needed some time off. The filming of Eclipse would begin almost four months after the baby was born.

It seemed like I never slept anymore. Rob and I stayed up most nights incessantly worrying about things that were out of our control. I got massive backlash from my co-stars when they found out Eclipse had been pushed back for no apparent reason, other than me needing a vacation. I tried not to let it get to me. They would understand eventually. My mom was on a search for a house in L. A. for Rob and I. And the baby.

I had basically decided that I was never going to leave the house once I started showing. Rob and I contemplated marriage a few times, but decided it wasn’t necessary. Not that I didn’t want to marry him; I did. But not under these circumstances.

Once we were back in L.A. Rob initially stayed at my condo with me, we didn’t care so much anymore about being seen together, but we weren’t officially going to announce it.

After changing cars several times, the three of us, my mom, Rob and me, made it unnoticed by the paparazzi into my first ultrasound appointment. It was the first time I didn’t resent the thing growing inside me. It was the first time it really felt real. It looked like a little peanut. I heard its heartbeat, and for a moment, the world stopped spinning. There were two hearts inside me and that fact absolutely boggled my mind.

When the technician turned off the ultrasound machine and began cleaning me up, Rob kissed my hand and whispered into my ear, “I promise I’ll love it, even if it’s his.” I had been on the edge of tears all day and those words pushed me over. I cried, because I knew he was being honest, and I knew I already loved it, no matter whose it was.

***

We only had a few more days together before Rob left for New York to film another movie. He’d be gone for nearly three months and the thought of it made it hard to breathe. He had been my rock the last several weeks. We spent our final days together getting settled in our new home. I insisted I didn’t want anything big or flashy and I wanted it to be homey. I wanted it to be secluded and gated, and safe. My mom found the perfect place, and we loved it. It sat atop a large hill in a small clearing in the woods about thirty minutes outside of L. A. and only twenty minutes from my mom’s house. There was an attached three car garage behind the house and when you walked in the front door, you could see straight out to the back, through the large windows. There was an amazing view of the valley out back. The house had beautiful hard wood floors, a large fireplace, designer kitchen, and a modest three bedroom floor plan, with an office. Our master bedroom was to the left of the hallway leading off the living room, while the office and other two smaller bedrooms were to the right.

There was also a fully finished basement that included a guest suite, bonus room, and theatre room. Rob liked spending time in the theatre room because it was sound proof and he could play his music there without bothering me.

We had been moved in and unpacked for only three days when several boxes started arriving via FedEx, that Rob insisted I wasn’t allowed to open until he said so.

It was our last night together when, before bed, he said, “It’s time.”

“Time for what?” I asked groggily, getting up from the leather chair and heading upstairs from the theatre room.

He followed behind me. “To open the boxes.”

That woke me up a little bit. As I reached the top of the stairs I saw the boxes neatly stacked up by the front door.

“Open the smallest one last,” he said.

As I eagerly got through all the boxes I realized they were full of things to keep me entertained while he was gone, and while I was stuck in this house for the next five and a half months. There were lots and lots of books and movies, and various other things.

“One of those is for me,” he said, as I made my way through the books.

I laughed when I understood what he was talking about. “What to Expect as a First Time Father?” I asked.

He laughed, “I don’t have a clue, I figured I could read it while I’m gone, there’s one for moms too, and some others.”

I was touched by his thoughtfulness. There were nearly a dozen books on what to expect during pregnancy, labor, and the first years.

I laughed. “I’m going to be an encyclopedia by the time you get back.”

Rob smiled. “Good, one of us needs to be prepared.”

I reached over and kissed him softly. “Thank you. I needed this.”

His hand caressed my cheek and I was momentarily saddened by the thought of not feeling his touch again for a long time.

“Don’t forget the small one,” he said.

“Oh, right.” I unburied the smallest box from the large collection of cardboard and paper that had gathered.

I gasped when I opened it. “Rob!”

He smiled. “His or her first pair of Converse.”

They were little baby black and white Converse sneakers. They were so freaking adorable. I think it was the first time I started to get excited about all of this. “Rob, that’s so sweet, I love them!”

He kissed my forehead. “I’m glad.”

He helped me add all my new books to the book shelves in the living room and put the movies in the theatre room before cleaning up the mess we made. All that was left were the baby sneakers, sitting alone in the middle of the floor.

We both looked at the sneakers, then each other, wondering where we should put them. “I guess we need to decide on a room,” he finally said.

“I guess so.” I hadn’t even thought about the baby’s room. This was the first baby item I had. We both walked into the hallway, to the right and looked back and forth between the two empty bedrooms.

Rob looked to the left. “This one’s bigger.”

I looked to the right. “This one has more natural light.”

We both stood there silently for a moment. “I like the smaller one, it’s cozy.” I said, as I walked into the empty room. I opened the closet and set the tiny pair of sneakers on the empty shelf. I stepped back and observed the nearly empty closet. “That’s sad.” I said. “I should probably start getting it some things.”

Rob laughed as he took my hand and led me in the opposite direction down the hallway, to our bedroom, where we would spend our last night together for a while.

We made love for hours, savoring everything about each other. As he had done for the past several weeks, he fell asleep with me pulled against his chest, and his hand resting gently on the little bump that was forming on my stomach. I knew it would be impossible to get out of bed without waking him, so I formulated my excuse before I moved.

I wiggled out from his embrace and as I swung my legs over the edge of the large bed, I felt his hand on my back.

“Where are you going?”

I turned to face him. “I can’t sleep. I’m just going to read for a little while. I’ll be back.” I kissed his cheek and left the room.

His daddy book was sitting on top of his suitcase by the door. I picked it up and made quick work of creating a new cover for it out of one of my old ones. I cut it down to size and glued it to the daddy book. I didn’t want Rob to get caught with an expecting fathers book while filming his next movie. Now, people would think he was reading Shakespeare. Perfect, I thought, admiring my handy work and placing it back where I found it.

I crawled back into bed, into my spot against his chest, and placed his hand back on my stomach and for the first time, I thought everything might turn out okay.

The shrill sound of the alarm going off woke me from my nightmare. Lately I had been having horrible dreams about Michael and the baby - him taking the baby to be exact.

Rob reached over me and smacked the alarm on the nightstand because I still hadn’t moved. He noticed my wide eyes when he moved over me.

“Another bad dream?” he asked.

I exhaled sharply and shook my head. I never told him exactly what the dreams were about.

He kissed my forehead. “Go back to sleep, it’s early. I’ll wake you before I go.”

I looked at the alarm clock. It was only 5:00 a.m. I had only slept a few hours. I did as he said and closed my eyes.

It seemed like only moments later when I felt his hands running up and down my bare arm. I opened my eyes to see him hovering over me.

“It’s time,” he said.

I closed my eyes. “Nooo,” I whined.

“You don’t have to get up, I just wanted to say goodbye.”

I opened my eyes. “I’m not whining because I don’t want to get up, stupid!” I’m whining because I don’t want you to leave!”

He crooked smiled. “Oh.”

I sighed. “I’m going to miss that.”

He took my hand and pulled me out of our oversized bed. His arms wrapped around me and I clung to him.

“I’ll miss every absolute beautiful thing about you,” he said as his lips captured mine.

The car honking outside interrupted us.

“My car is here. I have to go.”

I shook my head as I felt his arms disappear from around me and the chill that followed in his absence.

As I followed behind him to the front door, I took a deep breath to hold back the tears that were pooling in my eyes. I had a hard time controlling my emotions lately.

“What is this?” he asked as he picked up his book. “Shakespeare? What happened to my book?”

I laughed. “It is your book. I made a new cover for it, so you could read it on the plane if you wanted.”

He smiled as he flipped through the pages quickly, seeing that it was the same book. “How thoughtful, thank you. I’ll start reading it today!”

I reached up and placed a kiss on his lips. “Be good. I’ll miss you.”

He hugged me quickly. “I’ll miss you too.” He placed his hand on the small bump at my stomach. “Take care of yourself.”

I shook my head and he picked up his bag and went through the door. I stood at the kitchen window, watching his car leave until it disappeared from sight.

As much as I knew I would miss him, I was a little relieved when he was gone. I needed some room to breathe. Moving into our house and getting settled together and having baby books and little baby shoes was making this all entirely too real.


***Author's Note: Sorry this update took forever. I've had a bit of an insane week and weekend. I hope you all liked this chapter. Tell me what you'd like to see happen! (Not that I'll do it...but ya know, you never know!) :) Thanks for reading girls, I appreciate it!

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**CHAPTER 13 - CLICK HERE**