Never Think - Chapter 6

Chapter 6:

After I collected myself, I called my agent. I apologized profusely and requested a few more days off. I couldn't go back to Vancouver yet. Considering the circumstances with Mike, Summit agreed to stop production of New Moon until Wednesday. They had done pretty much all they could without me. Everyone was getting a few days off.

Mike finally arrived a few hours later. I opened the door to let him in. "Hey, where have you been? I was starting to get worried."

"Traffic," was all he said as he walked past me. His eyes were red. His face flushed. I'd never seen him cry before. He stood silently in the middle of my living room with his head down, his fingers pinching the space between his eyes.

I walked up behind him and put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm really sorry Michael. I know how much he meant to you and your mom." He turned around then and embraced me, crying into my shoulder. I held him for a long time.

He finally started to pull away from me. "I'm sorry," he said, shaking his head and wiping his eyes.

"Don't apologize, it's perfectly normal," I said, pulling him back into me.

He pulled away. "I need a minute." He headed towards the bathroom and I didn't stop him.

We stayed in the rest of the night. We ordered a pizza and didn't talk much. We were watching a movie on the couch, and I could hardly keep my eyes open. I stood up to go to my room. "Mike, I'm exhausted. It's late, I'm going to bed."

"Okay." He stood too and began following me to my bedroom.

We changed clothes and we crawled into my bed without talking. This used to be so routine for us, but it just felt awkward to me now. I immediately rolled over on my side, facing away from Mike. I closed my eyes and pretended to be asleep. I had told myself that after I had been with and chosen Rob, I wouldn't sleep with Michael again. I didn't want to go back and forth between them. I was terrified he would try to be intimate with me. Being intimate was usually part of our bedtime routine, and I knew he needed me now. As he advanced behind me, I felt his arms wrap around me and his hand squeeze my hip, I knew I couldn't deny him now. He needed me and I let him do what he wanted.

Every time he touched me, I saw Rob in my mind. I remembered what Rob's hands felt like, his long fingers grazing my skin. When Mike whispered that he loved me, I imagined how Rob might say it. My heart ached when I thought about what Rob must be going through.

As I snapped back to reality some time later, I realized that Mike had finished his business a long time ago and he had been feverishly working on satisfying me. It was never going to happen. In that moment all I wanted was Rob. I pulled Mike's face up from between my legs. "Baby, you can stop, it's not going to happen. I've got too much on my mind and I'm so tired."

His face changed. Apparently that hurt his ego. "I can make you forget whatever is on your mind," he insisted as he lowered his head and continued with even more fervor than before.

I sighed. He left me no choice but to fake it. It certainly wouldn't be the first time with him.

I was still awake long after Michael had fallen asleep. I snuck out of my bedroom and closed the door quietly behind me. I sat on my couch, head in my hands. In some crazy way I felt like I had betrayed Rob by sleeping with Michael, but it should be the other way around. There was no doubt in my mind that I loved and cared about Michael, but there was also no doubt that the chemistry between us was long gone. I wasn't even attracted to him anymore. Sleeping with him tonight was nearly repulsive, I just kept thinking about Rob. Tears stung my eyes when I thought about how mad Rob must be at me. I really needed to talk to him, but I knew he would want me to break up with Mike while I was here, in person. I couldn't do that to Mike, not right now; with everything else going on in his life, he'd feel like he had lost everything if I left him too.

I sighed and dialed Rob's number, expecting him not to even answer.

"Hello?"

"Rob?" I couldn't believe he actually picked up.

"Yes Kristen?" His voice was quiet and cold. I could still hear the pain in his voice.

"Can we talk? Please?"

"Not now; now isn't good for me."

I looked at the large decorative clock that hung on the wall between the two windows to my left. It was nearly 1:00 a.m. Why was now a bad time? I thought.

"Is someone there with you?" I asked hesitantly.

It took him a minute to answer. "What if there was? What if there was an incredibly attractive young lady here with me, lying next to me, her hands all over me..."

My heart started racing. My palms sweating.

"How would that make you feel Kristen?" He continued.

I felt slightly relieved, realizing no one was with him. He was trying to get me to understand how he felt. "I get it." I said to him angrily. "I get it Rob."

"But answer me Kristen, how would that make you feel? What if I sent you some pictures? Would that help? Would like to see the young attractive lady with her hands all over my body?"

My tears poured over then. "Rob, stop it. Please," I cried. he was making me feel horrible.

"I'll stop when you tell me how that would make you feel!" He was nearly yelling at me now. He paused for a moment. "Fine, don't tell me, I know it hurts you. Take that hurt you feel right now and multiply it times a million, and that's how I felt when someone showed me the pictures of you and him and I realized that you had lied to me, that you had gotten other people to lie to me, and there I was, a stupid bloke, worried about you all day, thinking you were ill and uncomfortable. I was thinking of ways I could help you, to make you feel better, and all the while you were off in another city, parading around town and fucking your other boyfriend."

I was speechless. He had never talked to me like that before. My face was hot with anger. Tears poured rapidly down my cheeks. I couldn't breathe. I was devastatingly embarrassed by my own behavior, at how I must have made him feel. My heart ached at the fact that I had done this to him. I feared I may have lost him for good. "Rob." I cried. "You don't understand, please just let me explain. I still choose you, it's just more complicated now."

He laughed. "I'm sure it is Kristen, but I don't want to hear anymore of your lies. My lady friend and I are going back to bed now, goodnight." He hung up.

I absolutely fell apart, sliding down on to the floor in front of my brown leather couch. I didn't even care if Michael heard my sobs, but he could normally sleep through anything.

Beep. Beep. Beep.

I picked my phone up. A new text from Taylor waited.

Kristen, he's drunk, don't listen to him. There is no lady friend. I'm sorry things got so ugly, I tried, I really did. - Tay

Whew. I thought. I found comfort in knowing he was drunk, because he certainly wasn't acting like my normal Rob. Taylor, please talk some sense into him! He doesn't understand, Mike's uncle was killed in an accident today, it's a complete mess, but I choose Rob! I've never been more sure of anything. Please tell him to call me tomorrow. I have to talk to him.

I went to the kitchen and made myself a drink. I really needed one. Being drunk sounded like a good idea. I paced back and forth across my living room floor a million times. I opened the floor to ceiling curtains, exposing a wall of windows that looked out over L.A. I only opened the curtains at night, for obvious reasons. The moon was bright out tonight. I could almost see a few stars in the distance. I imagined the view from Rob's room at the hotel in Vancouver was much more beautiful and star filled than mine. I sighed. Why isn't Taylor saying anything back to me? I finally gave up and called him. No answer. Ugh. I gave into my buzz shortly after 3:00 a.m. and passed out on the couch.

Sometime around 6:00 a.m. I had woken up, light filling the room. "Oh my God." I groaned. I forgot to close the curtains; the sun coming through was entirely too much for me to bear. I felt a headache looming. I closed the curtains and grabbed a blanket from the linen closet and went back to sleep on the couch. I checked my phone again. Nothing. Nobody.

I woke hours later to my doorbell. It startled me. I sat up quickly and glanced at the clock. It was a little after 11:00 a.m. I ran to the door, hoping they wouldn't ring it again and wake Michael.

I swung open the door. I almost couldn't see my building's concierge for the large bouquet of red roses in front of him. He moved the large vase to his side. "Good morning Ms. Stewart!" He said cheerfully with his Jamaican accent.

"Morning Jerry. Are those for me?" I asked, surprised. Jerry was the nicest man. He was my concierge. He was a short, black, older gentleman who had always helped me out immensely, especially when trying to doge the paparazzi.

"Yes, Ms. Stewart. They were just delivered for you." He leaned in closer to me now. "They're not from Michael Ms. Stewart."

"How do you know?" I asked.

"The gentleman delivered them himself, and this too," he said, handing me an envelope. It said "KJS" on the front. It was Rob's handwriting.

I thought for a moment. "Wait, he delivered these? When? How long ago?? Was he tall, with messy hair?"

"Yes, Ms. Stewart. He was just here; I brought them right up. He thought you may have visitors so he asked me to deliver them."

I ran across the room to the windows that faced the street. I just barely caught a glimpse of Rob's hair getting into a waiting cab. Rob!! Don't leave! I wanted to open the window and scream! Why was he here?? I heard the toilet flush from the bathroom in my bedroom, Mike was awake. "Shit." I ran back to the open door where I had left Jerry. I grabbed the large vase of flowers and the envelope.

"Thanks Jerry, you're the best. I have to go!"

"Yes, Ms. Stewart, I understand. Don't hesitate to call if you need something!" He bowed out gracefully and I closed the door.

I heard my bedroom door open and I ran quickly to the nearby laundry room. I set the flowers and envelope on the washing machine and closed the door as fast as possible. I was just in time to see Michael running up the hallway, nearly tripping trying to get into his pants. It almost made me laugh.

"Are you okay?" I asked.

"No, shit Kristen. I have to go. Where's my wallet??"

"Um..." I glanced around the room. "On the bar." I pointed to it laying on the bar near his keys. "What's going on?" I asked as he grabbed his things and shoved them quickly into his pockets.

"I'm supposed to be on a flight to NYC in an hour; I forgot to set an alarm." His uncle lived in NYC, as did most of his family. I'm sure the funeral would be there too. "My mom's going to kill me." He pulled me quickly to him and kissed my lips in a hurry. "I love you babe. Seriously, thank you for just, letting me be last night and not badgering me. I really needed you, I still do."

He was looking me straight in the eye. I think that was as calm as I had seen him all morning. "No problem. I love you too." I started running my fingers through his hair. "Fix your hair!" I yelled as he headed for the door.

He turned and smiled at me. "I'll call you when I get there."

"Okay, be careful." He was gone. I had to take a minute to collect myself and realize what had just happened. My head was still spinning. I thought I was never going to be able to make him leave! I smiled at the thought of what was waiting for me on my washing machine, but then the image of Rob getting in the cab hit me. I can't let him leave L.A. I had no idea where he was going, but I didn't want him to go far. I grabbed my phone and sent him a text message.

Don't leave! I have to see you. Where are you?

I hadn't even read his letter. I was hoping it was something I'd be happy about, and I’d want to see him! I went to the laundry room and brought the roses and the letter out and set them on the coffee table. I opened the letter slowly. It smelt like him with a hint of cigarette smoke.

Kris,

I am so terribly sorry for the way I acted last night. I heard from Taylor that I was a real ass. I had drank entirely too much. I'm sorry to hear about Michael's uncle, that is terrible news. I would really like to sit down alone with you and talk things through. I know we have had a lot of miscommunication lately and I hate it. You used to tell me everything; I've never kept a secret from you. I've never lied to you. Seeing those pictures and putting everything together seriously broke my heart into pieces. Although the past few days have been challenging, I refuse to believe that you are anything less than the incredible person I believe you to be. I know you wouldn't do anything to intentionally hurt me. I know this entire charade is incredibly difficult for you. I'm going to make a conscientious effort to put my jealousy aside and help you through this - making your decision. Please just trust me and let me be there for you, no more lies. If you are happier with Michael, then so be it. I just want you to be happy, I miss your smile terribly. I hope to hear from you soon.

Rob

I was in tears by the time I finished reading it. He was seriously the most incredible person I'd ever met. I owed him the truth. All of it.

Beep! Beep! Beep! I quickly flipped open my phone.

I'm in a cab riding around aimlessly, hoping to hear from this girl I’m crazy about...

I smiled and dialed his number.

"Hi Kris." He answered.

"Hey, come back."

"To your place? Now?"

"Yes, now." I said.

"He's not there?" Rob asked, referring to Mike.

"He just left." I said honestly.

"Oh." Silence.

Maybe I shouldn't have mentioned that. "Please, just come on, okay?"

"I'm on my way."

I realized when I hung up that I looked a complete mess. I ran to my bathroom and pulled on one of my favorite pair of skinny jeans. I kept my dark green spaghetti strap tank top on that I had slept in. I washed my face and put some powder on. I really look like hell. I thought, looking at my swollen eyes. I started to put some mascara on, but decided it would probably come off again. I swiped some lip gloss across my lips and ran a brush through my hair. I sighed. This will have to do. I went back to the living room and cleaned up a bit. When I finished, I went to the windows that faced the street and looked out, in search of the paparazzi. None. Nobody looked suspicious, there were no cameras with giant lenses. Strange. I thought. Someone definitely tipped them off yesterday, but who??

My doorbell ringing broke my train of thought. I let a smile spread across my face as I walked to the door. I took a deep breath and opened it.

"Hi." I said shyly, looking down.

He smiled. "Hello, may I come in?"

I laughed at his politeness. "Of course."

I closed my door and we both just stood there for a moment. I looked up at him. "Can I have hug?" I asked. I just wanted to feel him, to squeeze him, and to really know that he was here.

He wrapped his arms around me and I heard him sigh heavily. I had my arms wrapped tightly around his waist and I squeezed him even harder. I was glad he was here. I pulled away first and looked up at him again. "Thank you for the roses, and the letter, they're beautiful."

"Your welcome."

I took his hand and led him to the couch. We both sat, and I took a deep breath. "Are you ready to talk things through?" I asked seriously.

He looked at me. I could sense the nervousness in his eyes. He shook his head yes and began running his fingers through his hair.

"Well, first I want to say that I am so sorry for what I've put you through..." A felt a lump forming in my throat. "...for every lie I've told you."

He didn't speak. He squeezed my hand, encouraging me to continue.

"I'm just going to start from the beginning, I'm going to be completely honest, I want you to know everything and you may not like it all, but it's all the truth."

He shook his head in understanding. I proceeded to tell him everything, how I had been struggling with my feelings for him and Mike and what was right and wrong. I told him I was never sick; I just wanted to see Mike. But when I was here, he was all I thought about. I told him I slept with Mike last night, I told him why. I could see the pain on his face and it killed me.

I reached out and put my hand on his knee, he wasn't looking at me. "Rob, it meant nothing to me. I just couldn't hurt him...he's so torn up, I couldn't."

He shook his head and looked at me. "You don't have to explain, I understand."

"Honestly though Rob, it made me see things much more clearly. There is no chemistry between Michael and I anymore. I was completely bored, and just kept dreaming about the way your hands and lips felt on my skin."

He was quiet.

I reached for his hand. "Rob, you're my man. I want you, but I do care about Michael, deeply. He is really hurting, and it will take some time. I just can't break up with him right now, it would kill him."

He finally looked up at me. "I know." He said. "So where does that leave us?"

I took a deep breath. "I don't know." I said honestly. "I want to be with you. I don't want to lie anymore, I don't want to hurt you. In a couple weeks, when Michael has had time to cope, I'll do it. I won't sleep with him anymore, I promise, hopefully I won't even have to see him until I break up with him."

"What do you mean?" Rob asked. "We're off work for the next three and a half days, you don't think he'd want to see you?"

I shook my head. "He went to New York this morning. His family is there..."

"Oh, that's right."

"Rob, I'm so so so sorry. I want to be that incredible person you think I am, but I have made mistakes, and I'll spend forever fixing them if you'll let me."

We leaned closer to each other. His hand raised to my cheek, softly caressing it. His thumb lulled gently over my bottom lip. "I've already forgiven you Kristen, you owe me nothing."

Tears stung my eyes. I didn't deserve to be let off so easily. "Rob, I promise, I'll never hurt you like that again."

We lingered there, our foreheads touching. I wanted to kiss him, but I wasn't sure if it was right.

A strange sound interrupted our moment. It sounded like sirens, but inside my condo. It was a phone. "Is that your phone?" I asked Rob.

"No." He felt his phone through his pocket. "I don't think so." He pulled it out. "No, not mine. Is it yours?"

We both looked at my phone on the coffee table, next to the roses. "No." I answered. I stood up. "Dammit, I bet Michael forgot his phone, he was in such a hurry this morning." I sighed as I went back to my bedroom. It was on the nightstand. I picked it up and walked back into the living room as I flipped it open. I stopped dead in my tracks, right in front of Rob as I read the text. I could feel my face go white. My heart stopped beating.

"What is it Kristen? Are you okay?" He stood up.

Tiny pools of warm liquid started to form in my eyes. "It was him."

"What was him?" Rob asked. "What are you talking about?"

I shook my head in disbelief. "I can't believe he would do this me." I tossed the phone to Rob.

He read the text message aloud. "Where is she today?" He looked up at me. "Who's number is this? What does it mean, I' don't understand."

"Someone had to have tipped off the paparazzi to let them know I was here. Nobody but my mom and Mike knew I was coming to L. A., nobody!"

"Oh. I see." Rob said, putting the pieces together. "Why would he do that to you? Why would he want to get you in trouble?"

"Rob, things have been strained with us for a while, he feels threatened by you. He didn't do it to get me in trouble. He did it so you would see the pictures, so you would get mad at me." I was fuming I was so mad. I couldn't believe him. I fucking trusted him and he could have seriously fucked up my career. "Give it to me." I demanded to Rob. I held my hand out for the phone. He quickly obliged.

I started typing a response. On her way back to Vancouver. I hit send.

Almost immediately the phone made that stupid siren sound again. It was a text from the same number. Oh ok, well thanks for the scoop yesterday man, appreciate it.

"Ugh!" I said, as the tears started to roll. "I don't even know him...how long has he been doing this?"

Rob came up to me and took the phone from me and set it down. He wrapped his arms around me. "Shhh." He pulled my head to his chest and ran his fingers through my hair, resting his chin on the top of my head. "I'm sorry," he said softly.

I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. It amazed me that he was sympathetic to me being visibly hurt by my other boyfriend. He should’ve been glad that Michael was pissing me off, but instead he was comforting me. "You're too good to me." I said.

He cupped his face with my hand and moved his lips dangerously close to my own. "I..." He hesitated for a moment. "Because I love you."

I felt my body relax in his arms. My eyes closed as I felt his lips press into mine. It was the sweetest taste. I never wanted our kiss to end. He tried to pull away from me but I followed him back, never relinquishing my tongue from his mouth. He finally pushed me away.

He laughed. “Feisty little thing.”

I smiled. “I’m so glad you’re here.”

“So, um...thanks for the vacation.” He laughed.

I laughed too. “Yea, the only good thing to come from my monstrous fuck up.”

“What is your schedule like the next couple of days?” He asked.

I shrugged my shoulders. “I don’t have one.” I smiled.

“Perfect.” He kissed me gently on the lips. “I’m going to check into my hotel and I’ll be back, okay?”

“Hotel?? Rob, you don’t need a hotel, you can stay here.” I looked at him like he was crazy.

He hesitated. “I don’t think it’s a good idea. I don’t want to get caught and mess things up with you and Michael. I mean, don’t get me wrong. I hate the guy, but I know what it’s like to catch your girlfriend spending the night with the enemy. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.”

“Rob...” Why did he have to continually bring that up?

“Kris, I didn’t say it to punish you, I’m just being honest.” He pulled me into him. “Don’t worry, we’ll have plenty of time together.” His hand moved down my body, firmly squeezing my ass, as if his gesture was a promise of what was to come.

I grinned. “Okay.”

He said he’d come back over at 7:00. I had a few hours to get things together. Of course, I will be enlisting the help of Jerry...

**CHAPTER 7 - CLICK HERE**