Never Think - Chapter 20

CHAPTER 20:

I awoke from my nap a few hours later and looked around, we were in the middle of nowhere.

“Where are we?” I asked.

“Somewhere between Arizona and New Mexico.” Rob rubbed his eyes.

“Are you tired? I can drive.”

He looked over at me. His eyes were red, like he’d been upset. My heart ached for him. At least I knew Izzy was mine, she came from me. I carried her inside me. Rob didn’t have that comfort.

He nodded his head in response to my question.

“Pull over.”

He did as I asked. The sun was just beginning to set in the dessert. It was beautiful, and there was no one in sight for miles. Rob and I got out of the Escalade and he almost walked past me as we met behind it. I grabbed his arm. “Hey.” He turned around to face me. “Are you okay?”

He nodded his head, but I didn’t believe him.

I reached up and wrapped my arms around his neck. “It will be okay.” I felt relieved when I felt his arms wrap around my waist, pulling me to him. I missed being close to him like this. He smelled so good, and I love his short hair, even though I missed my fingers tangled in his long locks. I pulled back so I could see his face. I traced his jaw line with my finger tips before kissing him. “I love you.”

He almost smiled. We saw a car coming in the distance and got back in the car.

“Just follow the GPS,” Rob said, as I adjusted my seat.

“I can do that,” I said.

Rob fell asleep quickly and I had to force myself to look at the road, rather than him. He didn’t even look peaceful when he slept. He looked tormented.

He woke a few hours later. We were nearing civilization and he began messing with the GPS system. He programed an Albuquerque hotel into it.

We arrived at Hotel Andaluz nearly an hour later. We were both exhausted and Izzy was very fussy. We got a large suite and I was looking forward to relaxing for a little while. We changed into pajamas and got Izzy a bottle while we ordered room service. Rob was still eating when I finished.

“Do you think it would be okay if I called my mom?” I asked.

“Yea, it should be fine.”

I walked into the master bedroom and called my parents.

“Hey, Mom, it’s me.”

“Oh, Kristen! Where are you? Are you okay? How’s Izzy?”

“We’re all fine. How are things there?”

“Fine, we’ve just been worried about you. We’ve been in contact with your attorney. He told me he spoke to you earlier.”

“Yea, how did that hearing go?” I asked.

“As he suspected.”

I sighed. “I don’t know what else to do, Mom. I can’t let him have her.”

“I know, baby. How is Rob?”

“Eh, he’s hanging in there I guess. He’s not really taking things well.”

“Well, you know as well as I do, that Izzy is his.”

“I know, Mom. He’s just worried.”

“Well, I thought he might be. I got something for you both, but I’ll need to know where you are, so I can get it to you.”

“What is it?” I asked.

“It’s a DNA testing kit. You can do it yourselves and send the specimens to a lab and they will mail or email you the results in three to five days.”

“Really?? We wouldn’t have to go to a doctor?”

“Well, not exactly. This will not hold up in court, but it will give him peace of mind until you can get to a doctor.”

I gave my mom the address to the hotel and the alias names we were using. She was going to overnight the DNA testing kit to us. I told Rob, and he was excited, but nervous at the same time.

The DNA test arrived early the next morning. We read the directions a few times before finally completing the test. Izzy wasn’t happy with us sticking a cotton swab in her mouth. We put our swabs in the designated tubes and sealed up the package. We were having the results sent to my mom’s address via regular mail and email.

Rob and I decided to hide out in Albuquerque for a few more days until we got the results of the test. We weren’t going to try to make another doctor’s appointment until we knew the results. We felt like we would feel more confident about being seen out in public, knowing she was Rob’s and knowing that we had nothing to hide.

The next three days we were on pins and needles. I knew in my heart that Izzy belonged to Rob, but there was always that tiny doubt in the back of my mind. Rob and I had kept our distance over the past few days. We were both on edge and it was just better if we kept to ourselves.

We both nearly jumped off the bed when the hotel phone rang on the nightstand.

“Hello?” I answered. It was my mom.

“Kristen, I’ve got the results.”

“Wait! Let me put you on speaker phone.” I pushed the speaker phone button and hung up the receiver. “Okay.”

“Are you sure you are both ready to hear this?” she asked.

Rob and I looked at each other and nodded our heads. “Yes, stop stalling. Tell us!” I demanded.

“Rob, you are, without a doubt, Izzy’s father.”

Rob and I both exhaled a deep breath we didn’t know we were holding at the same time. I screamed loudly in excitement and Rob just looked relieved, like a huge weight had been lifted off his shoulders.

“Thank you, Mom! I love you!”

“Thank you, Ms. Stewart,” Rob said.

“You’re welcome, go celebrate and come home soon!”

I hung up the phone and jumped into Rob’s lap, straddling him on the edge of the bed. Our lips were dangerously close. “I told you she was yours,” I whispered.

He smiled. “I’m so glad.”

“I love you.”

His lips pressed to mine, and he kissed me like he meant it. I had missed carefree Rob so much. We finally pulled away from each other.

“Let’s go home,” he said, as we stood from the bed.

I nodded my head enthusiastically as I began packing up our things. Rob and I argued for nearly an hour about whether or not we should drive or fly back to L.A. There was no way I was sitting in a car with him and Izzy for 13 hours if I didn’t have to. I didn’t care if we were seen in public now that we knew the truth. Rob was concerned about the cameras and Izzy. He finally gave in, and we booked our flight before heading to the airport. We shipped our luggage back to L.A. with the exception of Izzy’s diaper bag.

We made it out of Albuquerque with no problems. There were a few whispers on the plane from people who must have recognized us, but it wasn’t a big deal.

We landed in Los Angeles and I was so glad to be home. I couldn’t wait to sleep in my own bed! Rob had arranged for a car to pick us up. As we neared the exit of the airport, the paparazzi began to swarm us. I held Izzy close to my chest with a blanket covering her face. Rob and I didn’t have guards with us and the paps were fierce.

At one point, one of the guys lunged towards me, pulling the blanket from me that I was using to shield Izzy. She started screaming at the top of her lungs, she hated the flashes of the cameras. I pulled the blanket back from the guy who took it, as we partook in a tug of war. Rob came over and lunged at the camera guy, nearly pushing him to the floor. An all out riot nearly began.

“Rob! Quit! Let’s go!” I pulled on the back of his shirt, begging him to stop fighting with the paparazzi. Airport security arrived and escorted us the rest of the way out. We finally made it safely inside the car.

“That is why we should have driven!” he yelled at me.

I sighed and didn’t respond to him. We didn’t even go home. We went straight to the doctor’s office. We had three more paternity tests done that we could submit to the court. Our attorney was filing a lawsuit against Michael and the doctor who performed the first test.

Since the first photos of Izzy had been captured and released now, the press was in a frenzy. Nobody believed Michael fathered Izzy. She was a mini replica of Rob, and it was obvious to everyone. For once, we didn’t mind hearing about ourselves on TV and we didn’t mind the way everyone labeled Michael a scum bag.

Three days later, Michael was sitting in jail. Izzy was sleeping peacefully, and Rob and I were celebrating at home.

We had a nice quiet dinner and I had fallen asleep on the couch next to Rob while we watched a movie. I felt him climb over me and leave the room, but I was too out of it to get up and follow him. I don’t know how long he was gone. I felt him stroking my cheek with the back of his fingers some time later.

I opened my eyes and smiled at him. “Sorry I feel asleep on you,” I mumbled.

He smiled and kissed my cheek. “I have a surprise for you. Come with me.” He grabbed my hand and pulled me from the couch.

I followed him anxiously, wondering what he was up to. We stopped in the hallway.

“Wait here for a second,” he said as he headed to the left to check on Izzy. He came back a few minutes later. “She’s sound asleep. Come on.” He took my hand again as he led me to our bedroom.

I couldn’t believe my eyes as we stepped through the doorway. The lights were off, only the ambient glow of candles lit the room. There were deep red rose petals on the floor, leading into the bathroom.

I couldn’t help but grin. I knew what was going happen and I was so excited about it! I felt the heat pooling in my center almost immediately. I grinned up at Rob, “You didn’t have to do all this just to get me in bed, you know? I would’ve come willingly,” I teased.

Rob laughed, “This is my attempt to make up for being an ass the past several days, and to show you how much I love you.”

I didn’t used to be the romantic type, but I was eating up every second of this. I missed being intimate with Rob so much, I could hardly stand it.

Rob continued his hold on my hand and we followed the rose petals into the bathroom. There was a warm bubble bath waiting on us, with rose pedals. The pedals in the tub were pink and red and they smelled amazing. I was suddenly very awake.

Rob moved behind me and slipped his hands under the hem of my t-shirt, eventually lifting it over my head. I turned to face him. “You’re getting in with me, right?” I asked as I began to remove his shirt.

“Of course I am.”

I smiled and we both pulled off our pajama bottoms and slipped into the oversized bathtub. It felt like heaven. I leaned back against Rob and I could’ve fallen asleep right there, if it wasn’t for his ever present erection in my back.

I giggled. “I haven’t felt that in a long time.”

I felt him smile against my shoulder as he trailed kisses along it and up neck, behind my ear. I couldn’t wait to take him, but not in the bath. We relaxed and leisurely kissed each other, enjoying one another for quite some time.

The water eventually turned cold and we were both getting wrinkled. Rob got out first, then helped me out, and wrapped a fluffy white towel around me. He went to the bedroom to get dressed and I stayed in the bathroom for a little while dowsing myself in lotion. I put on a little black nightgown before heading back to the bedroom. It was comfortable, and not too revealing, although it was rather short, and had a deep v-neck line.

I stepped into the bedroom from the bathroom and Rob was standing at our dresser, looking at something. He was just wearing a pair of boxers and he looked delicious. He quickly concealed whatever he was looking at when he heard me come up behind him. I ran my hands up his back, and eventually wrapped my arms around his waist. “I’ve missed you so much.”

He turned to face me. “You look beautiful.” He caressed my cheek with the palm of his hand before placing a gentle kiss on my lips and leading me to the bed.

I sat on the edge of the bed as Rob stood between my legs. He leaned down and kissed me and I nearly melted. His slow pace was agonizing. I wanted to pull him back on the bed with me and take him right away, but he wasn’t letting me. His tongue traced little patterns over my lips, and made figure eights around my ear lobe.

“Rob...” I moaned. I felt him smile against my neck. “Stop playing with me...”

Rob giggled. “This is all part of the seduction, Kristen.”

I scoffed. “I’ve been seduced since I walked in this room!” We both laughed and laid back against the bed together. I don’t know what Rob’s deal was, but he was doing everything at a snail’s pace and it was making me so hot I thought I was going to explode.

I continuously tried to gain the upper hand. If I could just reach his throbbing cock, he would fall victim to me. Rob wasn’t having it. He held my hands in his, firmly above my head as he showered every square inch of me in delicate kisses.

“Kristen...”

He said my name occasionally when he wasn’t exploring me with his tongue.

“I love you...”

I couldn’t help but grin. We had come a long away. “I love you too...” I felt his lips leave my body and I opened my eyes, to see him hovering over me, his eyes starring daggers into my own, our fingers still entwined above my head. It looked as if he wanted to say something, but he was hesitating.

“What is it?” I asked. “Let me go, I want to touch you...”

He didn’t allow our hands to separate. “Kristen, I want to spend every night, for the rest of my life, right here, like this, just loving you. You’ve given me something I never thought I would have. I love you and Izzy more than anything. I’m sorry I’ve been a jerk the past few weeks, but I’ll do better, I promise. If we can get through this, and I believe we have, we can get through anything, as long as we’re together.”

I didn’t realize I was holding my breath until I felt light headed. I exhaled and felt the tears begin to sting my eyes. I couldn’t possibly express how much I loved him.

Just I was about to speak, he kissed me. He pulled away a moment later and I tried to speak again.

“Wait...” he whispered against my lips.

And that is when I felt it, something cold and hard sliding down my finger. My ring finger.

I gasped and looked up into his heart stopping green eyes. I knew the answer before he asked. I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t worried. This felt right, like it was meant to be. It felt like it was a long time coming.

“Baby, will you make me the happiest man alive, and marry me?”

I nearly squealed. I broke my hands free from his and threw my arms around his neck, pulling him to me. I caught a glimpse of my ring as I held him to me. It was more than I could have ever imagined. It was perfect. It wasn’t too much, or too little. It was platinum and diamonds as far as you could see. There was a thin platinum band, with little round diamonds inset all around it. The setting was somewhat elevated and in the center was a beautiful round diamond that absolutely sparkled. All around the diamond, was a circular band of smaller diamonds, like the rings of Saturn, little diamonds orbiting the larger diamond in the center. It left me speechless.

“You didn’t answer me, Kristen.”

I giggled. “I was too busy admiring my ring! Of course I’ll marry you! I love you, Rob. Thank you, for everything.”

Rob kissed me and grinned from ear to ear. “You’re going to be my wifey.”

I laughed. “Can we elope? I can’t deal with planning a wedding right now.”

Rob looked up at me. “I don’t care what we do, as long as you’re Kristen Pattinson when it is all said and done.”

“I really like the way that sounds.” I took his face in my hands, pulling him too me. I kissed him over and over again, never wanting the night to end. For the first time, I had everything I had ever dreamed of, and more.


THE END.




***Author’s Note: *Tear* I’m as sad as you are that it is over, but I felt it was time. I hope you enjoyed it. I’ll still be doing other Robsten stuff...I’m just not sure what yet. Thank you all for hanging in there w/ this story!

Repentance - Chapter 14

DISCLAIMER: This story contains sensitive subject matters that may not be appropriate for everyone. If you have a sensitivity to the topic of rape, you shouldn’t read this story. It is not meant to condone rape or offend anyone, it is a fictional story. Nobody is making you read it.

CHAPTER 14:

A couple weeks had passed and while Edward and I were on more cordial terms, I wasn’t ready to let him back into my life. Rose, and I assumed Edward, kept Masen one evening when I went out with James. There was a local band playing at a bar nearby and he insisted I had to check it out with him. The band was great, but he and I both had too much to drink and we took a cab back to my place. I told him I could get home on my own, but he insisted on making sure I arrived safely. It was dark and raining, so I obliged.

We were standing outside my door. “Well, thank you for everything tonight. I had fun.”

“Me too, the night doesn’t have to end. Your kid isn’t here, right?”

Even though I was more than tipsy, little red flags went off in my head. “No, he’s not here, but I need to go get him.” I cursed myself for saying those words as soon as they left my mouth. I should’ve said something different. I had already put my key in the door and James turned the handle, letting himself in.

I walked in behind him and set my purse down near the couch. “Do you want me to call you a cab?” I asked, hinting for him to leave.

He sat down on the couch and yawned. “I’m pretty tired. I might crash on your couch.”

I laughed uneasily as he pulled me down next to him and began kissing me. He smelt like smoke and liquor. I pushed him away. “James, stop. You need to go. We’re just friends.”

James laughed. “I thought we were more than friends, Bella,” he said as one of his fingers traced my jaw, down my neck, and between the opening of my button up shirt.

I could see where this was going and I began to panic. “James, no. You need to leave.” James didn’t even flinch at my words. I took a deep breath, trying not to check out of the situation, and began to think of the best way out of it. He laid me down on the couch, his nasty hands moved all over me. I let him do what he wanted for a moment so he was distracted while I desperately dumped my purse out on the floor next to the couch. I reached around frantically for my phone. I sent Edward a text.

Help me. James is here. Hurry. - B Right as I went to hit send James knocked the phone from my hand and I nearly burst into tears because I wasn’t sure if I pushed the button or not. He grabbed both my wrists and held my hands above my head. He held both of my wrists in one hand above me. I could feel him bruising the delicate skin around my wrists.

His mouth was all over me and his free hand went up my shirt. I squirmed beneath him, but I was no match for him. “James, stop. Please.” I thought I should try some reverse psychology on him. “James, stop. Let’s go to my bed, where it is more comfortable.” That got his attention. He let go of my wrists and he began to get up from the couch. As soon as I was able, I ran for the door. I opened it, but before I could exit, he threw me back onto the couch and slammed the door shut.

I felt so stupid for not listening to Edward.

James immediately climbed back on top of me as I screamed. “Shhhh, Bella. You’ll like this, I promise. You must have enjoyed it when Edward did it. Did he do it like this?”

He pulled at the button on my jeans and struggled to pull them over my hips with one hand. I pressed myself firmly into the couch, making it even harder for him. I was not going to let this happen to me again. I couldn’t. What did he mean about Edward? How did he know? Was he there? I felt sick to my stomach as I struggled with him.

Suddenly, James looked up at me and backhanded me across the face. It stung like nothing I had ever felt before.

“Stop fighting me,” he said through gritted teeth. “I’ll make this really shitty for you if you don’t stop.”

I sobbed loudly, and gave into the realization that maybe I wasn’t going to find a way out of this. As soon as I had the thought, I pushed it away, refusing to give in. I tried to free one of my legs to knee him in the nuts long enough to get away from him, but his weight on top of me was too much.

There was blood dripping into my eye, blurring my vision. James had a football ring on that must have hit my brow bone.

He forced his hand inside my jeans and I cursed myself again for being so stupid and not listening to Edward. I realized he wasn’t trying to hurt me or control my life.

James forcefully pushed his palm between my panties and my jeans, grabbing at me. I screamed loudly, not knowing what else to do, and hoping that someone would hear me. He told me to shut up again before he began sucking on my neck, biting me, hard.

I bit my lip to keep myself from screaming. At that moment, I heard the front door burst open. Edward and Emmett. I couldn’t help but feel relieved. I was saved. I was so glad Edward didn’t come alone. He and James would’ve surely killed each other.

James growled at the disruption and Edward pulled him off me, throwing him into the adjacent wall. Emmett took care of James while Edward came to me.

He pulled me into his arms immediately and I clung to him.

“Bella, I told you...” he began.

“I know, Edward,” I cried. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry.”

He didn’t continue, he just held me.

Emmett got rid of James, threatening to kill him if he ever so much as looked in my direction again. Emmett said he and Rose would keep Masen tonight and give Edward and I some privacy. I thanked him before he left.

Edward finally had to peel me off of him. “Bella, let me look at you. Are you okay?”

I pulled back and couldn’t see him very well for my eye. He caressed my opposite cheek. “God, Bella. He could’ve really hurt you.” His fingers traced my jaw, and down my neck. “He bit you,” Edward growled. He stood and went to the linen closet down the hall to get a wash cloth. He cleaned the blood from my eye and just above it. I had a small cut just under my right eyebrow. Edward bandaged it up and cleaned the bite on my neck with alcohol. It stung, but I was glad it was cleaning James’ disgusting germs from me.

“I want to take a shower,” I said quietly.

“Of course, Bella. I’ll get one started for you.” Edward stood from the couch.

“Edward?”

He turned to look at me. “Yes?”

“Was he there?”

Edward sighed and sat back down next to me on the couch, pulling me to him. “Bella, I’m sorry. I tried to tell you. I wanted to tell you, I just didn’t want to upset you. I didn’t think you would believe me...”

“I probably wouldn’t have,” I cried.

Edward kissed my cheek and disappeared into our bedroom and returned a few moments later. He helped me to the bathroom before leaving me alone.

**EPOV**

Hours had passed and Bella still hadn’t come out of the shower. I finally went to check on her. I knocked on the bathroom door twice. She didn’t answer.

“Bella? I’m coming in.”

When she didn’t respond, I went inside. I opened the glass door to the stand up shower and she was sitting in a little ball on the floor, the water hitting her. The water was cold and her lips were blue.

“Bella, what are you doing?” I turned the water off, as it had obviously ran cold.

I grabbed a towel and wrapped her in it, pulling her from the shower. “Bella? Your skin is like ice.”

“I don’t want to feel anything anymore,” she mumbled.

“Bella, don’t say that.” I put her down on our bed and grabbed a long sleeve t-shirt from her dresser and a pair of sweat pants and put them on her. I let her crawl under the covers and pulled them over her, tucking them in at her sides.

“Will you stay?” she whispered.

“Of course, Bella. I’m not going to leave you now.”

A weak smile displayed on her lips and she closed her eyes. I kissed her cheek gently. I changed clothes and crawled in bed next to her, wrapping my arms around her. “Is this okay?” I asked.

She nodded her head and I held her tighter, grateful that she was okay. Seeing her lying in the shower, covered in water, and cold, it reminded me of how I left her that night after I had done the unthinkable. I would never forgive myself for what I did to her. Ever. I was grateful that I was a different man today, than I was then, but it didn’t make it any easier to deal with. I had always found what I did incredibly difficult to deal with, but it was a million times more difficult to know the girl I did it to. To know that she was beautiful, innocent, and perfect in every way. To know that she gave birth to my child, and loved it and cared for it, despite believing he was the spawn of a monstrous man. It takes an incredible kind of woman to be able to do and accomplish what Bella has done. She deserved none of this and it was all my fault. She deserved to have a normal college experience, to graduate, and fall in love with a respectable man. She deserved to have children when she wanted to, not for them to be forced into her life. Bella speaking startled me from my thoughts.

“Edward?”

“Hmm?”

“Thank you. I’m sorry I doubted you.”

“It’s okay, Bella. You should never apologize to me. I am the one who is forever in debt to you. I’ll always be here for you, no matter what.”

She entwined her still cold fingers with mine and squeezed my hand before falling asleep.

***

Whatever transpired between us the night before, was long gone when Bella woke the following morning.

I woke to the sound of her gasping and releasing my hand from hers. I opened my eyes to see her staring back at me, almost frightened.

“What’s wrong?” I asked.

She looked around the room momentarily, as if all the events of last night were coming back to her.

She quickly stammered out of bed. “I’m sorry, Edward.” She shook her head, looking back at me. “I didn’t mean to...we’re not...” she stumbled for words. She took a deep breath. “Thank you from the bottom of my heart for coming to my rescue last night, but it doesn’t change things between us.”

All the air left my lungs at once. All my hopes just hit a concrete wall. “Bella, you’re being irrational. Can’t we just talk about everything?”

“You don’t understand, Edward,” she said quietly.

I sat up in bed, leaning towards her. She was standing at the side of the bed. “Bella, make me understand,” I begged.

She shook her head and looked away from me, trying to fight back her tears. “I’m not ready, Edward.”

I felt crushed. I couldn’t push her anymore, not after everything that happened last night. I pulled back the sheets and climbed out of bed. “I guess I’ll head back to Rose and Emmett’s. Let me know when you’re ready for Masen.”

I didn’t wait for her response. I grabbed a few of my belongings and left the room. I could hear the soft sounds of her bare feet on the hardwood floor, she was following me. I turned to face her when I got to the door. There was nothing but confusion in her eyes. I was surprised when she threw her arms around my neck, and pulled me down to her. My arms instinctively wrapped around her small waist. I inhaled her scent and recalled how much I had missed it, how much I had missed her.

“Thank you for last night, Edward,” she whispered. I could tell she was on the verge of tears. “I don’t know how you manage to make me feel so safe and so terrified all at the same time.”

I let go of her and she pulled away from me. “You’re terrified of me?” I asked quietly.

She couldn’t keep her tears back any longer. “I’m terrified of everything, Edward. I’m terrified of what I feel for you, despite what you did to me. I’m terrified that you’re not the person I thought you were. I’m terrified to lose you. I’m terrified that every time from now on when I look into you’re green eyes, or smell alcohol on your breath, that I’ll think of that night, and remember that you were the one.”

It killed me when she said things like that. The guilt I felt was almost too much to bear. It made me physically ill. I never knew what to say to her. Sorry was not enough. There were no words for my repentance.

She wiped her eyes and took a deep breath, obviously regretting her out pouring. “We’ll talk soon, okay? I’ll try not to keep you so far away anymore, but I need time, Edward.”

I nodded my head.

“If you don’t mind, I’d like some time to myself. I’ll call you later for Masen.”

“Take all the time you need.” I leaned down and kissed her forehead. “I love you.”

She looked up at me with sad eyes and I had to turn away from her. I left our apartment with a heavy heart, wondering if I’d ever feel like I could breathe again.

**Bella POV**

I spent the entire day curled up in a ball on our bed. Our bed. It smelled like him. I felt guilty for enjoying his scent.

I eventually pulled myself up, showered, and made myself presentable. I went to retrieve Masen and was disappointed to learn that Rose and Edward had taken him for ice cream. Emmett offered to entertain me until they returned, but I declined. I decided I would meet up with Alice for an early dinner.

It was nice to spend time with Alice without Masen around. I told her about everything that happened the night before. Of course, she said she understood how I felt, but thought perhaps I should take it easier on Edward, but I wasn’t ready. I was still so hurt.

I was taking a cab home when I received a text from Edward.

Emmett told me you came for Masen. We’re home now. Do you want me to bring him up? - Edward

I responded immediately. I’m not home. I’ll be there soon. You can bring him at 7:00 p.m. -B

I arrived home a few minutes later and started some laundry while I waited on Edward and Masen to arrive. I felt like I had been in a fog the past two months and I wanted out of it so badly, but I didn’t know how to get out. The doorbell interrupted my thoughts.

I let Edward in and Masen was asleep on his shoulder. “He had a big day,” said Edward. Edward carried Masen back to his room and placed him in his crib.

I was standing in the living room waiting on him when he returned. I was torn. I was so lonely. I wanted so badly to tell him to stay, but I couldn’t.

“Can we talk?” he asked.

I nodded my head and sat down on the couch. “About what?”

Edward sat next to me. “What are you going to do?”

I assumed he was referring to James. I had given this a little bit of thought. I took a deep breath. “I’m quitting the job at the restaurant. I do need to spend more time with Masen. And, I guess I’ll just have to drop the class I have with him. At this rate, I’ll never graduate.”

“So does that mean you’ll let me help you? Financially?”

“You have already helped. You paid the rent. That’s more than enough. I don’t want anything else.”

“Fine, but you’re not dropping another class. Not because of me, this is all my fault.”

“I don’t have a choice, Edward.” I began to feel my tears sting my eyes and my throat constrict as I tried to fight them back. “I cannot sit in a classroom with him, knowing that he was there, that he saw everything and what he tried to do last night...I can’t,” I cried.

Edward sighed. “Bella, I’m so sorry, about everything. You don’t deserve any of this. Please, don’t let him win.”

“It’s not about winning, Edward. I wouldn’t feel safe. What if he followed me? I would be a nervous wreck. I don’t want to live like that anymore!” I cried.

Edward pulled me too him and held me firmly. I inhaled his scent and it relaxed me, but I wasn’t sure why. I was still mad at him.

“Let me help,” he whispered, pleadingly.

“How?” I asked.

“You only have the class with him on Thursday nights, right?”

I nodded my head.

“I’ll let the library know that I’m not available that day. I’ll take you to class and I’ll pick you up. I’ll meet you outside your classroom so you don’t ever have to walk alone.”

“You would do that?” I asked. I really didn’t want to drop that class. I needed it, and I felt like I did pretty good on the mid-term. I’d hate for it all to go to waste.

“Of course, Bella. It’s the least I could do.”

I sighed and swallowed my pride, agreeing to his offer.

Edward stood and made his way to the door and I followed him. I wished I had I the nerve to ask him to stay, but I couldn’t. I shouldn’t.

I was following too closely when he stopped and turned around suddenly, almost knocking me over.

He ignored our near mishap and caressed my cheek in the palm of his hand. My breath hitched at his intimate touch, which used to be so familiar.

“Bella, can we really not work this out? I regret what I did to you more than you’ll ever know, but at the same time, I don’t regret the outcome. I don’t regret falling in love with you. I don’t regret Masen. When I see him, I’m so grateful. He’s so beautiful, innocent and full of life. He has so much of your goodness inside him.”

“He is so much like you, though,” I whispered.

“He is both of us. He is perfect. I couldn’t imagine my son having a better mother. Please don’t keep him from me.”

“I won’t, Edward. I won’t anymore. I’m sorry. He needs you.”

He kissed my forehead. “Thank you. I’ll see you Thursday.”

I nodded my head and watched him walk out the door, feeling like he was taking a part of me with him.

**CHAPTER 15 - CLICK HERE**

Never Think - Chapter 19

CHAPTER 19:

Over the next month, life was like a fairy tail. I was constantly sleep deprived, but it was worth it. Rob and I enjoyed watching Izzy so much. Every time she did something new, we were so excited. Rob could always make her crack a smile, and it was beautiful. I guess Rob and I were pretty naive to think things would remain so perfect.

It was almost a month later when the first signs of trouble began. It started with a call from our lawyer.

Michael had petitioned the court for an order requiring a paternity test for Izzy. I guess Michael decided Rob could kick his ass, so he hired a lawyer to do things the right way. Our attorney and Michael’s attorney submitted an agreed order. I had no problem with a paternity test because I knew Rob was her father.

Our attorneys mutually agreed on a doctor to do the test. We had it done almost two weeks later. The doctor said he would send us each a copy of the results by mail within the next week.

Needless to say, when Rob came in with the mail the following week, neither one of us jumped to open the envelope from the doctor.

I had just fed Izzy and Rob was in the nursery with her getting her ready for a nap. I was cleaning up the kitchen when I came across the stack of mail at the end of the breakfast bar. I opened a few miscellaneous bills before I came to the envelope from the doctor who did the paternity test. I sipped my diet coke as I opened it and began reading. I wasn’t sure I was reading it correctly. I read the same two sentences over and over.

The probability of Michael Angarano being biologically related to Isabella Jules Pattinson is greater than 99.9%. The probability of Robert Pattinson being biologically related to Isabella Jules Pattinson is 0%.

I dropped the glass I was holding. It shattered on the tile floor beneath me.

“Kris? Are you okay?” I heard Rob yell from the back of the house.

I didn’t answer him. I couldn’t speak. It felt like my world just caved in. Rob would be devastated. Izzy was his pride and joy. Tears poured uncontrollably over my cheeks and on to the floor. I knelt down to try to clean up my mess. Rob entered the room.

“What happened? Are you okay? Why are you crying?”

I stopped moving. I couldn’t look at him.

“Kristen?” His voice was shaking. He knew. He grabbed the now Coca-Cola stained paper from beside me and read it.

After he read it, he crumbled it up in his hand and threw it across the room. “That’s not true!” he yelled. “It’s not true!”

He stormed off back towards the nursery, closing the door.

A while later, I eventually picked myself up off the floor and called our attorney. Michael’s attorney had already requested temporary visitation rights until we could come to an agreement or go to trial.

“Can they not at least be supervised visits? He cannot be alone with her!” I begged.

“They won’t agree to that, and neither will the judge. He has no criminal record or documented history of a psychological condition.”

“But what about what he did to me? That doesn’t count for anything? There are records of me being in the hospital in Vancouver...”

He cut me off. “You refused to tell them who did it, there’s no report, nothing that will stand up in court. It’s your word against his.”

I cried. “How long do we have?”

“The judge will hear the motion tomorrow and grant an order with temporary visitation, unless we come to an agreement beforehand.”

“What is he asking for?”

“An equal share. 50/50. He’d have her Wednesday morning through Saturday afternoon and you and Rob would have her Saturday evening through Wednesday morning.”

I gasped. “There’s no way in hell I’d agree to that. She’s barely two months old! She needs me!”

“I’m sorry, Kristen. However, due to her age, the judge probably won’t grant him that much time. I’ll be in touch with you tomorrow after the hearing and let you know how it goes.”

I got off the phone and paced the floor back and forth wondering what to do. Rob and I had to be back in Vancouver in two months to start filming Eclipse. How would all of this work out?

I told Rob what the attorney said. He didn’t like it. “That is fucking bullshit. He’s not getting near her. That test isn’t right!” He was screaming at me.

“You don’t have to fucking yell at me!” I screamed back.

Izzy was in her swing nearby and she started crying.

Rob continued. “I’m pissed off because you’re taking this at face value! Don’t you get it, Kristen? This can’t be right. Look at her for god sakes!” He pointed at a red faced Izzy screaming at the top of her lungs in her swing. “She looks just like me,” he said more softly. “She’s mine. She has to be.”

I started crying too. I picked Izzy up and tried to calm her down. Rob was right, she did look just like him. But the test results say differently. I didn’t know what to do.

“Well, we will just have another test done. We’ll go to our own doctor. But, in the meantime, do you think I should sweet talk him? Maybe pretend that I believe the results and that he and I should be together for her sake. That way, when he has time with her, I could be with him. I can’t stand the thought of leaving him alone with her.”

“I’m not letting you do that. That’s disgusting, Kristen. Is that what you want?”

“No!” I cried. “I don’t know what to do. I don’t want her alone with him. If it means I have to kiss his ass and lie through my teeth, I will!”

Rob and I argued the remainder of the night about what to do. I slept in our bed. He never joined me. I found him the following morning in the guest room, asleep. Izzy was sleeping on his chest. I took her from him, and as soon as I lifted her from his chest, his eyes flew open.

“What are you doing?” he growled.

“I thought you were asleep. I was going to get her a bottle. I didn’t want you to roll over on her.”

I didn’t wait for his response. Izzy and I left the room. I fed and bathed Izzy that morning while Rob locked himself in the office. I didn’t know what he was doing; I didn’t care at the time.

I was in the living room later that day with Izzy when Rob came running through to the garage.

“I’m going out. I’ll be back in a minute.” The door slammed behind him.

I sighed and put Izzy in her swing and wandered off to the office to see if he left any evidence behind as to what he was doing. There was none. I went to our bedroom and nearly lost my lunch when I saw an open suitcase on the bed with his clothes in it. Tears immediately filled my eyes and I began to panic.

The phone rang. It was our attorney. An order had been granted. We were to meet Michael at a local grocery at 5:00 p.m. the next day. He would have two nights with Izzy before returning her, and he would get to see her again on the weekend.

I got off the phone and sat in the floor near my bed and cried. Rob was leaving me, and Michael was taking my baby. I almost felt sick. I heard Rob come in through the garage and I went to meet him.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. “Did you talk to the attorney? How long do we have?”

“Please don’t leave us,” I whispered.

“What the hell are you talking about?” he asked as he threw his keys down on the table.

“Your suitcase...”

“Oh, no.” He walked over to me and embraced me. “Baby, no. I’m not leaving you. I didn’t mean for it to look like that. I packed one for all of us, yours is in our closet.”

I shook my head. “I don’t understand.”

He sighed. “How long do we have?” he asked again.

“We have to turn her over to him tomorrow at 5:00 p.m.”

Rob cursed under his breath and left me, heading towards our bedroom. I followed after him.

“Would you please tell me what the fuck you’re up to?”

“I’m not letting him have her,” he said as he continued throwing things into his suitcase. “We’re leaving.”

“I don’t understand. Where are we going?”

“I don’t know. Anywhere but here. We’re not meeting him tomorrow. Nobody can know where we are. Leave your cell phone here.” He continued spitting out orders.

“Rob, we can’t do that. We’ll get in so much trouble.”

“I don’t care!” he screamed. “She’s my daughter. I don’t give a damn what that piece of paper says. He is up to something. He’s altered that test somehow. Who knows what he’d do to her in our absence. I wouldn’t be able to live with myself if he hurt her, knowing I willingly handed her over to him.”

I was still crying. I was scared. I was down right terrified. I didn’t want Michael anywhere near Izzy. I wiped quickly at my tear stained sheets, trying to get myself together. “Okay. Let’s do this.”

Rob pulled me into hug. “Thank you.”

I nodded my head and we continued packing our bags. I packed a large bag for Izzy and enough formula and diapers for a week. I had no idea how long we would be gone. I’d run forever if it meant Michael could never hurt her.

Once everything was ready I walked into the kitchen with Izzy to see Rob sitting at the table counting large amounts of cash.

“Did you rob a bank while you were out?”

He laughed. “No, but I did withdraw a lot of money. They won’t be able to trace us this way. Call your parents, tell them we’re going away for a while and you’ll explain later. You won’t be able to contact them.”

I sighed and did as he asked, wondering momentarily what the hell I was getting myself in to.

We gathered our things I went to open the door leading to the garage before Rob stopped me.

“The car is out front,” he said as a matter of fact.

“Oh.” I went and opened the front door. There was a large black Escalade in our circle drive. “Please tell me you didn’t buy that.”

“Not exactly. We couldn’t take our own cars. We can’t fly. I thought this would be more comfortable.”

“Right.” I said, stepping off the porch towards the vehicle, wondering if he had done this before.

***

We had been driving for hours. “Where are we going exactly?”

“I don’t know. We’ll find a hotel soon.”

I yawned and went back to sleep. About a half hour later he was waking me up. “I’m going to check in, stay here.”

I sat up and looked around. We were outside the Ritz-Carlton in Phoenix, Arizona. I stretched and checked on Izzy. She was getting fussy. I waited anxiously for Rob to return. He did so a few minutes later and he got our things and we headed up to our room.

As soon as we got settled in, I began making Izzy a bottle.

“I’m going to run some errands. I’ll be back.”

I turned around to see Rob wearing a dark colored hoodie and heading towards the door. I wanted to say goodbye, but he was gone before I got my mouth open.

He returned nearly an hour later with several bags from a local drug store.

“What is all that?” I asked.

“Stuff we may need.”

I watched as he dumped the bags of stuff onto the bed. Hair color, a hair trimmer, wigs, and various other miscellaneous things.

“Wow, you are really serious.”

“I don’t want to be recognized. I bought red for you.”

“I’m sorry, what?”

“Hair color. Red, for you.”

“Okay, number one, I’m not dying my hair from a box, and number two, I’m not dying it red.”

“Then why don’t you just go back to L.A.?” he said, turning to go into the bathroom.

I rolled my eyes and picked up the box of red hair coloring. I heard him turn on the hair trimmer in the bathroom and my heart stopped beating.

“Nooo!” I yelled as I got up and ran to the bathroom. It was too late. Rob’s beautiful bronze locks were already beginning to fall to the floor. He didn’t even acknowledge my disappointment. I pouted and went back to the bed.

I looked up when he re-entered the room. I opened my mouth to start complaining but no words came out. He looked fucking hot. We hadn’t had sex since before Izzy was born. I had the all clear from my doctor, but I just didn’t feel like myself yet. Not that Rob was begging for it or anything. We were both too tired to give a damn.

“What?” he asked.

I desperately tried to close my mouth. “Nothing.”

He shook his head at me and laid down on the bed, facing away from me.

“So...we’re just trapped in here?”

“Yes,” he responded.

I sighed and began flipping through a magazine. Rob was being such a prick.

I eventually threw the magazine at his back. He grumbled. “I’m bored,” I complained.

“Well, watch TV or something. Izzy should be up soon.” Izzy was sound asleep in her car seat near by.

I groaned. “Do you know how long it’s been since we’ve had sex?”

He took a deep breath and exhaled it. “A long time.”

“My doctor said I was good to go two weeks ago,” I said quietly.

“That’s good,” he mumbled.

I picked the magazine up from his back, rolled it up and hit him over the head with it. “What the hell is your problem? You’re being an ass. Do you not want me anymore?”

He propped himself up on his elbows and turned to look at me. “Oh for god sakes, Kristen. Of course I want you. Don’t be stupid. However, my mind is currently focused on other things besides my personal satisfaction, or yours.”

I blew out a deep breath I was holding and told myself I wasn’t going to cry. I laid down and rolled over, facing away from Rob. Silence fell between us for quite some time. He finally sighed and I heard him turn to face me, but I didn’t turn around to look at him.

“I’m sorry,” he started. “You just don’t know what it’s like,” he said quietly.

I turned and looked at him over my shoulder. “What do you mean?”

“To think that Izzy isn’t mine, you don’t know what that’s like. She’ll always be yours.”

I sat up and stared at him. “She’ll always be yours too,” I said sternly.

“But what if she isn’t? What if the test is right.”

“You said you would love her, even if she wasn’t yours, because she was a part of me,” I said softly, not looking at him.

“I didn’t say I wouldn’t love her, Kristen. I love her more than anything in the world, but I thought she was a beautiful and innocent miniature version of myself, but the thought of sharing her with him, it makes me sick.”

I looked over at Izzy. She was so peaceful as she slept, so care free, so immune to our problems. She belonged to Rob, there was no doubt about it when you looked at her.

“She’s yours,” I said. “Look at her. She’s a perfect blend of you and me.” I turned to look at him and grabbed his hand. “That’s why we’re here. We’re not sharing her with him.”

He nodded his head. “I was just trying to get you to understand where I was coming from.”

“I know.” I teared up and looked away from him. “If I wasn’t such an idiot back then, I wouldn’t be putting any of us through this.”

“What do you mean?” Rob asked, sitting up next to me.

“If I wasn’t screwing around with both of you,” I barely whispered.

“You can’t blame yourself for this. It’s all his fault.”

I sighed. “How long do we do this? How long do we run away? We have to be in Vancouver in two months. What about our careers?”

“Fuck my career, I don’t care. But, it won’t come to that. It will work out. Tomorrow we’ll work on finding another doctor to do another paternity test.”

I nodded my head and curled up next to him. We napped while Izzy was still sleeping.


Rob was up early with Izzy the following morning. I was trying to sleep in but he seemed to be making a fair bit of noise. He was flipping through pages of a phone book and making phone calls. I groaned. “Do we have to do it, like, right now?” I asked.

“Well we have to make sure we can get it done this afternoon, before they realize we’re not showing up at 5:00 p.m. and start looking for us.”

I sighed. “Okay.” I rolled out of bed and played with Izzy for a few minutes before heading to the bathroom to shower. I noticed the red hair coloring on the vanity. I read the directions and decided it couldn’t be that difficult. I could always change it later. I mixed the coloring and stood in front of the mirror to apply it. I wasn’t graceful. It was all over me. Those stupid plastic gloves were too big for my small hands and I was just making a mess. I anxiously waited the 13-17 minutes it suggested. I got pretty antsy around minute 13. I mean, how are you supposed to know when it’s done? Thirteen minutes and 17 minutes is a pretty big stretch. My hair still looked brown to me, with a bunch of orange goo on top. I decided I’d let it go for 15 minutes. When time was up, I got in the shower. It was so weird to see all the coloring come out of my hair and make the water orange. It took forever to get it all out and off of my skin.

I didn’t really see a big difference until I dried my hair. I examined myself in the mirror for quite some time before deciding that I liked the way it looked. It certainly wasn’t the color on the box, but I was okay with that. It was a reddish-brown color, with a little more red tones than brown. It was enough to be different, but not so drastic that it didn’t blend with my skin tone.

My hair was getting kind of choppy and uneven so I took a pair of scissors to it, shortening it by a couple inches and giving it a straighter finish. I was unusually satisfied with the results.

I emerged from the bathroom after getting dressed. Rob was sitting at the desk feeding Izzy a bottle, his back to me. “Were you in there long enough?” he joked. “I ordered us breakfast. Yours is getting cold.”

“Turn around,” I demanded softly.

He turned around in his chair and looked up at me. His eyes grew large. “Wow. Did you do that all by yourself?”

I twirled around in a circle so he could see the shorter length in the back. “Yup! What do you think?”

“I actually really like it! I can’t believe you did that on your own.”

I smiled. “Me either. I like it too!” I sat down at the nearby table and dug into my breakfast.

The only appointment Rob could get us for a paternity test was the following day. We used fake names to schedule the appointment, but we’d have to use our real ones once we arrived. The press was going nuts for a picture of Izzy. They knew as well as anyone else that the timing of everything was questionable. They didn’t know if the baby was Rob’s or Michael’s either. They finally came to the conclusion that Michael and I were no longer together and Rob and I were.

The following day we headed to our appointment. We made our way inside without being noticed. Fortunately, there was only one other person in the waiting room and she had to be pushing 80 years old. She probably couldn’t even see us. Rob was sitting with Izzy when I went up to the reception window to return the clipboard with our information on it. The receptionist was turned away in her chair on her cell phone.

“You are not going to believe this. I’m like, 90% sure Robert Pattinson and Kristen Stewart are here, with the baby. They’re getting a paternity test!” she tried to whisper.

I cleared my throat and she turned around quickly. I reached over the counter and pulled the phone from her ear, launching it across the room. It hit the adjacent wall and fell to pieces. The girl looked at me with big eyes. I took the piece of paper from the clipboard and folded it, putting it in my pocket.

“We won’t be keeping our appointment.” I pushed the clipboard towards her and turned around to see Rob had watched the entire thing play out.

“Let’s go,” I demanded.

We headed back outside and got in the car.

“Kristen, you have to be more careful. You can’t just go throwing people’s phones.”

“Fuck her! She doesn’t need to be telling our business. This will never work if we have to interact with stupid people like that!”

Rob sighed. “I know, we’ve got to find something more exclusive, somewhere we can disappear.”

“We need to get out of Phoenix. It’s only a matter of time now...” I trailed off.

Rob grabbed my hand and kissed it. “We’ll get our stuff and leave right away. Everything will be fine.”

We packed our stuff up as soon as we got back to the hotel and headed out. When we were outside of Phoenix a little ways we stopped and I used a pay phone for the first time ever. I didn’t think they even made those anymore. I called our attorney to see what was going on.

He was furious that we ran. I didn’t tell him where we were. He said we were in contempt of court for disregarding the Order and there was a hearing later this afternoon. There would likely be warrants for our arrest by the end of the day. I told him the paternity test had to be wrong, that Michael had to of messed with it somehow. I asked him if we would still be in trouble if we had a paternity test showing otherwise. He said we’d deal with that, if and when we had proof. As of now, we look guilty, because we ran.

I was a complete mess when I got back in the car. Rob was in the backseat changing Izzy’s diaper.

“We are fucked!” I screamed.

“Why?” Rob asked, nonchalantly.

I scoffed and proceeded to tell him everything our attorney told me. “This is not good, Rob.” I started to panic. “What if she is his...and he tries to get full custody of her, saying that we are not fit, that we’re criminals!”

“Kristen! Calm down. You’re over reacting!” Rob got Izzy dressed and put her back in her car seat. She sucked on her pacifier, without a care in the world. Rob got back in the car and we started driving.

“It’s not a big deal. We just have to remain unseen until we can get the paternity test.”

“I think I’m going to be sick. What have we done?” I asked, looking at him warily.

“We’re protecting our daughter. We’ve done nothing wrong.”

I sighed and reclined my seat. I curled up on my side and fell asleep, too exhausted to stay awake and over analyze everything.


***Author’s Note: *ducks head* sorry this took so long to get posted. I *think* there is only going to be one more chapter after this one, and then the story will end. I’d be interested in doing another R/K fic, but everything seems to have already been done and over done in some cases, so I’m having a difficult time coming up w/ something. Suggestions? Send them to AllOrNothingKR@gmail.com

Repentance is still hanging in there...and I have a new AH/AU Bella/Edward fic in the works that is rather ... promiscuous? And x-rated. It is called What Wicked Games We Play and the 1st chapter will be out sometime this summer (I don’t like commitment). It has very adult themes, deals with sex, addiction, friendships lost, life, death, after death...and yes, I will be pushing the envelope. :)

**CHAPTER 20 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13:

**Bella POV**

I was more than a little disturbed by Edward’s reaction to James. James didn’t really seem like that bad of a guy. He was really helping me in class. I wasn’t sure whether or not to believe Edward, or just assume that he didn’t want me around any other man. It killed me to see how tormented he was about it. He was right about Masen and Alice. I wasn’t spending enough time with Masen and I’m sure Alice was exhausted. I felt horrible, but I didn’t know what else to do. I refused to take Edward’s money. I dropped the rent off at the office the very next morning.

I was surprised to see an envelope taped to my door when I returned home from work the next evening. I went inside and got Masen dinner before returning to the envelope. I opened it and pulled out a note and my rent check.

Ms. Swan,

Mr. Cullen has paid the rent for the apartment for the next six months; therefore, I am returning your check to you.

Thank you,

Building Management

“Ugh! I knew he would do that.” I ripped up my check and threw it away. While Masen ate dinner, I went to get ready for my date with James. I was only going on the date for the hell of it. Although James seemed very nice, I had no interest in really seriously dating anyone. As much as I hated to admit it, Edward still owned my heart. I just didn’t want him to know it. I wanted to attempt to prove to myself that someone else could make me feel the way he used to. I had to know that Edward wasn’t the only person that could love me, or that I could love.

I sent Edward a text. You didn’t have to do that. I can pay the rent. - B

You wouldn’t have accepted it any other way. Stop acting like you have to do this all by yourself. Masen is my son. I can provide for him, you’re being selfish by not letting me. - Edward

Oh, he made me so mad! You were pretty fucking selfish when you raped an innocent girl just to get into a stupid fraternity so you wouldn’t disappoint daddy. I’ve got to get ready for my date with James now. Goodbye. -B

Damn it, Bella!! Why don’t you listen to me? Please tell me you’re just saying that to piss me off. He’s trouble, Bella. I’m serious. - Edward

I’m also serious. He’s here. Bye, Edward. - B

Bella, you’re killing me. I know you hate me, but I still love you. Please be careful. Call me if you need me. I’ll be there. - Edward

I sighed after reading his last text. Maybe he was being serious about James. It was too late now. Alice arrived, and I left with James.

***

James really wasn’t so bad. We actually had a pretty good time. We had a nice dinner and saw a movie and he didn’t even try anything. He kissed my cheek when I arrived home and that was it. Edward was totally over reacting. He blew my phone up that night, insisting I let him know when I was home safely. I did so, only because I didn’t want him showing up at the apartment.

I think I was more or less separating myself from him because I knew I was so vulnerable. Every time I saw him, I wanted to fall into his arms and for him to tell me everything would be okay, but I knew that was wrong.

I was busy cleaning the apartment later that weekend when there was a light knocking on the door. I was more than surprised to see Edward’s mother through the peep hole.

“Oh, God.” I said aloud. I quickly ran my fingers through my hair and straightened my shirt before opening the door.

“Hi,” I greeted her. “Edward is at Rose’s apartment.”

She smiled; it looked genuine. “Bella, I’m not here for Edward. I wanted to speak with you.”

“Oh. Okay. Come in.” I let her in and we sat awkwardly on the couch, as far away from each other as possible. “Can I get you something to drink?” I asked.

“Oh, no thank you. I’m fine.”

I smiled, unsure of what to do next. I was glad Masen was down for a nap so he wasn’t climbing all over her. She was wearing, what looked to be, a very expensive dress.

Esme took a deep breath. “Bella, Edward told Carlisle and I everything.”

I gasped and looked away. She scooted closer to me and grabbed my hand. “Bella, please, don’t be embarrassed. We have more in common than you think.”

I looked at her questioningly.

“There are some things I wanted to tell you.”

I nodded my head, wanting her to go on.

“Shortly after Carlisle and I were married, I was raped at a party. Someone slipped something in my drink. Carlisle found me after the fact. If he hadn’t of found me in the condition I was in, I wouldn’t have known. I physically felt the aftermath, but fortunately, I couldn’t remember it. That’s how Rose came along. She’s not Carlisle’s biological child.”

Wow. I was shocked to say the least. That explained a lot, about Rose anyway.

She continued. “Carlisle has always been harder on Edward than he was on Rose. I guess we both were. We just assumed that her father was a low life creep and that she wouldn’t have the potential that Edward had. Obviously, we were wrong. I mean, we don’t support all of her decisions, but she is my daughter, and I do love her. Once Edward told us everything, it really made me realize that we were really expecting too much of him and we didn’t realize how much pressure we placed on him when he was in college. Bella, since the day Rose was conceived, I thought that her father was a disgusting pig-headed monster. I’m sure you’ve had those same feelings.”

I nodded my head.

“I want you to know that Edward is not a monster.” She began to cry. “I’ve never been more disappointed in him in all my life and I feel partially responsible.”

I shook my head. “He made his own decision.”

“But we were so hard on him. We just wanted the best for him.” She shook her head. “I’m sorry. I just came here to tell you that he’s not a monster. He made a monumental mistake, but he’s terribly sorry. Masen is a beautiful child, Bella. I’m sorry about Thanksgiving. I had no idea. Carlisle and I just always assumed he would be with Tanya. We thought that since the day they were born, it was just how it was. I had no idea what happened between them. Edward never told me. Regardless of what happens between you and Edward, I’d really like you and Masen to be part of our family.”

I was crying now too. “I’d like that.” I hugged her neck.

“I’m so sorry this happened to you, Bella. You have to know that Edward loves you. I’ve never heard him speak so highly of another individual in all his life. I just recently found out that Rose and Emmett were married.” Her cries grew louder. “I’ve missed so much of my childrens’ lives because of my high standards. It’s so stupid, Bella. You cannot be concerned with what others think. You don’t want Masen to miss out on time with his father.”

I nodded my head. “I know. It’s just hard and confusing.”

“I can’t imagine. But, Bella, look on the bright side. You never have to worry about your son being a monster. Edward has a good heart. Masen will know his father. Rose never got a chance to know hers. However, your situation gives her hope, that maybe her father too, had just made a terrible mistake while under the influence of alcohol, that she isn’t the spawn of a monster. I am not condoning anything Edward did, Bella. I think it is disgusting, and I’m so terribly sorry. I think he deserves to be punished, and serve his time like anyone else. Bella, if that will help provide you with closure, please do not hesitate.”

I had not given it much thought, because I knew I couldn’t do it. For the longest time I wanted my rapist behind bars, so he couldn’t hurt other women, but Edward wasn’t out to hurt anyone. He was still Masen’s father, and I couldn’t take him away from Masen. I shook my head at Esme. “I don’t think it will help me. I think Edward is serving his time on a daily basis, just living with what he did.”

Esme sat there and cried for quite some time, continuously apologizing. We finally pulled ourselves up from the couch.

“Masen is napping, but you’re welcome to see him if you’d like.”

“Oh, Bella, I’d love to.”

We both walked quietly back to Masen’s room. He was sound asleep in his crib. Esme teared up. “I don’t know why I didn’t see it before.”

I laughed. “I say that to myself every single day.”

Esme turned to me and placed her hand on my arm. “Oh, Bella. You couldn’t have known.”

“I know, I mean, it’s not every day you see a handsome, well dressed guy walking down the street and you automatically assume that he was the one that raped you and fathered your child.” I said sarcastically as I rolled my eyes. “I just never dreamed it.”

Esme squeezed my hand. “He’s beautiful, Bella. He looks just like Edward did.” We both admired Masen’s shaggy copper colored hair and his fair skin. She turned to face me. “Please consider speaking to him. I miss seeing him happy. He was so happy around you.”

I sighed. “I’ll think about it.” We walked back to the front of the apartment and I thanked her for coming by. Esme told me about some of the non-profit work she did, which included counseling rape victims. She encouraged me to speak to someone, if not her, she would recommend a good friend of hers she works with. Although she said speaking to someone would really help me, I wasn’t sure if I was ready for that.

***

The following week came quickly and it was time for mid-terms. I desperately tried to get myself right in the head and focus on school.

I was completely freaking out. I couldn’t get a hold of Alice and I had a mid-term in 20 minutes. I had taken the day off work to study for it, but Alice said she’d be here before I had to leave for class. I paced the floor frantically back and forth. I flipped open my cell phone to start calling people. I noticed I had a missed call and voicemail. I listened to my message.

“Bella, it’s Alice. Sweetie, I’m so sorry. I don’t think I’m going to make it there before your class. Jasper is really sick. I think he’s got food poisoning or the stomach flu. I don’t want Masen to catch anything and I’m afraid to leave Jasper. Can you take him to Rose’s? I’m so sorry, I know it’s short notice. I thought Jasper would get better. Call me.”

I hung up the phone. “Crap!” I noticed it was on silent, which is why I must have missed her call. I was sort of angry, but at the same time, I knew it wasn’t her fault. I called Rose’s cell phone.

“Hello?”

“Hey, Rose. Are you home?”

“No, I haven’t left work yet. I’m trying to get some stuff finished up before the weekend.”

I sighed. “Do you know if Emmett is home?”

“No, he’s working tonight. What’s going on?”

“I’m late for one of my mid-term exams. Alice bailed on me, and I don’t know what to do with Masen. I can’t miss this exam. There are no make-ups. I’ll have to retake the class.”

“Oh, Bella, I’m sorry. I wouldn’t even it make home in an hour if I left right now. I talked to Edward a few minutes ago. He’s home, he doesn’t work tonight. Call him.”

I sighed. “I don’t want to,” I barely whispered.

“Bella, I know how you feel. I’m on your side. But, Bella, you know he isn’t a monster. He would never harm Masen. Ever. Just because you let him see his son, or let him help you out, doesn’t mean your giving in to anything. It doesn’t mean you are accepting what he did, or that it’s okay.”

Tears stung my eyes. I didn’t want to talk to Edward. Not now. I had to focus on my exam. I couldn’t deal with seeing him, and the emotions and pain it caused.

“Bella? Are you crying?”

I sniffled quickly and wiped my eyes. “No, I’m sorry.”

Rose sighed. “Bella, call him. Now.”

She sounded angry. “Okay, I’ll call him.” I didn’t want to piss Rose off. I needed her in my corner.

I hung up with Rose and took a deep breath before calling Edward.

“Bella?” he answered. “Are you alright?”

“Um, yea. I’m fine. I need a favor.”

“What is it?”

“I’m late for class. I have a mid-term and I don’t have anyone to watch Masen.” I could almost hear his smile on the other end of the phone.

“I’ll be right there.”

I sighed, relieved. “Okay.”

“Oh, and Bella?”

“Yea?”

“Thank you.” He hung up. My heart always felt so heavy after talking to him. Part of me felt like I was unrightfully punishing him by keeping him away from Masen, but the other part of me didn’t want the person that did this to me anywhere near my son. It was so hard for me to grasp that they were the same person.

“Masen, your daddy is coming to stay with you while I go to class, okay?”

Masen looked up from his highchair with wide eyes and a big grin. “Daddy!”

I couldn’t help but smile at his expression. It was then that I realized, not only was I punishing Edward, but I was punishing Masen too.

I walked over to him and kissed his forehead. “I love you. Be good, okay?”

Masen nodded his head and I heard a knock at the door. Masen started hitting his hands on his tray and screaming, “Daddy!”

I grabbed my bag by the door and swung the door open quickly. I couldn’t even look him in the eyes. I avoided his stare, and hurried past him. “Thanks,” I yelled as I went down the hallway.

“Bella!” he yelled after me.

I turned around, still avoiding his gaze. “Take my car, it will be faster.” He threw his keys to me and I just barely caught them.

I couldn’t turn down that offer. I was really running late and if I took the bus, I’d never make it in time. “Thanks, Edward.”

I was 30 minutes late to class and I was the last one to finish my exam. After the exam was over and I was the last person in the large classroom, I suddenly became very anxious. I had to walk past the library to get to Edward’s car. It was dark and raining. I hadn’t felt that anxious about the dark rain in a long time. I turned in my exam and exited the classroom. I stood at the large glass doors of the building as I looked out at a deserted campus. It looked so much like that night. I felt my chest tighten and I couldn’t breathe. I wanted to call Edward. I just wanted him to be on the phone with me, to be sure I made it to my car. I felt tears pouring over my cheeks before I even realized they were coming. The longer I stood there, the more anxious I got. I was so mad at myself for what I was about to do. I called Edward.

“Edward?”

“Bella? What’s wrong? Are you okay? Where are you?”

I hated how he could tell exactly how I was feeling, just by the tone of my voice. “I’m okay. I don’t want to talk about it. Will you just stay on the phone with me, until I get to my car?”

He sighed. I knew this hurt him too. “Of course, Bella.”

I opened the door and popped open my large umbrella. I was grateful I had on my tennis shoes. I took off running, I couldn’t stand to walk the same path I walked so leisurely that night.

I was out of breath by the time I got in my car and slammed the door. I was crying even harder. I couldn’t even speak.

“Bella? Are you sure you’re okay? Do you want me to come get you?”

“No, no. I’ll be okay in a few minutes,” I cried.

Edward didn’t say anything for a long time, he just listened to my sobs. I eventually couldn’t keep it inside anymore. I started screaming at him.

“Do you know how fucked up this is??!!” I yelled at him. “I’m terrified of what you did to me, I’m terrified to walk around this campus in the rain by myself, yet I call you when I’m scared of the very thing you did to me. You did this to me!” I screamed. “Do you know how fucked up that is?! Why do I turn to you?!” I cried.

Edward was silent, except for his muffled cries. “Bella...”

“No. Don’t. I don’t want to hear it.”

I heard Edward take a deep breath, trying to compose himself. I did the same. Once I had regained some composure, I asked, “Do you mind if I use your car to run a few errands before I head back?”

“Of course not. Take all the time you need.”

“Okay.” I hung up. I drove to the nearest Walgreens to pick up a few things, but I spent the majority of my time trying to collect myself in the parking lot. I ran to the grocery store before finally returning home.

I entered the apartment quietly. I could hear Masen giggling from down the hall, so I softly shut the door and set my groceries on the counter in the kitchen.

“Sting my song!” Masen yelled.

“You want me to sing your song?” Edward asked him.

“Yes!” Masen responded. I could hear the excitement in his response. I heard Edward begin to strum his guitar and my heart fell to the pit of my stomach.

“If I sing your song for you, you promise you’ll get in bed? Mommy will be so mad at me if she comes home and you’re still up. It’s way past your bedtime.”

“Yes! Yes! Yes!” I could hear Masen clapping his hands.

Edward continued playing the guitar. The most beautiful sound filled the air. As he began to sing, I stopped breathing.

I wish you freedom
I wish you peace
I wish you nights of stars
That beckon you to sleep
I wish you heartache
That leaves you more of a man
I wish I could be there
But I can't

I wish you places
That sit so still
Where people never ever change
and never ever will
I wish I could hold you
And make you understand
I wish I could be there
But I can't

Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains

I wish you wisdom
I wish you years
I wish you armies
To conquer all your fears
I wish you courage for all that life demands
I wish I could be there
But I can't

Be good for your mama
Cause she'll need a hand to hold
Boy, she loves you
More than you'll ever know
There are rhymes and there are reasons
And times when nothing stayed the same
But you know my love still remains

I wish we were together
I wish I was home
I wish there were nights
Where I was never alone
I know I've said it
But I'll say it once again
I wish I could be there
But I can't

I could feel my heart beating in my ears. I didn’t hear anyone else speak and I assumed Edward had put Masen to bed, perhaps he fell asleep. Tears poured over my cheeks, landing softly on the tile floor in the kitchen. For the life of me, I couldn’t understand how this Edward, was the same man that raped me almost three years ago. I couldn’t comprehend the feelings I had for him. I loved and hated him at the same time. It was the grandest and deepest form of love, and the most passionate and serious form of hate. I turned around just in time to see him enter the room. I wanted to look away from him, but I couldn’t. It was obvious by the surprised look on his face that he didn’t know I had come in.

“Did I upset you?” he asked softly.

I continued to cry, and nodded my head.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I didn’t know you were here.” He came towards me and wrapped his arms around me. For the briefest of moments, I wanted to give in. I wanted to let go, to melt into his embrace, but I couldn’t. I wouldn’t. I pushed at his chest, trying to free myself from his embrace, but he held firm. I pushed harder. “Let go of me,” I cried.

He released me immediately. I was unprepared to see his eyes filled to the brim with warm tears.

“I miss you so much, Bella.”

I shook my head at him. “No, Edward. Don’t.”

He hung his head.

“I think you should go now. Thank you for keeping Masen.”

He unenthusiastically nodded his head and began walking towards the door. I followed him.

He turned to me before he opened the door. “Bella, I love you. I’ll always be here for you. You don’t have to do this on your own. I’ll stay on the phone with you while you walk in the dark a million times...just to hear you breathing, just to know that you’re okay. I couldn’t save you that night; I hurt you.” He began to get choked up. “I’m so sorry, Bella. I promise, I’ll save you every night for the rest of your life if you would just let me.”

I sobbed uncontrollably. I wanted nothing more than to wrap my arms around his neck and feel him holding me. I wanted him to hold me all night. I stared at his glistening eyes for what seemed like a long time, debating what to do. I finally said nothing and opened the door for him to leave.

***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading! I hope you guys liked this chapter, it’s one of my favorites, because the song Edward was singing is one of my favorites. If you are unfamiliar with it, it is “Gavin’s Song” by Marc Broussard and it is simply beautiful. I hope you all have a great week! Thank you all so much for the reviews and comments, they are (mostly) encouraging. lol ;)

**CHAPTER 14 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12:

**Bella POV**

I heard someone knocking on the door a while later and assumed it was Edward.

“Go away!” I cried.

“Bella? It’s Alice.”

I groaned. “It’s open.” I was too upset to move, so I let her push me as she opened the door. She stepped inside and closed the door and bent down to me.

“Bella, what’s wrong? Why is Masen screaming? Why are you in a towel? You’re freezing. Get up!” Alice pulled me to my feet and took her coat off, pulling it around me. She led me to the couch and I sat down before she disappeared down the hall to Masen’s room.

Once he was quiet, she returned. “Is he okay?” I asked.

Alice nodded her head. “What’s going on, Bella?”

“Why are you here, Alice?” It suddenly dawned on me that she came by unannounced.

“Edward asked me to come by. He said I needed to check on you and Masen. He sounded upset. What happened?”

I continued to cry and I couldn’t even look at her. I was ashamed and embarrassed. How could I have not known? “He was the one,” I whispered softly.

“The one, what? I don’t understand.”

I turned to look at her. “He is Masen’s biological father.”

Alice’s eyes grew large. “What? That means he...” she hesitated, “raped you?”

I nodded my head.

Alice shook her head. “What?? Edward?? How? Why? He seems so nice, and that doesn’t seem like something he would do.”

I told her everything he had told me.

“Wow, Bella. I’m so sorry. I’m shocked. I just cannot believe he would do something like that. It does sort of make sense now, though.”

“What do you mean, Alice?”

“Remember all the homemade ornaments we made for your Christmas tree?”

I nodded my head.

“Well, Edward seemed to be affected by a lot of the older pictures of you and Masen. He looked at all of them for quite some time. He even got choked up a bit after seeing the one of you and Masen leaving the hospital. He said you didn’t look happy.”

I sighed, still trying to comprehend everything. “I don’t know what to do, Alice. I’m devastated,” I cried. Alice pulled me to her and gave me a big hug.

“It’s okay, Bella. It will all work out, one way or another. You just need some time to digest everything and decide what you want. It could be worse, Bella.”

I scoffed. “What is worse than unknowingly falling in love with your rapist and having his child?!”

“A lot of things could be worse, Bella. You could never know who did it. It could have been some disgusting human being who is still out there doing it to other girls. It could be someone who gets off on hurting women. It could be someone with severe psychological problems who fathered your child. I could go on for days. The point is, Edward is none of those things. He’s sorry and although I don’t think he went about it the right way, he has tried very hard to make up for what he did, both in his own life, and yours.”

I shook my head, not fully ready to hear what she was saying.

“I’m not saying it makes it okay. I’m not telling you to forgive him. I’m just telling you how it is, and that it could be worse.”

I nodded my head.

Alice helped me get dressed and we shared a strong drink before she put me to bed. I slept in Masen’s room. I couldn’t bring myself to sleep in the bed that Edward and I shared.

The entire weekend was a blur. I wasn’t even ready to deal with the details of Edward’s admission. I had to take over the counter medication just to sleep. I wanted to feel numb, I didn’t want to think about it. I was so relieved when Monday morning came and I took Masen to daycare. I didn’t go to work; I called in sick.

Later that day I was curled up on the couch reading a book; anything to keep my mind off the previous days’ events. I froze when I heard a key turning in the lock on the door. Edward.

He came through the door, and looked surprised to see me. “Bella, I’m sorry. I didn’t think you would be here.”

“I didn’t go to work.”

“I just needed to get some clothes and whatnot.”

I nodded my head and went back to my book. He walked down the hall. I stared at my book, at the words on the page, but I wasn’t reading. I listened and waited for him to return. He did so about 15 minutes later. He was carrying a bag.

“I left some cash on our dresser, for you and Masen, groceries, whatever you need...”

I shook my head. “I don’t want it.”

He sighed. “Bella, please.”

I shook my head again and I felt the warm tears pooling in my eyes. I looked away from him. “I’m so mad at you, Edward!” I screamed as I faced him and let it out. “We were fine before you came into our lives! Yes, it was hard. Yes, I was poor, but we were making it! I was surviving! I didn’t need you! You came in and swept me off my feet, knowing what you did to me.” I cried. “Now I can’t afford this place, I can’t go back to where I came from, I can’t think straight!” I screamed. “I’m so disgusted with myself. I should’ve known. I can’t believe I’ve been sleeping with the person who did this to me, the person I hated for so long!”

Despite Edward’s best attempts, tears were falling over his cheeks. “I don’t know what to say, Bella. I know I’m sorry isn’t enough. It kills me to know that what I did is making you feel this way. I love you so much. I want to make everything better for you. I know it will take time, but please, find a way to forgive me. I can’t imagine my life without you and Masen in it. I’ll turn myself in, I’ll go to jail. I’ll do anything you want.”

I looked away from him, tears poured down my face. “You better start trying to imagine it, Edward. We’re not going to be in your life anymore,” I said coldly. “Go get your money, and get out. I haven’t decided what I’m going to do yet with regard to the legal aspect of it.”

Edward didn’t fight me. He went back to the bedroom and returned a moment later. “I’ll be at Rose’s if you need anything. I’m sorry, Bella.” He grabbed his bag and left.

I fell apart once he was gone. I could pretend all I wanted in front of him, but inside it was killing me. I couldn’t lie to myself, I loved him. It hurt me to see him hurting.

I pushed the thoughts aside and did some cleaning and grocery shopping before going to get Masen from daycare.

I went back to work the following the day and proceeded to get things as back to normal as I could that week. Masen asked about “Daddy” all the time and I did the best I could to cover for Edward. I didn’t want Masen to think Edward was a monster. I didn’t want to tarnish Masen’s impression of Edward. I hadn’t decided if I was going to allow Edward to see Masen on a regular basis or not.

***
The next few days were the hardest. It was harder than the few days following the rape. I kept trying to recall how I dealt with it, how I got through it. I couldn’t remember for the life of me. I didn’t know what to do. I mostly kept myself busy and tried to avoid my feelings. I thought if I could just forget about Edward, I would be okay. How could I forget? I suddenly saw so much of him in Masen. Their hair, their eyes, their smile. I even cut Masen’s hair really short one night, trying to make him look less like his father. I only went into our bedroom to shower and get dressed. I never slept there. I was certain the smell of him remained on the bed linens and I couldn’t sleep there.

Over the next few weeks, I still didn’t speak to Edward, or see him. I avoided the library like the plague, for fear of running into him. My grades were suffering as a result. A guy in one of my classes was helping me, though. His name was James, he seemed nice.

I dropped one of my classes and took a second job at night as a sever so I could pay the bills on my own. It helped me keep busy and keep my mind off my problems. Alice was wonderful and kept Masen while I worked evenings and went to class with no complaints.

Edward never stopped checking in on me. He would call, but I wouldn’t answer. He would send me text messages, telling me he loved me and that he’d wait for me to work through my feelings. I never responded. I wish he would just stop. My mother and Charlie had been calling and I hadn’t been answering their calls. I didn’t want them to know, I was too ashamed. I would return their calls when I knew they were working or unavailable so I could just leave a message and let them know I was okay.

I was at work one morning when I was surprised to see Rosalie come through the door. I hadn’t spoken to her since the night of Edward’s admission, and I was a little upset that she hadn’t even tried to contact me.

“Hey, Rose. What are you doing here?”

“I wanted to see if I could take you to lunch today, my treat.”

“Um, yea, I guess that would be okay. Let me find someone to cover the desk and I’ll meet you outside in a few minutes.”

She nodded her head and went outside. I met her outside a few minutes later and we walked in silence down the street to a local restaurant. We were seated and ordered our lunch before she broke the silence.

“Bella, I want to apologize for not being by to see you. I thought you would be mad at me.”

“I’m not mad at you. You’re his sister. I understand.”

She swallowed loudly. “Bella, he’s really torn up. He’s worried sick about you. He’s very sincere in his regret about what happened.”

“I know. It doesn’t change anything. You can let him know we are doing just fine.”

She looked away and I could see her eyes were beginning to water.

“I’m sorry, Rose. It’s nothing against you.”

“I just didn’t want it to be this way. He loves you. He loves Masen. Masen is my nephew. My parents have a grandson. I’m about to have a baby. Masen will have a cousin. I just wish you could let him back in, and let Masen enjoy his father, who isn’t a monster.” Rose rolled her eyes and shook her head, almost to herself. “I can’t believe I’m even taking up for him. I was so beyond angry, Bella. You have no idea. Edward may be an idiot at times, but he’s not a monster, or a career criminal, he made a mistake.”

I fought back tears. I hadn’t given much thought to Masen having a cousin, or another set of grandparents. I was being selfish.

“I need more time, Rose. I’m not ready. I haven’t wrapped my head around it yet. I’m heartbroken. You have no idea how much I loved him. He was like my saving grace, and to find out he was the person who did this, who I hated, who I feared every time it was dark and raining. You have no idea what that’s like.”

She nodded her head in understanding. “I’m sorry, Bella.”

We finished eating our lunch in silence.

“I’ve got to get back to the office,” I said.

Rose stood. “Bella, before you go, I wanted to give you this.” She pulled out a small black and white photo from her purse and handed it to me. It was a sonogram photo. “It’s a little girl,” she said, trying slightly to hide her excitement.

“Rose, she’s beautiful. Congratulations!” I hugged her tightly. “I’m sorry I wasn’t there.”

Rose shook her head. “It was my fault, but I want you to be there from now on. Even if you can’t forgive Edward, I still want you to be my friend.”

I smiled and hugged her again. “Of course, Rose.”

We said goodbye and I headed back to the office.

**Edward POV**

I couldn’t stand it anymore. It had been two months since I had seen Bella or my son. I went to the library every night that I could, hoping to see her. She was never there. I wanted to give her the space she needed. I didn’t want to rush her, but I was dying inside. It was driving me crazy that I didn’t know how she was, or how Masen was. I was using Rose as an informant. I knew I was driving my sister nuts. I finally decided I would just show up at our apartment, unannounced.

I knocked on the door, and was surprised when Alice answered.

“Hi, Edward.”

“Hey, Alice. Where’s Bella? She doesn’t have class tonight, does she?

Alice shook her head. “Come in, Edward.”

I stepped inside.

“Daddy!!!!” Masen squealed loudly and ran to me, practically crawling up me. I picked him up and held him tightly to me.

“Hey, buddy!” I kissed his forehead. “I’ve missed you so much.” It felt good to be able to show emotion towards Masen and not be fearful that Bella, or anyone else, would think it was strange, because they thought he wasn’t mine. Getting the horrible secret off my chest had its advantages and disadvantages.

“Where you go?” Masen asked, wondering where I had been.

I looked to Alice, not knowing what to say.

“Masen, your daddy has been busy at school and work,” Alice chimed in.

“You stay home now?” he asked, excited.

“Uh, no. I’m sorry, buddy. I just came by to visit for a few minutes.”

Masen pouted and hugged my neck tightly.

We all visited for a few minutes before Alice told Masen it was his bedtime.

“Can I put him to bed, Alice?”

“Of course, Edward.”

I carried Masen back to his room and got him changed into his pajamas. We both laid on the bed in the room. I could smell Bella’s shampoo and body lotion on the sheets. I looked around the room. Her pajamas were on the foot of the bed. She hadn’t been sleeping in our room.

I picked a book from his bookshelf to read to him. I spoke to him before I started.

“Masen, even though I can’t be here all the time, you have to remember I always love you, okay?”

Masen nodded his head, but I wasn’t sure he understood.

I hugged him and felt my eyes begin to water. I pushed back my emotions and began reading his story. He was sound asleep next to me by the time I finished. I put the book aside and carefully picked him up and put him in his crib.

I rejoined Alice in the living room.

“Thank you, Alice. Thank you so much. I haven’t seen him since...”

Alice nodded her head. “I know, Edward.”

I sat next to her on the couch. “Where is Bella if she isn’t in class?”

Alice took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly. “She’s at work.”

“Work?” I asked confused.

“Edward, she dropped one of her classes and took a second job, so she could pay for everything without your help.”

I gasped. “Why? She’s so stubborn. Does she even see Masen anymore?”

“Not much, actually. I would never tell her, but I’m exhausted. I wish she would let you help.”

“You don’t hate me?” I asked, surprised.

Alice shook her head. “I was mad at first. But, I’ve seen you with Masen and Bella. I know you love them both. People make mistakes, Edward. You made a huge one that had life altering consequences for Bella, but you’re trying to fix it. I know you would never intentionally hurt her or Masen.”

“I wish she could see that.”

“She knows. She’s just confused, Edward. She’s embarrassed. She doesn’t understand her feelings. She loves you, but she doesn’t think she should, because of what you did.”

I sighed and shook my head. “I don’t know what to do, Alice.”

“Just give her some more time, Edward. Don’t give up on her.”

“I’ll never give up.”

Alice hugged my neck and I hugged her back. It felt good to know that at least one person didn’t think I was a monster.

“You better get out of here; she’ll be home soon.”

I nodded my head and left, but I didn’t go far. I stood just around the corner for nearly an hour, waiting on her. I thought she was on the phone at first when I heard her laughing. I peaked around the corner and immediately felt the blood rush to the surface of my skin. James was with her. How did she know him? Why was she with him?

They went inside and I waited a moment for Alice to leave. Once she was on the elevator I went and knocked on the door.

Bella swung the door open quickly, probably expecting it to be Alice. Her face fell when she saw me.

“Yes?” she asked.

“Can I talk to you for a moment?”

“I have company.”

James came up behind her and placed his arm around her waist and I nearly threw up in my mouth. “She’s busy,” he said, glaring at me.

Bella glanced down at his hand on her waist, as if it was unfamiliar to her. “She can speak for herself, James.”

Bella looked between the two of us, wondering how we knew each other. “Give me just a minute, James.” Bella stepped outside with me and pulled the door closed.

“What the hell are you doing with him?” I asked.

“We’re studying for an exam. He’s in my class and he works with me at the restaurant. What are you doing here? How do you know him?”

“Bella, he’s dangerous. Please listen to me. You need to stay away from him.”

“He’s been nice to me, Edward.”

I wanted to scream. “Bella, his older brother was the president of the fraternity. They think women were only put on Earth to satisfy men’s sexual needs. He’s a predator. He’ll hurt you. I’ve seen the way he and his brother treat women. Please, Bella, stay away from him. I don’t want him near Masen.”

Bella rolled her eyes and interrupted me. “You’re being a little dramatic, Edward.”

“Damn it, Bella! I’m not!” I was nearly screaming. I couldn’t stand the fact that she was alone with that scum bag. I took a deep breath to calm myself. “I don’t want see you get hurt.”

Bella scoffed. “Edward, he hasn’t hurt me. You’re the one that hurt me. Why are you here? I need to get back inside.”

I pulled my wallet from my back pocket. “You don’t need to work two jobs. That’s ridiculous. You can’t possibly have enough time for Masen. Take this.” I handed her a large amount of cash. She pushed it back at me.

“Have you been talking to Alice? I don’t want your money, Edward.”

I growled. “Then let me help. Let Masen stay with me instead of Alice. She’s exhausted, Bella. She doesn’t even have a life because she’s too busy helping you with yours.”

I could see the tears pooling in her eyes. She knew it was true.

James opened the door and grabbed Bella’s hand. “Let’s go. Your time is up, Edward.”

I grabbed her other hand. “Bella, I’m just downstairs at Rose’s if you need anything. I can be here in a heartbeat.” I leaned down and whispered in her ear. “I still love you. I always will.”

The pained expression on her face let me know that she hadn’t totally given up on us yet. She turned and followed James back inside. I know it was stalkerish of me, but I couldn’t leave. I knew how he was. He would hurt her and I would hurt him. I didn’t even get to tell her the most important thing about him. I spent hours around the corner, sitting in the hallway like an idiot, listening for any disturbing sounds, but all was quiet. James left shortly before 1:00 a.m. Thankfully, there was no hugging or kissing from what I could see, just a simple, “I’ll see you tomorrow,” from Bella.

I was relieved and once I knew she was safe, I went back downstairs to Rose’s couch.


**CHAPTER 13 - CLICK HERE**