Never Think - Chapter 16

CHAPTER 16:

I was glad it was late, and dark. I arrived at the airport shortly before 6:00 a.m. I made it quickly through security and my flight was already boarding when I arrived at my gate.

I had fallen asleep on the plane and I was woken up by the sounds of people talking loudly, some of them screaming. I quickly sat up, but didn’t notice anything out of the ordinary. There was a strange smell though.

I glanced to the guy next to me. “What’s going on?”

“Engine trouble, they’re trying to make an emergency landing, we’re just outside of New York,” he responded.

Just then the plane must have dropped 1,000 feet. I came slightly out of my seat and when I landed back in my seat, I thought I was going to be sick. I quickly put my seatbelt on. Everyone was on their cell phones, acting like it was the end of the world. The guy next to me was a complete mess. I’ve never seen a grown man cry like that before.

“Are you going to be okay?” I asked him.

He shook his head no. “I can’t get ahold of my daughter. We got in a big fight before I left, I said so many things I shouldn’t have. I don’t want her to feel bad if I don’t make it.”

I couldn’t even process what he was saying. Of course we would make it. Right?

I glanced out the window, we were awfully close to the ground, and still going rather fast. I was starting to panic. I grabbed my cell phone to text Rob.

If I don’t make it, I love you. I mean, I love you either way... - Kris & The Lil One

He responded almost immediately. What the hell are you talking about? - Rob

Don’t be mad at me. I was coming to see you, I’m on a plane, it’s going down. I love you. - K

As soon as I hit send, the pilot came on over the loud speaker. “Brace for landing!”

I glanced out the window again, we were over a runway, but we were going entirely too fast. I heard my phone beep, signaling a new message, but I never got to look at it.

We landed hard. I instinctively placed my hands over my stomach. All I could hear were the sounds of metal crushing all around me. Nobody was screaming anymore. It was eerily quiet. The last thing I remember was something very hard hitting my head, and then there was darkness.

***

Something was beeping. It was annoying the shit of out of me. My head hurt and that beeping was making it worse.

My eyes flew open. Why is it so bright in here? Where am I?

It all came back to me quickly. The plane. I was in the hospital. My baby. Was my baby okay?

My hands flew to my stomach, pulling the cords that were attached to them. It felt the same, but I couldn’t feel her moving.

“Kristen? It’s okay, calm down.”

I turned to my right. Rob. “What happened? Is she okay?”

His hand covered mine. “Everything is fine. She’s okay.”

“What’s wrong with me?”

He laughed. “Well, besides being in trouble for flying across the country without telling me, you have a nasty cut above your eye and a broken ankle.”

“What!? A broken ankle??” I tried to sit up, but my head started spinning. I tried to lift my feet. My right one was really heavy.

“Lay back, you’re going to make yourself sick. You’re lucky.”

“What happened? Where am I?”

“Crash landing. You went down in Philadelphia. The landing gear never came down. The back of the plane caught fire. You’re in New York. I had them transfer you here, so I could be closer to you.”

My eyes grew large and I quickly glanced down at the skin I could see.

“You were in the front.”

I sighed in relief. “Was everyone okay?”

“Mostly. Don’t worry about it. You need to relax.”

I laid back down. I felt dizzy. I breathed a sigh of relief.

“What were you doing, Kristen? Why were you coming to see me?”

“I just wanted to see you. I missed you.”

“Well, tell me next time! If you hadn’t of text messaged me and I wouldn’t have known you were on that plane, I would’ve been worried sick about you for days!”

“You don’t tell me when you fly across the country!”

“Kristen! Don’t start with me...you know damn good and well I wouldn’t have had to fly across the country if you would have answered your phone!”

I rolled my eyes. I felt tears sting my eyes. This wasn’t exactly what I planned. “I’m sorry, I don’t want to argue with you.”

“I don’t either, baby. I was just worried about you.” He kissed my cheek. “I’ve got to get back on set. We’ve got to shoot some night scenes.”

I nodded my head.

“I’ll be back in the morning.”

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too.”

He lingered momentarily before leaving.

An hour later the doctor came in and talked to me for a while and examined me. From the sounds of it, I was fortunate to come out of this mess with my baby and only a broken ankle and cut above my eye. I had seven stitches above my left eye. I was pissed about my broken ankle though. I had to keep the cast on for six weeks. At least I could walk, with a boot. The doctor discharged me at 8:00 p.m. I figured Rob was probably still working, so I just took a cab to his hotel.

I wanted nothing more than to take a hot bath and crawl into bed. The clothes I had on were gross. They smelled like smoke. Everything I had brought with me was gone.

I went to his room to see if he was there. I didn’t even have a cell phone anymore. I knocked, and was a little more than surprised to see who answered. Kacie.

I just stood there, speechless. She looked just as confused. “Uh, Rob, your friend is here,” she said.

I saw him coming towards the door. Tears were already blurring my vision.

“Kris! What are you doing here? Did they let you go already?”

I nodded my head. Kacie disappeared back into the room. I almost turned around to leave, to get my own room, but then I felt the baby kick, and I remembered why I came here to begin with.

I stormed past Rob, hobbling into the room.

There were empty beer bottles scattered about the room, playing cards, and two guitars.

I looked at Kacie. “The party is over. Get out.”

Kacie looked at Rob. “What’s her deal? What about poker?”

“Sorry,” Rob responded. “We’ll play another night.”

Kacie sighed and got up and grabbed her guitar and headed out of the room. I quickly began cleaning it up.

“This place is disgusting,” I said, as I hobbled around the room picking up beer bottles, food wrappers, and emptying ash trays.

Rob sat down on the bed and sighed.

“Can I borrow something to wear to bed? I don’t have anything.”

“Of course, take whatever you want.” He motioned towards a suite case in the corner of the room. I dug through it and pulled out a large t-shirt and a pair of his boxers and disappeared into the bathroom.

As I started filling the tub with water, I realized I couldn’t take a bath with the cast on my ankle. I screamed in frustration. I pulled my hair back and changed clothes and went back out to the bedroom. Rob was laying in bed, watching TV.

I crawled in the bed and faced away from.

“Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded my head, yes.

“Why do I not believe you?”

I turned to look at him. “Ugh! Rob! I nearly died trying to come see you, and I finally get here and your fucking around with your little girlfriend, while you think I’m laying in a hospital bed! It hurts!” I cried.

“Girlfriend? Kristen, you’re being ridiculous! I didn’t know you were getting out of the hospital so soon. We were just playing poker.”

I turned away from him again. He came up behind me. “I’m sorry.” He kissed my cheek. “I love you, Kristen. I don’t know why you’re doubting me so much lately.”

I wiped the tears from my cheek. I didn’t really have an answer for him. “I just want to go to sleep.”

He sighed and rolled over, away from me.

I couldn’t sleep, so I was up before Rob. I continued cleaning up his room and I couldn’t help myself when I came across his cell phone. I looked through his text messages. The first one I saw from her was enough.

Hey, stud muffin! Poker tonight in your room? - Kacie

“Ugh!” I screamed. I threw his phone on the bed.

He woke up and rolled over quickly. “What’s wrong? What are you doing?”

“She calls you stud muffin?? Seriously?”

He signed and covered his head with a pillow.

“Talk to me, dammit!” I pulled the pillow off his head.

“I don’t want to talk to you right now for fear I’ll say something I don’t mean!”

“I don’t care. Say it,” I prodded.

He shook his head and exhaled a deep breath he was holding. “I don’t know what your problem is! I don’t know why you suddenly don’t trust me! She has a thing for me, but I don’t for her! She doesn’t know about us. Look at my sent messages, I’ve never so much as acknowledged her flirting. We’re just friends!”

I was silent. He continued.

“Imagine how I felt all those times you were with Michael. I would never do that to you, Kristen. Ever. So, stop this little rampage your on.” He got out of bed and went to the bathroom. I sat there in the floor, speechless.

I cried, because I didn’t know what else to do. I think somewhere inside me, although I refused to acknowledge it, I was testing him. Trying to see how far I could push him, to see if he would still stick around.

He came out of the bathroom a while later, freshly showered. He got dressed, ignoring me.

“I’m sorry, Rob.”

He sighed and walked over to me, pulling me up and leading me to the bed, where we both sat. “It’s alright, Kristen. Everything is going to be fine, stop worrying so much. I’m not going anywhere. You’re still the one I want, you always will be.”

Hot tears poured down my cheeks and I quickly wiped them away. I nodded my head to acknowledge him.

“When is the last time you ate? Are you hungry?” he asked.

“I don’t know, I don’t even know what day it is. I’m starving.”

He let out a disappointed sigh and grabbed the room service menu from the desk nearby. “Let me know what you want. I’ll order us breakfast, okay?”

I nodded my head and looked over the breakfast items on the menu. I wanted everything. I was so hungry. The baby kicked inside me and I laughed.

“What?” he asked.

“She’s hungry too,” I said, placing my hand over my stomach.

He came over to me and kissed my forehead. “She needs a name!”

“I know, I know. She needs a million things, like a crib, a bassinet, clothes...it’s a never ending list!”

He laughed. “You’re supposed to be working on that list.”

“I know.” I tried to change the subject. “I want the belgian waffles with bacon and a cup of fruit.” I handed the menu back to him. “I feel so gross. I want to take a shower, but I’m not supposed to get this cast wet. Do you have anything plastic in here?”

After looking around momentarily, he came up with a trash bag.

“Perfect!” I said, taking it from him and heading to the bathroom. I put my foot inside the plastic bag and tucked it into the top of the cast. I thoroughly enjoyed my shower and when I got out, I noticed, for the first time, the nasty cut above my eye. It hurt. I hoped it didn’t scar. I had to go back to the doctor next week to have the stitches taken out. The left side of my face had bruised a bit, especially around the cut. When I opened the door to the bathroom, I could smell the breakfast and I swear I started salivating like a dog would. When I was sure the hotel staff had left, I went back out to the main room, still in my towel.

“I don’t have any clothes,” I said to Rob.

“Too bad,” he joked. He got up and threw me a pair of sweat pants and a big t-shirt.

“Are these clean?” I asked.

He laughed. “Yes, they’re clean.”

“Just making sure, this place looked like a bunch of street people lived here before I cleaned it.”

“I don’t like people in my room, I don’t let them clean it.”

“I see.”

We both sat down to eat. I ate everything on my plate and talked Rob into letting me finish his eggs and toast. I don’t think I’ve ever eaten so much in my life. I felt like a huge cow afterwards. Rob kept making fun of me.

“Well at least one of us enjoyed breakfast,” he laughed.

“I’m sorry, I was hungry! Order some more if you’re still hungry.”

He stood up. “No, I’m fine. I’ll be back a in a few minutes, I’ve got to run an errand.”

“Where are you going?” I asked, standing and following him to the door.

He grabbed a hoodie and zipped it up. “Stop asking so many questions, I’ll be right back.” He kissed my lips quickly and was gone. I stood there speechless, pouting. I didn’t know what he was up to. I went back to the table to see if I had left any crumbs from breakfast. “This is all your fault,” I joked aloud to the baby. I was starting to like being pregnant. It gave me someone to talk to when no one was there. After I made sure there was nothing left to breakfast, I drank Rob’s left over orange juice and then cleaned up. I’ve never been a neat freak, but lately, I couldn’t stand a mess.

I had housekeeping exchange his dirty towels for clean ones and I had them put new sheets on the bed. I hoped he wasn’t partial to his dirty ones. The room looked brand new by the time he got back, with a large bag in tow.

“What is that?” I asked.

“What did you do in here?” he asked, ignoring my question.

“I just cleaned up, new towels and sheets. I hope you don’t mind.”

He laughed. “Where is my old Kristen?”

I giggled momentarily before thinking about how much of a neat freak Michael was. What if that was a sign? I shook the thought from my head.

“She’s here. She just likes things cleaner now. I think it’s a mom thing.”

“Fair enough,” he said. “Speaking of mom things...”

“Uh oh. What have you done?”

He laughed. “It’s not what I’ve done. It’s what you’re going to do.”

“Oh, really?”

“Really.” He began pulling things out of the bag. Clothes, wigs, shoes, etc.

“I don’t get it.”

“You’re going to get into disguise and go shopping for our daughter.”

My eyes got large. I liked hearing him say our daughter. “Shopping?”

“Yes, what better place than New York? You can shop while I work. I expect you to come back with a lot! She has nothing!”

I sighed. “Okay.”

“I’ve arranged for some of my security guys to escort you.”

“No! That’s stupid. What’s the point of the disguise if they’re going to be around me? I want to go by myself.”

“I want to make sure you’re safe. People are crazy here.”

“No they’re not. They’re crazy for you, not me. Having people around me will only further suspicions. I want to do it alone.” My tone was serious. “Buying things for her...makes it real and undoable, permanent.”

He walked up to me and titled my chin up to face him. “Kris, it already is real, undoable and permanent.”

I felt a tear threaten to escape. “I’m just scared,” I whispered.

His lips pressed to mine and I instantly felt better. I moved my arms up around his neck and pulled him to me. He felt good. I missed him. He pulled away.

“What are you scared of?”

“Everything,” I answered.

“Be more specific please.”

I sighed, I knew what he was getting at. “You already know, why make me say it?”

“Because you need to get over it. I’m not going anywhere.”

I backed away from him. “I know you say that now, Rob. But what about when there’s this screaming baby that needs attention 24 hours a day. What if she isn’t yours and your free to walk away at any time. What if you just want to go have a beer with you friends, or you decide you want to be with a woman who isn’t wearing old clothes covered in baby puke. You don’t know what the future holds!”

“Dammit, Kristen! Are you trying to push me away?”

“No!” I cried. “I just want you to really think about things before you commit yourself to something that maybe you aren’t sure of. You still have time to back out. You can live your life. I want you to be happy.”

“You saying shit like that to me blows my fucking mind. How many times do I have to tell you? I’ve already committed myself to you. You act like your 100% sure she isn’t mine. There’s a damn good chance she is mine, Kristen. I’ll love her either way because she’s a part of you. Her being mine, would just be icing on the cake.”

I just stood there and cried. “I’m just trying to be prepared for the worst, and hoping for the best.”

He hugged me, and let out a deep sigh. “This has to stop. I don’t want to fight with you, I don’t want to argue with you. I don’t want to yell at you. I want to love you. I want us to be happy, for things to be the way they were. Stop doubting everything. I promise, everything will be fine. You’re not alone.”

I squeezed him tighter to me. “I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I’m just so scared.”

“I know, baby. You have to relax though, get over it. Our child is going to end up being manic depressive before she’s even born.”

I laughed and hit him playfully. “Shut up.”

“I have to get on set. Let’s get you fixed up, okay?”

I shook my head and wiped my eyes. I sat in the floor and began playing with all the stuff he had. “Where did you get all this?” I laughed.

“Stole it from the wardrobe trailer.”

I rolled my eyes. “Should’ve known!”

I wore a pair of boot cut jeans and believe it or not, a maternity shirt. Well, I think it was actually a baby-doll tee, but it looked about as maternity as I’d ever get. It was light pink, something I’d never be caught dead in. I wore a shoulder length blonde wig with bangs that looked very realistic. I put on a lot of make-up and wore a pair of brown sunglasses. I was almost pleased with myself. I cut the foot of the jeans a few inches so they would fit over my cast and not be too noticeable. I wore a brown sandal on my only working foot.

“Well?” I came out of the bathroom for my grand reveal.

“Wow, you clean up nice,” Rob joked.

I laughed. “I look like a real mom-to-be. This is totally freaky.”

He laughed at me. “You look cute.” He kissed me. “I have to go, love.”

I nodded my head. He handed me two cards.

“What’s this?” I asked.

“A key to my room, and my credit card.”

“Why do I need your credit card?” I asked, confused.

“Because, shopping today is on me.”

“No, it’s not. I have my own money.”

“Kristen! Stop being so stubborn and take my card. Please?”

I sighed. “Fine!”

He smiled. “Good, enjoy your day. Spoil her for me.”

I reached up and kissed him. “I will. I love you, I’m sorry, again.”

“It’s alright. I love you too, have fun.”

I shook my head and watched him disappear out the door.

I took a deep breath and looked at myself in the mirror. This is what other mom’s looked like, not me. I questioned myself again, if I could even do this whole mom thing. I kept trying to remember what my mom told me. It’s just a little version of me. It’s not big and scary. She doesn’t have to wear pink. She can wear black. I sighed, I bet they don’t even make baby clothes in black.



***Author’s Note: :) Thanks for reading! Hope you enjoyed! More to come soon, hopefully! Those of you that follow me on Twitter know that I’m about to start a new, more stressful, job that will probably require me to work more hours, so I’m going to *try* really hard to keep up with writing/updates, but just know that that’s the reason if things slow down a bit!

Follow me on Twitter! @AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 17 - CLICK HERE**