CHAPTER 9
Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006
It’s so cold. It’s always so cold in here. Today something new happened. I saw the doctor for only the second time since I got here. It was normal physical type stuff. He could feel the cold on my skin and he told me after my evaluation next week, if I seemed to be improving, he would see about getting me a warmer blanket. I think it was the first time I smiled since I’d been here. I miss being warm.
I wonder what my evaluation is. Thinking about being evaluated made me nervous. How was I supposed to act? I made sure I took my medicine like I was supposed to because I think I’m more stable and less confused when I take it. If me appearing normal gets me a blanket, then I need to appear normal. No thoughts of Dad and Edward for a while.
~
Evaluation day. Apparently it was a mental evaluation. I got to go to his office. It was on the other side of the hospital. Two people escorted me and I had to have my wrists and hands bound together for the duration of the walk. It was the most exercise I had gotten in months. There were some scary areas in this hospital. My cell looked like a suite compared to some. At least they didn’t have me in a straight jacket yet. One boy I saw even had something covering his mouth so he couldn’t speak.
Dr. Cline’s office was nice. It was warm. There was a couch I immediately sat on. It was warm and soft and squishy. He made me move to a chair and table on the other side of his office. I got to use an ink pen. I had to answer some questions on a piece of paper about how I was feeling. It only gave me four choices and cold wasn’t one of them. I was glad that I still knew how to read. I tried to waste as much time as possible and very slowly shaded in the little circles. I didn’t want to go back to my cell.
“You don’t have to fill it in perfectly, Isabella.”
“Who?” I asked.
The doctor quickly reached for my file, reading the label on the side. “Isabella Swan, is that not correct?”
“They just call me Swan. I haven’t heard Isabella in a long time. I don’t think that’s the name I used before I came here.”
The doctor gave me a strange look and started flipping through some papers in my file.
“Bella, your mother calls you, Bella.”
That seemed slightly familiar. “That sounds about right. Does that thing say stuff about my mom?”
The doctor closed the file. “No, not very much.”
“Oh.” I shaded the last circle and pushed the piece of paper back across the table to him. He reviewed it for several minutes and then started asking me the same fucking questions that were on the paper. I started to ask him if he knew how to read, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be normal and good so I could get a blanket.
I told Dr. Cline that I felt fine. I told him I didn’t know why I was here, but that I liked the crayons and the food that was served on Saturdays and Tuesdays.
“How do you feel when you think about your father?”
Crap. I know I’m not supposed to feel good about my father. I’m very deep in my medicated haze today and I really can’t seem to feel anything. I shrugged my shoulders and told the doctor that I didn’t remember much.
“Who is, Edward?” he asked.
My eyes shot up to his. Who is, Edward? Edward. Edward. Edward. Why does that name seem so familiar. The doctor picked up on my confusion.
“You wrote that name down next to the question about what makes you happy.”
“No, I didn’t. There are only circles.”
He passed the paper over to me so I could see it. The last circle was shaded and the word next to it was marked out and the name Edward was written above it in my handwriting. I didn’t remember doing that. Shit. I was really confused and I was supposed to be acting normal. Edward did seem familiar though. Lie. I would lie.
“Edward was an old friend of mine.”
The doctor seemed satisfied with my answer. After several more questions he let me leave his office, with a white freshly washed fleece blanket. I was so freaking excited. It even smelled good. The attendant carried it back to my cell for me. As soon as I was back in my cell and free from my constraints I curled up on my bed with my new warm blanket. It made me smile. I laid down and rested my head on the lackluster pillow and heard paper crunch.
I sat up, remembering that I kept something in my pillow case. I pulled out a stack of papers. They all either said things about my dad or Edward. Who the fuck was Edward? I started to read further to get more information about Edward but the stuff about my dad was too depressing and I put it all back in my pillow case and took a nap until dinner time.
~
I didn’t take my medicine for a week following that night. I was more confused and unstable as ever. Edward was my boyfriend in London, I think. I couldn’t remember if the things I had written on the papers were real or were dreams or my imagination. I had written little things about our first date, our first fight, our first kiss. Edward seemed real to me, but I wasn’t sure if all of those things were real.
My mom is supposed to visit today. I wasn’t sure whether to be excited or angry about this. It never seemed to go over well.
I got escorted to the visitation room about an hour later. Mom was already there. She looked the same, I guess. She looked like she had been shopping, or changed her hair or something. She looked fresh and bright and made up. She looked happy. I hate her for being happy.
“So, Bella, I spoke with your doctor. He seems to think you’re doing well with your treatment and medication.”
“Oh, yeah? I think I like him, he gave me a blanket.”
“A blanket?”
“Yes, it’s so cold in here all the time.”
“Well that was nice of him.”
I nodded my head.
“If you keep on your medication and do well at your next evaluation, I heard he may let you start participating in more activities.”
“What kind of activities?” I asked.
“Well, they have social time every day at 2:00 p.m. You could start going to that and meet some friends.”
“Friends? Mom, these people are crazy.”
“Well, maybe you might find you have something in common with a few of them.”
I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think so. But yea, any time out of my cell would be good.”
“When you really start to get on track and do better, they have outside time in the morning and afternoon.”
“Outside? Like in the sun?”
“Yes!”
Oh, how I longed to feel the Phoenix sun on my skin. I just wanted to feel anything other than cold, it’s the only way I could be sure I was alive. “I would like outside time.”
“Well, the only thing that came back not so great about your evaluation is that you keep talking about someone named Edward. You don’t know anyone named Edward. If you quit talking about him, the doctor might think you’re stable enough to participate in more activities.”
“I do know someone named, Edward.”
“Bella, we’ve been through this. He’s not real. At least just keep your little imaginary friends to yourself in front of the doctor so he will allow you more activity time so you don’t have to be so isolated.”
I wanted to hit her in the damn face. She is such a bitch.
“Fine,” I agreed.
“So, Mom, what are you doing now? How are you affording the bills and the house and all these new clothes without, Dad?”
Her face changed. She was about to tell a lie.
“Well, he had some life insurance. I’m still working and using some of that money to help make ends meet. Most of that money went towards your attorney fees. I will likely be putting the house on the market soon and move into something smaller and more manageable.”
I didn’t believe her. She loved that house. She wouldn’t sell it for anything. Dad worked extra shifts every week to help pay for it, because it is what she wanted. Her voice extracted me from my thoughts.
“Well, it’s been really nice to see you, Bella. You’re really making some improvement.”
I nodded my head. “Thanks.”
She stood to leave. “I’ll see you next time.”
I stood as well and I was excited to return to the warmth and comfort of the blanket I earned for pretending to be less crazy.
***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry this one was kind of short, the next one will make up for it. Things will start to progress in a few more chapters!
Twitter: @ AllorNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com
***CHAPTER 10 - CLICK HERE***
No comments:
Post a Comment