Elusive Reality - Chapter 1

***Author’s Note: Please note the date/location in this chapter versus the Prologue so you don’t get confused. The story will go back and forth between past and present a little bit.



CHAPTER 1

London, England - 2004

I walked through the automatic glass doors at London Heathrow Airport and took in a large breath of fresh air. I thought I’d never make it here.

It was my Senior year of college and I was spending it abroad. I couldn’t be happier to study international business on the other side of the world. I had always had a small fascination with London anyway, so when I was accepted for the study abroad program through the University of Westminster, I was elated.

I rented a tiny flat near the university. My grandmother’s inheritance covered my tuition and the entire year’s worth of rent. I wouldn’t even have to work.

As soon as my belongings were unpacked, I hit the streets to familiarize myself with the area and find a good local pub. I ended up at some hole in the wall place that had beer specials and live music. The music wasn’t that great initially. I’m not sure it was even music. It was just a bunch of college kids laughing and having a good time. That is, until, I heard his voice. He eventually began strumming his guitar in a rhythm and lifted his mouth to the mic. What came out of him was unlike anything I’d ever heard before. It made me freeze. I just sat there, beer in hand, gaping at him. He was so childish and full of laughter a moment ago, and now the words he sang and the emotion behind them were ripping me apart inside.

There’s a soft sweet space on the back of your neck
Smells like rain
There’s a way you look at me baby
Heals my pain
I’ve studied every inch of your body
Baby, what’s on your mind
The touch of your skin just pulls me in
Every single time

When he finished the song, he looked up momentarily and our eyes met. We held our gaze for a second before he broke away and began laughing again with his buddies. I went back to nursing my beer.

The guys on stage grabbed their guitars and allowed the next group to come up. The three of them were walking past me and one of them pushed the handsome one in front, with the voice, urging him on.

“Just talk to her, you pussy!” They pushed him forward even more and he almost fell into the empty chair across from me. His beautiful cheeks flushed red as he stood to look at me.

“Um, Hi,” he started. “Sorry about that; they get a little rowdy when they drink too much.”

His accent nearly had me melting into my chair. I felt my cheeks color immediately. This man was entirely too beautiful to want to speak to me. I shook my head, “No, it’s okay.”

We exchanged an awkward moment of silence.

“Is anyone sitting here?” he finally asked, motioning to the chair in front of him at my table.

“No, I’m alone.”

A large smile spread across his perfect face. “Do you mind if I join you?”

I smiled and shook my head.

“So, what is a beautiful American girl doing in London at a place like this all by herself?”

“Well, I just arrived actually. London is going to be my home for the next year while I attend UW. I don’t know anybody yet, so, hence why I’m alone.”

His glassy green eye grew larger in surprise. “Really? I just graduated from UW.”

“You did?” I asked. I wanted to beg him to show me around campus, but I hesitated. Perhaps he only wanted a roll in the sheets. I’d be okay with that, based on the way he looked alone. He was tall, toned, and fucking beautiful. He had a mess of wild copper hair atop his head, green eyes, and a smile that could make your knees turn to mush.

“Yea, I studied business there and now I’m doing some small business transactions in my spare time for my father’s company, but I’m really just taking a break from everything before I really have to dive into the working world.”

“ How did you like the program? I’m studying international business.”

“Oh, it’s really good. There are some really great professors there...”

He was about to go on when his two lanky and slightly awkward friends popped up behind him. “Hey man, we’re heading out, you coming or staying?”

The yet to be named handsome figure of a man before me, looked to me and then back to his friends. “I’m going to stay here a bit. I’ll catch up with you guys.”

His friends laughed and made inappropriate jokes as they left us to our conversation.

“I’m sorry, what’s your name?” I asked.

“Oh, I’m terribly sorry,” he laughed. “I’m Edward. Edward Cullen. And you are?”

“Bella Swan.”

“Bella? That’s a beautiful name. It’s very fitting of you.”

I smiled shyly as I felt my cheeks tint crimson again.

Before we knew it, we were being kicked out of the pub. Edward started to question the bartender, asking what the problem was, and why he was making us leave, when the bartender informed us they closed half an hour ago.

We must have sat there talking for hours and not even realized the time passing. Edward laughed at himself and escorted me out of the pub. It was raining, which made it feel a bit chilly. I pulled my coat tightly around me as I scanned the area around the bar.

“Should I call you cab?” Edward suddenly asked as he held his guitar case over his head.

I laughed at the sight of him. “No, that’s okay. I walked, I think I’m just around the corner over there.” I pointed a couple blocks ahead of us and then turned and looked the other direction. “Or over there...” I was lost. I couldn’t remember which direction I came from.

Edward laughed at me. “What’s your address? I’ll walk you home.”

I rattled off my address. “Oh, that’s right by me! We’re practically neighbors.” He smiled and ushered us along the sidewalk.

By the time we arrived to my flat, we were soaking wet and freezing cold. He walked me all the way inside and up to my door. I stood in the doorway, watching him shiver like a little lost puppy.

“Would you like to come inside for a minute and warm up?”

He stood there, dripping wet, with his mouth hanging open for a moment before he agreed and stepped inside.

My flat was tiny. It was just a small studio, but it was cozy and quaint and I loved it. It consisted of one large room, which was my bedroom, living room and kitchen, with a tiny bathroom and laundry area off the entry way.

“Sorry, it isn’t much.”

Edward looked around briefly. “You don’t have any furniture.”

“Not yet, I just got here yesterday. I just need to get a bed.”

Edward looked appalled. “Where have you been sleeping?”

I pointed to the corner of the room where my sleeping bag and pillow wear neatly folded.

“Are you serious?” he asked.

“Yea, it’s not a big deal, really. I was going to get a bed or pull out couch tonight, but I ended up talking to some random guy at a bar all night.”

Edward laughed. “What an ass hole that guy is.”

I laughed too.

“Well, I can’t very well let you stay here.”

My brow furrowed in confusion. “What do you mean?”

“I feel responsible that I delayed your shopping trip. You can stay at my place tonight. I have a spare bedroom and I will see to it that you get a proper bed tomorrow.”

“Oh, that’s really not necessary. I’ll be okay here.” Was he asking me to spend the night?

“I insist.”

Ok! “Well, if you insist.”

He smiled this killer crooked smile that I will never tire of seeing. “Just grab an umbrella and we’ll be on our way.”

I packed a small bag, grabbed an umbrella and headed out with Edward.

His place was a block down the street in a really nice building. He failed to mention prior to my arrival that he had the penthouse suite.

“How do you afford this?” I asked, as I stepped inside and was astounded with the beauty of the place.

“Oh, it’s not much. My dad owns it. He owns a lot of places.”

Not much? I’m pretty sure I looked at a couple places in this building and it was three times my current rent. It was a moderately sized two bedroom flat. It was gorgeous and disgusting all at the same time. The living room was rather grand with a beautiful bay window overlooking the city. It had a really cute bench seat that was littered with papers. To the left of the window was a baby grand piano and across the room was a sofa and love seat with matching end tables. There were beer cans and trash scattered about, but the bones of the flat were beautiful. The hardwood floors were in excellent shape. I walked further in, inspecting the kitchen, which didn’t look safe to enter.

“You’re an immaculate housekeeper,” I teased.

He laughed and his cheeks colored in embarrassment. “I’m sorry, I wasn’t expecting guests.”

He apologized but made no move to attempt to clean anything up. It was nearly 4:00 a.m. and I was exhausted and still jet lagged.

I yawned. “So, where will I be staying?” I asked.

“Oh, yes, of course. Follow me.” We walked down the small hallway. There was a room to the left and right, and a bathroom directly in front of us. We entered the room on the right. It was obviously his bedroom, but at least it was better kept than the kitchen. “You can stay in here, I’ll stay in the study.”

“I thought you had a guest room. I don’t want to put you out.”

“Oh, no, it’s nothing. I have a pull out sofa in my study.” He motioned me across the hall where we entered a small library of sorts. It was complete with walls of books, a writing desk, a computer desk, and a small sofa.

“Are you sure?” I asked. “I really don’t mind the sofa at all.”

“I’m positive, please, take my bed.”

I nodded my head in agreement and went across the hall to his room. We went our separate ways and I got ready for bed, changing into my pajamas. I would normally just wear a t-shirt to bed, but I actually made a conscious decision to grab pajama pants and a matching tank. I was just pulling the tank top over my head when I heard a knock on the bedroom door.

I walked to the door and opened it quietly. I wasn’t prepared for what I saw.

Edward, standing before me, bare chested, with only a pair of jersey cotton pajama pants on. He looked like sex on legs. I knew my mouth was hanging open, but I couldn’t make it shut. I couldn’t breathe. He was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen and I wanted to reach out and touch him so badly.

That’s when I noticed the little cup and saucer in his hand.

“I made some hot tea. Would you like a cup?” he offered, attempting to hand the cup and saucer over to me.

I smiled and reached out and took it. “Yes, thank you. That sounds wonderful.”

“Let me know if I can get you anything else. Please, make yourself at home.”

I smiled shyly. “Thank you; you’ve been more than hospitable.”

He flashed me that damn crooked grin and said goodnight. I watched him turn to enter the study. Even his ass looked delicious. I sighed and returned to his room and sipped my hot tea before turning into bed.

His bed actually smelled quite enticing. It smelled like him, a little bit of smoke and spice. It smelled good. I had been laying in bed, tossing and turning a bit, when I heard it. The piano playing softly. It was beautiful. At first I didn’t believe it was him. It sounded too perfect. I quietly crawled out of bed and attempted to come up with an excuse to leave his room and see if it was him playing. I grabbed my now empty tea cup and saucer and decided I needed to return them to the kitchen.

I opened his bedroom door very quietly, so he couldn’t hear me and I tiptoed out to the end of the hall and peeked into the living room towards the large bay window. There he was, in his bare chested glory, playing the piano and bathed in moonlight. The sight literally took my breath away. He was so talented and the song he played sounded so emotional and he looked emotional.

I didn’t move until the song he played came to an end and then I cleared my throat to make him aware of my presence. He looked over at me quickly and smiled. “I’m sorry. Did I wake you?” he asked.

“Oh, no. I was just returning my dishes to the kitchen. That was really beautiful though. You’re incredible.”

“It’s nothing. I’ve played my entire life. It helps me sleep sometimes. I’m sorry if it was keeping you up.”

“No, it was beautiful. Please, don’t stop on my account.”

He continued to play and I dropped my dishes quietly in the sink before returning to the living room. I laid on the couch and listened to him play. It lulled me quickly to sleep.

The next thing I remembered was waking, in his arms, the early morning sun drifting in through the bay window. He was carrying me to bed, his bed. I pretended to remain asleep as he carefully carried me through his flat and into his room. He laid me gently down on his bed and pulled the covers over me. I could feel him linger in the room momentarily before he left quietly.

I woke a few hours later and it was unusually quiet. I assumed he was still asleep. I cleaned myself up a bit and made my way out to the living room. The piano was easily the most beautiful thing in the room. I sat in front of it, gently tracing the keys he touched so effortlessly the night before, careful not to actually sound the keys.

I wandered aimlessly and quietly around his flat until I became bored. I didn’t want to leave before he woke. I knew I should. I should have returned to my flat and probably never spoken to him again, but I couldn’t. I just had this terrible desire to be near him.

I eventually grew too impatient and needed something to do to occupy my time until he woke. I began cleaning his apartment. It was quite the task. By the time I finished, I had gathered two bags of trash that sat near the door. I hoped he wouldn’t mind. His apartment sparkled now, especially his kitchen. I thought about making him breakfast, to thank him for his hospitality, but the place was devoid of food.

As I thought about running out to grab us something for breakfast, I heard him rustling about the room. He stumbled aimlessly out of the room and into the bathroom, never looking my direction. I heard the water run momentarily and the toilet flush before he exited and saw me sitting on his couch.

He smiled his unbelievably gorgeous smile at me and said, “Good morning, Bella.”

I was rendered speechless, so all I could do was smile and nod in return. Edward went to his room, and returned a few minutes later, completely dressed. He came into the living room and stopped suddenly, looking around.

“Holy shit this place is clean. Did you do this?” he asked.

“I, uh, well, yeah. I hope you don’t mind. It’s just so beautiful without the trash.”

He laughed. “I don’t mind, but you really shouldn’t have. I’m a terrible house keeper.”

“I figured it was the least I could do since you offered me your bed last night.”

He smiled at me. “I assume you realized there was nothing decent to eat in there, right?” he said, motioning towards the kitchen.

I nodded my head.

“Well, come on then. I owe you breakfast and a bed.”

I smiled and jumped to my feet.

Edward and I enjoyed a wonderful breakfast at a little cafe between our flats and then we went on the hunt for the perfect bed. We found it, or rather, it found us. We were strolling through a department store when a herd of little children came running down the aisle towards us, knocking us backwards on to a display bed. We both laughed, but we were so comfortable, neither of us made a move to get up. The bed was big, the type of bed I would possibly need a step stool to get into. Edward insisted we could still get the mattress and box springs, the comfortable part, and buy a smaller frame that would be more appropriate for my studio flat.

Edward enlisted the help of Emmett, one of the guys he was playing with the night I met him, and his enormous pickup truck to deliver my bed so I wouldn’t have to pay for delivery. They got it safely to my flat and all set up for me. Edward even helped me make the bed. It took up most of the room, but I didn’t care, because sleeping on it felt like sleeping on clouds.

I excused myself to the bathroom, and due to the small size of my flat, I could hear Emmett and Edward talking.

“What’s going on with you two?” Emmett asked Edward.

“I don’t know. What do you mean?”

“Dude, she’s fucking hot, and you let her spend the night at your flat and you slept in separate rooms? What the fuck? That is so unlike you.”

I heard Edward laugh lightly. “She’s not like that, Emmett. I don’t want to use her.”

I did a silent celebratory dance in the bathroom.

“Whoa, that sounds serious man,” Emmett said. “What are you going to do with her if you’re not going to fuck her?”

Edward laughed again. “I don’t know. I just like being around her.”

“Okay man, whatever floats your boat.”

I exited the bathroom as I wasn’t comfortable listening to anything more. I thanked them both for helping me and Emmett left before Edward did.

Edward and I stood in front of my door looking at each other stupidly, wondering what to do next.

“Thank you again for helping me today. You’ve been so kind.”

Edward smiled. “It was nothing. Thank you for cleaning my flat.”

I smiled. “It wasn’t a big deal.”

“So, what are you doing tomorrow?” Edward asked.

“I don’t have any plans,” I said honestly.

“Well, I was thinking maybe I could show you around campus and we could grab brunch or something.”

“Oh! That would be wonderful! I’m going to be so lost on Monday!”

Edward laughed. “I’ll meet you here at 11:00 a.m. I’ve had a really great time with you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

I nodded my head and saw him out, grinning like a little school girl.



***Author’s Note: Thanks for the reviews <3 Mental Health Institute Bella is back in the next chapter w/ some answers for you! Follow me on Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKr Or Facebook: Allornothingkr at gmail (dot) com


****CLICK HERE TO GO TO CHAPTER 2*****

Repentance - Chapter 29

CHAPTER 29:

Edward and I returned home refreshed and ready to face the challenges that lay ahead for us. I guess we just weren’t expecting quite so many all at once.

I felt like I rarely saw Edward anymore. He was usually gone in the morning before I pulled myself out of bed and I was in bed before he returned in the evenings. He was trying so hard to be the best he could be, at everything. I knew he had still been working with the state prosecutor with respect to James and a trial was set about six months out. Edward worked constantly at his new job. He felt it was important to do well and to make good contacts because he says the legal world is all about who you know and not what you know. He did research for big litigation cases his firm was working on. When he wasn’t at school or work, he was at the library working on one or the other. Edward was insistent that his trust fund wouldn’t support us forever and he wanted to be able to make a good living and provide our children with the same kind of support when they were older.

It was refreshing not to have to worry about school anymore. I just went to work, occasionally saw Edward at lunch, came home and entertained Masen. I never quite realized how much I missed Masen until I realized how much time I hadn’t been spending with him. I was really grateful to have a couple of months of bonding time with him before the baby arrived and changed everything.

I was growing at an alarming rate and I officially no longer felt anywhere near attractive. Edward hadn’t touched me in weeks, and I wasn’t sure if it was because I disgusted him or if he was just too exhausted to care.

Edward and I had planned to meet for lunch one afternoon on our lunch hour and I was eagerly awaiting the clock to strike 1:00 p.m. when I received his email.

Bella,

I’m sorry I can’t make it today. I have to cover a business lunch with a client for one of the other guys that is stuck in court. I’m sorry. I’ll make it up to you. I love you.

Edward

I sighed and deleted his email, almost instantly feeling tears sting my eyes. I wished them away and called Rose to see if she wanted to grab lunch instead. She eagerly agreed, advising she’d need a drink also because she had been having a terrible day. That made two of us.

We met at a little boutique restaurant near Rose’s office. Rose got there before I did and as I walked towards her she immediately jumped up and came towards me.

“Hey, let’s go some where else!” she said, hurrying me back the direction I came from.

“Why?” I asked confused as I looked passed her.

That’s when I understood. Edward’s business lunch was there and apparently it consisted of only him and a really attractive young blonde lady who was dressed to kill and had legs for miles. I immediately felt sick. “Oh, I see,” I told her. “Yea, we should go some where else.”

It was obvious they were there on business, based on the amount of documents spread across their table, but it didn’t make it hurt any less. I missed Edward and there was no way in hell I could sit in such close proximity to him while he was having lunch with her. It was obvious he saw us and as we turned to leave he excused himself from the table and came towards us.

“Bella, wait a second!” He called to us as he made his way to the front of the restaurant where we were.

I turned to face him, trying to smile.

“You don’t have to leave because of me,” he said.

Rose interjected. “Yeah we do. We are not watching you have lunch with legs over there,” she said, nodding her head in the direction of the blonde.

“Who?” Edward asked confused.

I laughed. “Don’t worry about it, Edward. We’ll go somewhere else. Go finish your lunch.”

“I don’t understand.”

Rose sighed. “Oh for God sakes, Edward. You weren’t born yesterday. That woman is really attractive and she’s scheming a way into your wallet and your pants as we speak.”

Edward turned to look at the woman who was just looking over some documents and eating her lunch. He turned back to face us. “Okay, yeah, you two do need to go somewhere else. Her husband just died! She’s not trying to get in my pants. I’m working on her deceased husband’s estate!”

Rose laughed. “She probably killed him for the money.”

I couldn’t help but giggle at Rose and Edward ushered us outside. There was no doubt the lady was very attractive, but even as unattractive as I felt, I really didn’t think I had anything to worry about with Edward.

Rose walked ahead of me a bit on her cell phone as Edward and I said goodbye.

He held my face in his hands and kissed my lips briefly. “I’m sorry I had to cancel. I love you.”

I nodded my head in understanding and sighed as he stepped away. When I didn’t say anything in response to him he asked if I was alright.

“I’m okay. I just miss you and I’m starting to feel like a single mom again.”

Edward’s face changed from one of concern to torment and he came to me, wrapping his arms around me. “Bella, I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. I know I’ve been busy, but this is important. I’ll try to get home earlier tonight, okay?”

I nodded my head, knowing in my heart it wouldn’t happen.

He told me he loved me again before disappearing back inside the restaurant.

~

He didn’t get home early that night. However, he did send a beautiful bouquet of flowers to my office just before I left work. They looked really nice on my desk. I chose to tell my co-workers they were “just because” flowers, instead of “I’m sorry I fucked up again,” flowers.

I decided that night that two could play at this game. Not that it was a game, I knew Edward was working hard and had a lot of ground to make up for all the time he missed in class when he was recovering, but I missed him so much it hurt.

When 8:00 p.m. came around and Edward still wasn’t home, I pulled Masen out of his pajamas and told him we were going out for ice cream. He was thrilled, of course. I actually did a little bit of shopping for the baby before we went for ice cream so we ended up being out pretty late.

“Masen, what kind of ice cream do you think sissy will like?” I asked as we peered over the glass counter into the freezer full of colorful selections.

I felt my phone vibrating on my hip and I knew Edward must have gotten home. I didn’t answer. He could worry about us for a little while.

“Sissy wants dat one!” Masen screamed excitedly and pointed to the cotton candy ice cream. The thought of cotton candy nearly made me sick.

“Sissy says it’s too sweet.” I responded. Since Edward and I had yet to name our future daughter, she was just sissy to Masen.

Masen frowned and studied the rest of flavors before he landed on mint chocolate chip.

“That sounds good. I bet she’ll like that.”

Masen nodded his head enthusiastically and insisted he wanted mint chocolate chip too.

We enjoyed our ice cream and then headed back home. By the time we got back, Masen was sound asleep in the back of the car and it was after 10:00 p.m.

I carried my bags and Masen into the building and up to our apartment. I put the key in the door and just a second later it swung open.

“Where the hell have you been?” Edward said loudly.

I was slightly taken back by his attitude, so I didn’t respond to him, and walked past him to put Masen in bed.

When I returned to the living room, I could tell Edward was fuming. I almost felt bad. I wouldn’t normally upset him on purpose, but I was almost eight months pregnant and I couldn’t predict my own behavior anymore. He hadn’t even changed out of his work clothes. He still had his nice dress slacks on and his white button up shirt. The first few buttons were undone, exposing his chest, and his tie hung loosely around his neck. Damn it, he was beautiful. I had to stay focused.

“Well?” he asked, still waiting for a response.

“Well what?” I asked. “You just expect us to be here when you finally decide to come home? I’m tired of sitting around this apartment waiting for you. Masen and I went out alone. I lost track of time, it’s not a big deal.”

“It’s not a big deal, Bella?” It’s not a fucking big deal?” he screamed louder now. He rarely raised his voice to me and I was really starting to regret my decision to piss him off. He continued, “It is a fucking big deal when the guy who tried to rape my wife and kill me is out walking around on the street somewhere!”

“Wife?” I asked. “Getting a little ahead of yourself, aren’t you?”

“Uh!” Edward threw his hand over his face and tried to not to grin, embarrassed. “I just think of you that way, you know what I mean,” he said softly.

I was silent. I guess it made him nervous.

“I mean, that’s still the plan isn’t it?” he asked.

My eyes met his quickly and I nodded my head.

He sighed, relieved, and I felt bad for making him so upset. “I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about James when I went out. I’m just not going to lock myself inside this apartment all night and wait for you to come home. It’s not fair to me or Masen.”

“That’s fine. I don’t expect you to wait on me, but for god sakes, answer your damn phone when I call.”

He approached me then, wrapping his arms around my enormous waist and pulled me to him. “I’m sorry; I was worried sick about you.”

I sighed. He looked and smelled entirely too good to stay mad at him. “I’m sorry, too. Oh, and my flowers were really pretty. Thank you.”

I looked up at him with full intent to kiss him, but the look on his face made me stop. “What?” I asked, confused by his look.

“Flowers?” he asked.

“Yeah, the flowers you sent today...”

“I didn’t send you any flowers,” he said seriously.

“Then who did?” I asked, not believing him.

“I don’t know. You tell me! I did not send you flowers. I probably should have, but I didn’t.”

Now I was confused.

“Who was the card from?” he asked.

“There wasn’t one. I just assumed they were from you. I got them just a couple hours after I saw you at lunch.”

“Do you remember who the florist was that delivered them?”

“No, I wasn’t paying attention. I was too excited that you thought of me, but you really didn’t.” I pretended to pout.

Edward laughed and kissed me. “I take back what I said earlier, don’t leave the house without me.”

I didn’t feel like protesting at that point. The mystery flowers freaked me out.

“And I’m always thinking about you...always,” he added.

“Will you come to bed with me?” I asked softly against his lips. His routine was normally to stay up studying, long after I had gone to bed, alone.

“I was going to study...” he trailed soft little kisses across my jaw and down my neck. “But I’ve missed you like crazy and I’m relieved you came home safely and I really just want to be wherever you are.”

I smiled as his lips founds mine again and we began to make our way back to our bedroom.

We spent the next few hours re-familiarizing our selves with each other and catching up. I missed everything about Edward so much. “Will you please just give me one night a week, like this? Just us.”

“I’ll give you anything, Bella,” he whispered softly against my neck. “I’ll give you two nights, but the second includes Masen.”

“Promise?” I asked.

“I promise,” he kissed my bare shoulder and pulled the covers more tightly around us. “I love you.”

I smiled at the words I felt like I hadn’t heard, with as much meaning, in so long. “I love you, too.”

“And I promise to call every damn florist in this city tomorrow to find out who sent you those flowers,” he mumbled, more to himself, than to me. I squeezed his hand before drifting off to sleep.

**CHAPTER 30 - CLICK HERE **

Elusive Reality - Prologue

PROLOGUE

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

I had never known loneliness like this before. It was cold and damp here. The six by nine space felt like it got smaller every day. There is a small rectangle window near the ceiling. I can see the clouds out of it, but that is all. It is too high to reach. The walls are made of cement blocks that had been painted white some time ago. The paint was chipping. There were silver hooks at the top, middle and bottom of the walls. I imagined they would hold the padding, should I ever become violent and try to hurt myself.

I have been in this hell hole for months now and I have never left this room, and nobody has ever entered it. At least I had my own bathroom, if you could call it that. It wasn’t much, just a toilet, a small stainless steel sink and a tiny stand up shower stall. I didn’t even have a mirror. I often wondered about how grotesque I had become. I remember being fond of hair products and lipgloss. They didn’t allow me to use a razor. I couldn’t shave my legs, or anything for that matter. It was truly disgusting.

Some underpaid orderly person routinely pushed my medication and meals through a rectangle space in the window of my door. The person always stood there, staring at me through the glass window of the door and watched me swallow my medicine. When I was finished I had had to show her the inside of my mouth and lift my tongue. After I did that, the person disappeared. They never cared if I ate or not, only that my medication went down.

Someone would come by and pick up the tray that my meal had arrived on precisely forty minutes after it was delivered. They didn’t allow me to have a watch or a clock. I counted the seconds for an entire week to arrive at my conclusion regarding meal times. Thirty minutes was allotted for breakfast and lunch and forty minutes for diner and medication.

Tonight, like last night, I only pretended to swallow my medication. While my head was back, I quickly used my tongue to lodge the two little blue pills between my gums and my cheek. I graciously slid the little plastic cup through the rectangle space in the door and smiled. Once the orderly had moved on to the next room, I spit the pills out and put them in the toilet. I find that I can remember him better if I don’t take my medication. Him. It made me sad to think of his name, although I was glad it came to me so easily today. Edward Cullen. The love of my life, or so I thought.

I really didn’t know what to believe anymore. Most days I had to look at the band around my wrist to remember my own name. Isabella Marie Swan. On days like these in which I was absent of the medicated haze, and I could remember him so clearly, I truly believed he was real and not a figment of my imagination, or my illness. I must be really mentally ill to conjure up someone as magnificent as him in my mind. But, like they said, if he was real, why had he never come to see me here. Why had he never looked for me? Why didn’t he write to me? He never existed, says my mother; says everyone.

*CLICK HERE TO GO TO CHAPTER 1*

Elusive Reality

INTRODUCTION:

After the death of her father, Bella is sentenced to a life of solitude. This is her story in which she attempts to find out what really happened, who she was, and what was just a figment of her imagination, including her whirlwind romance with Edward Cullen.

All Human - Bella/Edward - Crime, Drama, Romance

CLICK HERE TO GO TO THE PROLOGUE!

Repentance - Chapter 28

CHAPTER 28:

Esme got us safely back to Seattle. I was under the impression she was just going to drop of us and get back on her way. I was wrong. She came in with us to see the new place and she went straight to the third bedroom and starting going on and on about how to decorate it.

“Oh, Bella, it’s going to be so lovely!”

“I’m not sure I’m into that much pink. I mean, I know it’s a girl, but I don’t want too much pink.”

“Oh, Bella, don’t be silly! She will be a little princess! Let’s talk about it over lunch.” Esme said as she exited the room with Masen in tow.

I turned to follow them down the hall and Esme was standing at the door with her keys in hand and Masen on her hip.

“Grab your purse, darling, let’s go.”

“Where are we going?” I asked.

“To lunch. I have to make sure you eat and then we’re going to the grocery so you two will have everything you need until Edward arrives since you are without a car.”

“That’s really not necessary. I’m sure we can manage.”

“Oh, Bella. You’re so exhausting. Just let people help you. Come on!” Esme opened the door and I grabbed my purse and followed after her. Why does everyone think I need help all the time?

Lunch was exhausting, but sort of fun. Esme continued to go on about the baby’s room, even going so far as to take out a pen and paper and start drawing a layout. I did at least talk her into lavender as opposed to pink. Esme insisted we paint the walls a nice lavender color and she would stencil some bright colorful flowers on the wall, as well as the baby’s name.

Masen insisted we name her Dora, after Dora the Explorer. I laughed and told him to ask his dad about that one.

After lunch, Esme took us grocery shopping and bought far more food than Masen or I could ever consume in one week’s time. I didn’t argue though. By the time Esme left, Masen was passed out in his bed for a nap and I was asleep as soon as the back of my head hit the couch.

As if on cue, just about the time I fell asleep, the phone rang. I knew it was Edward. I hadn’t called him when I got home.

“Hey, baby,”I said groggily.

“Hi, are you home? You didn’t call.”

“Yes, I’m sorry. You’re mother wore me out. She took us to lunch and to buy groceries.”

Edward laughed. “Good, she followed instructions perfectly.”

“Oh, you put her up to all this? Here I thought she was just being nice.”

“She is being nice. She really does love you guys, you know that, don’t you?”

“Yes, I suppose. I’m just not used to a motherly figure being around. I mean, my mom was never around when I was growing up. I just did everything for myself. It’s just strange that she wants to be a part of everything. I don’t even think my mother knows I’m pregnant.” I had to laugh after I realized that. I hadn’t even spoken to her. I’m sure Charlie would pass the news along.

Edward laughed too. “You should call her before your father does.”

“Nah, let him do it. I’m too exhausted to listen to her. Oh, that reminds me. Why weren’t the Denali’s at Thanksgiving dinner? You’re mom said they were no longer welcome?”

“Oh, yea, it’s sort of a long story. They basically found out about everything that happened between you and I from the beginning and didn’t have nice things to say about either of us. They thought mom should disown me. She told them to go to hell.”

I giggled. “Good for her. This Thanksgiving was so different than the last! I really enjoyed it, Edward. It felt like a real family.”

“I’m glad you enjoyed it, Bella. Everyone loves you and Masen just as much as I do.”

I smiled contently and a yawn slipped out. “Baby, I’m really sleepy. I need to take a nap. I’ll call you when I get up, okay?”

“Alright. Did you lock the door after mom left?” I jumped off the couch because I knew I hadn’t. It slipped my mind. I lied, “Yes, of course, I did.”

“Okay, get some rest. I’ll check on you later. I love you.”

“I love you too.”

I waited to lock the door until he hung up, fearing he would hear it click. I couldn’t believe I forgot to lock the door. Being pregnant made me so forgetful. I locked up, checked on Masen, and passed out in my bed.

***

The next few days were uneventful until Edward arrived home. I took the day off work and Masen and I spent the afternoon baking and decorating a cake that said “Welcome Back Daddy!” Alice, Jasper, Rose, Emmett and Emmalie all came over to eagerly await his return.

He came through the door with his parents and was surprised to see all of us. The cast was gone, but he still wore a partial boot on his foot up to his knee. He hobbled in and I nearly attacked him before he got half way into the apartment. I threw my arms around his neck and his arms circled my waist. I kissed his cheek. “Welcome back. I’m so glad you’re home.”

He smiled and kissed me again before I felt Masen lunge at our legs trying to crawl his way up Edward’s boot.

“Masen, quit! Be careful.” I warned as I pulled away and picked Masen up so he could be handed over to Edward.

Edward carried Masen around with him as he greeted everyone. The Cullens stayed for cake and helped get all of Edward’s things inside before they headed back out with everyone else. The Cullens were joining Rose and Emmett at their place for dinner. They invited us, but Edward and I declined.

After everyone left, we got Edward settled and had a quiet dinner. For the first time in a long time, we both got to read Masen a bedtime story that night.

It felt good to have Edward home, and it especially felt good to have him next me in our bed again.

Things were unusually quiet in the weeks to follow. I continued working and going to school, with the exception of the class I shared with James. I continued my studies in that class via correspondence. I thought maybe I’d run into James on campus somewhere, but I never did. In fact, I’d never seen him since. Edward and I were settling into a routine. I knew he was wearing Emmett out with his appointments but he was almost finished with his physical therapy.

Edward had been so amazing since he had gotten home. I was gone most of the day and every single night when I’d get home, he would have the apartment sparkling clean and dinner on the table. He tried to help out as much as he could and not burden me. I mean, I didn’t think he was a burden, but he seemed to think he was.

***

Edward was nearly 100% back to normal by the time Christmas rolled around. As soon as Edward was back to his old self, he dove right back into school and work. He got registered for classes for the Spring semester and had a heavy course load. With the help of one of the attorneys I worked with, Edward secured a position at a law firm down the street from the one I worked at. He was going to work full time and go to school full time in the evenings.

I was personally dreading the big switch our schedules were about to take on. I decided not to return to class in the Spring. I had finished my undergrad and still had a ways to go with my graduate classes. I felt like I’d never see Edward any more after the first of the year. I made it a point to really enjoy our time together at Christmas.

We spent Christmas with the Cullens in Portland and Charlie and my mother came as well. It was truly wonderful. Charlie seemed to be coming to terms with Edward and I’s situation and he seemed to no longer hold it against him, or at least he acted like he didn’t. I’m sure deep down he probably still wants to slit his throat for what he did. I really try not to think about it anymore.

Edward’s gift to me was a small vacation before he returned to work and school. To my surprise, the three of us ended up flying back to Jacksonville with my mom. Masen was so amazed by the flight. He got the window seat and stared out the window commenting on the clouds until he finally fell asleep.

It wasn’t until we got to my mom’s house that I realized we were going somewhere else. Renee was keeping Masen for three days while Edward and I drove to St. Augustine.

He rented a nice little beach house for us, and although it was a little chilly, the scenery was still beautiful. I was a little disappointed that Masen wasn’t coming with us, but I soon discovered why.

It was New Year’s Eve and Edward and I had been to an early dinner and to a little ice cream parlor before we found ourselves walking down the beach at sunset. Edward set a blanket out for us on the beach just down from where we were staying. I sat between his legs and he had his arms wrapped around me. We watched a beautiful sunset and tried hopelessly to name our future child. Edward wanted to name her after me and I absolutely refused. I wanted to name her something different. I wanted her to have her own identity. We went back and forth for a few minutes and I was still throwing out random names when Edward interrupted me.

“Bella, I didn’t bring you here to name the baby,” he said suddenly.

I frowned, slightly taken back by his sudden unwillingness to continue the conversation.

“Oh,” I said, not knowing what else to say.

He chuckled lightly and I looked back at him over my shoulder and I nudged him. “What? What’s you’re problem?”

Edward laughed. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean that to come out so harsh. Bella, I brought you here to do something else.”

“Oh, well what is it?” I asked as I turned back to look at the waves and vivid colors painting the sky.

Edward sighed and squeezed me tighter. “Bella, I want to talk to you about something. I know you don’t like this topic, but please, hear me out until I finish, okay?”

That made me a little bit uncomfortable. I was afraid to look back at him. “Okay,” I said.

“Will you turn around and look at me?” he asked softly.

I sighed. I was pretty damn comfortable where I was and now I wouldn’t be able to see the sunset. I got up and turned to face him, sitting on my knees, between his legs. “Okay, what is it?” I asked anxiously.

Edward ran a nervous hand through his hair and took a deep breath before blowing it out. He was really making me nervous. He never looked this anxious and I knew the topic I didn’t want to hear about was the night he...I couldn’t even say it to myself anymore. It didn’t matter anymore. It still hurt. The thoughts still terrified me, but it was in the past. Edward was a different person now, but the way he was acting made me feel like he was about to drop a bomb on me that I wasn’t prepared for.

“Bella, when I...”

I interrupted him. “Wait!” I said suddenly, holding my hand up. “Are you about to tell me something I don’t want to hear? Something that will hurt me?”

He just stared at me, open mouthed.

I couldn’t even look him in the eye. I averted my gaze and looked down at the blanket beneath us. “Please, don’t,” I whispered. “I can’t...I don’t want to know if it it’s going to hurt me.”

Suddenly, Edward looked deflated and his hand came up, his palm caressed my cheek and urged me to look up at him. I obliged and when our eyes met, he continued.

“Bella, I’m not going to hurt you, at least I sure as hell don’t think I am. I just don’t want you to interrupt until I finish.”

I let out a strangled laugh. “I guess I already messed up.”

Edward laughed too. “It’s okay. Just hear me out?”

I nodded my head, still anxious, and waited for him to continue.

Edward swallowed loudly and ran his hand through his hair again. I wished he would stop, he was making me a nervous wreck. A million obscene thoughts were flooding my mind. I didn’t understand what he was trying to tell me and it was frustrating me to see him so unusually anxious.

He took a deep breath and looked up at me again with questioning eyes. “Don’t interrupt?” he asked.

I scoffed. “I said I wouldn’t...hurry up! You’re making me nervous and I have to pee!”

Edward laughed loudly. “Okay...” he began. His expression turned serious. “I don’t care what you say, or how many times you tell me to forget, I will never, ever, forgive myself for what I did to you that night.”

I sighed and looked away. I didn’t want to hear this. It hurt too much, but I tried to keep quiet, because I promised I would.

He tilted my chin back up towards him. “The image of your innocent face never left the backs of my eyelids. I wanted so badly to undo that night. Every single fucking day. Even now, every day.”

I pleaded with him with my eyes, to understand it would never be undone. He shot me a warning glance, so I stayed quiet and let him continue.

“When I first met you, on the street outside your place in Seattle, I knew who you were the moment I laid eyes on you. I knew Masen was mine. You were upset and frustrated and you looked miserable and I knew it was all my fault, but you kept your cool and carried on. I promised myself that day that I’d make sure you and Masen were okay. I’d find a way to make your life easier, even if you didn’t want my help. I wanted to make it up to you so badly. Not to make my own guilt any less easier to deal with, but because you deserved it. Because you raised a child that any other reasonable person would’ve handed off to the first decent set of parents that came into an adoption agency. I loved Masen from the instant I realized he was my flesh and blood. I know it sounds crazy, but I was so grateful to you, that you kept him and even though your situation at the time wasn’t ideal, you were doing your best and it was so much more than anyone would’ve expected of you.”

I didn’t know why he was doing this, why he was bringing back all these old memories. He was hurting me and he said he wouldn’t. Tears filled my eyes and I had to look away from him.

He wiped the tears that fell over my cheeks and urged me to look at him.

“I promise I’m not trying to hurt you, just hear me out, please?”

I nodded my head, encouraging him to go on, hoping this was somehow making him feel better.

“I never meant to fall in love with you. It was never my intention. I had resigned myself to a lonely existence because that is what I deserved. I just wanted to know you were okay and that our son was okay and provided for. It just happened so fast. Everything you did, every smile, every hurdle you climbed over, it took my breath away. You were stronger than me and had such a passion to move forward and I was still stuck in the past. I fell in love with you...and I fell so hard. I never should’ve let our relationship move forward, to being intimate, without telling you first, but I knew you’d leave. Looking back, I know how selfish I was. It terrified me every time we touched, that you’d realize who I was. But you were persistent, and beautiful, and I wanted to love you and not lose you.”

He reached for my shaking hands and took them in his.

“The last year and a half with you and Masen, has been the best time of my life. I know we’ve been through excruciating highs and lows and we’ve beaten all the odds stacked against us. I know that as long as you and I are together, we can make it through anything. I know we have a lot of changes coming our way in the next year and more hurdles to get over, but Bella, you’re the most incredible woman I’ve ever met and I wouldn’t want to go on this journey with anyone else. Next year is going to be hard for both of us, but I want you to know how committed to you and to our family, I am.”

I was such a baby. I could hardly see him for all the tears in my eyes. I blinked once and they poured over on to my cheeks. I sniffed and he brought his hand to my face, gently brushing away the tears so I could see him clearly. He leaned in and kissed my lips, slowly and gently, before pulling back just a tiny bit and our eyes met. His thumb moved back and forth across my cheek as he whispered against my lips, “Bella, will you make me the luckiest man in the world, and marry me?”

I shot back from him and gasped, my eyes wide. I just wasn’t expecting it. Tears blurred my vision again as I lunged forward and hugged his neck tightly, feeling his arms come around my waist.

“Edward!” I screamed. “You scared me to death, I thought you were going to tell me something terrible!”

Edward laughed. “Is that a yes or no?” he asked.

I laughed and nudged him as I pulled back to look at him. “Of course it’s a yes! There’s no one else in the world I’d rather spend the rest of my life with.”

We both grinned wildly at each other. Edward pulled a ring from his pocket and slid it gracefully onto my ring finger and the waterworks started again. It was beautiful. It was simple. It was perfect. It was me.

“Do you like it?” he asked as I stared breathlessly at it. It was a simple platinum band with a moderately sized marquis diamond that absolutely sparkled. It wasn’t too much, or too flashy, it was just perfect.

“Oh, Edward.” I looked up at him. “I love it. I love you.”

He smiled and our lips crashed upon each other as we fell back on to the blanket, smiling and giddy, like two teenagers in love.


***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and for all the awesome reviews! I’m sure you guys enjoyed this drama free chapter! When I update the next chapter, I’ll also be posting a preview of my new story - Elusive Reality. It’s all human B/E. I don’t even know how to briefly describe what it’s about - you just have to read it. I’m looking forward to getting more of it written (the first several chaps are done), and while I really love the story and it has an interesting story line, it doesn’t have as controversial subject matter as Repentance does, so you don’t have to worry about that. ;)

**CHAPTER 29 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 27

CHAPTER 27:


The following morning Edward and I sat down with Masen and told him he was going to have a little sister.

“Like Emmie?” he asked, referring to Rose and Emmett’s daughter.

“Yes, just like Emmie,” Edward responded.

Masen’s eyes grew wide and he smiled. “Where is she?”

“She’s in mommy’s tummy. She has to grow and she’ll be ready to come out in a few months.”

Masen looked disgusted and I had to laugh. We showed him the ultrasound pictures. Masen poked and prodded at my baby bump before becoming uninterested and running off to play with his toys. We shared our news with Edward’s parents at breakfast.

“I knew it!” Esme beamed.

Carlisle laughed and nodded at Esme.

Edward and I looked at each other suspiciously.

“How did you know?” Edward asked.

“Because it’s obvious Bella has gained a little bit of weight and she’s got a healthy appetite! I’ve suspected it for a few weeks now, but I wanted you all to tell us in your own time.”

“It’s a girl,” I said shyly as I passed the ultrasound photos across the table.

Esme and Carlisle looked them over closely and talked about how they couldn’t believe they were going to be grandparents of three.

Esme beamed and reached across the table and took my hand. “Edward, Bella, we really are so happy for both of you.”

“Thank you. It was a bit of a shock, especially with everything else going on, but we are adjusting.”

Esme and Carlisle didn’t like to talk about Edward as he relates to the fraternity or James. Edward kept them informed, but it was obvious they felt deep regret and shame for what Edward had done and the people he had associated himself with.

Carlisle changed the subject as we finished breakfast. All I wanted to do anymore was eat and sleep. Carlisle and Esme were going into town to run errands and get groceries for Thanksgiving dinner and they took Masen with them to give Edward and I some time alone.

As soon as they were gone Edward started rambling off plans as we both sat down on the couch.

“So, I was thinking...” he started. “I get the cast off next week and I’m coming back to Seattle.”

“What?” I asked, shocked. “What about all your physical therapy? How will you get to your appointments?”

“Emmett said he would help me. He will adjust his schedule around me.”

Don’t get me wrong, I wanted Edward home. I wanted normalcy in our lives again but I wasn’t sure it was right to let someone else interrupt their life for him. “Edward, that’s not fair to Rose and the baby. Emmett shouldn’t have to rearrange his work schedule to meet your needs.”

Edward squeezed his eyes tightly closed and pinched the bridge of his nose while he took a deep breath. He was angry. “Bella, will you please just not fight me on this one thing. Please? For God sakes, I cannot be away from you and Masen any longer. I can’t. Please understand.”

“I just hate to burden other people with our problems,” I said quietly.

“It’s not a burden. I offered to keep Emmalie for them one night each weekend until my physical therapy was concluded so they could have a date night.”

“Oh, I see.” If I were being perfectly honest with myself, I was scared to have Edward back home. I was afraid of him being home alone all day by himself. I feared I would come home to him on the floor, in a pool of blood like I did a couple of months ago. I could never get those images out of my mind and even dreamt about them lately. My nightmares had really been haunting me lately, but I hadn’t told Edward about them.

“Don’t you want me to come home?” he asked quietly, unsure of himself.

My heart ached. I looked up at him quickly and reached over and grabbed his hand. “Of course I want you home, but I also want what is best for your recovery.”

He looked me directly in the eyes and I felt like he could see right through me. “Bella, you and Masen are what is best for my recovery.”

“Okay,” I agreed. “Come home.”

Edward grinned from ear to ear and tenderly brushed his lips against mine. “I promise I won’t be a burden. I’ll help out as much as I can.”

“Edward, you’re not a burden to me.”

“I know, I just don’t want you to feel stressed out about taking care of me, Masen, and yourself.”

“I’ll be okay.”

Edward kissed me again before we laid down on the couch and took a nap.

***

Emmett, Rosalie and Emmalie arrived later that day along with a few other guests invited by the Cullens, including Nanna Cullen. Rose and I had been helping Esme in the kitchen with Thanksgiving dinner. I noted that there was no help staff here this time. Esme was doing everything on her own. I also definitely took notice that Tanya and her family weren’t here. I knew her parents were really close friends of the Cullens and I felt bad that they hadn’t invited them because of me.

I caught Esme momentarily alone in the dining room as she was beginning to set the large table.

“Esme, are the Denali’s coming? I feel terrible that you feel like you couldn’t invite them...” I trailed off.

“Oh, Bella, a lot has changed since last year.” Esme looked down and distant for a moment. “They’re not welcome here anymore.” She changed the subject quickly before I could ask questions. “Could you go grab the cloth napkins from the kitchen?”

“Sure.” I went back to the kitchen, slightly confused. I made a mental note to ask Edward about it later. He was sprawled out in the floor in the living room playing with Masen and Emmalie.

About half an hour before dinner was served, I could tell something was up. Edward and the Cullens were acting kind of strange. They would whisper to each other and look at me. I was definitely out of the loop, but I wasn’t sure what I was missing.

I heard the door bell ring and I wondered who else was arriving. Carlisle met me in the foyer and put his arm around my shoulder. “Bella, I had a heart to heart with your father about Edward. It’s not easy for him, but he’s here for you. I hope you don’t mind.”

My eyes grew wide and instantly filled with tears. “Charlie’s here?” I asked.

Carlisle nodded and gently pushed me towards the front door. I swung it open quickly. It had been a while since I’d seen my father. I missed him. I missed the comfortable silence we shared. I missed knowing he was okay in Forks with out me. “Dad!” I beamed.

“Bells!” He gave me a big smile and a hug. I threw my arms around his neck. “I’m so glad you’re here.” He held me tightly for a moment. Charlie and I didn’t always see eye to eye about things, but with the hell I had been through lately, all I wanted was my dad to tell me everything would be okay.

Charlie finally let me go and we turned to go back into the house. We had gathered a crowd in the foyer, all watching our exchange with smiling faces.

“Papa!” Masen screamed and clapped his hands. Edward was holding Masen and he put him down so Masen could go to Charlie. Edward came to me, wrapping his arm around my waist and kissing my forehead. “Happy Thanksgiving, baby.” I smiled and buried my face in his chest as I watched Charlie and Masen’s exchange. Seeing Charlie again nearly brought Masen, and myself, to tears. I made a mental note to visit Charlie more often.

After the crowd dispersed Charlie and I were alone in the foyer. “You look different, Bells.”

Oh. I hadn’t told him. I’m sure there would be an announcement at dinner. I decided I should be the one to tell him, now. “Oh, Dad.” I took a deep breath. “Please, don’t be upset.”

Charlie gave me a strange look. “About what?” he asked.

“Dad, I’m pregnant. Edward and I are having another baby.”

His eyes grew large and he inhaled a deep breath. Before he could speak, I cut him off. “It’s a girl, Dad. I’m having a little girl.” I placed my hand over my lower stomach, making the loose fabric of my shirt cling to my baby bump.

Charlie stood there with his mouth gaping open. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I was going to. We hadn’t told many people. We just told Esme and Carlisle this morning. I only told Edward a few weeks ago. I guess I was just scared.”

Much to my surprise, Charlie pulled me towards him and embraced me in a hug. Tears sprung to my eyes and I looked up into his big brown eyes that matched my own. “You’re not mad?” I asked.

“Are you happy, Bella?”

I nodded my head furiously.

“Then I’m not mad,” he responded.

I squeezed him tightly. “Thanks, Daddy!” I kissed his cheek briefly before bouncing off to find Edward.

I found him and he hobbled into the library with me. “Were you crying?” he asked. “What’s wrong?”

I flung my arms around his neck, nearly knocking him over. He backed up to lean against a bookshelf because he still couldn’t stand on his own with out the crutches, that had since fallen to the floor. His arms wrapped around me.

“Bella, are you happy or upset? I can’t tell. Talk to me.”

I giggled and pulled back to look at him. “I told Charlie about the baby. He’s not mad. He said if I was happy, then he was happy,” I beamed. I was so nervous about telling Charlie. I don’t know what Carlisle said to him, but it worked.

Edward smiled wildly and kissed me. “See, you didn’t have anything to be worried about.”

I grinned up at Edward. I felt like a huge weight had been lifted off of me. My dad was becoming more accepting of my situation with Edward and Edward was coming home. “I’m so happy,” I squealed as I felt more tears spring up in my eyes, “and apparently emotional,” I laughed.

Edward laughed too. “I love you.”

I kissed him again briefly before we rejoined everyone for dinner.

It was the best Thanksgiving I ever remember having. Ever. Edward and I made our announcement, and with the exception of Emmett, everyone had expected it. Emmett was always on his own little planet. Rose was really excited that we were having a girl. She went on and on about all the things she could give us that Emmalie had grown out of. Everyone laughed and smiled and gave thanks, especially me. So much had changed in the last year and I had trouble letting it all sink in. Last year, this was the most uncomfortable situation I’d ever been in, at this very table. And now, this was my family.

I caught Charlie looking at me frequently and smiling. He didn’t want to admit it, but he was excited about having a granddaughter to spoil.

It was hard to watch Charlie leave that night, but he promised he’d be back for Christmas, and he would come baring gifts for both of his grandchildren.

Edward and I had put Masen down early and found ourselves alone and bored in his room. I was so happy and excited I couldn’t stand it. I couldn’t wait to have him home and to meet our daughter. I refused to let thoughts of James enter my mind. I just wanted to savor the good feelings. Edward and I made a couple of lame attempts at making love that night. It wasn’t easy with a full length cast on his leg. He couldn’t really move and that cast was horribly uncomfortable against my skin. We eventually managed, and had a few good laughs in the process.

Later that weekend when I was getting our stuff together to leave, we were updated by one of the detectives at the local police department. Apparently a passer by obtained the tag number of the blue car that ran me off the road and provided it to police. It wasn’t owned by James. In fact, detectives in Portland spoke with detectives in Seattle who paid James a visit the same night the accident occurred. He was in Seattle, and he had an alibi. They questioned the owner of the vehicle who said he had been in the area on the day of the accident, but wasn’t aware he ran anyone off the road. He said he had swerved to miss an animal, but never saw another car.

I didn’t buy it. I was so sure it was James. Maybe I am crazy. Either way, I didn’t have a way back to Seattle. Edward wanted to go right out and buy another car so I could take it back to Seattle, but the more we talked about it, we decided to wait until he got home. We figured we needed a larger, more family oriented, vehicle since the little one was on the way.

Esme agreed to drive Masen and I back to Seattle. I hated to be such an inconvenience to her, but she said she didn’t mind. Edward wanted to come along for the ride, but I knew it wouldn’t be comfortable for him sitting like that for so long, so I insisted he stay behind.

“We’ll be fine. I promise. You’re mom will get us there safely.”

Edward sighed and nodded his head. “I get the cast off on Wednesday and I’ll be there on Thursday, okay?” He cupped my face in his hands.

I nodded. “Okay.”

Edward leaned down and kissed me. It was slow, and sweet and full of need. When he tried to pull away, I followed after him, not quite ready to let him go.

“We better get going, dear. I’d like to be home before dark,” Esme interrupted.

I stopped kissing Edward and planted my feet back firmly on the floor. I sighed at the loss of contact.

He kissed me again briefly. “I love you. Be careful. Call me when you get there.”

“I will. I love you, too.”

Edward said goodbye to Masen and we made our way to the car to head back home.

**CHAPTER 28 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 26

CHAPTER 26:

I went straight from home to work. It was a busy day. We would be working with the state prosecutor during the trial with James, but I did speak with one of the attorneys at work who was familiar with James’ father. He said he rarely looses. He always finds loopholes and that Edward and I likely have a big battle ahead of us.

It was discouraging news to say the least, but as long as Edward and our children were safe, I really didn’t care. I mean, don’t get me wrong, I wanted him behind bars for a very long time. I just wanted my family to be safe.

I barely remembered to call Edward on the way to class as I was consumed with making sure my mid-term paper was perfect. I called him as I walked across campus to the building. Our discussion ended just as I entered the classroom, and that’s when I nearly started screaming.

James was in his usual seat in the front row. He hadn’t been in class in nearly two months and now he’s just back like nothing happened? I looked from him to the professor, who didn’t seem to care, and back again. James definitely looked different. The attorney at work was right, this was going to be hard. James cut all his hair off and had a respectable shorter cut. He was dressed very nicely and looked like a typical college kid. Nobody would ever suspect him of what he did. I was frozen. I couldn’t move. I didn’t know whether I should run out the door I came in, or go to my seat.

When I finally determined that he couldn’t hurt me in front of all of our classmates, I took a seat in the back of the room, farthest from him.

I had to really try to pay attention in class and fortunately it let out a early since we really just had to turn in our mid-terms and then we were on Thanksgiving break.

I made sure I was the last one in the classroom and the door was closed. James left the room and didn’t even look in my direction. I rushed to the front of the room before the Professor left.

“Professor Arnold? Can I talk to you for just a second?”

The old man slowly looked my direction. “Sure, Bella. What can I help you with?”

“Well, I was just wondering...you know James hasn’t been in class for nearly two months, and now he can just come back and pick up where he left off?”

“Well, Ms. Swan, not that it is any of your business, but James had a family emergency that he told me about nearly two months ago. He’s been doing assignments via correspondence.”

I couldn’t believe what he was saying. “Are you serious? Do you even watch the news? He has had a warrant out for his arrest for the past two months. He’s only back because he got caught. He nearly raped me and he tried to kill my boyfriend!” I screamed at him.

The Professor looked at me like I was crazy. “I’m sorry to hear that Ms. Swan. It must be awfully troubling for you to be in the same class with him.”

I nodded my head.

“I’ll tell you what. I can’t very well kick him out of class. His father is a well respected alumni and one of the largest financial contributors. How about I allow you to complete the course via correspondence? We can meet twice a month in my office to go over any questions you might have and I’ll email you an audio of my lectures. Will that ease your nerves, Bella?”

I took a deep breath and exhaled it. How could this really be happening? “Yes, that will help me. Thank you.”

I turned around and left the room before I broke down into tears. I kept my eyes open and when I got to the exit of the building and saw that it was dark and rainy outside, a million emotions and memories flooded my mind. I had to call Edward.

“Hello?”

“Will you stay on the phone with me until I get to my car?” I said through my tears and uneasy breaths.

“Of course. Bella, what’s wrong? Why are you so upset?”

“He’s here,” I barely choked out. “James. He was in class tonight.”

“What?” Edward nearly screamed. “Are you kidding me? How was he not dropped? He hasn’t been there in two months!”

“I’ll explain later,”I said, concentrating on my footsteps and the faces around me.

“Did he bother you? Did he hurt you?”

“No. He didn’t do anything. He didn’t even wait for me to leave. He looks all cleaned up now.”

I could hear Edward crushing a soda, or beer, can in the palm of his hand and tossing it across the room. He was angry. “Damn it, Bella!” He yelled. I cannot deal with this shit! I cannot deal with being here and you being there. I can’t!”

I sighed and got safely into Edward’s car. I didn’t respond to his yelling. I started the car.

“Don’t go straight home. Drive around in circles, make sure nobody is following you. He can’t find out where we live.”

“Okay,” I choked out.

I stayed on the phone with Edward until I got back to our apartment and I assured him that after I spoke with Alice, I would call him back.

I had a nervous breakdown with Alice. I was so emotional lately. I was grateful Masen was already in bed and missed me being emotionally unstable.

Alice insisted on staying the night and then Jasper insisted on staying the night if Alice was staying the night.

I got them settled on the pull out sofa, checked on Masen, and called Edward again before going to bed. It seemed like he would rest easier knowing that Alice and Jasper were here. I knew I certainly would.

***

Wednesday evening finally arrived without incident and Masen and I were getting our things together to go see Edward. Masen was so excited to get to go see his Daddy. Masen’s favorite part of visiting Edward was drawing pictures on Edward’s cast. Masen always made sure to bring his markers.

As we headed out in a hurry, I nearly forgot the envelope, containing the sex of the baby, I had stuck on the fridge. I would’ve been so upset to have left it behind.

In just under three hours we were nearly to Portland, just outside of the secluded Cullen home. I didn’t particularly care for driving up the steep terrain to the house nestled on a few sprawling acres cleared out in the middle of the woods. Masen was sound asleep in the back seat. I was on the phone with Edward, talking about nothing specific, when it happened.

I was coming around a sharp curve in the road when I saw a blue car coming towards me. If I wasn’t so emotionally unstable, I would’ve sworn it was James driving the car. I even gasped when I saw him.

“Bella?” Edward asked, but I ignored him. It was like everything was happening in slow motion.

James was looking right at me and he was driving on my side of the road. I tried to steer to the left but he blocked me. I had no choice but to go right. I looked to my right quickly and saw the city hundreds of feet below the steep cliff we were on.

Edward was screaming at me and I couldn’t make words come out of my mouth. I was paralyzed in fear. I slammed on the brakes and prepared for the impact if James hit us, but I don’t think he did, instead, the car fish tailed and slid off the road to the right. As the car spun around and descended down the incline on the right side of the road, I saw James return to his lane of travel and never look back.

I screamed, fearing that the car would go all the way down the cliff and kill all of us. Just as I looked back at Masen, who was quiet, but with wide, terrified eyes, I felt the impact. It was hard and jolting. We weren’t moving anymore. We were still alive and I could see the road about 50 feet ahead of us. I looked through the back windshield. We hit a tree. Thank God. I took a deep a breath and Masen and I began crying at the same time.

I could hear Edward screaming through the phone, but I dropped it upon impact and couldn’t find it and was afraid to move because I wasn’t sure how stable we were.

“Edward! Stop yelling!” I finally screamed through my tears. “I can’t find the phone. I’m afraid to move. We had an accident. I think we’re on the side of a cliff. A tree stopped us.”

“Where are you?” he yelled.

“Maybe a mile from your house, at the big curve in the road. Someone ran me off the road. I swear it was James.”

“Are you okay? Is Masen okay?”

“I think we’re okay, just shaken up.”

Edward took a deep breath and exhaled it into the phone. “My parents and I are on our way. We’re calling the police. Don’t move until someone gets there and tells you it’s okay.”

“Okay,” I agreed. I stopped him before he hung up. “Edward? I love you.”

“I love you too, baby.”

Edward hung up the phone and I tried to get Masen to calm down without much luck. It seemed like hours, but it was likely only minutes before I heard sirens and rescue teams converged on the side of the cliff, trying to figure out a way to get us safely from the car.

I could see Edward and his family at the top of the cliff, near the road. Edward was doing better on his crutches.

I learned early on that I wasn’t going to have a problem getting out. The problem was getting Masen out.

They were afraid the car would move too much if I got out first and potentially send it falling down the cliff. I refused to get out first. I wanted Masen to go first. They didn’t know how to get him out. Someone would have to pry my door open and I would have to get out so they could get in the backseat. The passenger side door was smashed and partially against the tree. Masen could only get out through my door.

After what seemed like hours of debate, they finally decided they would try to get Masen through the busted back windshield, if they could coax him out of his car seat.

I tried to tell Masen how to undo his safety belt but his little fingers weren’t strong enough. Not to mention he was afraid to get out of his car seat.

That plan was scratched. The next plan was to secure the car in some way to prevent it from going down the cliff when we got out. The carefully pried the hood open and put a rope down through the hood and secured it tightly. Four firefighters held the other end of the rope. I wasn’t really sure that was going to work, but I was past ready to be out of that car. Not to mention I was starving and I really had to pee.

I struggled to reach back and undo Masen’s safety buckle. The car creaked a little bit, but didn’t seem like it moved. Once I had the safety buckle undone I had to convince Masen to climb into the front seat with me. He was scared and reluctant but when he heard Edward yelling words of encouragement from the top of the cliff, he obliged.

I felt a million times better once Masen had crawled safely into my lap. I held him tightly to me for a moment before people began yelling at us to get out of the car. The tree was the cracking sound I had heard. It was about to fall over and no longer play door stop to the car.

The firefighters pried the driver’s side door open and helped us out quickly. It was a steep and dangerous walk back to the top of the cliff. Masen went up with a firefighter and I was shortly behind him with the help of another firefighter.

I was crying by the time I made it to the top and saw Masen safe in Edward’s arms. Edward was leaning against a fire truck with his crutches near by and I practically fell into him.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly as he ran his hands through my hair and I buried my face in his chest.

I nodded my head. “I just want to go home.”

“You have to give a statement to the police about what happened, and then we can go.” He kissed the top of my head.

I gasped suddenly, realizing my purse, and my beloved envelope was still in the car. I turned around and headed back down the cliff. “Wait!” I screamed.

Edward was yelling after me and a firefighter stopped me from getting any further. “I have to get my purse.” I pleaded with him. I’ll be damned if I was going to wait any longer to find out the gender of our baby.

The firefighter wouldn’t let me go any farther, but one closer to the car was able to reach in through the window and get it and my phone. They secured the car and were going to move it back to the top of the cliff. There were homes along the mountain side below and they didn’t want it to do any further damage. I clung to my purse and went back to where the police officers were so I could give my statement. I gave them a description of the car and that I thought it was James driving.

~

Nearly an hour later we were in the safety of Mr. and Mrs. Cullen’s home.

Masen was asleep when we arrived and we put him down in the guest room next to the room Edward was staying in.

When we were finally alone, I broke down and clung to Edward. It felt so good to be in his arms again.

He rubbed my back and soothed me.

“I’m sorry about your car,” I cried.

Edward nearly laughed. “It doesn’t matter, Bella. You’re alive. That’s all I care about. Are you sure you feel okay? The baby is okay?”

I nodded my head. “I think so. I think I’m fine. I was just scared.” I collected myself a little bit. “Speaking of the baby; are you ready to find out?” I asked.

Edward smiled. “Yes, I’m ready.”

I grinned and found the now crumpled envelope in my purse. I slowly tore the seal open and handed it to Edward. “You read it.”

“Are you sure?” he asked.

I nodded. “Go ahead!”

Edward slipped the yellow post it note from the envelope and his face lit up. “It’s a girl!” he exclaimed.

“Really?” I asked, excited, as I grabbed the paper from his hand to make sure it said that.

“Oh my gosh! We’re having a little girl!”

Edward laughed and pulled me into his chest, kissing the top of my head. “I can’t wait to meet her. I can’t wait to spoil her. She’s going to be beautiful. She’s going to be just like you.”

I leaned up and kissed his jawline because it’s all I could reach. “I love you, Edward.”

Edward grinned from ear to ear. “I love you.” He put his hand over my baby bump, “...and her.”

I smiled and leaned up, kissing him briefly before I begged for a nap. He obliged, and held me as I slept.



***Author’s Note: Sorry this chapter was a little short, but there’s more coming soon! Again, thank all for the numerous wonderful reviews. And a special thanks to those of you who are recommending the story a lot! Especially on the Twilight Fanfic Addicts Facebook page! Speaking of which, I have a FanFic Facebook page now, as I have to keep it separate from my personal one, but feel free to add me! Just search my email address which is AllOrNothingKR at g mail. <3


**CHAPTER 27 - CLICK HERE **