Repentance - Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

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A few weeks passed and Edward was slowly improving and my baby bump was increasing in size. I swear I was eating everything in site. It wasn’t like this with Masen.

Edward insisted I couldn’t stay in the apartment anymore since James’ whereabouts were still unknown. The police did catch Laurent last week. They actually pulled him over for speeding and then realized there was a warrant for him. He claims he doesn’t know where James is and is denying any involvement in what happened to Edward.

From his hospital bed, Edward arranged for us to move. I talked him into a three bedroom apartment, saying that we needed more space. There wasn’t a three bedroom available in our building so we moved into the same building as Alice and Jasper. Edward hired movers and I practically didn’t lift a finger.

Alice had been on my case about telling Edward I was pregnant. I was definitely beginning to show. Alice had made her big announcement and I didn’t want to steal the spotlight from her.

I knew I needed to tell Edward. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be while he was in a hospital bed. We had big decisions to make where Edward was concerned. His parents and I weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye.

Edward would need a lot of physical therapy. He had lost some of his motor skills and while everything seemed to slowly be coming back together he was still having a lot of problems using his right hand and arm. His leg would be in a full cast for another four weeks and after that, he would need weeks of physical therapy to learn how to use his leg again.

He could hardly do anything for himself and he still had to be careful not to lift anything or do anything strenuous due to his incision from his surgery. He was just beginning to eat solid food again.

The problem was, Edward needed round the clock care. I worked and had class and I wasn’t even strong enough to help him that much. But at the same time, I was selfish and I wanted him home.

Esme and Carlisle insisted Edward go back to Portland with them and let Esme care for him until he recovers. I knew that was what is best for Edward, but what about Masen and I?

We only had one more day to decide. Edward was being released from the hospital tomorrow morning.

Edward of course insisted on going home and thinks he can take care of himself.

Esme and Carlisle had stepped out to get something to eat and I was alone with Edward in his room. He wasn’t happy, because he knew what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, Edward. I want you home more than anything, but I won’t be there enough to take proper care of you.”

Edward sighed. “I know. Promise me you will come see me every weekend and bring Masen?”

“I promise.” My eyes filled with tears at the thought of only seeing him on the weekends.

“Don’t cry, Bella,” he said as he brushed the back of my hand with his fingertips. “As soon as I get this cast off, I’ll be home.”

I wiped at my damp eyes as Esme and Carlisle entered the room. I stood quickly, ready to put my plan into action.

“Can I have a moment with both of you, outside.”

Edward looked confused and Esme and Carlisle left the room with me. I talked them into letting me have one night with Edward before he went to Portland. They reluctantly agreed, which meant they would be spending an extra night in Seattle before returning home with Edward.

Edward was so excited when he found out. He hadn’t even seen our new apartment and he had only seen Masen two times since this whole nightmare started.

Carlisle had to help me get Edward to our apartment. He was still in a lot of pain and we transported him in a wheelchair. He had a walker and crutches, but his incision was still really tender and he was sore all over. He had pain medication, but he refused to take it.

It was quite the production, but we finally got Edward settled on the couch. As soon as he had everything he needed within arms reach, I went and fetched Masen from Alice and Jasper.

Masen was so excited that he was going to get to see his daddy. I set Masen down as soon as we entered the apartment and he ran to Edward, climbing up on the couch and into Edward’s lap. Masen’s little arms swung around Edward’s neck and I saw Edward flinch in pain.

I immediately went to get Masen. “Masen, you have to be careful, daddy’s sick, okay?” I pulled Masen back a little bit, but Edward held on to him tightly with his good arm.

“It’s okay, Bella. He’s fine.”

I took a deep breath and let them get settled on the couch. I had a feeling Masen wasn’t going to move for the rest of the night.

I made lunch in the kitchen while Edward read Masen a book on the couch. We all ate on the couch, and Masen made a big mess, but neither of us could complain. It felt good to be together again.

Approximately three minutes after I finished lunch, I got sick. Some smell set me off. I think it may have been the cheese on Masen’s sandwich.

“I’ll be right back,” I said as I got up and ran for the nearest bathroom. I lost all my lunch, but felt infinitely better afterwards.

I returned to the living room after rinsing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.

Edward was looking at me like I wasn’t human. “Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded my head. “Oh, I’m fine. I think I just picked up a little stomach bug from the hospital or something.” I tried to play it off, but I wasn’t sure Edward was buying it.

Edward, Masen and I spent the entire day watching movies and being lazy. Masen passed out on the couch early and I carried him to bed before returning to the couch with Edward.

“So, how do you like the apartment?” I asked.

Edward looked around. “It’s nice, what I can see of it from here,” he joked.

“It’s much roomier. Masen really likes his room. I got him a big boy bed!”

“Really? No more crib?”

I shook my head. “Nope! He was out growing it, and the new bed still has side rails, so he can’t fall out, but he can get in and out on his own.”

Edward suddenly looked slightly distant. I ran my fingers through is mess of hair. “Are you okay?” I asked.

Edward nodded his head. “Yea, it’s just everything seems so different.”

I nodded my head. “Well, it’s a new place. You’ll get used to it.”

“I want to see the rest of it and then can we go to bed?” he asked. I could tell he was exhausted. He was used to sleeping most of the day.

“Of course, Edward.” I got up to get his walker. His arm and hand weren’t strong enough yet to support himself on crutches.

Edward bitched and moaned about having to use a walker.

“It’s only for a little while, Edward. Come on...” I helped him up from the couch and he gasped in pain again. I froze. “Are you okay?”

He exhaled a deep breath and nodded his head, but I didn’t believe him. I helped him around the corner to see the kitchen, and then down the hall where we peeked into Masen’s room.

“He’s really getting big. He’s growing up so fast,” Edward said.

I agreed with him and we glanced into our room on the right before reaching the end of the hallway where the third and final bedroom was. I slowly and nervously opened the bedroom door and switched on the light.

“Why did you put his crib in here?” Edward asked. “I thought you wanted an extra bedroom for an office?”

I looked up at Edward, trying to tell him without words. He wasn’t comprehending.

“Edward, I’m pregnant.”

His face was a mirage of emotion, from one extreme to the next. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking.

“Are you sure?” he finally asked.

I nodded my head and took his good hand, rubbing it gently over my little baby bump.

Edward gasped. “You’ve known this all along and you’re just now telling me?”

He sounded mad. “Well...I...” I struggled for words. “We were never alone. I wanted to tell you when you got home, not in a hospital room.”

Edward pushed the door back quickly, banging it loudly against the wall in a fit of anger as he attempted to storm down the hall at a snails pace. If I wasn’t so concerned about his reaction, it would’ve almost been humorous.

“Edward?” I asked cautiously. “I’m sorry, I just thought...”

He didn’t let me finish. He yelled as he entered our bedroom. “I’m so fucking pissed off!” He screamed as he pushed our door back against the wall as well.

I’d never seen Edward like that. I was almost scared. I didn’t understand. I thought he would be happy.

I heard Edward collapse on the bed and yell out in pain. I rushed into our bedroom to see him gripping his side near his incision.

“Edward, calm down. Please! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Edward laid back on the bed and kicked his walker out of the way with his free leg. I walked up to him and lifted his casted leg on to the bed and helped him scoot up so his head could rest on the pillow. I tried to stop them, but the warm tears slid down my cheeks anyway.

Edward sighed and looked emotionally tormented. After a few minutes he seemed to calm down and relax.

“Bella, I’m sorry.”

I just continued to cry. “I didn’t know you’d be so upset. I mean, I didn’t just make this baby on my own.”

Edward glanced up at me quickly. “No, Bella. That’s not what I meant!” He pulled at my arm and I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. “I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m pissed off at the situation. I’m pissed off because I finally have the opportunity to be there for you while you’re pregnant and to see our child be born, and I’m fucking immobile and I’ll be 200 miles away! I never would’ve agreed to go to Portland if I had known this. How far along are you? Wait, we only even had sex once...”

I nodded my head. “San Diego.”

“That means your like, four and a half months along?”

I nodded my head.

“Do you know if it is a boy or girl?”

“No, not yet. I have an appointment in a couple weeks.” I could tell by the look on his face that he was scheming some sort of plan.

“My mom will just have to get over it. I’m not going to Portland.”

“Edward, it may not be such a bad idea. You need someone that will be around more. You can’t take care of Masen like this. You can’t even get up on your own and I don’t need to be trying to lift you. Masen and I will be okay and we will come visit every weekend. You won’t miss anything.”

Edward sighed. I could tell he was frustrated. He finally gave in when I told him I didn’t need the stress of taking care of him and Masen and keeping up with school and work while I was pregnant. It wouldn’t be good for the baby, my sanity, or our relationship.

I eventually helped Edward to the bathroom where we got him ready for bed and changed the bandage where his incision was. I was exhausted by the time we got back in bed. Taking care of Edward in his current condition was definitely a full time job; a full time job that I didn’t have time for. I loved Edward and I wanted to take care of him, but it just wasn’t feasible in our current situation.

I was lost in my own thoughts when Edward’s voice traveled across the pillow in the dark room.

“Bella? Are you awake?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” I responded. I opened my eyes and his head was turned in my direction. He looked sad.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I just had no idea and I just don’t really feel like myself yet. I never should have raised my voice at you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I leaned over closer to him and grazed his cheek with the palm of my hand. “It’s okay, Edward. You’ve been through a lot. I understand. I’m just glad your still here.”

Edward scoffed. “I’ve been through a lot?” he asked. “Bella, what I’ve been through is nothing compared to what I’ve put you through...”

He attempted to go on, but I cut him off. “Stop, Edward. If I have chosen to forgive you, and I have, then you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ll never forget it. I will never forget the way it made me feel, the way you made me feel, but I don’t want to remember it everyday. You were a different person then. I love who you are now. I’ve chosen to live in the present. I love you, and I love our son and I wouldn’t trade either of you for the world. It was a long, hard and painful road that brought us to this point, but I’m glad we made it, and I’m glad we’re together.”

Edward reached up and cradled my face in his hand. “You’re so incredible, you know?”

I smiled shyly and gently brushed his lips with mine.

“I love you, Bella. I love you so much that it is still hard for me to cope with what I did, to know that I hurt someone so badly that I love so much.”

I sighed. “Edward, you didn’t love me then. You didn’t know me. I mean, that doesn’t make it okay, I’m just ready to move on.”

“It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know you. You were still you. You were still beautiful, vibrant, innocent and full of life and I took that away from you and I took that away from the people that loved you.”

“And I’m trying to get it back, Edward. I’m trying to move on. Let me, please. Being pregnant again has brought back a huge array of emotions. The entire time I was carrying Masen, I felt like I was carrying a monster. I hated being pregnant and I was scared to death. I want it to be different with this baby. Regardless of everything we’ve been through, this baby was conceived in love and I want to love it. I want to enjoy being pregnant and I want to be present for it from here on out. I admit, I was concerned early on, not knowing if you would live or die. I couldn’t do this by myself again. But you’re here now and the baby is healthy and moving right along and it is a part of each of us. I refused to feel so many things when I was pregnant with Masen. I want to feel everything with this baby and I don’t want to be reminded how we got to this point. We are here, and we love each other, and this baby, and that’s all that matters, okay?”

Edward nodded his head and grinned before kissing me. I melted under his kiss. God, how I missed his touch, his lips, his sweet breath.

“I’m going to marry you one day, Bella,” he said between kisses.

I gasped, and my heart started racing. I couldn’t wait to be his wife; one day.

“Of course, that won’t be until I can walk myself down the damn aisle without a freaking walker!” he joked.

I giggled and continued to kiss him. “Marrying you would make me so happy. I love you, Edward.”

***

Neither of us really slept much that night. We laughed, kissed, touched, and talked about our future. We talked about where we would get married, what kind of ring I would want and how our children would be involved in the ceremony. We talked about baby names and how we would decorate his or her room.

In retrospect, that night was perfect. I wish we could get back to that place. Life was hard and punishing in the weeks to follow.


***Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! Don’t worry yourselves too much w/ that last sentence in the chapter! There have been a lot of new readers *waves* - welcome to the bandwagon and thank you all again for the reviews! They’re great!

**Also, if you’re reading this on the Blog, you’re lucky! FF.net banned me from updating/posting to their website until 8-17-2010. So this chapter won’t be on there until then. You can thank some unruly bitches for that.

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**CHAPTER 25 - CLICK HERE **