Repentance - Chapter 22

CHAPTER 22:

When Emmett and I made it back to the hospital, all the same people were still there. Nothing had changed, except we would be allowed to see Edward, only for ten minutes, and only one at a time.

Everyone graciously let me go first.

I wasn’t prepared for what I saw. He was lifeless. He was bruised from head to toe. He had a breathing tube down his throat and a million more wires and tubes coming from all over.

I tried not to cry, I really did. I took a deep breath and approached him. I leaned down and gently caressed his cheek. “Hey, baby.” I kissed his opposite cheek. “I can’t stay long, everyone wants to see you.”

I squeezed his hand, and looked at his face, hoping to see any sign that he could hear me. There was nothing. He felt cold. I pulled the blanket over him and tucked it in at his sides.

I leaned down and whispered in his ear. “Edward, I have to go. I love you. Please don’t leave me.” I kissed his cheek again and reluctantly left the room so the next person could come in.

I fell apart shortly thereafter. He looked terrible, like he was in so much pain. I got the feeling, after leaving his room, that nothing would ever be the same. It didn’t matter if he survived, things would never be the same.

Nanna Cullen offered me her time with him, but I declined.

“No, you go ahead. He would want to see you, to know that you’re here.”

She finally agreed.

Everyone was pretty torn up after seeing him. We wouldn’t be allowed to see him again until the following day.

Mr. and Mrs. Cullen, along with Nanna Cullen, got a hotel room near the hospital. Mr. and Mrs. Cullen offered to get me a room as well, but I assured them I could stay with Alice.

Emmett took me back to our building. I told him I could walk to Alice’s. He initially refused, but I told him I needed time to think straight, and he eventually agreed. I waited around the corner for about half an hour. When I was sure he would be inside his own apartment, I went back to mine.

I had spoken with an investigator. They completed their investigation and took everything they needed. I could clean up now.

I slowly entered the apartment. It looked different from the last time I was here. All the little evidence markers and the baseball bat were gone. It looked like someone even initially wiped the floor clean, but the stains were still there.

I spent hours scrubbing the floor with water and vinegar. It mostly came clean with the exception of some of the blood that was between the hardwood. The walls were another story. They were splattered with blood. Initially, nothing I did seemed to help. I eventually resorted to my magic eraser and it took the blood off, but also a good layer of paint. I could re-paint.

I was cleaning up in the kitchen when I heard someone come in the door.

“Isabella Marie Swan!”

Alice. Shit.

I stepped out of the kitchen to face her. “What are you doing here? You’re supposed to be at my place. Emmett called to make sure you got there okay. I thought I might find you here.”

“I’m sorry. I had to clean up. I can’t stay with you forever.”

“Bella, when is the last time you slept?”

I looked down. I really didn’t know. “I’m not sure exactly.”

Alice stomped over to me and took the sponge from my hand. She tossed it in the sink. “I’ll take care of everything here. You don’t worry about it. I’m taking you to my place and you’re sleeping the entire night. Do you understand?”

I sighed and nodded my head in understanding. I was exhausted.

I had hoped to sleep. I think I did, at least for a couple of hours. Masen slept in the bed with me. I couldn’t stop staring at him, watching him sleep. He was so peaceful and oblivious to what was going on around him. I envied him. He looked so much like his father. I told him about Edward and that he would have a new brother or sister soon. He was asleep, of course, and didn’t hear a word I said.

I woke up shortly after 5:00 a.m. after a bad nightmare. I woke Masen too.

Masen sat up at looked at me.

“I’m sorry, honey. Go back to sleep.”

“Everything be okay, momma. I know.” He kissed my cheek and hugged my neck and it took everything inside me not to fall apart. “Daddy be okay.”

I looked at him, confused. How did he know? Did Alice tell him? “What’s wrong with Daddy, Masen?”

Masen sighed. “I dunno, Mamma. He said he be okay.” Masen rolled over and went back to sleep. He wasn’t making any sense.

I got up and made a pot of coffee, waiting for Alice to get up. She eventually did and she assured me that neither she nor Jasper had even mentioned Edward’s name.

I suddenly panicked that something had happened to Edward in the middle of the night. What if he passed?

“I’ve got to get to the hospital.”

“Bella, you’re over reacting. Maybe Masen just had a weird dream, I’m sure that’s hereditary.”

I blew her off and dressed quickly. I made my way to the door.

“Bella?”

I turned around to see Alice holding a set of keys in her hand. “Rose left these for you. Edward’s car is in the garage.”

“Thank you.” I hugged her briefly before heading out.

Edward’s car was fast. I liked it. I got to the hospital rather quickly. I wasn’t allowed in ICU because it wasn’t regular visiting hours. I looked in the private waiting room we were all in the day before. Esme was sitting against the wall, asleep. There was nobody else there. She hadn’t changed clothes.

I shook her lightly. “Esme?”

Esme startled and sat up straight. “What? Is he okay?” she asked.

“I don’t know, I was going to ask you the same thing. I just got here. I thought you were going home.”

Her eyes instantly became damp. “I couldn’t leave, Bella.”

I nodded my head. “Has anything changed?”

Esme shook her head. “They are supposed to be removing the breathing tube this afternoon to see how he does on his own.”

I sighed. I guess that was a good thing. “When can we see him again?”

“We can have ten minutes, beginning at 9:00 a.m.”

“They are really stingy with time around here.”

Esme almost laughed. “They don’t want the patients to get excited. If he does okay without the breathing tube, after he wakes up, they may move him out of ICU and to a recovery room.”

“Oh, that would be great. We’d never have to leave!”

Esme smiled. “My thoughts exactly.”

I smiled weakly at her. “Esme, I’ll be here. Why don’t you at least go back to the hotel and shower and change. That way you can be back by 9:00 a.m.”

Esme looked torn. “I don’t know, Bella. I just can’t leave him. Imagine if it were Masen, would you be able to leave?”

That was the end of that. “No,” I answered honestly.

For some reason, I felt uncomfortable in the room with Esme. I felt like I was keeping something from her. I should tell the Cullens about my pregnancy, but I wasn’t ready. I wanted Edward to know first, and actually acknowledge it. I wasn’t even sure if he would remember that I told him.

“I’m going to grab some coffee, would you like some?” I asked.

“Oh, that would be wonderful, Bella. Thank you.”

I took my time getting the coffee. I ate a blueberry muffin while I sipped my coffee inside the little coffee shop at the hospital. When I finished my muffin, I was still starving. I bought two more and headed back to ICU.

“I brought us some breakfast,” I said, as I handed Esme a muffin and coffee. I tore into my muffin immediately. She would surely know something was up if I had eaten two in front of her, they were pretty big.

Esme and I didn’t speak much as we ate our breakfast. Nine o’ clock was quickly approaching and I sat wondering if anyone else would show up. I secretly hoped they didn’t. Esme and I could each have five whole minutes with him.

The clock finally struck 9:00 a.m. I urged Esme to go first, and she agreed. I paced the room nervously.

Esme returned only three minutes later, with tears in her eyes. I hugged her when she came back into the room.

“He just looks like he’s in so much pain, Bella.”

I suddenly felt terrible. If it wasn’t for me, Edward wouldn’t be in this position. If I had of listened to him from the beginning about James. I sighed and apologized to Esme before stepping out of the room to go see Edward.

He looked worse than he did the day before. The nurse promised me he was doing better though. His face was more swollen and bruised than I remembered. His left eye was practically swollen shut.

I held his hand and leaned over him. I ghosted my fingers over the only unbruised part of his face. I kissed his cheek. “I’m so sorry, Edward.”

I thought I faintly felt his hand move in mine.

I leaned down to him again, whispering in his ear, “Can you hear me, baby?”

His index finger twitched in my hand, and I smiled. I stood straight up to alert the nurse, but realized she was no longer in the room. I wasn’t going to find her. I wanted my remaining four minutes.

I continued to hold Edward’s hand and I told him that they would only let us see him for a few minutes, twice a day. Otherwise, I never would’ve left his side. I told him his mom and dad were here, and Nanna Cullen, too. I told him we were all doing okay, including Masen, and that Emmett was keeping a close eye on me. He didn’t have anything to worry about. I told him I loved him, and I tried to get him to move his hand again, but he never did. Maybe I imagined it to begin with. I left his room feeling slightly depressed, but hopeful.

I left the hospital after that, knowing I couldn’t see him again until 5:00 p.m. I went by Alice’s to see Masen. I urged them to go out to lunch together, or something, anything. I felt horrible that they were having to keep Masen. They would have a child of their own soon, and never have alone time. Alice and Jasper went to lunch, while I stayed behind in Alice’s apartment and made lunch for Masen.

I was trying to ignore him.

He just kept repeating, “I want to play wit Daddy. Where’s daddy?” from the living room as I stood in the nearby kitchen.

He must have said the same thing four or five times before I lost it. “He’s not here, Masen!” I screamed at him.

I peeked around the corner to see big tears swelling up in his eyes. I tried to apologize, but when I saw his lip quiver and and his nose crinkle up, I knew my attempts were useless. He cried out at the top of his lungs. He rarely cried like that unless he was in trouble. His sobs were deafening and his face was bright red. I went to him quickly, where he was sitting in the floor, innocently playing before I yelled at him.

I scooped him up and rocked him like a baby, feeling my tears coming on. “I’m sorry, Masen. I didn’t mean to yell at you. Shhh, calm down. You’re going to make yourself sick.”

Nothing seemed to soothe him, and we both sat in the middle of Alice’s living room crying our eyes out for entirely too long.

I cried because I yelled at him and he didn’t do anything wrong. I cried because his father was in a hospital on his death bed, and it was my fault. I cried because I wasn’t sure I even wanted the baby inside of me, I just wanted the one currently in my arms to live a perfect and pain free life. I couldn’t possibly love anything more than I loved Masen. I cried because I didn’t know how to live without Edward and I didn’t know how I would ever be able to tell Masen he was gone, permanently, if it ever came down to it.

Masen eventually cried himself to sleep in my arms. I tried to carry him to the couch so he could take a nap, but my hair was fisted in his tiny fingers and no matter how gently I tried to remove them, he wasn’t budging.

“Stay, Momma.” he finally whimpered; and so I did. I sat on the couch while he napped in my lap.

I was too exhausted to continue reliving the nightmare of the past couple of days, so I laid my head back against the couch and fell asleep.

We were awoken some time later when Alice and Jasper came through the door laughing.

They got quiet when they realized they had woken us.

“Oh, sorry, Bella.”

I shook my head. “I don’t know how long I’ve been out. I need to get up. I need to get back.”

Jasper removed a still groggy Masen from my lap. I stood, and kissed Masen’s cheek. “I love you, sweet boy.”

Masen clung to Jasper’s neck, his head and disheveled hair against Jasper’s shoulder. Masen looked at me with the saddest eyes I’d ever seen and said, “Miss you, Mama.”

I had to turn away from him so I didn’t completely lose it. Sometimes, he looked like a spitting image of Edward. What had I done to deserve this? To be living my dream one minute, and shattered and pregnant the next, and then back to a dream and a beautiful life, to this. To feeling like I was on the edge of losing everything.

Alice hugged me, as Jasper carried Masen back down the hallway toward the spare room.

“I’m losing it, Alice,” I cried.

Alice soothed me. “It’s perfectly okay, Bella. It’s okay to lose it.”

I sniffled and stood back from her. “Please keep this,” I lightly placed my hand over my stomach, “between us.”

Alice nodded her head. “Of course, Bella. Don’t worry about a thing. Take all the time you need. Having Masen here has been fun for both of us. It’s like a test run!”

I nearly laughed, grateful I had such an amazing friend in her. I told her I loved her before heading back to the hospital.

Once I arrived, so had several others. Esme was still there. Now, Carlisle, Nanna Cullen, and Rose had all joined.

“How is he?” I asked.

Carlisle was first to answer. “They removed the breathing tube. He’s stable.”

I knew Carlisle knew more than he was letting on, he was a doctor for goodness sakes.

“Carlisle, please,” I begged. “I need to know the truth.” Big tears blurred my vision and I fought desperately to keep them from pouring over. “I can’t look at Masen and tell him his daddy will be home soon, if he’s never coming home.”

Carlisle looked down and away from me. “I don’t know, Bella. I just don’t know. It’s too early to tell. He’s still non-responsive, but the fact that he’s breathing on his own is a good sign.”

I sighed and collapsed on a chair nearby.

I only got to see him for two minutes that evening. Everyone else wanted to see him too. He didn’t look that different. I wanted him to wake up so bad. I just wanted to see his green eyes.

I knew I needed to go home that evening. If I wanted to keep my job, I had to be at work the next day.

Emmett insisted on following me. He was out of his car and to my driver’s side window before I even got my car in park inside the apartment garage. I rolled down my window.

“What are you doing here? You’re not staying here.”

“Why not?” I asked. “Rose and Alice cleaned the apartment.”

Emmett looked at me like I had four heads. “Bella, he knows where you live. You’re not staying here.”

Tears stung my eyes and a giant lump formed in my throat. I know it was sort of sick and selfish, but I wanted nothing more than to curl up in our bed, that smelled of Edward, and cry my eyes out. I didn’t care if James found me. I deserved whatever punishment he would cast upon me.

I just wanted to feel closer to Edward. I sighed. Maybe I could bargain with him.

“Well, I need to get some clothes. Will you come in with me for a few minutes?”

Emmett huffed and puffed, and finally agreed.

When we entered the apartment, it was sparkling. They even painted. It smelled fresh and clean, and I was suddenly concerned that my bed may not smell like Edward anymore.

“Stay here,” I said to Emmett, as I motioned towards the couch. “I may be a few minutes.”

I went to our room and quietly closed the door behind me. I collapsed onto our bed and as soon as I inhaled his scent, the waterworks began. I clung to his pillow as I cried, apologizing to it, as if he could hear me.

I guess I stayed in there too long. Emmett knocked lightly, not waiting for my response, and pushed open the door.

I looked up at him and he sighed. “Bella, come on. You can’t do this all night. I know this is hard on you, but I have to make sure you’re safe and I’d like to get home to my wife and daughter.”

I cried even harder. I got up and packed a bag with a few more things and let Emmett follow me to Alice’s place.

I spent the night there with Masen. I didn’t sleep well at all. I couldn’t stop thinking about Edward. I kept wondering if he was okay. What if he woke up and I wasn’t there? I tossed and turned all night. At one point, Masen rolled over, facing me, and sighed. He reached his little hands up to my face and closed my eye lids. “Sleep, Mamma,” he said softly. I tried, I really did.

I eventually got up earlier than I should have and decided I would go by the hospital before going into work.

I wasn’t allowed to see him, but I did get to check in with Esme. Nothing had really changed, but he was still breathing well on his own. They planned on moving him to a recovery room later that afternoon. I guess that was a good thing. I continued on to work, hoping it would be a distraction from everything that was wrong in my life.

**CHAPTER 23 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 21

CHAPTER 21:

I got home in record time. There was no traffic. No accidents.

The bus stop was about a block away from our building. As I was walking toward the building, two men came out of it that looked strange. They were carrying a large bag and walking fast. As they got closer, I realized it was James and Dreadlocks.

I gasped, and ducked into the nearby alley. I went through the alley and into the parking garage for our building. I went immediately to the elevator in case they saw me, and I noticed Edward’s car in the garage.

I swear the elevator wouldn’t move fast enough. I had to get off the elevator in the lobby and get on a different elevator that went up higher. I finally got to our floor. The apartment door was unlocked. I quietly pushed it open, and what I saw before me, I will never forget.

I screamed at the top of my lungs. There was blood everywhere. Everywhere. On the walls, the floor, the ceiling even. Edward was in a pool of blood on the floor. I wasn’t sure if he was alive or dead. I grabbed my phone and called Rose, I told her to send Emmett and call 911.

I fell to my knees next to Edward and cried out his name. He coughed as if he were choking, and blood dribbled out the side of his mouth. I titled his head to the side so he wouldn’t choke on it. His eyes opened slightly.

“Edward, please. Hang on. The paramedics are coming. Who did this? Did James do it?”

Edward nodded his head weakly and I cried. I didn’t care that his blood was all over me. I kissed his forehead and smoothed his hair back. “I’m sorry, baby. I’m so sorry. I believe you. I trust you. I forgive you, for everything. Please don’t leave me.”

Edward gurgled and didn’t respond. There was so much blood I couldn’t tell where it was coming from.

There was definitely a large amount of blood coming from his neck. I grabbed a towel from the linen closet and applied pressure the best I could. I sobbed uncontrollably. He didn’t know what I knew. He may die and never know.

His eyes were closed, his body still. I leaned down and whispered in his ear, “Edward, please. Don’t give up. Don’t leave me. Edward, I’m pregnant.”

His eyes shot open and he began to cough up a lot of blood. He tried to speak but it wasn’t making any sense.

“Key. Gold key. Drawer. To the shoe box.”

“What are you talking about, baby? I don’t understand...”

He continued mumbling something about a gold key, but I couldn’t understand him and I urged him to stay quiet, fearing it would further complicate his situation.

Seconds later Emmett came rushing through the door. He got more towels and cut open Edward’s shirt to see where all the blood was coming from. It looked like he had been stabbed, multiple times.

As we attempted to clean Edward up and find out where all his wounds were, I heard sirens outside and it was like music to my ears.

Moments later the paramedics arrived. They worked quickly. They cleared his airway and gave him oxygen before placing his lifeless body on the stretcher and carrying him away.

I fell to pieces in his absence. I sat in the pool of blood he previously laid in, because it was a part of him. I cried and cried and wished the blood was mine instead of his. Emmett repeatedly tried to get me to get up and go with him to the hospital but I was frozen, shocked, and I refused to leave. I refused to go to the hospital and watch him die.

When Emmett realized he wasn’t getting through to me, he left. At the time I didn’t know where he went. I curled up in a little ball on the floor. To hate blood so much, I sure had it all over me. I didn’t care. I was devastated. I knew it would be just my luck. It wasn’t enough to find out the man I was in love with raped me and fathered my child. No, he raped me, fathered my child, fell in love with me, admitted the truth, I still loved him, wrongly accused him of something he didn’t do, and then he dies, because of me and all the while I was carrying his second child.

The thoughts made me physically ill. I couldn’t raise another child. Not without him. I couldn’t look at another child’s face and see Edward for the rest of my life if he wasn’t here. I wouldn’t.

Something hitting the floor nearby shook me from my thoughts. I glanced towards the door to see Rose standing there, her purse on the floor, her mouth hanging open.

“Bella, what the fuck happened?”

I cried. “James did it. I don’t know exactly what transpired. He’s gone, Rose.”

“No, he’s not!” Rose cried. “Emmett said he was still alive when they took him. Get up and get out of this mess right now! We have to get to the hospital! If anybody can get through to him, it’s you!”

I continued to cry, and sat up slowly. I was covered in Edward’s blood. The police began to arrive to work the crime scene. Rose took me to the bathroom, stripped me of my clothes, and left me standing under a cold shower. I could hear her going through the drawers in my bedroom. She came back, a bag packed in her hand. She turned the water off and threw a towel at me.

“Dry off and get dressed. Now!”

I did as she demanded, throwing on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. I pulled my wet hair up in a bun. When we tried to leave, we were stopped by the police. They wanted a statement from me. Rose insisted we had to get to the hospital. She took charge. I loved for her for that.

She told the police officer if he wanted a statement, he could ride with us to the hospital, and that’s what he did.

I told the truth, about everything, from the beginning. I left nothing out. They couldn’t press charges on Edward if he wasn’t alive. I was sure he was gone. He was so pale and lifeless. I became hysterical every time I imagined his face before they took him away. I had to mentally prepare myself for arriving at the hospital and them telling me he didn’t make it.

As soon as I described James and Dreadlocks, the investigator was on the phone with someone, relaying their descriptions. Thank goodness. They had to find to them.

I admired Rose’s strength from the backseat of her BMW. She was fierce. She was scared, and worried, but she remained strong. At least one of us had our shit together.

“Where’s Masen?” I suddenly asked.

“He’s with Emmett. Relax, Bella. Everything is going to be okay.”

I sighed and sat back in my seat. Although it was only a few minutes, the ride to the hospital felt like an eternity. There were other investigators there when we arrived. They were first in line to talk to Edward when, and if, he came out of surgery. That pissed me off.

It was a long agonizing night. Edward was in surgery for nearly eight hours. Afterwards, he was placed into a medically induced coma. At least he was alive.

The investigators eventually tired, and went home to their wives and children, promising to return the following afternoon.

Edward’s parents and Nanna Cullen had arrived. We had a brief meeting with his surgeon. He had been stabbed four times and suffered some blunt force trauma to his head and knees. Edward’s right leg was broken. His intestines had to be reconstructed and tears in his stomach stitched back together. He had a large cut across his neck. The doctor said the knife just barely missed his carotid artery. He had a small amount of bleeding and swelling on his brain, but they thought it would go down. The doctor said it was a waiting game. The next 48 hours were critical. If he survived them, the outlook would be better, but still not good.

I felt light headed. This was entirely too much to deal with.

Nanna Cullen insisted I go back to Rose and Emmett’s and rest. I hadn’t slept all night. I reluctantly agreed, after I was told there was no chance of seeing Edward for the next several hours. Emmett insisted on coming with me. He had taken Masen to Alice and Jasper’s and baby Emmalie was with Emmett’s mother. It dawned on me that I knew nothing about Emmett’s mother. I made a mental note to ask him about her later. I tried to tell Emmett that he should stay with Rose, but he insisted.

“I’m coming with you, Bella,” Emmett said adamantly. He lowered his voice. “If Edward pulls through this, and something happens to you, he would never forgive me.”

Who knew Emmett had a softer side? I hugged him tightly, and then agreed that he could come with me.

Emmett drove me back to his apartment. He insisted I could have his and Rose’s bed to rest. I declined because I had other ideas.

“Emmett, really. I’ll be fine on the couch. Please, you should rest too. You can’t just sit here and watch me sleep.”

“I guess you’re right. I am tired. Yell at me if you need anything, okay?”

“Okay.”

Emmett went to his room and closed the door. I laid on the couch with my eyes open for a good hour before I had the nerve to tip toe back to his room. I stood outside his door, listening. He was snoring. Perfect.

I quietly made my way out the front door. I went up to mine and Edward’s apartment. I stood outside the door momentarily. My heart raced. I didn’t want to see it again, but I needed in there.

I unlocked the door. The smell hit me first. It was a mixture of copper and ammonia. There were little cardboard markers in certain places. I guess those identified evidence. The blood was still there. Everywhere. I tip toed around the room, careful not to step in anything or disturb anything.

Just before I entered the hallway to go to our room, I noticed a bloody baseball bat lying just inside the kitchen with a little marker next to it. I felt my heart sink to the pit of my stomach, imagining the pain Edward must have gone through.

I continued into our bedroom. I was glad it appeared to be as I had left it. I started pulling drawers out everywhere. Edward mentioned something about a gold key and drawer and shoebox before they took him to the hospital. I had to figure out what that meant. I searched through every drawer and came up with nothing.

I was growing frustrated and decided to go back through the drawers more thoroughly. That’s when I heard it. I heard a little noise, the sound of metal hitting wood. I was in Edward’s sock drawer. I continued moving things around until I found it, a single gold key.

“Okay, now I have a key and no idea what it goes to.” I recalled Edward mentioned a shoe box. I was uncertain how a key would go to a shoe box, but I went to our closet to check it out anyway.

Edward and I both had shoeboxes on the top shelf of our closet. I grabbed a step stool and began going through each one of them. Shoes, shoes, and more shoes. I think Edward had more shoes than I did.

It was nearly the last box that caught my attention. It was really heavy. I opened the lid and noticed a metal box inside. I pulled the entire shoe box from the shelf and sat down in the middle of the closet. I lifted the metal locked box from the shoe box. It had a gold lock on the front.

I became slightly nervous about what was inside the box. I couldn’t deal with anymore unsuspected secrets from Edward. He told me about it, only after learning that I was pregnant. I concluded there was probably cash inside. Always like Edward to make sure we were taken care of.

I slipped the key inside the lock and turned it. The lock clicked open. I released it, and opened the metal box. There wasn’t cash inside, there were papers, a lot of papers.

There was a living will. “Oh no.” I glanced at it quickly. He didn’t want to be resuscitated or remain on life support for an extended period of time. I felt tears sting my eyes.

“I’m sorry, Edward. I’m selfish. I need you.” I tore the living will into tiny pieces, hoping another copy didn’t exist anywhere else.

I pulled out the next document, which was folded, with several pages behind it. I opened it up. It was Edward’s Last Will & Testament. I sat in the closet and weeped. He knew he was going to die. I wiped my eyes and began reading.

I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. He had left everything he owned to me, Masen, and any future children we may have. He even had a trust fund set up for Masen. The entire Cullen family had contributed to it. They all knew about this and I didn’t! I began to get angry, but decided it wasn’t worth it. Edward didn’t tell me because he knew I’d react exactly like this.

Edward even left his inheritance to Masen, and of course his guitar. I laughed at the thought.

I continued skimming the pages. The document was created and signed shortly after Edward and I went on our first date. That made me tear up even more. He knew he loved us that much from the beginning. Everything he had said all along was true.

I sighed. It had nearly been two days since I had seen Masen. I wanted to see him. I missed him.

I placed the documents back inside the box and put them back where I found them, hoping it would be unnecessary to ever have to use them.

I packed a few more things for myself and made Masen a bag. I gathered our stuff and carefully made my way out of the apartment, ignoring the scene in the living room.

I went back to Rose and Emmett’s. Emmett was sitting on the couch.

“Where the hell have you been!” he screamed.

I sighed. “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep. I had to get some things for Masen and I,”I said as I sat the bags down.

“I want to go to Alice’s. I want to see Masen.”

Emmett sighed. “Fine.” He stood from the couch and grabbed my bags. I followed him out of the apartment.


We made our way to Alice and Jasper’s. Alice opened the door and immediately embraced me.

“Bella, I’m so sorry.”

I hugged her, hard. She felt like home. “Thank you for keeping Masen. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

“It’s no problem at all. We will keep him as long as you need. Jasper is becoming quite fond of him.”

Alice and I both glanced back into the living room where Jasper and Masen were playing with a book that makes animal sounds. Jasper would imitate the sound the animal made and send Masen into a laughing fit.

It made me smile. I didn’t want Masen to know what was going on. I wanted him to remain carefree and happy.

I stepped inside and when Masen realized I was there, he came running to me.

“Mamma!” he yelled.

I kneeled down and opened my arms to him. “Hi, honey. Are you having fun?” I held Masen close. I tried, and failed, to keep my tears at bay. He looked more like Edward every day.

Masen pulled away from me. He lifted his little hand and wiped a single tear from my cheek. “Mamma sad?” he asked.

I shook my head and tried to smile. “I’m okay, baby. You are going to stay with Ms. Alice for a few days. But I’ll come by to visit you, okay?”

Masen nodded his head. He knew something wasn’t right, but he didn’t understand what it was.

We played briefly before I asked to speak to Alice alone. We went back into her and Jasper’s spare bedroom, which had become an office.

We sat down on the small couch and I couldn’t help but cry.

Alice hugged me. “Oh, Bella. Everything will be okay.”

“What if it’s not?” I asked.

“You need to stay positive.”

I shook my head. “It’s so hard.”

“I know,” Alice responded.

“Alice, there’s something you don’t know. Nobody does. I haven’t told anyone. I told Edward just before they took him, but I don’t know if he’ll even remember.”

Alice looked at me, confused. “Bella, what is it?”

I hung my head and cried. “I’m pregnant.”

Alice gasped. “Bella! What? Since when? How?”

“When Edward and I went to San Diego,” I cried. “I hadn’t been taking the pill since he left. I needed to save the money. It just never crossed my mind. I’m so stupid. I should’ve known better.”

Alice sighed and rubbed my back. “How far along are you?”

“Twelve weeks.”

“Why hadn’t you told him? Or anyone for that matter?”

I shook my head. “I don’t know. I guess I thought it might go away,” I half heartedly laughed. “I was going to tell Edward, but then all that stuff happened with Tori and James and I was so mad at him.”

I looked up at Alice. “I can’t have this baby without him, Alice. I can’t.” I cried.

“Bella, stop that. You can and you will if you have to. Edward is still here. He’s not gone anywhere. There’s nothing to be ashamed of Bella. People in monogamous relationships have sex, and they get pregnant. It’s the 21st century, it happens to all of us.”

That didn’t sound like Alice. I looked up at her suspiciously. She was beaming, glowing even.

“Alice!” I screamed.

Alice giggled softly. “Sixteen weeks.”

“No way! Oh my God! Congratulations!” I hugged her. “I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

“We haven’t told anyone yet. I didn’t want to jinx anything, but so far everything is going well.”

I cried, I was happy for her.

“We’ll get through it together, Bella. You have to give me some pointers. I want to eat everything in sight!”

I laughed and hugged her. It felt good to laugh.

“Thanks for everything Alice. I’ve got to get back to the hospital.”

Alice nodded her head. “Keep me posted, and don’t worry about Masen.”

We made our back out to the living room. I said goodbye to Jasper and Masen before Alice walked Emmett and I to the door.

Alice gave me another hug. “Bella, I know there’s a lot going on, but don’t forget to take care of yourself, okay? When is the last time you ate? You look like you haven’t slept in days.”

I rolled my eyes. “Okay, mom.”

Emmett and I got on our way back to the hospital. I felt so much better about everything after speaking to Alice. Up to this point, I was devastated about being pregnant. I realized now, it wasn’t going away.

“Emmett, can we stop to get something to eat? I need to eat.”

“Sure.”

I placed my hand on my stomach, which so far, had only grown slightly. For the first time, I felt connected to the baby, because it was a part of Edward and me. This baby was created out of love, not forcefulness and terror as Masen had been. I shuddered at the thought. I still couldn’t comprehend how the man that did that to me, was the same one I was in love with, and the same one that I was desperate to have survive.

My stomach growled loudly, pulling me from my thoughts. Emmett heard it over the radio. “God, Bella! When’s the last time you ate? It sounds like there’s something living in there!” he teased.

I laughed half heartedly. If only he knew. “I don’t know, Emmett. It’s been a while. Eating hasn’t necessarily been on my high priority list.”

“Well it is now!” he said as he turned the car into a fast food place.

We went inside to eat. I didn’t think I could handle trying to eat while Emmett drove like maniac.

We ate in silence as I watched toddlers play on the indoor playground. I don’t think I ate a third of what I ordered. Seeing a young dad playing with his daughter was enough to make me feel sick.

“I’m not really hungry anymore. Can we just go?” I asked.

Emmett nodded his head, sensing my uneasiness and we left for the hospital.

**CHAPTER 22 - CLICK HERE**