Repentance - Chapter 25

CHAPTER 25:

Life felt like a circus lately. Work, school, Masen, Edward, sleep. I wasn’t sure I even ate some days. Edward was so demanding. I felt horrible for him. He hated being in Portland. He hated being away from Masen and I. I didn’t particularly like it either, but I knew Esme could take better care of him than I could.

Edward had finally given in and taken some of his pain medication, which helped initially. Lately however, it, or the situation all together, had made him moody and angry a lot of the time. His physical condition wasn’t progressing as fast as he had hoped and it was really frustrating him. I was concerned he was pushing himself too hard too soon because he wanted to be back home.

He called and text messaged me frequently and I was finding it difficult to keep up with him, Masen and my school work. Edward wanted to talk for hours it seemed like every night and I did miss him and I wanted to talk to him too, but I also had homework and a child to bathe, feed and get to sleep.

I felt like an emotional basket case. If everything else I had to deal with wasn’t enough, Alice and Jasper kept randomly showing up at my apartment at various times in the evening.

I had been on the phone with Edward, listening to him complain and trying to make Masen dinner, when I heard a knock at the door. I knew it would be Alice and Jasper. It was then, that it hit me for the first time. Edward had done this. Edward was having them keep an eye on me.

“I’m sorry, Edward, I’ll have to call you back. My babysitters are here.” I hung up on him, infuriated.

I swung the front door open to see Alice and Jasper standing outside with smiles on their faces. I got theatrical. “I’m alive!” I said loudly. “I’ll still be here the next time you just drop by for the hell of it!”

Alice giggled and Jasper looked at her, worried.

“I know Edward has you both keeping an eye on me. I’m fine, really. We have consumed enough of your time. Please, live your own lives and stop worrying about me.”

Alice looked taken back and shocked as she gasped and held her hand over her chest. “Bella, Edward may have put us up to this, but he did so for good reason. He isn’t here and that creep has never resurfaced. Jasper and I would be concerned even if Edward wasn’t paying us.”

I felt the heat rush to the surface of my skin. “Paying you?” I screamed.

Alice ducked her head. “Oops.”

“I cannot believe him!” I turned around and went back inside the apartment as Alice and Jasper followed. Jasper hung behind Alice like a lost puppy, unsure of what to do.

“Bella, I mean, we tried to refuse him, to refuse the money, but he wouldn’t let us.”

I shook my head. “I’m capable of taking care of myself. James doesn’t know I live here. He is smarter than to ever show his face in this city again. He’s not just going to show up here! Even if he did, I have you, Edward, and 911 on speed dial and my cell phone is strapped to my hip.” I theatrically motioned to my cell phone that was clipped to the belt on my jeans.

“I’m sorry, Bella. We all just love you and worry about you.” Jasper chimed in.

“I appreciate it. I really do, but I’ve got enough on my plate without having you two stopping by all the time with lame excuses.”

Alice and Jasper apologized and I hugged Alice tightly before seeing them both out. “I love you, Alice. I’ll be okay.”

Alice and Jasper reluctantly left. I knew Edward had been calling while they were over. I felt my phone vibrate on my hip numerous times. I just couldn’t believe that he would pay our friends to keep an eye on me!

I got Masen situated at the table before calling Edward.

He answered the phone on the first ring. “What are you talking about babysitters?”

“Edward Cullen! I cannot believe you! What is wrong with you? You’ve been paying our friends to keep an eye on me behind my back? Do you think I’m completely helpless? Do you think I’m stupid?”

Edward was quiet for a moment before he responded. “No, Bella. I don’t think any of that. I think I know first hand how dangerous James is and I know if anything happened to you, I couldn’t live with myself. I just needed to know that you were okay.”

I sighed. “Is it not enough that we speak practically 24 hours a day, Edward?”

Edward sighed. “I’m sorry. I just want to be there so badly.”

“Oh, Edward. You’re so pitiful.” I sighed, feeling bad for him, but still upset at his antics. “Don’t get mad, but I don’t think Masen and I are going to come see you this weekend.”

“What? Why? Bella, I said I was sorry. It’s only because I love you so much. Why can’t you understand that?”

“It’s not because of that Edward. I have an ultrasound scheduled at 7:00 a.m. on Monday and I have a huge mid-term paper I have to get done this weekend. Besides, next week is Thanksgiving. We’ll drive down Wednesday night and stay through the weekend. I already took the time off work.”

Edward pouted. “I really wanted to see you both. I was looking forward to it so much.”

“I know, baby. It’s just a bad weekend.”

Edward sighed. “Ultrasound for what?” he asked suddenly.

I nearly laughed. “An ultrasound for our unborn baby!”

Edward scoffed. “I knew that, Bella. I meant, why, what is the purpose?”

“Just to make sure everything is okay, check the size, and determine the sex.”

“You’ll have to reschedule. I want to be there for that. I need to take you to that appointment.”

Here we go. Edward had serious issues with being away. He hated that he couldn’t do everything and fix everything. “I’m not rescheduling, Edward. I’ve put it off long enough. I won’t let them tell me the gender. I’ll have the technician just write it down and put it in an envelope and I won’t open it until we’re together, okay?”

Edward sounded so distraught. “You shouldn’t have to go to that appointment by yourself. I should be with you.”

“It’s fine, Edward. Really. Alice is coming with me.”

Edward was really quiet. I knew this upset him. He wanted so badly to be a part of this, and so did I, because seeing your unborn child was something words couldn’t describe. It just wasn’t feasible in our current situation.

“Did she take you to all your appointments with Masen?” he asked somberly.

I took a deep breath, trying not to remember Alice and my father practically having to force me to go to my appointments. “Yes, Alice and my dad took me to most of them.”

Edward was quiet, and I knew he was trying to formulate some sort of plan. I made a mental note to call Esme and tell her not to let him talk her into anything crazy. I wanted Edward better, and I wanted him home. I didn’t want him worried with road trips and my appointments. Besides, he has physical therapy on Monday mornings and he didn’t need to miss it.

“Edward?” I asked, not sure if he was still there. We were both lost in our own thoughts. “Masen’s finished with his dinner. I need to get him in the bath. I’ll call you before bed, okay?”

“What about you? Have you eaten, Bella?”

Shit. “I had a snack,” I lied. “I’m going to make something as soon as I get Masen down. I didn’t have time to make anything for myself because I had to entertain my visitors you paid for!” I said sarcastically.

Edward laughed lightly momentarily. “Make sure you eat, and call me. I love you.”

I smiled. I couldn’t wait for normalcy and routine to return to our strained relationship. “I love you, too.”

I hung up and returned to my motherly duties.

***

I spent the weekend entertaining Masen and trying to finish my mid-term. It dawned on me on Saturday afternoon, when Edward called for the sixth time that day already, that I probably would’ve gotten more done on my paper if I had of just gone to Portland. At least then Masen and Edward could entertain each other and I could have some peace and quiet.

Edward and I’s relationship was very strained. We were both on edge. I won’t lie, I was scared about James. I was concerned he could find me. I thought about it every night before I went to sleep. I moved the end table in front of the door every single night after Masen went to sleep. I even went as far as to set two delicate wine glasses on the end table balanced on top of each other so I’d hear them break if someone tried to open the door. I just didn’t want Edward to worry about us. It didn’t help that I knew the pressure was on. The fraternity had been shut down on campus. They were questioning tons of people, and had 24 hour surveillance on Victoria. Apparently it was worse than we thought, and not only the rapes, they think a lot of the guys were involved in criminal activity, particularly selling drugs that help you stay awake to cram for exams. Not only was I concerned about James finding me, but I was concerned about any of the other fraternity brothers knowing my identity. I’d even thought about quitting school after this semester and giving it some time to let things cool off. I mean, I’d have to anyway with the baby coming.

The closer it got to Monday morning, the sadder I got. I didn’t realize how badly I wanted Edward there with me at my doctor’s appointment. I was really excited about finding out if it was a boy or girl though, and it killed me that I would have to wait until Wednesday to really find out.

I didn’t get much sleep Sunday night so I was up bright and early at 5:00 a.m. on Monday morning.

I had one missed call, which I assumed was Edward. However, I also had a voicemail, and Edward didn’t usually leave me a message. He knows that I’ll call when I see his missed call.

I ignored it for a moment and jumped in the shower so I could get out before Masen woke up and demanded all of my attention.

Once out of the shower, I put on some decaf coffee and sat down on the couch. I dialed my voicemail to listen to the message.

“Hey, Bella. It’s Investigator Lawrence with Seattle PD. I know we haven’t talked lately, but there wasn’t really much going on with the investigation until now. We found James. Victoria slipped up and met him outside town yesterday afternoon. We took him in for questioning and arrested him. We didn’t actually get to question him because he already has an attorney. The Judge set his bail extremely high, but Bella, he bailed out late last night. I don’t know where he got the money. The bail was set high because we knew he’d be a flight risk, but his father came through. Unfortunately there isn’t much we can do. Right now he’s looking at aggravated assault and attempted murder, but the charges are pending until trial. We didn’t have any physical evidence to hold him on rape charges. I’m sorry, Bella. Give me a call when you get this message. I’ve been in contact with your father. We’re going to try to get some protection for you.”

I sat on the couch shaking. I never even thought this would be a possibility. Laurent couldn’t afford his bail and that’s why he was sitting in jail all this time. I never dreamt that James had access to that kind of money. I called my dad first.

“Hello?”

“Daddy?” I cried.

Charlie sighed. “Bella, calm down. It’s alright.”

“What do you mean it’s alright? He could be anywhere! He’s going to come after me!”

“Calm down, Bella. Let me explain what is going on. They’re taking a bit of a different approach now.”

“What do you mean?”

“James is. Apparently his father is a bigwig attorney in Seattle. His mother is a doctor. They have more money than they know what to do with. It seems like James is back and with a more cleaned up appearance and demeanor. He may even get back into his classes. I can’t be sure, but Investigator Lawrence and I think he will blame everything on Laurent as his defense.”

“I think I’m going to be sick,” I said as I felt my stomach turn cartwheels.

“I really don’t think he would come after you at this point. He obviously thinks he has a decent chance at beating the charges so I don’t think he would jeopardize that. He’s in no less trouble if you were dead. It wouldn’t benefit him at this point. Just lay low for now and in the meantime Investigator Lawrence is trying to get someone to keep an eye on you.”

I sighed. “Great. Thanks, Dad. I need to call Edward; I’ll talk to you later.”

“I love you, Bella. Don’t let this upset you. Let me know how your appointment goes.”

“Okay.” I hung up and sat starting at my phone. I didn’t want to call Edward. I didn’t want to tell him. He would freak out.

My phone rang again before I could finish my next thought. It was Edward.

“Hello?”

“Bella? Where are you? Are you alright?” he asked, frantic.

“I’m at home. I’m fine.”

“I just got a message from Investigator Lawrence...”

I cut him off before he could finish. “I know, I got one too.” I tried not to cry, but I couldn’t help it. I didn’t want to deal with Edward right now. I wanted to stay locked in my apartment for the rest of the day.

Edward went on and on about my safety and that I needed to get Masen and come to Portland. He didn’t understand that I couldn’t just leave my job and my life behind in Seattle and wait around for James to be tried before a jury. I was scared. I was down right terrified, but I wasn’t giving up my life because of it. I worked too damn hard to get where I am to give it all up.

The only thing that finally appeased Edward to let me leave the house was that he would stay on the phone with me the entire time. I know it is ridiculous, but it’s the only thing that would calm him down.

I continued to get myself ready and Masen ready. Masen talked to Edward for a little bit while I did what I needed to. Masen was staying with Rose until Alice and I got finished with my appointment.

Alice arrived right on time and she was practically beaming from ear to ear. She could tell by the way I looked that it hadn’t been a good morning. My cell phone was laying on the coffee table on speaker phone.

“Bella, what’s wrong? No reason to be upset, it’s going to be a great day!”

I shook my head, trying to tell her not to ask but it didn’t work. Edward chimed in and went through all the morning’s events and reiterated why it was so important that Alice and Jasper keep an eye on me.

Alice looked nervous, but ensured Edward they would make certain I was okay.

“So, why don’t we leave all that mess behind,” Alice started. “I have a surprise for both of you!”

“You do?” I asked. “What is it?”

Alice smiled and pulled her MacBook from her messenger bag and held it up in the air.

“She’s holding her MacBook up,” I told Edward, who obviously couldn’t see what she was doing. “I don’t get it, Alice.”

Suddenly Edward chimed in. “Oh, Alice! That’s a great idea! Skype?” Edward asked.

Alice beamed. “Exactly!”

“Oh!” I said, finally cluing in. Alice brought her MacBook so we could Skype with Edward at the ultrasound. “So, Edward, does this mean we can find out the gender today?” I asked.

“No!” Edward pouted. “I want to be there.”

I sighed. I was so anxious to find out if I’d have another little Edward. “Fine,” I conceded and we headed out to the appointment.

The technician doing the ultrasound wasn’t all that thrilled about our Skype plans but she eventually agreed as long as she wasn’t in the shot. Alice set the computer up on this little cart that rolled and angled it just right so that me and the monitor were in view. I could look to my left and see Edward on the screen. It almost felt like he was really there. He looked a little rough although all of the swelling on his face had gone down. Almost all of his bruises were gone now, but he still looked tired and emotionally spent. Not to mention he was in dire need of a haircut. His hair was all over the place. It looked like a bird’s nest on his head.

It startled me when Edward started speaking at the same time the technician squirted cold goo all over my lower stomach. “Bella, you’ve grown a lot. I feel like I haven’t seen you in so long.”

“This is nothing compared to what I will be like in a few more months,” I told him. I looked over to see him completely enthralled and sitting there staring intently with his mouth hanging open.

We heard the heart beat first. I had heard it faintly before but Edward hadn’t. The technician turned the volume up loudly so Edward could hear it clearly.

“Wow, that’s crazy. It’s beating so fast.”

“It’s beating at a normal rate. He or she has a strong heart beat; it sounds perfect.”

The technician switched instruments and turned on the ultrasound monitor. The baby still seemed so tiny. Edward, Alice and I were all mesmerized and stared at the screen in silence as the technician took some measurements and made some notes. I could see it’s little fingers and toes. They looked perfect. I never remembered being this excited with Masen. Every time I saw him during an ultrasound I completely panicked and looked away.

The technician jotted something down on a post-it note and put it in an envelope. She sealed it tightly and handed it to me.

“So, you can tell if it is a boy or girl?” I asked.

The technician nodded. “Yes, it’s very clear. I got a very good picture.”

I looked at Edward and he was absolutely beaming. “Are you sure we can’t find out now?” I begged him.

“No! I want to be with you. It’s only a few more days.”

I sighed and agreed. Alice found out a few weeks ago that she was having a little boy. She had spent a fortune on him ever since. I was so jealous. I wanted to know. I wanted to start planning and thinking of names and all of that fun stuff that I took for granted with Masen.

The technician printed off a couple of photos before my doctor came in to follow up. He was careful not to give anything away as to the gender of the baby. He did say it was a little smaller than it should be, and that I hadn’t gained enough weight. I wanted to hit him upside the head for saying that in front of Edward.

Edward gave me a nasty look. He didn’t even have to say anything. “I’ve been eating everything in sight!” I said in my defense, and I did eat a lot, when I had time.

The doctor told me everything else looked perfect and to just put on a little more weight before my next visit. Saying goodbye to Edward on Skype was harder than I thought it would be. It had been well over a week since I’d seen him and I missed him.

“I’ve got to go to work and then I have class tonight. I’ll try to call you in between.”

Edward nodded his head. “Okay, I love you. Please be careful and be aware of your surroundings.”

“I will. I love you too.”

Alice snapped the computer shut and we headed home and I headed back to the busy schedule that I loathed.

**CHAPTER 26 - CLICK HERE **

Repentance - Chapter 24

CHAPTER 24

***

A few weeks passed and Edward was slowly improving and my baby bump was increasing in size. I swear I was eating everything in site. It wasn’t like this with Masen.

Edward insisted I couldn’t stay in the apartment anymore since James’ whereabouts were still unknown. The police did catch Laurent last week. They actually pulled him over for speeding and then realized there was a warrant for him. He claims he doesn’t know where James is and is denying any involvement in what happened to Edward.

From his hospital bed, Edward arranged for us to move. I talked him into a three bedroom apartment, saying that we needed more space. There wasn’t a three bedroom available in our building so we moved into the same building as Alice and Jasper. Edward hired movers and I practically didn’t lift a finger.

Alice had been on my case about telling Edward I was pregnant. I was definitely beginning to show. Alice had made her big announcement and I didn’t want to steal the spotlight from her.

I knew I needed to tell Edward. I was just hoping it wouldn’t be while he was in a hospital bed. We had big decisions to make where Edward was concerned. His parents and I weren’t exactly seeing eye to eye.

Edward would need a lot of physical therapy. He had lost some of his motor skills and while everything seemed to slowly be coming back together he was still having a lot of problems using his right hand and arm. His leg would be in a full cast for another four weeks and after that, he would need weeks of physical therapy to learn how to use his leg again.

He could hardly do anything for himself and he still had to be careful not to lift anything or do anything strenuous due to his incision from his surgery. He was just beginning to eat solid food again.

The problem was, Edward needed round the clock care. I worked and had class and I wasn’t even strong enough to help him that much. But at the same time, I was selfish and I wanted him home.

Esme and Carlisle insisted Edward go back to Portland with them and let Esme care for him until he recovers. I knew that was what is best for Edward, but what about Masen and I?

We only had one more day to decide. Edward was being released from the hospital tomorrow morning.

Edward of course insisted on going home and thinks he can take care of himself.

Esme and Carlisle had stepped out to get something to eat and I was alone with Edward in his room. He wasn’t happy, because he knew what he had to do.

“I’m sorry, Edward. I want you home more than anything, but I won’t be there enough to take proper care of you.”

Edward sighed. “I know. Promise me you will come see me every weekend and bring Masen?”

“I promise.” My eyes filled with tears at the thought of only seeing him on the weekends.

“Don’t cry, Bella,” he said as he brushed the back of my hand with his fingertips. “As soon as I get this cast off, I’ll be home.”

I wiped at my damp eyes as Esme and Carlisle entered the room. I stood quickly, ready to put my plan into action.

“Can I have a moment with both of you, outside.”

Edward looked confused and Esme and Carlisle left the room with me. I talked them into letting me have one night with Edward before he went to Portland. They reluctantly agreed, which meant they would be spending an extra night in Seattle before returning home with Edward.

Edward was so excited when he found out. He hadn’t even seen our new apartment and he had only seen Masen two times since this whole nightmare started.

Carlisle had to help me get Edward to our apartment. He was still in a lot of pain and we transported him in a wheelchair. He had a walker and crutches, but his incision was still really tender and he was sore all over. He had pain medication, but he refused to take it.

It was quite the production, but we finally got Edward settled on the couch. As soon as he had everything he needed within arms reach, I went and fetched Masen from Alice and Jasper.

Masen was so excited that he was going to get to see his daddy. I set Masen down as soon as we entered the apartment and he ran to Edward, climbing up on the couch and into Edward’s lap. Masen’s little arms swung around Edward’s neck and I saw Edward flinch in pain.

I immediately went to get Masen. “Masen, you have to be careful, daddy’s sick, okay?” I pulled Masen back a little bit, but Edward held on to him tightly with his good arm.

“It’s okay, Bella. He’s fine.”

I took a deep breath and let them get settled on the couch. I had a feeling Masen wasn’t going to move for the rest of the night.

I made lunch in the kitchen while Edward read Masen a book on the couch. We all ate on the couch, and Masen made a big mess, but neither of us could complain. It felt good to be together again.

Approximately three minutes after I finished lunch, I got sick. Some smell set me off. I think it may have been the cheese on Masen’s sandwich.

“I’ll be right back,” I said as I got up and ran for the nearest bathroom. I lost all my lunch, but felt infinitely better afterwards.

I returned to the living room after rinsing my mouth out and brushing my teeth.

Edward was looking at me like I wasn’t human. “Are you alright?” he asked.

I nodded my head. “Oh, I’m fine. I think I just picked up a little stomach bug from the hospital or something.” I tried to play it off, but I wasn’t sure Edward was buying it.

Edward, Masen and I spent the entire day watching movies and being lazy. Masen passed out on the couch early and I carried him to bed before returning to the couch with Edward.

“So, how do you like the apartment?” I asked.

Edward looked around. “It’s nice, what I can see of it from here,” he joked.

“It’s much roomier. Masen really likes his room. I got him a big boy bed!”

“Really? No more crib?”

I shook my head. “Nope! He was out growing it, and the new bed still has side rails, so he can’t fall out, but he can get in and out on his own.”

Edward suddenly looked slightly distant. I ran my fingers through is mess of hair. “Are you okay?” I asked.

Edward nodded his head. “Yea, it’s just everything seems so different.”

I nodded my head. “Well, it’s a new place. You’ll get used to it.”

“I want to see the rest of it and then can we go to bed?” he asked. I could tell he was exhausted. He was used to sleeping most of the day.

“Of course, Edward.” I got up to get his walker. His arm and hand weren’t strong enough yet to support himself on crutches.

Edward bitched and moaned about having to use a walker.

“It’s only for a little while, Edward. Come on...” I helped him up from the couch and he gasped in pain again. I froze. “Are you okay?”

He exhaled a deep breath and nodded his head, but I didn’t believe him. I helped him around the corner to see the kitchen, and then down the hall where we peeked into Masen’s room.

“He’s really getting big. He’s growing up so fast,” Edward said.

I agreed with him and we glanced into our room on the right before reaching the end of the hallway where the third and final bedroom was. I slowly and nervously opened the bedroom door and switched on the light.

“Why did you put his crib in here?” Edward asked. “I thought you wanted an extra bedroom for an office?”

I looked up at Edward, trying to tell him without words. He wasn’t comprehending.

“Edward, I’m pregnant.”

His face was a mirage of emotion, from one extreme to the next. I wasn’t sure what he was thinking.

“Are you sure?” he finally asked.

I nodded my head and took his good hand, rubbing it gently over my little baby bump.

Edward gasped. “You’ve known this all along and you’re just now telling me?”

He sounded mad. “Well...I...” I struggled for words. “We were never alone. I wanted to tell you when you got home, not in a hospital room.”

Edward pushed the door back quickly, banging it loudly against the wall in a fit of anger as he attempted to storm down the hall at a snails pace. If I wasn’t so concerned about his reaction, it would’ve almost been humorous.

“Edward?” I asked cautiously. “I’m sorry, I just thought...”

He didn’t let me finish. He yelled as he entered our bedroom. “I’m so fucking pissed off!” He screamed as he pushed our door back against the wall as well.

I’d never seen Edward like that. I was almost scared. I didn’t understand. I thought he would be happy.

I heard Edward collapse on the bed and yell out in pain. I rushed into our bedroom to see him gripping his side near his incision.

“Edward, calm down. Please! You’re going to hurt yourself.”

Edward laid back on the bed and kicked his walker out of the way with his free leg. I walked up to him and lifted his casted leg on to the bed and helped him scoot up so his head could rest on the pillow. I tried to stop them, but the warm tears slid down my cheeks anyway.

Edward sighed and looked emotionally tormented. After a few minutes he seemed to calm down and relax.

“Bella, I’m sorry.”

I just continued to cry. “I didn’t know you’d be so upset. I mean, I didn’t just make this baby on my own.”

Edward glanced up at me quickly. “No, Bella. That’s not what I meant!” He pulled at my arm and I sat down on the edge of the bed next to him. “I’m not mad at you, baby. I’m pissed off at the situation. I’m pissed off because I finally have the opportunity to be there for you while you’re pregnant and to see our child be born, and I’m fucking immobile and I’ll be 200 miles away! I never would’ve agreed to go to Portland if I had known this. How far along are you? Wait, we only even had sex once...”

I nodded my head. “San Diego.”

“That means your like, four and a half months along?”

I nodded my head.

“Do you know if it is a boy or girl?”

“No, not yet. I have an appointment in a couple weeks.” I could tell by the look on his face that he was scheming some sort of plan.

“My mom will just have to get over it. I’m not going to Portland.”

“Edward, it may not be such a bad idea. You need someone that will be around more. You can’t take care of Masen like this. You can’t even get up on your own and I don’t need to be trying to lift you. Masen and I will be okay and we will come visit every weekend. You won’t miss anything.”

Edward sighed. I could tell he was frustrated. He finally gave in when I told him I didn’t need the stress of taking care of him and Masen and keeping up with school and work while I was pregnant. It wouldn’t be good for the baby, my sanity, or our relationship.

I eventually helped Edward to the bathroom where we got him ready for bed and changed the bandage where his incision was. I was exhausted by the time we got back in bed. Taking care of Edward in his current condition was definitely a full time job; a full time job that I didn’t have time for. I loved Edward and I wanted to take care of him, but it just wasn’t feasible in our current situation.

I was lost in my own thoughts when Edward’s voice traveled across the pillow in the dark room.

“Bella? Are you awake?” he asked softly.

“Yes,” I responded. I opened my eyes and his head was turned in my direction. He looked sad.

“I’m sorry about the way I acted earlier. I shouldn’t have gotten so upset. I just had no idea and I just don’t really feel like myself yet. I never should have raised my voice at you. I don’t know what I was thinking.”

I leaned over closer to him and grazed his cheek with the palm of my hand. “It’s okay, Edward. You’ve been through a lot. I understand. I’m just glad your still here.”

Edward scoffed. “I’ve been through a lot?” he asked. “Bella, what I’ve been through is nothing compared to what I’ve put you through...”

He attempted to go on, but I cut him off. “Stop, Edward. If I have chosen to forgive you, and I have, then you have to learn to forgive yourself. I’ll never forget it. I will never forget the way it made me feel, the way you made me feel, but I don’t want to remember it everyday. You were a different person then. I love who you are now. I’ve chosen to live in the present. I love you, and I love our son and I wouldn’t trade either of you for the world. It was a long, hard and painful road that brought us to this point, but I’m glad we made it, and I’m glad we’re together.”

Edward reached up and cradled my face in his hand. “You’re so incredible, you know?”

I smiled shyly and gently brushed his lips with mine.

“I love you, Bella. I love you so much that it is still hard for me to cope with what I did, to know that I hurt someone so badly that I love so much.”

I sighed. “Edward, you didn’t love me then. You didn’t know me. I mean, that doesn’t make it okay, I’m just ready to move on.”

“It doesn’t matter that I didn’t know you. You were still you. You were still beautiful, vibrant, innocent and full of life and I took that away from you and I took that away from the people that loved you.”

“And I’m trying to get it back, Edward. I’m trying to move on. Let me, please. Being pregnant again has brought back a huge array of emotions. The entire time I was carrying Masen, I felt like I was carrying a monster. I hated being pregnant and I was scared to death. I want it to be different with this baby. Regardless of everything we’ve been through, this baby was conceived in love and I want to love it. I want to enjoy being pregnant and I want to be present for it from here on out. I admit, I was concerned early on, not knowing if you would live or die. I couldn’t do this by myself again. But you’re here now and the baby is healthy and moving right along and it is a part of each of us. I refused to feel so many things when I was pregnant with Masen. I want to feel everything with this baby and I don’t want to be reminded how we got to this point. We are here, and we love each other, and this baby, and that’s all that matters, okay?”

Edward nodded his head and grinned before kissing me. I melted under his kiss. God, how I missed his touch, his lips, his sweet breath.

“I’m going to marry you one day, Bella,” he said between kisses.

I gasped, and my heart started racing. I couldn’t wait to be his wife; one day.

“Of course, that won’t be until I can walk myself down the damn aisle without a freaking walker!” he joked.

I giggled and continued to kiss him. “Marrying you would make me so happy. I love you, Edward.”

***

Neither of us really slept much that night. We laughed, kissed, touched, and talked about our future. We talked about where we would get married, what kind of ring I would want and how our children would be involved in the ceremony. We talked about baby names and how we would decorate his or her room.

In retrospect, that night was perfect. I wish we could get back to that place. Life was hard and punishing in the weeks to follow.


***Author’s Note: Hi everyone! Sorry for the delay in posting this chapter! Don’t worry yourselves too much w/ that last sentence in the chapter! There have been a lot of new readers *waves* - welcome to the bandwagon and thank you all again for the reviews! They’re great!

**Also, if you’re reading this on the Blog, you’re lucky! FF.net banned me from updating/posting to their website until 8-17-2010. So this chapter won’t be on there until then. You can thank some unruly bitches for that.

Follow me on Twitter for the latest updates: @ AllOrNothingKR

**CHAPTER 25 - CLICK HERE **

Repentance - Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23:

I went to work and was a complete and utter mess the entire time. I hated that my co-workers constantly asked me questions about Edward. If they really gave a damn, they would let me be there with him, and not in the office.

The day was unbelievably slow. As soon as the clock said 4:59 p.m. I was out of there. I rushed to the hospital and naturally went back to the ICU waiting room. Nobody was there. I called Esme and she informed me where they were.

I took the elevator three floors up to the recovery unit, where they had moved Edward earlier in the day. Esme and Carlisle were the only ones in the room. Edward looked a little better, but he was still out of it.

Carlisle said Edward was still breathing on his own and the swelling in his brain had gone down a little bit. He was beginning to bruise all over, but the swelling around his eyes had gone down.

Emse and I agreed to start taking shifts. She would stay with him during the day while I worked and I would spend the night with him. Carlisle convinced the hospital to bring in an additional bed, so I wouldn’t have to sleep on a cot or lumpy chair.

It felt strange being alone with Edward after Carlisle and Esme left. I felt the need to do something, to help him, to comfort him in some way, but I didn’t know what to do.

I eventually grew tired of staring at him and trying to get him to talk. I called Alice and spoke to her and Masen for a few minutes before deciding to go to bed. It was still a little early, but I was several days behind on sleep.

I climbed into the hospital bed, wishing I was strong enough to push it closer to Edward. I laid on my side, facing him and eventually drifted off to sleep to the rhythmic sound of some nearby beeping machine. I imagined it was Edward’s heart.

I woke some time later to the sound of Edward gasping for air and screaming. I climbed out of the bed quickly, losing my footing and falling on my right knee.

“Ouch!” I yelped and struggled to my feet. “Edward? It’s okay.”

Edward glanced at me quickly, he looked fearful and confused. “Where am I?”

“You’re in the hospital. You’re safe.”

His swollen eyes darted quickly around the room and he brought his hands to his head as if it hurt, and closed his eyes tightly.

I stood close to him and ran my hands through his messy hair. “How do you feel?”

He lowered his hands and looked up at me. “Am I alive?”

“Yes, of course you are.”

“I thought you were dead,” he said factually.

I shook my head. “No, I’m fine, Edward.”

“He said you were dead. He got to you before they came for me. I wanted to die.”

“Edward, stop. You’re not making any sense. I’m fine; Masen is fine. You’re the only one we’re worried about.”

“Masen? Where is he? Where is James?”

“Masen is with Alice. I don’t know where James is.”

“I have to find him.” Edward threw the blankets off of his lower extremities and attempted to get out of the bed, quickly learning he couldn’t move. He had a cast from the top of his right leg to just above his calf.

He looked at his leg. “What is this? I need to go.”

“Edward, lay down. Your leg is broken. You are not going anywhere.”

Edward suddenly screeched loudly and began gripping his right side. He looked down and held his hand up, it was covered in blood.

I gasped. “Edward, stop. Just lay down and relax. Stop moving!” I went to push the button to call the nurse.

“What happened to me?”

I ignored him and went to the door to meet the nurse.

“He’s bleeding from the right side; I don’t know where it is coming from.”

Two nurses rushed past me, one nearly slipping in the small pool of blood that had formed next to Edward’s bed.

Edward became combative, demanding to know what was going on. The nurses pulled up his gown and revealed a large gash in his side, it looked like a few of his stitches had pulled out from his surgery.

Edward started swinging his arms. “What the hell is this? Don’t touch me!” he screamed.

I rushed over to him, on the opposite side from the nurses who were dodging his failing arms. I brushed my fingers across his face. “Edward, please, calm down. They’re only trying to help you. Please! You’re going to hurt yourself even more.”

He suddenly relaxed and just stared at me blankly. “You’re really pretty.” He reached up and touched my cheek. “Who are you?”

Tears immediately pooled in my eyes. Edward was all over the place. He wasn’t making any sense. I glanced up at the nurses.

“It happens sometimes with a brain injury. He’ll be okay in a few days, don’t worry. We have to get him back to the operating room.” The two ladies unplugged a few things and began rolling Edward away. He started screaming at me.

“Bella? Bella! Don’t leave me!”

“I’ll be right here, Edward.” I choked out, before he disappeared through doorway.

I broke down once he was gone. He was completely all over the place. He knew me one minute and not the next. After I collected myself, I called Esme and Carlisle and let them know what happened. Carlisle assured me Edward would come through. He was just confused. Once the swelling subsided completely he would be back to his normal self. Esme was on her way before I got off the phone with Carlisle.

I sat and watched as someone came in to clean and disinfect Edward’s room. It seemed like Edward had been gone a long time. Esme arrived and Edward still hadn’t returned. She demanded answers from the nurses station, but nobody would tell us anything, only that he was still in surgery. They assured us it was nothing serious, that they just had to re-stitch his incision and clean it out.

Esme and I waited and waited. It was shortly before 2:00 a.m. when they rolled Edward back into the room. He was awake. The doctor said they only used a local anesthetic. He advised it would take some time for Edward to remember everything, but he would come around. The doctor and nurses finally left.

Esme went to Edward’s side immediately. “How are you feeling?”

Edward sighed. “Disoriented, confused, and in a world of pain. Where is Bella?”

Esme looked up at me. “She’s right here, Edward. On your left.”

I moved closer to him. His left eye was more swollen than the right, so I assumed I wasn’t in his peripheral vision. I set my hand on his bruised arm. “I’m here, Edward.”

“Are you okay?” he asked.

I nodded my head.

“Have they caught him?”

I shook my head. “Not yet. Everything is out now, the whole truth. I told them everything.”

“Good.”

“They said I didn’t have to press charges, but they want to speak with you. They want more details about the fraternity. They took my computer as evidence. They are in the process of contacting all the girls as well.”

“Where are you staying? Where is Masen?”

“I’ve either been here or with Alice. Masen is with Alice and Jasper. Alice and Rose cleaned up the apartment, so I’ll probably be going back there soon.”

Edward’s eyes grew large and he gripped my hand tightly. “No!”

“Edward, I can’t keep depending on Jasper and Alice. They have their own issues to deal with.”

“You are not going back there until James and Laurent are behind bars.”

“Who is Laurent?”

“The one you call Dreadlocks.”

“Oh. We can talk about it later. You should rest.”

Edward sighed. He looked to his mother. “When can I get out of here? Where is Dad? What’s my prognosis?”

Esme hesitated. “I don’t know when, Edward. Your right leg is broken. You were stabbed four times; you had major surgery. I imagine you will be here for a while. Even then, it will take some time. You will need a lot of physical therapy.”

Edward rolled his eyes. “I’m starving.”

“You cannot have anything yet, just some ice chips,” Esme said.

I reached over to the side table and pulled a few ice chips from the cup and put them against Edward’s dry and cracked lips. His tongue slipped out from between his lips, lightly brushing my finger tips and the ice chips were gone.

Esme stepped out to call Carlisle.

I fed Edward some more ice chips. When they were all gone I leaned down and whispered in his ear. “I love you, Edward. I was so worried. I’m sorry I didn’t believe you.”

I felt Edward’s arm come around me and his hand tangle in my hair. He breathed deeply. “Bella, I love you. How long have I been out? I feel like I haven’t seen you or touched you in a long time.”

“Just a few days.” I leaned back and hesitated. “Um, Edward? Do you remember me being there before the ambulance arrived?”

Edward’s eyes moved back and forth, as if he were searching his memory. “Vaguely, I think.”

“Do you remember anything you told me? Or anything I told you?”

Edward hesitated for a moment before looking up at me. “No, I don’t. Should I?”

I shrugged. “No, I was just curious.”

I knew I should tell him that I was pregnant, but he seemed too fragile. I wanted to wait until he was more stable.

“Will you bring Masen tomorrow?” he asked.

“Edward, I don’t think that’s a good idea. I don’t want him to see you like this, it might scare him. I don’t want him to worry. He has no idea what happened.”

“Oh,” Edward said, disappointed. “Okay. Will you tell him I miss him?”

“Of course, Edward.”

I was holding the left side of his face in the palm of my hand and he turned his head into my hand, nuzzling it.

“I’m sorry, Bella. I’m so tired.” He kissed my palm and closed his eyes. I noticed his skin felt warm, almost feverish.

“It’s okay, Edward. Go to sleep. I’ll be right here.” I kissed his forehead and when I was sure he was asleep, I went to find Esme.

Esme and I spoke briefly. She went back to her hotel and I went back to Edward’s room. He was awake when I came in.

“Where were you?” he asked.

“I just stepped out for a minute. Go back to sleep.” I climbed back into the bed next to his.

“Will you lay with me?” he asked, his voice laced with desperation.

I sighed. “Edward, I don’t think that’s a good idea. That’s a small bed. I don’t think the nurses would like that very much.”

“Please, Bella. I need you.”

My heart sank. I couldn’t say no to him. I got out of the bed I was in and climbed into Edward’s bed. It was higher than mine and fairly difficult to get in and out of. He tried to scoot over for me, but he couldn’t really move due to the cast on his leg. I laid on my side next to him, practically half on top of him.

“Are you uncomfortable?” he asked.

I was, but I wouldn’t tell him so. “No, I’m fine.” I looked up and kissed his lips briefly. “Go back to sleep, baby.”

Edward smiled and it made me feel better. I’d give anything to keep that smile on his face.

I snuggled in closer to him and fell asleep, listening to the sound of his heart beating again, finally.

I was woken up early the next morning by Carlisle.

“Bella, don’t you need to get to work?”

I rubbed my eyes and sat up. “Yea, what time is it?”

“Shortly after 7:00 a.m.”

“Where is Esme?” I asked.

“She was going to sleep a little late, so I came down to relieve you.”

“Oh, thank you.” After glancing at Edward and seeing that he was still sound asleep I crawled out of the bed. I gathered a few of my things and went back to Edward’s side before leaving.

“I have to go to work, Edward. I’ll be back this evening.” I kissed his forehead, expecting him to wake up, but he didn’t. “I love you.” I sighed and turned to leave when he didn’t respond.

I went to work and was actually semi-productive. I wasn’t as worried about Edward as I had been previously. I was glad he was coming to and doing better, or so it seemed.

I picked up Masen from daycare and took him to Alice and Jasper’s place. I filled them in on Edward’s condition and that I thought he was doing better. Masen had a huge temper tantrum before I left because he couldn’t go see Edward with me. I felt terrible, but I just didn’t want him to see Edward in that condition and I didn’t want Masen exposed to all the germs and illness in the hospital. I didn’t need two sick boys.

I returned to the hospital and made my way to the recovery floor. Sometimes the place was like a maze. I accidentally went into the wrong room at first, but nobody was in there.

I made my way back to the nurses station and went across to the opposite wing and entered the second room on the left. There was an elderly lady in the bed who sounded like she was hacking up a lung. I shuddered and went back the in the direction I came. I had gotten so turned around. I stood in the middle of the nurses station, near the elevators and retraced my steps. I went back down the right wing and into the second room on the left. I was sure this was Edward’s room. The room was empty. I suddenly began to panic. Where was he? Why hadn’t anyone called me?

I returned to the nurses station and inquired about him.

“He’s back in ICU,” the old overweight lady said without even acknowledging my presence.

“Why? What happened?” I asked.

“I don’t know. You’ll have to ask them.” She turned away from me suddenly and went about doing something else on a nearby computer.

I scoffed and headed back to the elevators. My heart was racing. He was doing better I thought. I hurried down to ICU and of course I couldn’t see him. I made my way to the general waiting room area where I saw Esme and Carlisle.

“What is going on?” I asked. “Why didn’t someone call me!” I nearly screamed.

Esme had been crying. Her eyes were red and puffy. Carlisle stood quickly and came to me, trying to get me to be quiet.

“He took a turn for the worse, Bella.” Carlisle said as he put his arm around me.

I shrugged out of his embrace. “What do you mean? He was fine when I left this morning.”

“He began to run a very a high fever. They believe he has some sort of infection. They’re trying to control it with antibiotics.”

I sat down in a nearby chair and crossed my arms. I was furious. I couldn’t comprehend what I was hearing. “Why didn’t you call me?” I asked through tear filled eyes. “You don’t know what it was like going into his room and realizing he wasn’t there!”

“I’m sorry, Bella. We weren’t thinking.”

I sighed and turned away from them, anxiously watching the clock on the wall. Thirty more minutes until visiting time.

I went to see Edward first while Esme and Carlisle waited. He looked about the same, but definitely feverish. He skin was flushed and his hair was damp. Maybe he was sweating and his fever was breaking. I grabbed a notepad nearby and began to fan him with it.

He was groggy but eventually opened his eyes. “Where am I?” he asked.

“You’re back in ICU. How do you feel?”

He just groaned, he didn’t really respond.

I kissed his cheek. “I’m sorry you’re in so much pain.”

His eyes opened and he looked straight at me. “I just want to go home, Bella.”

My heart broke. “I know you do, baby. You have to get better first.”

Edward nodded his head and drifted back to sleep.

I left so Carlisle and Esme could have a few minutes with him.

After they returned to the waiting room, I apologized for getting upset with them earlier and I went to class since there was nothing else I could do.

Over the next week I visited Edward as much as I could. They finally got his temperature under control and moved him back to a recovery room. Things seemed like they were finally starting to progress, albeit slowly, for Edward.

**CHAPTER 24 - CLICK HERE**