Elusive Reality - Chapter 15

CHAPTER 15

London, England - 2006

Edward’s Story - One Year Later

Although nobody else would say so, I thought I was doing better. I was working full-time again. In fact, I was working all the time. I used work as a distraction. A distraction from her. My family and friends constantly told me how unhealthy my obsession with her was. I tried to call at random times throughout the year, holidays and whatnot. Eventually, her home phone was disconnected. I found an address and wrote to her, but I never received a response. A couple of months ago, just before the home phone was disconnected, I got an angry call from Jake. He threatened me and told me to stop bothering Renee or he would come after me. I thought it was humorous, but also a little strange. While he did say that Bella was never coming back to me, he didn’t really mention anything else about her.

I was finally beginning to come to terms with the fact that she wasn’t coming back. My family and friends constantly tried to get me out of the house and set me up with other women, but I wouldn’t hear of it. Nobody compared to Bella, nobody. I didn’t want anyone but her. Things really got bad when Rosalie found out that I had renewed Bella’s lease on her flat and had been paying the rent so all of her things would still be there. In the year she had been gone, she never once returned for any of her belongings. In the months after she left, I would spend every spare minute of time I had at her flat, just thinking she would show up one day for her things, or that eventually a moving company would come to pack and ship her things, but it never happened. Rosalie, Emmett and Jasper came together to try to get me some help. They suggested counseling even, but I laughed it off. I was fine, just heartbroken. Emmett started dating my sister, which was really weird, but they seemed to be really into each other. Jasper checked on me a lot. He found me at Bella’s frequently. He was the one who finally convinced me to let her flat go, to clean out her things, ship them to her address in the states, and move on.

It was harder than I thought it would be. Bella haunted my dreams in the days leading up to the weekend I planned to pack up her things and turn in her key to the leasing agent. If it weren’t for some of the things in her flat, I sometimes think it would be as if she never existed. If it weren’t for our picture in the frame next to her bed, I sometimes think I’d forget what her brown eyes looked like, or the way she bit her lip when she was nervous. Every time I started to feel ready to move on, to let her go, she would appear in my dreams, hauntingly beautiful and so very real.

I felt her shuffle on the bed next to me, and then saw the light from the morning sun come in as she opened the curtains. She was wearing an ivory night gown that was practically see through with little spaghetti straps and a lace v-neckline. She was breathtaking. Her mahogany waves fell down her back and over her shoulders. “It’s a beautiful day. The view from here is gorgeous,” she said as she looked out the window. “Indeed it is,” I responded, speaking of her, not the scenery. She turned and smiled at me, taking my breath away. The sun danced across her features and I stretched out my arms towards her. She slowly sauntered towards our bed. She reached out to touch me, but I couldn’t feel her. When I reached for her hand, she wasn’t there. “Don’t forget me, Edward,” she said as she was only inches from my face. I reached out for her again, but she was gone.

Dreams like those would set me back so far. It’s impossible to describe the ache in my chest when I would see her in my dreams. It was like she was really there for a moment, only to be taken away from me again. If only she would’ve explained. If only I had some closure.

I shook the thoughts from my head. I had to do this. I had to move on. I had to let her go.

~

I took off work the following Friday to get her flat cleaned out. I was supposed to be packing things up at her flat, but I was more or less just going through her things. Seeing her clothes and smelling her shampoo, it killed me. I had only gotten two boxes packed when there was a pounding at the door.

“Edward! Are you in there?”

My sister. What the hell was Rose doing here. I sighed and went to open the door. She looked crazed.

“Rose, chill out. I’m packing her stuff up to send. See, I have two boxes already,” I said, pointing next to the bed. I looked back at Rose. She looked sweaty and pale. “Are you okay?” I asked. She was breathing heavy, like she had been running.

“Edward, I know what happened to her,” she panted.

“What are you talking about?”

“She killed her father. She’s in prison.”

“Who? Rose, who are you talking about?”

“Bella!” she screamed.

I couldn’t help but laugh. “Are you out of your mind?”

She smacked me across the face. “No! I’m not out of my mind. I just ran six blocks from my international criminal law lecture, you ass hole!”

Okay, she was serious. “Can you elaborate?” I asked.

She stepped inside and threw her messenger bag on the bed, opening it and pulling out some printed information. “I was in lecture, and someone was giving a presentation, they were talking about plea bargains and when they’re a good bargain and when they’re not, they cited her case. They said her name, and cited the Circuit Court in Phoenix, Maricopia County. I ran to the library, I mean, how many Bella Swans can there be in Phoenix, right?”

She shoved the papers in my hand, I started to read the first article and then she took them from me, flipping several pages to a newspaper printout, with her picture. Isabella Swan Pleads Guilty and Takes Plea Bargain for the Murder of her Father. I was frozen. Not by the words on the page, but the terrified look in her eyes. I couldn’t breathe. She looked terrified and confused. I couldn’t make sense of all this. “What the fuck?” I asked Rose.

“I’m sorry, Edward,” she said sincerely.

I kept flipping through the papers. “No, I mean, this isn’t right. She didn’t kill her father. She would never do that. What was the date?”

“What?”

“What was the date of the murder!” I screamed.

Rose took the papers from me and flipped to one that was earmarked. “December 19, 2004.”

I lost it. “God damn it!” I kicked my feet like a toddler throwing a temper-tantrum. I tore my hands through my hair. I couldn’t believe it.

“What?” Rose asked as she backed away from me.

“This is bullshit! Her mom has something to do with this! Why would she lie? The last time I spoke to Bella was December 18, 2004. She sent me a text message sometime after Christmas saying she was back together with Jake. That couldn’t have been her if she killed her father on the 19th. Her mother told me she was with Jake, too. She’s trying to hide something.”

“Edward, maybe you should calm down. You’re getting a little ahead of yourself.”

“No, I’m not! How did she do it?” I asked.

“She stabbed him,” Rose said cautiously.

“Bullshit! Look at her!” I said pointing the paper with her picture on it. “She’s tiny! How is she going to stab a fucking police officer to death? He couldn’t defend himself against a 110 pound girl with a knife? Give me a break.”

Rose stared at me blankly.

“I need access to this case. Let’s go to the library.”

“Edward, you can’t go in there. You’re not a law student.”

“I don’t care, I need to see everything.”

“Edward, there’s nothing to see. This is it. She plead guilty in exchange for a 20 year sentence, avoiding life and the death penalty. She claimed temporary insanity. She’s in a mental hospital and has been since she accepted the plea. The case never went to trial.”

I was sick to my stomach. This was too much to take in all at once. “I need some time to digest this. I’m going back to my flat. Do you mind if I keep these?” I said, referring to the information she brought.

“Of course; it’s yours.”

We left Bella’s flat and I went back to mine. I spent the next four hours scouring the internet for any information about her case. Rose was right though, there wasn’t much. Bella had one of the most well respected criminal defense attorneys in Phoenix, not just some court appointed attorney, the guy knew his stuff. There must have been some pretty significant evidence stacked up against her if her attorney felt the plea bargain was her best option. It still just didn’t sit right with me. Bella wouldn’t do this. I wouldn’t believe it until I heard it from her mouth.

After doing a fair bit of research, I learned what hospital she was at and I attempted to call to see if I could speak with her.

“Maricopia County Mental Health this is Bree, how may I direct your call?”

“Yes ma’am, I’m trying to get in touch with a patient there. Isabella Swan.”

“Just a moment, sir.”

My heart started racing. Would it really be that easy? Would it really have been that easy all this time?

“I’m sorry, sir. She cannot accept phone calls.”

Deflation. “Well what is your address? Can I write to her?”

“Let me check.”

I heard her hitting some keys on her computer.

“No sir, she cannot accept mail either, I apologize. Is there anything else I can help you with?”

“Well who I can speak to on her behalf? I need to get in touch with her.”

“I’m sorry, sir. I am unable to release that information.”

I sighed, frustrated. “Thank you.” I disconnected the call and the wheels started turning in my head. If I couldn’t call her or write to her, I’d just have to go see her.

~

When I told my family that I was planning on going to the states to try to find Bella, they all thought I was crazy. Initially my father refused to allow me time off work, but after I begged and pleaded he finally relented, advising I could handle some of our accounts in the states while I was there. I agreed, immediately. We had several accounts in Los Angeles and I could easily stop by there on the way in and out of Phoenix.

I spent the next week doing even more research and working with a private investigator that I hired in Phoenix. I knew where Bella’s mother lived. I knew where her father was buried. I knew where the hospital was in which Bella was sentenced. I knew the office in which her attorney worked. I knew how much money Renee inherited upon Charlie’s death. When I felt like I had enough information, I booked my flight and my hotel. I was planning to stay at least a week in Phoenix and a week in Los Angeles. I packed my bags, and left London on a journey that would change my life forever.


***Author’s Note: Sorry this one was a shorty, but the next one will make up for it! Thank you all for reading/reviewing. For those of you who have not already been out to see Water for Elephants, you must! It is absolutely stunning, by far the best movie I’ve seen in a while.

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

**CHAPTER 16 - CLICK HERE**

Elusive Reality - Chapter 14

CHAPTER 14

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

Today something different was supposed to happen. I had been staying on my medicine, trying to do good and appear normal so that I could get to get out of my cell more. I had met with Dr. Cline a few more times and after my last evaluation, he decided that I should start participating in social activities.

I was kind of excited, but scared at the same time. From what I understand, this is the first step to being deemed sane. If I could function socially, they will eventually start reducing the amount of my medication and slowly start introducing me into normal every day activities. Once they found me to be mentally stable, I’d be transfered back to the women’s penitentiary. Today I don’t remember a lot about the women’s penitentiary, but I seem to have a bad connotation about it. I don’t want to go back there, but I did want social time.

I decided I would check out the social time today and see what it was like, and in the future, if they decide to send me back to the prison, I will pretend to be unstable again. The thought of playing these charades for twenty some years was unbelievably depressing.

Social time was from 2:00 p.m to 3:00 p.m. Lunch was at 11:30 a.m. I was laying in bed counting until I determined it was fairly close to 2:00 p.m.

I don’t have a mirror in my cell, so I found myself unusually concerned about my appearance. I hadn’t actually seen myself in months. It would be weird to interact with people again. I tried to smooth down my wavy hair as I waited for someone to come get me.

Someone finally arrived to take me to the lounge, as they called it. I was glad I had been taking my medicine, this experience may have otherwise been overwhelming.

I was released into the lounge and the door closed and locked behind me. There were three guards and one nurse who kept an eye on us. The lounge was kind of neat. There were chairs, couches, TV’s, board games, books and a foosball table.

I sat down on the couch by myself and pretended to read a book while I observed everyone. Most of the people were fairly scary. There was an overweight younger guy playing with the foosball table but he was just pushing and pulling the handles really hard. An older lady was on the other side of the table playing with the foosball men, like literally fondling the little plastic guys. I made a mental note to steer clear of her. Other people were sitting around looking like they were minutes from killing themselves or someone else. There was a young blonde girl in the corner rocking back and forth and another little brown haired girl across the room that was staring at me and giving me the creeps.

Uh oh, the brown haired pixie was approaching me. I opened my book to the middle and started reading. There was a man and woman having sex in the book. I momentarily had the thought that I knew what that was like, but the pixie interrupted.

She sat down unusually close to me. She was a cute little thing if her stares weren’t so creepy. It looked like she had product in her hair and it made me jealous. She suddenly stood up and circled me, staring at me really closely. She was completely freaking me out. I looked around for the nearest guard incase she tried anything funny. She eventually sat down next to me, in the same spot she started in. She crossed her arms and legs.

“YOU, are not supposed to be here,” she said as a matter of fact.

“What?” I asked, thinking I may have misunderstood her.

“You are not supposed to be here,” she said, turning away from me, like she was trying to be discreet.

“Yes, I am. It’s 2:00 o’clock, social time. Dr. Cline said it was okay for me to come.”

She let out a dramatic sigh. “I’m not talking about here in the lounge, stupid. You’re not supposed to be in the hospital.”

I was so confused. This chick was off her rocker. “What are you talking about?”

“Are you deaf?” she asked more quietly. “I said, you are not supposed to be here. You’re here for the wrong reasons. I can’t be caught talking to you about this, I’ll never get out of here, just believe me.”

The pixie stood and went back to the other side of the room where she came from. That was strange, I thought. I didn’t know what she meant.

The rest of social time was uneventful. The pixie un-relentlessly stared at me from across the room while I read my book. I remember thinking it was a good book, but by the time I returned to my cell, no matter how hard I tried, I couldn’t remember what it was about. I was tired, and napped until dinner.

~

I hadn’t taken my medication since last week. After I couldn’t remember the book I was reading in the lounge, I knew the medication would make my memory foggy at best. I wanted to have a clear head to talk to crazy pixie girl.

I missed Edward this week. I had more memories of us. I missed the way he made me feel. I was sad that he never came for me. I missed my dad. I was so depressed with out my medication, but I vowed I would start taking it again after I figured out what was up with the pixie.

It was 2:00 p.m. on Wednesday. Social time. I got released into the lounge and immediately sought out the pixie. She jumped when I sat down next to her.

“Hey, I’m Bella,” I said, extending a hand.

She didn’t look at me. “I know who you are.”

How did she know me? Did I know her? I racked my brain trying to conjure up a memory of her face, but I couldn’t come up with anything. “I’m sorry, I don’t remember you. Should I know you?”

The pixie laughed. “No, you don’t know me. I’m Alice.”

Okay. Man, I was confused. “So, how do you know me if I don’t know you?”

Alice shook her head. “I can’t tell you, they think I’m crazy,” she whispered.

I scoffed. “Sounds like we have something in common.”

She laughed too. “If I tell you, you can’t tell anyone, okay?”

I nodded my head but inside I was thinking about how stupid I was for letting this mentally unstable girl entertain me.

“I can see things, about people, about the future, about the past. Some people give off stronger vibes than others, yours are very strong, Bella.”

“What does that mean?” I asked.

“I don’t know. I don’t understand everything about my gift. I just know it’s there and I know you are not supposed to be here. There’s nothing wrong with you, you are perfectly sane.”

That was reassuring. “Am I?” I asked. “Sometimes it’s hard to tell.”

Alice laughed. “It’s the medication.”

“I know, but it helps me forget.”

Alice nodded. “Indeed it does. It makes my gift go away.”

“It makes me forget my memories.”

Alice nodded in understanding. “Sometimes it’s better to forget.”

I agreed.

“Why are you here, Bella?”

“I murdered my father,” I said just above a whisper.

Alice giggled and I turned to face her, anger apparent on my face. “It’s not funny.”

“It is funny. Did someone actually believe you were capable of murdering someone?”

“Apparently so.”

Alice shook her head. “You didn’t do it.”

“Then who did?”

Alice sighed. “It wouldn’t help you right now if I told you. It would make you miserable. They would think you were even more crazy. She would see to it that you never got out.”

“She?” I asked.

“I can’t say anymore. You know, Bella. You know.”

“Do you know if there is an Edward?”

Alice’s head quirked to the side. “Is he the tall guy with the accent?”

My eyes grew large. Holy shit. She was for real. I nodded my head. “Why didn’t he search for me?”

Alice looked down. “There’s so much, Bella. I can’t make sense of it all. He doesn’t know. He doesn’t know what happened. He’s really depressed.”

My heart hurt. Of course he wouldn’t know. How could he.

“Do you think you could help me try to contact him?”

Alice shook her head. “I can’t help you. I don’t want to get involved. I’ll never get out of here if they know I’m still seeing things. Just keep the faith, Bella. Keep your hopes up, and your eyes open. Try to stay off the medication. Don’t let the bad memories win when there are so many beautiful memories to remember.”

With that, she got up and moved to the other side of the room to read a book. I sat their stunned and confused.

~

I stayed off my medication for two more weeks. I was miserable. I remember every detail of Edward’s scruffy face, his soft lips, his hands, the way they danced over the piano keys, the heart breaking sound of his voice when he sang, his laughter. Memories of him, while wonderful, were extremely hard to bare. Memories of what once were, and what would never be again, were too much handle. No matter how hard I tried and how long I stayed off my medication, I couldn’t remember what happened to Charlie. All I remembered was waking up with the knife in my hand, the smell of the blood, the dry feeling in my mouth. I hated those memories.

My mom was visiting today. I had a lot of questions for her. I was tired of playing nice. I wanted answers.

~

“Hi, Bella!”

She greeted me when I entered the room. I sat across the table from her. “Okay, Mom. We don’t have a lot of time. Cut the shit.”

“Excuse me?” she asked.

“I remember things. You’re not being honest with me about what happened.”

“Bella, I don’t know what you are talking about.”

I sighed. “I remember that night. I had just told you and Dad that I was going back to London for Christmas. I blacked out and then woke up to you screaming. What happened when I blacked out?”

“Bella, you are confused. You don’t know what you’re talking about. You and your father were arguing about you leaving and I couldn’t stand it anymore so I went out and met up with a girlfriend for a drink down at the Tavern and when I get home...” she pretended to get choked up. “When I got home, you were there, with Charlie.”

I shook my head. It didn’t make sense. Charlie was a veteran police officer. His gun is always on the end of the bar in the kitchen. How could I have fatally stabbed him?

“What happened after I hit my head, though? I got dizzy and I fell out of the chair. I hit my head on the tile floor...”

Renee shook her head. “I don’t remember you hitting your head. Maybe you hit your head when you struggling with Charlie.”

I sighed. This was useless. “Why do you continue to lie about Edward? Why do you lie to me all the time? There wasn’t a trial, a jury didn’t convict me. What was the evidence, why did my attorney feel so strongly about me accepting the plea?”

“Are you taking your medication properly?”

“Nope. I don’t want to take it. What is it that you are so concerned about me remembering, Mom?”

“Bella, this is absurd!” She stood to leave. “I’m going to be speaking with your doctor this afternoon. You are out of control.”

I stood too. “I didn’t do it, and you know it!” I screamed after her. “I hate you!”

She kept walking and never looked back. I was quickly escorted back to my cell. Less than an hour later, I was being woken up and taken away by two male nurse’s aides. I was taken to the clinic in one of the examining rooms. The put me on the table and strapped my arms and legs to the table. I couldn’t move. Oh no. What were they doing to me.

“What’s going on?” I asked.

They ignored me and were organizing some things on the surgical tray nearby. Dr. Cline walked in.

“Dr. Cline, what is going on?”

“Hi, Bella. I heard you’ve been giving your mother a hard time. If you cannot take your medication as it is prescribed, we will just have to do it the old fashion way,” he said as he picked up a syringe and needle.

I started to scream and protest, but realized very quickly it was useless. I changed my demeanor, quickly. If I couldn’t control taking my medicine, I was screwed. “Dr. Cline, I’m terrified of needles. I swear I’ll take my medication. I promise. Please.” He gave me a shot in my left arm. I immediately felt the effects of the medication. The ceiling tiles started to dance, like the snow on the TV when the cable goes out. I was relaxed and tired. Everything went black. Peacefully black.

***Author’s Note: Hi! Some of you guessed where Alice would come into play! Sorry I didn’t get two chapters posted this week, maybe next week if work gives me a break. We fast forward one year in the next chapter (from Edward’s POV). Thanks for the reviews! <3

Also, Happy Water for Elephants premier day!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKr at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 15 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 13

CHAPTER 13

Phoenix, Arizona - 2004/2005

My dad was home the following morning and Renee made breakfast. It was disgusting. It was nice to see Charlie, though. I missed him. He wasn’t very pleased about what happened between Jake and I. While Renee was cleaning up the kitchen, Charlie and I sat outside enjoying our coffee, the one thing Renee couldn’t screw up.

“I gotta say, I’m really disappointed, Bells.”

“I know, Dad. I know that everyone wants what is best for themselves and not for me.”

Charlie scoffed. “That’s not true, Bella. We just always saw you and Jacob together. I mean, you broke his heart. It’s hard for me to face Billy knowing that my daughter ruined his son.”

“I didn’t ruin him. I didn’t mean to. I’m sorry Dad, but I’m not going to stay in a relationship I am not happy in. I refuse to be like you and mom.”

“What do you mean? I’m perfectly happy with your mother.”

He was so blind. “You know she isn’t perfect.”

“Nobody is perfect, Bella.”

Edward is perfect, I thought. I missed him. I missed feeling normal. I didn’t want to be here. I couldn’t stay here for two weeks. I couldn’t.

“Nobody may be perfect, Dad, but it doesn’t mean you have settle. I was content with Jacob. He was all I knew. I needed to find myself and learn about who I was as an individual without him. In that process, I just so happened to fall in love with an amazing guy.”

Charlie sighed, he didn’t want to hear it.

“Dad, I wish you would just give Edward a chance. He takes such good care of me. He treats me like a princess. I’ve never felt so cherished and loved in my entire life. He’s such an amazing person.”

Charlie took a deep breath and blew it out. “What about when your program is over and you come home?”

“I don’t know. We haven’t gotten that far. We both know we want to be together, so we’ll figure it out.”

“I don’t like it, Bells. I’m happy for you, if he makes you happy. But, I don’t care how nice he is, nobody is taking my baby girl away from me. You are not moving to London permanently.”

“Well see,” I said. “Who knows.”

I stood up went back inside to my room. I decided I’d meet up with some of my college friends for lunch and later that night at dinner, with my parents, I’d tell them I wasn’t staying for Christmas.

~

Later that evening I was helping Renee cook dinner. Actually, I was cooking dinner and she was watching. I was making mexican. Renee kept refilling Charlie and I’s mugs of beer. At least everyone was relaxed and in a good mood, thanks to Mr. Corona.

I served dinner and the three of us sat at the kitchen table and enjoyed it. I couldn’t remember the last time we all sat at the table together. If my mom wasn’t such a fake, it would’ve almost been enjoyable.

“So, I know you guys were expecting me to be here for Christmas, but I’d really like to spend Christmas in London, so I’m actually going to be leaving on Friday.” Today was Tuesday. I hoped I could get a flight on Friday, I hadn’t even talk to Edward about it. I wanted to surprise him.

My mom dropped her fork and got up and went to the kitchen. She brought all three of us another Corona.

“Bella, don’t leave. We want to spend Christmas with you,” Charlie said.

Renee started in on me too, “Yes, Bella. You need to be with your family on Christmas. You are just totally caught up in this Edward guy and it’s completely unhealthy.”

I felt my cheeks flame. I was feeling light headed. “Unhealthy? Like your relationship with multiple men behind Dad’s back is unhealthy, is that what you mean?”

When Charlie started to defend her, I started sweating. I tried to speak, but nothing was coming out of my mouth. The room was spinning and so very warm. I tried to stand up, and then everything went black. I remember the sound of my head hitting the tile floor and then, nothing. Nothing. Darkness. Silence.

~

“Bella! Bella! What did you do?!”

Darkness. My head hurts. My head hurts so bad. It’s so hot. I’m so tired. What is that smell? Why is Renee screaming at me. Why do I feel wet. Renee is so loud and erratic. I tried to open my eyes. My head is so heavy. Darkness. Silence.

~

Screaming. Renee is still screaming. Light. My eyes opened. The room is still spinning. Renee was shaking me.

“Bella! What did you do? What happened?”

What was she talking about? Was she crying?

I slowly sat up and attempted to take in my surroundings. I tried to prop myself up on my elbows but my hand slipped in something wet. Why is the floor wet? The room stilled and I looked around. I immediately felt the bile rise in my stomach. Charlie. Charlie was bleeding. He was next to me and bleeding, everywhere. I was laying in a pool of blood. There was something cold in my other hand. A knife. A large knife. Why did I have a knife? Why is Renee looking at me like that? What did I do? The rusty smell of blood hit me and I couldn’t hold it in anymore. I vomited on myself. Renee backed away from me. I heard sirens. They were so loud. Charlie wasn’t moving.

“Dad? Dad, wake up. Are you okay?”

He didn’t respond. I started crying.

“How could you do this, Bella? What did he do that was so bad?”

My head was pounding. Did I do this? I couldn’t have. Why can’t I remember anything?

Police officers moved in, men that I recognized as Charlie’s co-workers. They told me not to move and to drop the knife I didn’t know I was still holding. Paramedics checked Charlie briefly and then walked away. They weren’t trying to save him. Officers began to pick me up. They cuffed me and started walking me out of the house. I looked back at Renee. She was crying and shaking her head. What had I done? Why couldn’t I remember?

~

I was booked into the Women’s Penitentiary. After they took a million photos of me, I was stripped of my clothes in front of two female officers and forced to shower while they watched. I was then searched from head to toe, literally. They gave me a dark blue pair of pants and t-shirt to wear. The clothes were scratchy and stiff. They took me into a small room with a desk and two chairs. The room was all white with a large glass window that looked like a mirror. They were going to interrogate me.

A detective came in some time later. He started asking me questions. I didn’t know the answers. All I could remember is having dinner and then waking up with a knife in my hand, and Charlie was dead. The detective kept asking me about the argument my dad and I had, but I couldn’t remember it. Eventually, I came to my senses and refused to answer anymore questions until I had an attorney present.

When I got to my cell, I was fortunately alone. That was the first time since the whole ordeal began that I thought of Edward. At the first thought of him, I lost it. I cried until I made myself sick. What had I done? What was going to happen to me? What about my school? What about Edward and London? I kept thinking this was all a terrible nightmare, and I would wake up soon, but I never did. It was the first of many nights I would cried myself to sleep.

~

If I was awake, I was crying. I cannot explain the absolute fear and guilt than consumed me in the days following Charlie’s murder. I felt desperate and out of control. Panic constantly consumed me. I had to be sedated on multiple occasions. I was driving myself crazy, trying to figure out what had happened and what I had done.

After one particularly dramatic melt down in my cell, I was transferred to a state hospital. Things were blurry at best after that. Although my mom was horribly upset with me, she said she got me the best defense attorney money could buy, at the time, I was grateful.

London, England - 2004/2005

Edward’s Story

The following day, I never heard from Bella. I didn’t think much of it at first due to the time difference. I sent her a text message to let her know I was thinking of her and I went about my day.

After another day passed and I still hadn’t heard from her, I started to worry. I tried to call her, but I got her voicemail. I left her a message.

Hey, beautiful, it’s me. I haven’t heard from you in a few days. I’m starting to worry about you. Call me when you get this, I don’t care what time it is. I love you.

She never returned my calls. She never responded to my text messages. On the tenth day with no word from Bella, I was awoken in the middle of the night by a text message.

I’m not coming back. I’m sorry. Things changed. Jake and I are back together. I never meant to hurt you. - Bella

I kept rubbing my tired eyes. I couldn’t be reading her message correctly. When I was sure I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and in fact read the message correctly, my heart started racing. My room was warm. I could feel my heartbeat in my head. She wasn’t serious. She couldn’t be. I called her immediately. She didn’t answer. Bella wasn’t this much of a coward. She wouldn’t do this.

Answer your phone. Talk to me. What about school and your flat? How will you get all your belongings?

I sat up in bed and waited for her response, but it never came. I never went back to sleep. At 3:00 a.m. I crawled out of bed and walked the block to her flat. It was cold and windy. It seemed like I was the only person out. The world felt huge around me. I was alone.

Her flat was chilly. I crawled into her bed and savored the smell of her on the sheets. I tried not to cry. I didn’t cry, especially over a girl. But Bella wasn’t just any girl. I eventually fell asleep with the dreadful thoughts that I may never see her smile again, or hear her laughter. The reality of that, was too much to bear.

~

New Year’s Eve. Alone. She never returned any of my calls. She never responded to my text messages. She had never returned for her things. I was devastated and heart broken. She was the only girl I ever loved.

I went through some of her things at her flat, trying to find a phone number for her mother or father. Her cell phone had recently been disconnected. I couldn’t believe she changed her number because of me. None of this made sense. It wasn’t like Bella to do this with so little explanation. I mean, she was so adamant about dealing with Jake cordially when he was here, and she didn’t want to hurt him, but it was so easy for her to hurt me?

I eventually located a phone number for her home in Phoenix. I called, and surprisingly enough, her mother answered.

“Hello?”

I tried to hide my accent. “May I speak with Bella?”

“Who is this?”

“A friend of hers.”

“Is this Edward? She’s done with you. Can’t you take a hint? She’s not home right now, and she doesn’t want to talk to you. Please stop calling.”

The line went dead. The anger that coursed through my veins was more than I could control. I had to leave her flat so I wouldn’t destroy everything in sight, the same way Jake had. How could she do this? How could everything we shared not have been real? How could she leave here and tell me she loved me and then walk out of my life and never come back? Was everything I thought we had together a lie?

Over the months that followed, I asked myself those questions on a regular basis. I never found the answers and my heart never healed. I was irrevocably broken.


***Author’s Note: Hi! So...things are starting to shape up! The next couple of chapters are a little short, so I may try to update twice this week and next. We meet Alice in the next chapter....can you guess where? :) Thanks for reading/reviewing!

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllorNothingKr at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 14 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 12

CHAPTER 12

London, England - 2004

I thought I knew what love and happiness were before I met Edward. It turns out, I didn’t have a clue. I knew what complacency and settling were with Jake. I knew before I came to London that Jake and I were finished because I needed to figure out who I was and what made me happy. I had learned more about myself in the few months I had been in London than I had in a lifetime in Phoenix. The feeling I got when I was around Edward was unlike anything else. He made me happy, he made me smile, he made me comfortable, he made me feel good, he made me feel loved. I guess, in retrospect, Jake did all of those things too, but it didn’t feel the same. I get so much satisfaction from seeing Edward smiling and laughing. His happiness is my own.

The last few weeks had been fairly uneventful as Edward and I went about our daily lives. I never heard from, or saw, Jake again, and I was okay with that for now. One thing never changed though, and that was the way Edward and I felt about each other. Every day was new and exciting. Every day I learned something else about him that I loved. We practically lived together, alternating time between his place and mine. I appreciated that he never complained about staying in my tiny flat when we could be in his more luxurious and roomy place. He said he liked it at my place because it had so much of me in it. I liked his place because it was such a reflection of him. We were not to the point of rushing into living together officially, so we alternated time between the two places. I liked staying at Edward’s better because his piano is there and he always plays something for me and sings me to sleep and its the most beautiful thing to hear him sing. He is so incredibly talented. One gloomy Sunday afternoon it rained most of the day and Edward glued himself in front of the piano playing very emotional and riveting pieces. I laid nearby on his couch with a cup of tea and a warm blanket listening and watching. It was such a simple day, but so perfect in it’s own way.

Unfortunately, things cannot always remain ideal. Christmas was quickly approaching and I would be returning to Phoenix for nearly two weeks to be with my family. As sad as it may sound, I would rather stay in London with Edward and his family. I didn’t want to go home, but my mother and father insisted. I did miss them, but two weeks without Edward was a very long time.

There were less than 48 hours to go before Edward would be dropping me at the airport and things seemed sort of tense between us. I’m not sure if it was me or him causing the tension, or both of us. Going home for Christmas unfortunately reminded me that my time in London was limited. What would happen between us when my student visa expired at the end of the school year and I had to return to the states? It was a question neither of us ever spoke of and it worried me.

The evening before I went to the airport eventually arrived and Edward was brooding. He seemed so unhappy and unsure. He wasn’t confident anymore and I didn’t understand why. I mean, I would miss him terribly, but it wasn’t the end of the world.

I was packing the last of my things before bed when I felt him come up from behind me and hug me. His chin rested atop my head.

He sighed. “I’m going to miss you so much. I wish you would’ve just let me come with you.”

I turned around. “Edward, you need to spend Christmas with your family. We talked about this, it just isn’t a good idea right now. I’m going to miss you, but I’ll call you every day. Two weeks will be over before you know it,” I said, giving him a quick kiss. The truth was, I really didn’t want Edward to see how dysfunctional my family was, not to mention my dad probably wouldn’t be too pleased about the whole situation.

“I know, I just hate the idea of you being in the same city as him.”

Oh. “Is that what all this brooding is about?”

Edward laughed. “I’m not brooding.”

“Yes, you are, and you have been for a few days.”

“I just wish you weren’t going. I just don’t have a good feeling about it.”

“Edward, I’m coming back. Nothing is going to happen in Phoenix. I hopefully won’t even see Jake. It’s not a big deal. Trust me, there is nothing in this world that he could do or say to me to change the way I feel about you.” I sighed, “I wish you were more confident about us.”

Edward looked defeated. “I’m sorry. I am confident about us. I trust you. I just really don’t like that guy.”

“There’s nothing to worry about,” I said, as I wrapped my arms around him and reached up for a kiss. “I promise. It’s getting late, why don’t you take me to bed and give me something good to think about for the next two weeks.”

“Mmmm....that sounds like a great idea,” he said as he began to kiss down my neck. I smiled in return and vowed to myself to remember every detail of that night so I’d have something to look forward to when I returned.

~

We were up before the sun the following morning. We hadn’t said two words to each other. We silently made coffee, showered, and grabbed something quick to eat. I shuffled my suitcase to the door and waited for him to follow me.

He eventually met me at the door and sighed as he took my suitcase from my hand. I grabbed my keys and took the key to my flat off the ring. I handed it to Edward. “Will you come by occasionally and water my plants?” I had brought a little cactus with me from home and I had a few other little house plants that I didn’t want to die while I was gone.

“Of course,” Edward said, taking the key and putting it in his pocket.

I thank him and turned off the light before we left. The ride to the airport was in silence. He dropped me off at the international gate and unloaded my suitcase for me. We were standing on the curb, and I was running late.

“Come here...” I said, with my arms open.

He walked into my embrace and we hugged each other so tight it felt hard to breathe. I kissed his cheek. “I’ll miss you.”

He sighed into my shoulder and kissed my neck. “I love you. Call me as soon as you arrive, okay? I don’t care what time it is.”

I nodded my head and kissed his lips, savoring his taste, hoping it would get me through the next two weeks. “I love you. I’ll see you soon, and we’ll do Christmas when I get back.”

Edward nodded his head and we separated, but our hands lingered a moment longer. I headed into the terminal and turned around just before entering. Edward was still watching me. He blew me a kiss and smiled. I couldn’t wait get this over with and be back here, with him. I smiled back at him and went inside.

I was one of the last ones to board and I was exhausted. I had only gotten two hours of sleep, at best, the night before. I made myself comfortable, hoping I’d sleep a good portion of the flight.

I switched planes in Los Angeles and was only an hour away from home. Once in Phoenix, I caught a cab to my parents house. My dad was working, and my mother couldn’t be bothered. I text messaged Edward.

I made it. I miss you already - Bella

His response was immediate.

I’m glad you made it safely. I miss you, too. I’m spending the evening with my parents, trying to forget you’re not here. - Edward

I love you. I’ll call you before I go to bed if it isn’t too late. - Bella

I don’t care what time it is. I’ll want to hear your voice. - Edward.

I smiled and tucked my phone back into my purse as the cab pulled into my driveway. It was kind of nice to be back. I had missed seeing the sun so much. I paid the driver after he unloaded my suitcase. My mother came running out the front door and nearly knocked me over with a hug. That was a bit unusual, she wasn’t normally a hugger.

“Hey, Mom.”

“Oh, Bella! It’s so good to see you. You look really good.”

“Thanks, so do you.”

We made our way inside and I got my things settled. I didn’t really know what to talk about with my mother. I wished my dad was home with us, but he didn’t get off work until late.

Eventually the topic of Jacob came up.

“I just can’t believe you did that to him, Bella. You should’ve seen him. It was so pitiful.”

I shook my head. “Mom, I really don’t want to talk about this. He’s not as innocent as he looks.”

“What do you mean?”

“Did he tell you what he did to me?”

My mother shook her head.

“He destroyed my flat. He ruined all of my belongings, my bedding, everything. If it weren’t for Edward and his mom, I’d have nothing left.”

Renee sighed. “Well maybe you deserved it. Imagine how he must have felt walking in on what he walked in on.”

I was fuming. I wanted to hit her. How could she say that to me? I knew damn good and well she was cheating on Charlie.

“Seriously, Mom? We were not together. I had no obligation to him! He had no right to do what he did to me. How can you say that to me? I know you are not perfect. At least I broke up with Jake before I started sleeping with someone else. It’s more than I can say about you,” I said as I stood up and walked up to my old room. My mom stayed put on the couch, speechless.

She made me so mad I couldn’t see straight. Angry hot tears fell over my cheeks. I knew it was very early morning in London, but I had to talk to Edward. I selfishly dialed his phone.

“Bella,” he answered, groggily.

“Hey, did I wake you?”

“Yes, but it’s okay. I was waiting for your call.”

I sighed. “I wish I hadn’t of come here,” I said, as my tears betrayed me again. I could hear Edward shuffling around on the line.

“What’s wrong, Bella? Are you crying?”

“Yeah, but I’m okay. My mom just makes me so angry. She said some stuff that upset me. She said I deserved what Jake did to me.”

“What? Are you serious?”

“Yeah, she’s just like that. She’s mean, and then I accused her of cheating on my dad,” I sighed. “These are going to be the worst two weeks of my life.”

“Bella, I’m sorry. Don’t let her talk to you like that. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

“I know, it just hurts to hear your own mother stick up for your ex, instead of her own daughter.”

Edward sighed. “I don’t want you to be upset and crying.”

“I’ll get over it.”

“Well, if you change your mind about being there for two weeks, just say the words. I’ll pay to have your flight transfered, you can come back to London whenever you want.”

That was a really enticing offer, but I couldn’t give up so easily. “Thank you, Edward. I’ll keep that in mind. I’ll let you get back to sleep. I’ll call you tomorrow.”

“Okay, cheer up. I love you.”

“I love you, too. I miss you.”

I cried myself to sleep that night. I hated my mother. I hated what she did. I hated that she had been betraying my dad for so many years. I hated myself for not calling her out on it sooner and pretending like it wasn’t happening. I hated Charlie for loving her unconditionally and turning his head when he saw signs of her infidelity. I hated being home. None of these problems and feelings plagued me when I was with Edward in London. He was my escape, my peace and comfort. He made me feel normal and beautiful and better than I really am. I missed him. I desperately missed my life in London, and I had only been gone less than 24 hours.


***Author’s Note: Hi! Hope you all enjoyed. The next several chapters will be rocky at best, and we will eventually switch over to much more of Edward’s point of view, but hang in there. Next update is next weekend. Thanks for the reviews! <3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 13 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 11

CHAPTER 11

London, England - 2004

I awoke the following morning to a gourmet breakfast, served to me in bed on a little tray, complete with a small vase of freshly picked flowers. It was like something you only saw on a Lifetime movie. I was almost speechless.

“Edward! I can’t believe you did all this!” I said as I sat up and pulled the sheet around me.

“Well, I couldn’t get you to wake up, so I got bored. I went to the store; I made everything myself!”

I laughed. Edward was proud of himself. “What time is it?”

“Almost 11:00 a.m.”

“I can’t believe I sleep so long. You really did a number on me last night,” I teased as I kissed him. He was so cute. We hurried through our breakfast so we could have each other for lunch.

~

Later that afternoon I attempted to call Jake to see if he was still at my place because I needed to go home to get some studying done. When I got no response, I decided I’d take my chances.

“I’ll walk you home,” Edward offered.

“You don’t have to. I’ll be okay, he’s probably not there.”

“I want to, just incase.”

I knew Edward’s concerns were pointless, but I allowed him to walk me home so he would feel better.

We went up to my flat and I opened the locked door and was completely unprepared for what awaited me on the other side.

I stepped inside and was at a loss for words as I took in the condition of my belongings. Everything was in disarray. Jake had trashed the place. A photo of Edward and I that had previously been on my nightstand, was now torn to pieces in a pile of broken glass from it’s frame. The mattress of my bed was thrown up against the wall. My drawers were pulled from the dressers, clothes and other belongings were strewn throughout the small space. There was a hole punched through the door that led to the bathroom. A sob escaped me and I turned to Edward.

His arms were already opened for me and I fell into them.

“I’m sorry, Bella.”

“I know he’s mad, but this is ridiculous!”

I took a few minutes to collect myself and then I started assessing the situation and where I would begin.

“Don’t even think about it,” Edward chimed in.

I turned to face him. “What do you mean? I can’t leave it like this.”

“You have an exam tomorrow. You have to maintain your GPA in order to stay in the program. His antics are not going to dictate your life. Why don’t you go to the library and study for a little while and I will clean up around here enough to make it livable.”

I sighed. “This isn’t your responsibility. I don’t want you to have to do this.”

“I don’t mind. Go on.”

I sighed and reluctantly agreed. It took us twenty additional minutes to find the textbook I needed.

~

Edward’s POV

I was so pissed off. If I thought I could take him, and if I knew where he was, I would do serious damage to Jake. I mean, who did he think he was? If he loved her, how could he destroy all of her belongings like this? It was even worse than we first suspected. It appeared that he had poured a liquid substance over her pile of bedding and many of her clothes. Based on the trash lying around in the kitchen area, it appeared that it was a mixture of milk and cranberry juice.

I wasn’t exactly domestic, and I began to think that this mess was bigger than me. I called for backup.

“Hello, Mother, are you busy?”

“Hi darling! I’m just catching up on some reading. How are you?”

“Um, well, I’ve actually got a bit of a mess on my hands. You think you could come by?”

“Of course, what’s going on?” Esme asked.

“I’ll explain when you get here. I’m at Bella’s.” I gave her the address, told her to bring some cleaning supplies, and I got to work.

It was kind of strange, and intriguing, to wash Bella’s undergarments. I had to wash all of her clothes that were victim the milk and cranberry juice. There were several little undergarments that she had yet to debut in front of me.

I gathered her bedding and put it in a large trash bag. The milk was already starting to spoil. I’d buy her new bedding, it wasn’t worth the time or effort to attempt to save it. I was grateful the little bastard didn’t ruin her expensive mattress.

I heard a gentle knock on the door.

I let my mother in.

“Oh, Edward. What happened in here? Where is Bella? Is she okay?”

My mother immediately began moving things and cleaning.

“She was upset, but I sent her off to the library to study. I didn’t realize it was this bad when I agreed to clean it up for her.”

“Who did this? Was there a break-in? Was she here?”

I sighed. “No, her ex-boyfriend from the states showed up yesterday, he wasn’t too pleased to find us in bed together.”

My mother’s face flushed.

“Sorry, Mum. We are adults, we do adult things, in beds.”

Esme laughed. “I know, darling. It’s just such an unfortunate circumstance that he found the two of you like that.”

“You’re telling me. The guy is like seven feet tall and built like a horse. He’s a little intimidating. Bella assured me he was harmless, until we came back to this.”

Esme shook her head. “This is awful.”

We made a game plan and started cleaning. Once we had put a significant dent in things my mother insisted on going out to buy Bella new bedding and some accessories that had been damaged. I knew she would go overboard so I insisted on going with her. While we were shopping, an idea struck me. I saw a really nice picture frame that would replace the one that was broken, but I needed to replace the photo as well.

“Mum, I’m going to run home and get my camera and have a print made. Do you think you can handle it from here?” We had already picked out her bedding and I didn’t think there was much else to do.

“Of course, Edward. Do whatever you need to do.”

I handed her my credit card.

“Don’t be silly. It’s on me.”

“No way, Bella will flip out when she realizes I paid for all this. She will be bloody furious if she finds out you paid.”

“It’s just a couple hundred pounds, Edward. It’s not a big deal. I don’t ever get to buy things for you kids anymore.”

“She’s not your kid! And besides, a couple hundred pounds is a lot of money to her. She’s not used to our kind of wealth. I have to practically beg her to allow me to spend money on her.”

“Well, maybe if you play your cards right, she will be my kid-in-law one day,” she teased.

I rolled my eyes. I was never going to win. “Oh, Mother. Just hurry up, okay? I’ll tell her I paid for it and we got it on clearance. Understand?”

Esme giggled. “You didn’t say no! You think you will marry her?”

I laughed. “I have to go, Mum. See you in a bit.”

“Edward!”

I left the department store and went back to my flat. On the way there I got a text from Bella.

Is it safe to come home yet? - Bella

I responded immediately. No, it’s very unsafe. Please study more. - Edward

I got home and grabbed the memory card from my camera. I headed out to make a print of one of the photos we took at the London Eye. It was my favorite of her, of us.

Are you kidding? I want to come home. I’m tired. - Bella

I really didn’t want her to come home before we had her flat back to normal. I wanted it to be a bit of a surprise.

No, I’m not kidding. He emptied the contents of your refrigerator onto your clothes and bedding. I’m still cleaning. Give me another hour, please? That way you can come home and fall into bed and not lift a finger. - Edward

Her response came moments later.

I love you. I’ll see you in an hour or so. I guess I’ll be stopping at the store on the way back. - Bella

Her message made me smile and I hurried to get my errand done and get back to her flat.

~

When I arrived to Bella’s flat, I encountered exactly what I had feared. My mother went overboard. Her bedding is what we had picked out, but in addition were what seemed like a million accent pillows. The bedding was an ivory color, similar to what she previously had, but a bit more luxurious. It had a romantic feel to it. There was some metal sconces above her bed that were on either side of a metal piece of art. The candles in the sconces were lit. Her bedside table had been draped in an ivory cloth that matched her bedding. The empty picture frame sat there next to another lit candle. In fact, there were little ivory candles lit throughout the room. There were ivory sheers outlining the window as well.

I shook my head. “Mum! This is too much.”

“Oh, Edward. No it’s not. She will love it. It feels much more like a home now. Give me the print you made.”

I handed her the photo and she placed it in the frame. I had to admit, Bella’s place looked quite nice. Her bed looked really comfortable and inviting. I really wanted to see her in it, wearing the candlelight only.

I had intended on making my mother leave before Bella arrived so she wouldn’t know my mum had spent any money; however, that didn’t go accordingly to plan. Bella walked through the door seconds later with two grocery bags in tow.

~

Bella’s POV

When I first entered my flat, I did a double-take, fearing I had gone into the wrong unit. Sure enough, though, Edward and Esme were standing just inside the door. I couldn’t believe what I was seeing. It was like my entire flat had gotten a make-over, like someone from HGTV came in and took over. There were candles lit throughout the room, a new photo of Edward and I in a new frame, new bedding, new curtains, new accessories, it was too much.

“Edward!” I was slightly speechless as I took everything in. “It’s beautiful, but was it all really necessary?”

Edward came and took the bags from my hands. Esme greeted me. “Hi, Dear. It really was necessary. Don’t you worry about a thing,” she said as she hugged me. “We got everything on clearance. We hardly spent any money at all.” I looked around the room again and started adding things up in my head.

I looked at Edward. I didn’t believe her, but I didn’t want to be rude to his mother. It was actually very touching. My mother had never done anything close to this. The fact that Esme would care to help me made me tear up a little bit. “It’s really beautiful. You really shouldn’t have, but thank you.”

Esme kissed my cheek. “You are welcome. I’ve got to get home. Carlisle is probably wondering where I’ve disappeared to. You kids enjoy yourselves.” She hugged and kissed Edward before quickly making her exit.

“I can’t believe you and your mom did this,” I said to Edward.

He shrugged his shoulders. “It’s no big deal,” he said as he went into the bathroom and moved a load of my clothes from the washer to the drier.

“It is a big deal. Nobody has ever done anything like this for me before.”

“Well you obviously haven’t been hanging around the right people.”

I nudged him. “It is too much, but I really love it. Thank you.”

Edward glanced up and smiled at me. “You’re welcome.”

“I can do this,” I said, trying to take over my laundry.

Edward actually stepped out of the way and allowed me to take over, however he had something in his hand.

“Why haven’t I ever seen these on you?” he asked as he held up a small dark blue lacy pair of panties.

I felt my cheeks turn red. The fact that he had been doing my laundry just hit me. That was awkward. I snatched them out of his hand and placed them in the drier. “They’re new,” I said, embarrassed.

Edward laughed. “Don’t be shy now. I’ve officially seen all your undergarments. You’ve definitely been holding out on me.”

I turned around to face him. “Oh my God.” I covered my face with my hand. “You are embarrassing me. I have not been holding out on you, I just haven’t worn some things yet.”

Edward laughed again and pulled me into his arms. “I’m just playing with you, baby. I didn’t mean to embarrass you. I like you better naked, anyway.”

I reached up and kissed the crook of his neck. Despite all his apparent hard work, he still smelled good.

~

Edward’s POV

Making love to Bella that night in the glow of candlelight was unlike anything I had ever experienced before. I didn’t think she could be any more beautiful, but seeing her creamy skin against mine in the dull glow was absolutely stunning. Her mahogany hair splayed out across the ivory pillow and her bare shoulders in stark contrast to one another. I worshiped every inch of her body with my lips and tongue until I saw a desperate look in her eyes to give her something more. Her lips were red and swollen from my kisses and she was beautiful in her imperfection. Bella was unlike any girl I had ever met before. She was constantly surprising me. She made me feel good. She made me want to do good. My happiness was a direct result of her own. My days were not complete without seeing her smile, hearing her laugh, and tasting her kiss.

“I love you, Bella.”

Her lips turned up in a small smile and she kissed my jaw. “Show me, Edward,” she whispered against my skin.

With that, I pushed into her and watched as her eyes squeezed tightly closed, and I listened, while a tiny gasp escaped her and we were connected. I loved all the different sensations she created within and around me. She was warm inside, but cool outside. Her breath against my skin was electric. Her lips left tingling sensations wherever they went. Her hands were soft and her nails strong, as they dug into the flesh on my back or tugged on my hair.

I never wanted our bodies to be apart, because everything felt right when they were together, but it was impossible not to chase the high she always brought to me. So, when her body grew tense around mine and my name began to fall from her lips, I could do nothing more than come with her and tell her that I loved her.



***Author’s Note: Sorry I missed the update last weekend! I’m in the middle of working 18 days straight w/ only one day off, so I have been short on time. Hope you all enjoyed this one....trouble starts in the next chapter. Thanks to those of you who have been reviewing! <3

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***NEXT CHAPTER - 12 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 10

CHAPTER 10

London, England - 2004

On what was Thanksgiving weekend in the states, I got quite the surprise in London.

Edward had come by late the night before. He had been working full time now for his father and he often worked late hours. Edward liked to sleep in and work in the afternoon and put his business plans and presentations together in the evening when everyone had left the office. His father was the boss, so he could do what he wanted. Edward was still in his work clothes when he arrived. He looked so delicious in a suit. I hung up his jacket for him while he filled me in on his day and vice versa. We joked about already acting like an old couple.

Edward playfully threw me on to the bed and crawled on top of me. “Old couples probably don’t do this...” he said as he began to trail kisses down my body. I felt my insides turn all hot and liquid. I loved what he did to me.

The following morning I woke early to find myself curled up next to a nearly naked Edward, and I was wearing only his white button up shirt from the night before. I didn’t have to be on campus until 10:00 a.m., so I went back to sleep.

I don’t think I had been back to sleep long when I heard a knock at the door. I sat up and looked at Edward. He was still half asleep and I wasn’t sure he heard it. I crawled over him, receiving a smack on the ass as I went. He was definitely awake. I padded across the room and swung the door open without a second thought.

I gasped when I saw him. I turned a deep shade of red when he took in my appearance. We both stood there speechless for a moment. I swear I could hear my heart braking, and his.

“What are you doing here?” I asked quietly, hoping Edward had fallen back to sleep. Jake started to stutter and I heard Edward getting out of bed. I looked over at him, clad, in only his black boxer briefs. I begged him with my eyes to stay put, but I knew it was hopeless. I turned back to Jake.

“I...I missed you,” Jake confessed.

I gasped for air. He knew we had broken up. He didn’t know I was seriously involved, and sleeping with, someone else.

I shook my head. “Jake...”

I felt Edward’s arms wrap around my waist behind me. He kissed my cheek. I wanted to cry. I didn’t want to hurt Jake like this.

Jake’s mouth hung open. “Wow,” is all he said.

“Jake, I’m sorry. I had no idea you were coming.”

“I know, but really, Bella? You’re already fucking someone?”

“Already? Jake we haven’t been together in months.”

“Don’t talk to her like that,” Edward chimed in.

Oh no. No. No. No. I urged Edward to be quiet. I could see the anger building in Jake.

“How long has this been going on?” Jake asked.

Before I could open my mouth, Edward answered.

“Months.”

Jake stood awkwardly at my door, a bag in hand. It dawned on me then that he had probably intended on staying with me.

“Jake, just give me a minute, okay? I’ll be right back.” I closed the door gently, not shutting it all the way. I moved Edward away from the door.

“I’m sorry. You have to go.”

“What? Bella? Seriously? I thought you were done with him.”

“We are finished, but he’s still a really good friend of mine. I can’t hurt him like this. I can’t. Please, just go and let me talk to him. We’ll get things straightened out.”

“I’m not leaving you alone with him.”

“What? Edward you have to. I mean, he’ll probably stay here. He can’t afford a hotel.”

“Stay here? Where? I’m pretty sure there isn’t room for three in your bed,” Edward said. I could tell he was getting mad. I didn’t want him to be mad at me. I was so mad at Jake for showing up, but I didn’t want to completely destroy him either. I knew he was still in love with me and seeing what he saw, had to hurt.

“Edward, please, let me just work this out. I’ll call you later. I’ll stay with you.”

Now Edward looked hurt. I didn’t understand.

“Edward?”

“I spent all this time trying to convince you that I wouldn’t hurt you, that you were different. It never dawned on me, that you could potentially hurt me, break me, ruin me.”

I closed the small space between us, and wrapped myself around him. “Edward, no.” It hit me then, that Edward probably felt threatened by Jake. After all, he was taller than Edward and had a body to die for, but that didn’t mean anything to me. “There is no choice to be made here, Edward. He couldn’t do, or say, anything to make me want you any less. I’m yours. How could you doubt that?”

He sighed and finally embraced me back. He took a deep breath. “Okay, well, I need my shirt back, so I can go.”

I started to unbutton it right in front of him. His eyes fell from mine, down to my chest and waist, before coming quickly back up. “Don’t,” he warned before kissing me. Damn Jake. I wanted nothing more than to crawl back into bed with Edward and show him just how much I wanted him, and nobody else.

After Edward stopped kissed me, I disappeared into the bathroom and changed clothes. When I returned to the main room, Edward was fully dressed. We walked in silence to the door. We paused for a moment before I opened the door.

“Call me when you get off work tonight, and I’ll head over to your place,” I offered.

“No need,” he said, as he reached into his pocket. He pulled out his keys and took off the key to his flat and placed it in my hand.

I smiled. “Thank you. I’ll just head there after class.” I opened the door and before I knew it, Edward was kissing me. If it didn’t feel so damn good, I would’ve stopped it sooner because I knew Jake was watching. Edward’s kiss left me breathless. I knew he was doing it to prove a point in front of Jake, but it was so wonderful, I couldn’t be mad. His hand lingered in mine for a moment. “I’ll see you tonight. Call me if you need anything.” He squeezed my hand, and he was gone.

Jake was furious. He immediately came inside and started pacing the floors. He glanced around.

“Is this it, Bella? It’s tiny.”

“It serves its purpose,” I responded.

Jake walked around looking at things for a few more minutes before he finally sat down on my bed.

“So, you’ve been seeing this guy for months? When did you meet him?”

I took a deep breath. I needed to be honest. “Yes. I actually met him my first weekend here.”

“Is it serious, or are you just fucking him?”

I scoffed. “I don’t just fuck people, Jake.”

“What do I know anymore?”

I rolled my eyes. “Edward and I are together for now. I don’t know what the future holds.”

“Was I really that easy to forget?” Jake asked softly.

I felt my chest get heavy. I hated this. “I didn’t forget you. We’re still friends, I still want to stay friends. We’ve known each other our entire lives, Jake. I just don’t think we’re meant to be a couple. I don’t know what will happen when I have to return to the states, I just know that for now, I’m really happy with Edward. I’m sorry that it caught you off guard.”

Jake sighed and didn’t really respond.

“I have to get ready for class.” I excused myself to the bathroom.

When I returned, Jake hadn’t moved.

“I should be back around 3:00 p.m. You can make yourself at home. I’ll stay at Edward’s tonight.”

“You can stay here. Your bed is large enough. I won’t bother you.”

I sighed. “Edward wouldn’t appreciate that. He’s just a block away, it’s no problem.”

Jake scoffed. “Whatever.”

I turned to go to class and left him and his attitude alone.

~

When I returned home from class, Jake was gone. I wanted to talk to him. He left a note on the night stand that said he went sightseeing and would be back around 3:00 p.m.

I packed an overnight bag to take to Edward’s and continued to wait on Jake. I didn’t want to leave things they way they were. I wanted to make amends. I really didn’t want him to return home and tell my parents how he found me. My dad would freak out. I laid down and drifted off to sleep while pondering ways to smooth things over.

~

My eyes shot open sometime later when I heard my door open. The room had grown considerably darker. Nightfall. Edward.

I began to sit up but felt a heaviness that was keeping me down.

Edward looked down right enraged.

“Edward, what’s wrong?”

I realized then, exactly what was wrong. I felt his heat before I saw him. Jake’s arm was wrapped firmly around my waist and he was shirtless. He sat up without a care, as if nothing had happened. I was furious. He did this on purpose.

“Jake!! What the hell?” I shoved him off of me.

Edward went over to the drawer in my dresser that was designated “his” and started pulling his things out.

“Edward, wait! Stop!”

Jake laid back on the bed, a smug look on his face. Apparently things were going accordingly to his plan. I wanted to hit him.

I went to Edward and started putting things back in his drawer that he had dropped on the floor to collect.

“Edward, stop!”

I could see the anger in his eyes. His cheeks and ears were red. His skin was warm. He pushed me away. “I don’t even know you!” he screamed.

I burst into tears. “Don’t say that.”

Edward continued to gather his things. I turned to Jake, who was still smug. I couldn’t hold it in anymore.

“Get up, Jake. Get dressed, and get the hell out of here.”

Jake stood up and grabbed his t-shirt that was laying on the floor nearby. When he stood, I smacked him as hard as I could, right across his face. He looked a little stunned. It was one of the first times I had gotten to use my right hand, as I had just had my cast removed the day before. “How could you do this to me? You don’t love me! If you did, you wouldn’t be trying to sabotage my relationship with him. Just because he leaves, doesn’t mean I’m going to run back to you, Jake. Ever. You’ve really disappointed me. Grow up. You wonder why we didn’t work out,” I scoffed.

I turned and walked out, leaving them both standing speechless in my flat. I didn’t know where I was going, I just didn’t want to be there.

I decided to grab a coffee and go to the library to try study for an exam. It was useless. I sat in a study carrel and cried and watch my phone ring over and over. The little screen alternated between Jake and Edward’s names. I was too upset to talk to them, and the library wasn’t the place, anyway. I couldn’t believe that Edward said he didn’t know me, that he would believe what he walked in on was real.

I must have dozed off from crying and I woke up to someone’s fingers running through my hair. I was startled and sat up quickly. I knocked something out of Edward’s hands. I was embarrassed, people were watching us.

“I’m sorry. I thought you’d be here. I didn’t mean to scare you,” Edward whispered, picking up a small bundle of flowers from the floor. He brought me flowers. I started crying again. I stood and grabbed my things. I began apologizing profusely, unsure if I was apologizing to Edward, or the people in the library that were watching us.

We didn’t speak until we were outside.

“Bella, let me take you home, please.”

I nodded and followed him to his car. There was an awkward silence between us. I didn’t know what to say, and he didn’t speak. I wondered where Jake was. The fact that I still needed to smooth things over with him before he returned home was heavy on my mind.

We arrived to Edward’s flat.

“Am I being too presumptuous?” he asked.

I looked at him blankly. I didn’t understand.

“Will you stay with me tonight?”

“Oh, most likely,” I responded, not giving it a second thought.

We headed inside and routinely changed into our pajamas. I was starving. I couldn’t remember the last time I ate. I put the flowers Edward gave me in a vase of water. They were pretty multicolored daisies. He joined me in the kitchen. We starred at each other momentarily.

“Thank you.”

“For what?” he asked.

“The flowers.”

“Oh, of course. It’s the least I could do.”

“Are you hungry?” I asked. “Do you want some popcorn?” Edward rarely had food in his flat, but he always had popcorn.

“Sure.”

I turned towards his pantry when I felt his hand on my wrist. I turned to face him. He closed the small space between us. His hands went to either side of my face and his eyes met mine. I loved his eyes; I could get lost in them. I thought he was going to kiss me, but instead he was just very close to me when he spoke. The pain was evident in his features.

“I’m so sorry, Bella. I didn’t mean what I said.”

I nodded my head in understanding, and before I could speak, my stomach growled. We both laughed, and I made the popcorn.

We shared our popcorn in silence before retiring to bed. We snuggled in close together before I started the conversation that we had been putting off.

“What happened after I left?”

Edward took in a deep breath and blew it out before answering. “We just exchanged a few words.”

“That’s it?” I asked.

Edward nodded his head. “I wanted to kill him, but I thought I’d lose.”

I giggled. “He can fight.”

“Yea, it looks like it.”

“Do you know what he was going to do? His he staying at my place?”

“I don’t know. I told him he needed to apologize to you and go home and never come back.”

I sighed.

“What?” Edward asked.

“I’ve got to smooth things over with him before he leaves, just to appease him.”

“Why?”

“Because, if he tells my father what he saw, he will flip out. He’ll demand that I come home.” I sighed. “He’s going to be so mad at me. My dad, and Jake’s dad, are like brothers. Best friends. Jake will tell him all kinds of crazy shit to try to make me come back.”

“He’s such an ass hole. You are entirely too good for him. Did he ever hurt you? Physically?”

“What? No. He looks much more intimidating than he is. He would never. He’s a good person at heart, he’s just hurt. I mean, all our lives this is what everyone talked about, he and I being together. It’s what people expect. It’s what we expected. I feel bad for him, but he’s really being childish.”

“He is.”

We were quiet for a moment. I turned out the light.

“Bella?”

“Hm?”

I felt his fingers tracing my cheek bone. “I’m really sorry.”

“I know you are, it’s okay.”

“Even when Victoria showed up at my place, you still believed me. You trusted me.”

“I trust you. Maybe I shouldn’t, but I do.”

Edward sighed. “It scares me.”

“What scares you?” I asked, concerned.

“This. Us.”

My heart started racing. What was he getting at? “Elaborate.”

He sighed again and rolled over on to his back, away from me. I followed him, propping myself upon his chest. “Edward? What are you talking about? You’re scaring me.”

His hands covered his face momentarily and he let out a deep breath into them before running his hands through his hair. “I don’t know how to do this,” he finally responded. “The way I reacted...that’s not like me. I’d never felt such a vast array of emotions before, I didn’t know what to do.”

I didn’t understand. Was this him backing out on us? Was this him realizing he was in too deep? Before I could question him, he continued.

“I mean, I was so mad. I wanted to kill him. I wanted to hurt you for doing that to me. I felt alienated and so...so fucking hurt. Like, without you, there would be nothing. I would be nothing.”

I hadn’t breathed in nearly a minute and I was starting to feel light headed. “Are you saying we should cool off? Take things slower?”

Edward’s eyes shot quickly to mine. “What? No, I’m not saying that!”

I exhaled.

He sighed.

We stared at each other, never blinking.

His hand cradled my face. “What I’m trying to say is, I think I’m falling in love with you. I think I love you. I think I’ve never felt this way before and I don’t know what the fuck to do.”

I let out a little giggle, relieved.

“You’re laughing at me?” he teased.

I laughed again. “I thought you were breaking up with me!”

He laughed too. It was a beautiful sound. “I told you I didn’t know how to do this,” he said.

I smiled and kissed him. “You did a fine job. I’m just a pessimist.”

He smiled and flipped me over onto my back. My hands got lost in his mess of bronze locks while his lips explored mine. Everything about him felt so fucking good. After his lips left mine, he peppered barely there kisses down my neck as his hands slowly worked my shirt up. Every square inch of my body was on high alert, anticipating where it would next feel him, when it would next be brought to life. The insides of my wrists and thighs, behind my ear, the crook of my neck, the space between my breasts, he left nothing untouched. Watching and feeling him show his love for me was like nothing I had ever experienced before. While my body was screaming for attention in specific places, my mind lavished every little detail of his sweet assault.

When Edward finally entered me, I felt whole and complete, absolute. His eyes found mine and never left their depths until I was writhing beneath him. When I regained my composure I vowed to give him everything he had given me, and then some. I enjoyed nothing more than being on top of him and watching him watch me. He made me feel as if I were floating. I gripped his hands as they gripped my hips. I watched as his breath caught and his face contorted. I felt his grip tighten and watched his eyes close. I felt his release and saw the relief evident on his face seconds later. I collapsed onto his warm chest. “I think I love you, too.”

Edward suddenly tugged at my hair and titled my chin up so I could see his eyes. “I was wrong. I don’t think I love you, Bella. I know I do. There’s simply no other way to describe the feeling inside me when I’m near you.”

A grin spread across my face and my lips found his. There were fireworks going off in my mind. This was the good life. I was living the good life, with Edward.



***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing! We get some EPOV in the next chapter. Stay tuned. <3

Twitter: AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 11 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 9

CHAPTER 9

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

It’s so cold. It’s always so cold in here. Today something new happened. I saw the doctor for only the second time since I got here. It was normal physical type stuff. He could feel the cold on my skin and he told me after my evaluation next week, if I seemed to be improving, he would see about getting me a warmer blanket. I think it was the first time I smiled since I’d been here. I miss being warm.

I wonder what my evaluation is. Thinking about being evaluated made me nervous. How was I supposed to act? I made sure I took my medicine like I was supposed to because I think I’m more stable and less confused when I take it. If me appearing normal gets me a blanket, then I need to appear normal. No thoughts of Dad and Edward for a while.

~

Evaluation day. Apparently it was a mental evaluation. I got to go to his office. It was on the other side of the hospital. Two people escorted me and I had to have my wrists and hands bound together for the duration of the walk. It was the most exercise I had gotten in months. There were some scary areas in this hospital. My cell looked like a suite compared to some. At least they didn’t have me in a straight jacket yet. One boy I saw even had something covering his mouth so he couldn’t speak.

Dr. Cline’s office was nice. It was warm. There was a couch I immediately sat on. It was warm and soft and squishy. He made me move to a chair and table on the other side of his office. I got to use an ink pen. I had to answer some questions on a piece of paper about how I was feeling. It only gave me four choices and cold wasn’t one of them. I was glad that I still knew how to read. I tried to waste as much time as possible and very slowly shaded in the little circles. I didn’t want to go back to my cell.

“You don’t have to fill it in perfectly, Isabella.”

“Who?” I asked.

The doctor quickly reached for my file, reading the label on the side. “Isabella Swan, is that not correct?”

“They just call me Swan. I haven’t heard Isabella in a long time. I don’t think that’s the name I used before I came here.”

The doctor gave me a strange look and started flipping through some papers in my file.

“Bella, your mother calls you, Bella.”

That seemed slightly familiar. “That sounds about right. Does that thing say stuff about my mom?”

The doctor closed the file. “No, not very much.”

“Oh.” I shaded the last circle and pushed the piece of paper back across the table to him. He reviewed it for several minutes and then started asking me the same fucking questions that were on the paper. I started to ask him if he knew how to read, but then I remembered that I was supposed to be normal and good so I could get a blanket.

I told Dr. Cline that I felt fine. I told him I didn’t know why I was here, but that I liked the crayons and the food that was served on Saturdays and Tuesdays.

“How do you feel when you think about your father?”

Crap. I know I’m not supposed to feel good about my father. I’m very deep in my medicated haze today and I really can’t seem to feel anything. I shrugged my shoulders and told the doctor that I didn’t remember much.

“Who is, Edward?” he asked.

My eyes shot up to his. Who is, Edward? Edward. Edward. Edward. Why does that name seem so familiar. The doctor picked up on my confusion.

“You wrote that name down next to the question about what makes you happy.”

“No, I didn’t. There are only circles.”

He passed the paper over to me so I could see it. The last circle was shaded and the word next to it was marked out and the name Edward was written above it in my handwriting. I didn’t remember doing that. Shit. I was really confused and I was supposed to be acting normal. Edward did seem familiar though. Lie. I would lie.

“Edward was an old friend of mine.”

The doctor seemed satisfied with my answer. After several more questions he let me leave his office, with a white freshly washed fleece blanket. I was so freaking excited. It even smelled good. The attendant carried it back to my cell for me. As soon as I was back in my cell and free from my constraints I curled up on my bed with my new warm blanket. It made me smile. I laid down and rested my head on the lackluster pillow and heard paper crunch.

I sat up, remembering that I kept something in my pillow case. I pulled out a stack of papers. They all either said things about my dad or Edward. Who the fuck was Edward? I started to read further to get more information about Edward but the stuff about my dad was too depressing and I put it all back in my pillow case and took a nap until dinner time.

~

I didn’t take my medicine for a week following that night. I was more confused and unstable as ever. Edward was my boyfriend in London, I think. I couldn’t remember if the things I had written on the papers were real or were dreams or my imagination. I had written little things about our first date, our first fight, our first kiss. Edward seemed real to me, but I wasn’t sure if all of those things were real.

My mom is supposed to visit today. I wasn’t sure whether to be excited or angry about this. It never seemed to go over well.

I got escorted to the visitation room about an hour later. Mom was already there. She looked the same, I guess. She looked like she had been shopping, or changed her hair or something. She looked fresh and bright and made up. She looked happy. I hate her for being happy.

“So, Bella, I spoke with your doctor. He seems to think you’re doing well with your treatment and medication.”

“Oh, yeah? I think I like him, he gave me a blanket.”

“A blanket?”

“Yes, it’s so cold in here all the time.”

“Well that was nice of him.”

I nodded my head.

“If you keep on your medication and do well at your next evaluation, I heard he may let you start participating in more activities.”

“What kind of activities?” I asked.

“Well, they have social time every day at 2:00 p.m. You could start going to that and meet some friends.”

“Friends? Mom, these people are crazy.”

“Well, maybe you might find you have something in common with a few of them.”

I rolled my eyes. “I don’t think so. But yea, any time out of my cell would be good.”

“When you really start to get on track and do better, they have outside time in the morning and afternoon.”

“Outside? Like in the sun?”

“Yes!”

Oh, how I longed to feel the Phoenix sun on my skin. I just wanted to feel anything other than cold, it’s the only way I could be sure I was alive. “I would like outside time.”

“Well, the only thing that came back not so great about your evaluation is that you keep talking about someone named Edward. You don’t know anyone named Edward. If you quit talking about him, the doctor might think you’re stable enough to participate in more activities.”

“I do know someone named, Edward.”

“Bella, we’ve been through this. He’s not real. At least just keep your little imaginary friends to yourself in front of the doctor so he will allow you more activity time so you don’t have to be so isolated.”

I wanted to hit her in the damn face. She is such a bitch.

“Fine,” I agreed.

“So, Mom, what are you doing now? How are you affording the bills and the house and all these new clothes without, Dad?”

Her face changed. She was about to tell a lie.

“Well, he had some life insurance. I’m still working and using some of that money to help make ends meet. Most of that money went towards your attorney fees. I will likely be putting the house on the market soon and move into something smaller and more manageable.”

I didn’t believe her. She loved that house. She wouldn’t sell it for anything. Dad worked extra shifts every week to help pay for it, because it is what she wanted. Her voice extracted me from my thoughts.

“Well, it’s been really nice to see you, Bella. You’re really making some improvement.”

I nodded my head. “Thanks.”

She stood to leave. “I’ll see you next time.”

I stood as well and I was excited to return to the warmth and comfort of the blanket I earned for pretending to be less crazy.


***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading and reviewing. Sorry this one was kind of short, the next one will make up for it. Things will start to progress in a few more chapters!

Twitter: @ AllorNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 10 - CLICK HERE***