CHAPTER 6

London, England - 2004

On Friday, while I was still in class, Edward sent me a strange text message.

Do you own a dress? - Edward

Did I own a dress? Was he serious? I’m a freaking girl, of course I’ve owned a dress at some point in my life, however now was not the time. He must be able to tell that I’m not a dressy kind of girl, but that doesn’t mean I can’t pull it off. I’ve had to wear dresses and suits to various events and conferences in my college career, especially during presentations. However, I didn’t really bring anything dressy to London with me.

Um, I can. Why? - Bella

Wear one tonight, if it isn’t too much trouble. I slipped an envelope under the door of your flat. The dress is on me. I’ll pick you up at 5:00 p.m. I can’t wait to see you. - Edward

What are we doing? I can buy my own dress. - Bella

It’s a surprise. Stop being difficult. I’m buying. - Edward

I really didn’t want him to think I needed his money, or that I was some charity case. I wasn’t. I was doing perfectly fine, better than fine, really. I didn’t want to argue with him and ruin our night. I’d pay him back somehow, later.

Fine. You win. Only because I miss you and don’t want to argue. However, I’d still like you even if you were the poorest man on Earth. ;) - Bella

You make me feel rich, not the money. See you at 5:00 p.m. - Edward

I couldn’t hide the stupid grin on my face and I was momentarily embarrassed by my professor because he asked me a question I hadn’t heard.

~
Shopping for a dress was an adventure. I hadn’t been shopping before in London. Angela told me about a few local stores I might like and I made it to the first place and found a dress that would work. I wasn’t picky and didn’t feel the need to go all over town looking for a dress. I wasn’t sure how dressy I was supposed to be so I just stuck with something simple and black, but sexy. I wanted him to like the dress, after all he paid for it.

It was satin, short and strapless with a sweetheart neckline. It hugged my slight curves nicely and really made my rear look lovely. I found some black satin heels that matched. I paid for those.

I got lost on the way home and ended up taking a cab back to my flat. By the time I arrived, I was running late. I hung my dress up and placed Edward’s credit card and my receipt for the dress back in the little white envelope that he slipped under my door.

I showered for the second time that day and made sure every inch of me was silky smooth, just in case I got lucky. I twisted my hair up to expose my back and shoulders and left a few loose tendrils down in the front. I put a little more make up on that I normally did, adding a nice peachy gloss to my lips. I pulled out a diamond necklace my father bought me for my 16th birthday and slipped it around my neck. It was the perfect little accessory. I missed my dad. I made a mental note to call him the following day.

Edward arrived promptly on time. He looked amazing. I had never seen him outside of his casual and somewhat grungy attire. This was the first time he actually looked like he had money. His dress pants were black, paired with a royal blue dress shirt and a sport coat that hung open.

“Good evening,” he said.

“Hi.” I smiled shyly.

“You look beautiful,” he said softly as his arms wrapped around me and embraced me for a hug. I took a deep breath and breathed him in. He smelled so good. I inhaled his scent all the way to my core. I couldn’t express how badly I wanted this man to touch me.

His lips pressed softly into the crook of my neck. “I missed you.”

A small smile swept across my face as he nuzzled me. Screw whatever he had planned, I wanted him in my bed right now.

I sighed and tried to focus. I gently pushed him away and grabbed my handbag from the counter. “We better go,” I offered.

~

Edward had completely outdone himself. I felt like a princess in some sort of fairy tale movie. Edward took me to the London Eye first. We had a private capsule and shared a bottle of wine while we watched the sun set over London. It was the most beautiful thing I’d ever seen. I had never seen London from that perspective. It was extremely romantic and Edward was ever the gentleman.

I stood, watching the last sliver of light disappear over the horizon as Edward came up behind me and wrapped his arms around my waist. His chin rested on my shoulder. His voice was soft.

“I’ve never done anything like this for a girl before.”

I turned to look at him. “What does that mean?”

I inhaled a sharp breath as his lips moved closer to mine.

“It means that I really fucking like you.”

His fingers swept along my collar bone and up to caress my cheek as his lips met mine. I got lost every time we kissed. I never wanted to let go. He felt so good.

We eventually separated and made our way to dinner at a lovely restaurant nearby that overlooked the city. We shared everything on our plates and another bottle of wine.

By the time we made it back across town to my flat, I was fairly tipsy and a lot horny. If Edward didn’t give me what I wanted tonight, I would surely combust.

I opened my door and expected him to follow me inside. When he didn’t, I turned around. “Aren’t you coming in?” I asked.

“I should go home.”

“Why?”

“So you know that I am serious about you, and that I didn’t do all of this to take advantage of you at the end of the night. I did it because I like you, and I like seeing you smile.”

“You’d really make me smile if you came in a for a few minutes. Please?” I asked.

He sighed and gave in, following me inside.

He sat on my bed while I fetched us a each a glass of wine from the tiny kitchen area.

I sat down beside him. We sipped our wine. I didn’t know what to do next. I’d never really seduced a guy before.

“You look really handsome tonight,” I semi-teased. We both laughed. I sat my wine glass down and said to hell with it. I crawled over him and straddled his lap. He looked shocked.

“Bella...” he warned.

“Edward, please. This night would be perfect if...” I trailed off. I began placing feather light kisses along his jaw and down his neck. His intoxicating aroma became stronger and nearly made me whimper.

“But I want you to know that you’re different. No matter what you hear about what I’ve done in the past, it’s different with you.”

I pulled back and looked at him. “I know. I know you mean it. You showed me tonight.”

My lips pressed to his and the power struggle began. The push and pull of lips and tongues, the soft bites and sounds of pleasure in between breaths.

“You have no idea how badly I want you,” he said into my mouth.

“I think I do,” I responded as I pushed myself down onto him, feeling the full length of his erection through his pants.

He groaned and pushed me off his lap. I was standing before him, slightly confused. “Turn around,” he ordered.

Oh.

Edward carefully unzipped my dress and watched as it fell to the floor. He took my hand and helped me step out of the small pile of fabric on the floor. It was a rare feeling, but I felt beautiful before him in my satin heels, black lace panties and strapless bra, with my diamond necklace dancing across my neckline.

“So beautiful...” he mumbled as his lips pressed to my stomach. His hands roamed down my sides, over my hips, and up and down my thighs.

He turned me around and laid me gently on the bed. He partially undressed himself as I watched. His pants were discarded on the floor. He began to unbutton his shirt as he crawled back onto the bed.

I sat up on my knees. “I want to do that part.”

He smiled and dropped his hands. We were both sitting up on our knees in the center of my bed as I carefully and slowly unbuttoned each button on his shirt until I let it slide off his shoulders. He had a black t-shirt on underneath and I quickly pulled it over his head. I ran my hands up along his chest and across his shoulders.

“You’re so warm,” I said, as I melted into his embrace. My hand wound around his neck and my fingers got lost in his mess of hair.

His hands fell to my lower back as he gently laid us back down against the bed. I wanted to ravish him, but he was being so gentle with me, like he was afraid I was going to break. He peppered soft kisses all over me, my face, neck, chest, tummy and between my thighs. I was absolutely melting and wild with desire. Jake was good to me, but he never made me feel like Edward did.

I pushed Edward up and over onto his back. I straddled him and returned all the little kisses he had given me, but with a little more need.

Our lips met in a heated kiss.

“I want you so bad,” he said into my mouth.

I inhaled. “Take me, Edward. I’m yours.”

He smiled his beautiful smile before capturing my lips between his once more and showing me everything I never knew existed.

Eyes that smolder, lips that bite, hair that gets pulled, fingers that dig and nails that bend. No matter what we did, it wasn’t enough. I just couldn’t get him close enough to me. Even when he was inside me, I wanted him closer.

He felt amazing. His skin was soft, his arms were strong, his kisses were sweet, and his skills were off the charts. I felt inadequate compared to him. He made me come so many times I lost track.

When I finally climbed on top of him and made him climax, I felt relieved, and exhausted. I was concerned briefly that I had just had unprotected sex with a sex god. I was on the pill, I wasn’t worried about that, but I knew Edward was an experienced man. I fell asleep on his chest before I could ask him about it.

I woke a couple of hours later. I was warm, and in strong arms. I had never been so comfortable. My eyes fluttered open to see his staring back at me in the dark. He brushed a tendril of my hair out of my face as he leaned in to kiss me, and we started all over again.

We spent more time that night satisfying each other’s desires than we did sleeping. It was perfect, and a night that I will never soon forget.

***Author’s Note: Thanks for reading/reviewing! Trying to get back into the swing of weekly updates! We have a few more “London” chapters before we return to present day, not so sane, Bella. Enjoy. <3

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR

Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 7 - CLICK HERE***

Elusive Reality - Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

London, England - 2004

Edward and I had seen each other every day since the day we met two weeks ago. Being around him was like getting high. Not that I was familiar with that, but I imagined it would be a similar experience. I had to have my daily Edward fix. I was starting to think it was becoming unhealthy, so I challenged myself not to speak to him for an entire day. I was getting used to campus and didn’t need his help as much.

I had a long day on campus and an even longer evening in the library studying. I have to admit I was a little disappointed to retrieve my cell phone from my bag and see that he hadn’t called or messaged me.

I had to refrain from calling him on my way back home, that was generally our routine. It’s funny how something can become routine in such a short amount of time.

I entered my building and headed to my flat. I stepped on it before I noticed it. A single pink rose at the foot of my door with a small card attached. I grinned wildly, knowing it had to be from him. I picked up the rose, thankfully having only stepped on the stem of it, and smelled it. I opened the little card after I went inside.

Bella,

I’m sorry I missed you. I had to go out of town with my father on business. I’ll be back Thursday evening. Please reserve Friday night for me. I’ll need my fix of you when I return. I’ll call you soon.

Edward

I smiled and then cursed myself for staying late at the library. He had been here and I missed him. Now I wasn’t going to see him for two more days. Damn me. I sighed and placed the perfect pink rose in a cup of water. I didn’t have a vase. I placed it on the end table/night stand next to my bed. It was pretty. It made my flat a little brighter.

~

The following evening I went out to a pub with one of my classmates. Her name was Angela. She was really nice. We studied together and we both felt like we aced our exam so we went out for drinks to celebrate. Angela was going on about our professor while I was trying to pay attention to my text message conversation with Edward.

“Bella, are you even listening to me? Who is blowing up your phone?”

I laughed. “Yes, I’m sorry. I’m listening. I promise.”

“Are you talking to a guy?” Angela teased.

“Yes,” I replied.

“I didn’t know you were seeing somebody! You’ve only been here a few weeks! Who is it? What’s his name?”

“His name is Edward,” I said, as I was looking at my phone, distracted by typing a response to him.

“Edward?” she asked. “Not Edward Cullen, right?”

I looked up from my phone. “Uh, yes, actually. Why? Do you know him?” I internally prayed that he hadn’t slept with Angela.

“Do I know him? Doesn’t everyone? He’s only the biggest player in London. It was even worse when he was still at UW. Girls were all over him and he loved it. He’s never been a one woman kind of guy. Don’t you know? His dad is one of the wealthiest men in London. He has practically funded the International Business program and his company hosts the internships every year. Cullen Enterprises, you know?”

I just stared at her, slightly speechless, for a moment. “No, I didn’t know. I mean, I assumed he probably did okay, based on where he is living and some of the things he’s said, but I didn’t know he was that wealthy, or that promiscuous.”

Angela laughed. “Are you kidding? I heard he’s like a sex God. How is it? Seriously, give me details!”

I couldn’t wrap my head around what she was saying. I mean, sure, Edward has probably been around the block a few times. I suspected as much just from listening to his friends, but what I couldn’t understand is the fact that Edward hadn’t even attempted to get me in bed. I wonder if he didn’t want me that way. Maybe he wasn’t attracted to me? I was so confused.

“Come on, Bella, spill!” Angela continued.

I stuttered for a minute, searching for words. “We haven’t....”

“What? Yes you have! Don’t be shy!”

I shook my head. “No, we haven’t. Not at all. I mean, we’ve only kissed.”

Angela looked shocked. “What? How long have you been seeing him?”

“Just a couple of weeks.”

“That is so weird. Normally he would’ve already made you scream and left you.”

“Is that what he does?” I asked.

She nodded her head. “That’s what he did to Jessica and Lauren, and everyone else from the sounds of it.”

“Hm. Well, I don’t know. I mean, we’re just dating, I think. I mean, it’s nothing serious you know? We’re just having fun. He’s shown me around town and stuff, you know?”

Angela nodded. “Well, hey, you better play your cards right. He has serious pull at Cullen Enterprises. He could get you an amazing job at his father’s firm.”

I nodded my head and changed the subject. I stopped responding to Edward’s text messages. I needed to clear my head.

~

Six beers later I was stumbling into my dark apartment. I flipped on the light and fell onto my bed. I didn’t want to feel sad, but I did. I didn’t understand what was going on between Edward and I. If he was such a ladies man, why hadn’t he tried to seduce me? Lord knows I’d drop my panties for him in a heartbeat. Maybe he didn’t think I was attractive.

I sighed when I heard my phone beep for the tenth time.

Why aren’t you responding to me? Are you okay? - Edward

Because I’m confused. I don’t know what you want with me. I learned more about you tonight, from a classmate. - Bella

Before I had even set my phone down, it was ringing. It was Edward. I didn’t know if I even wanted to talk to him, but I had a lot of liquid courage and I figured it was better now than never.

“Hello?” I answered.

“Bella, what are you talking about? Who have you been talking to?”

“Just a girl from class. I mean, come on Edward, I know you’re not perfect. Just, please, just don’t play with me.”

Edward sighed. He cursed under his breath. “I’m not fucking playing with you, Bella! Are you kidding me?” he scoffed. “I’ve been nothing but gentlemanly to you.”

“I know, but apparently that isn’t your norm, and you haven’t even tried to touch me. So, I’m just confused. They all say all you want is sex, but you don’t seem to want that from me. Are you not attracted to me?”

“Are you kidding me? Are you even listening to yourself? How much have you had to drink?”

“How much I have had to drink is not relevant.”

Edward sighed. “Can we just talk about this when I get back? So I can actually see you when I speak to you?”

“No, we can’t.”

He sighed, a dejected sigh. “Bella, please.”

“We can talk about it now. I can’t function when you’re looking at me.”

He tried to hide his laugh.

“See, you know. You have me right where you want me.”

“Bella, stop. I’m not playing you. I’m not using you. I’m not playing mind games with you.”

“Then what are you doing?” I asked softly.

“I don’t know, Bella,” he said it so quietly I almost didn’t hear him. I felt tears sting my eyes. How could I like this boy so much in such a short amount of time?

He continued, “I just, I love being with you and of course I’m fucking attracted to you. Are you crazy? I have to constantly tell myself not to ravage you when you’re around. I admit, I’ve not been the best guy in the past, but you’re different. That’s why I haven’t touched you, as you say, because you’re different. Because you’re not one of them. You’re a lady. You’re not a whore or a slut or a one night stand, you’re so much more. I’m not worthy of you, Bella. I guess I’ve just been trying to convince myself that I was good enough, that a girl like you would want someone like me.”

I didn’t know what to say. I suddenly felt very sober. I mean, what do you say to that? “I...I don’t know what to say,” I whispered.

“I understand if you don’t want to see me again.”

“I do, though. I don’t know if I should, but I do.”

I could tell he was smiling. “I bet you look so fucking cute right now.”

I laughed. “Probably not.”

“Well listen, I’ve been completely honest with you tonight. I still want to take you out on Friday. I’m not playing any games with you. Will you agree to see me on Friday, please?”

“Yes.”

“Good. Well, I need to get some sleep, I have to get up soon. I’ll see you on Friday, okay?”

“Okay. I’m sorry I kept you up.”

“Don’t apologize. Goodnight, Bella.”

“Night, Edward.”

After I hung up I rolled over and grinned wildly at the pink rose in the glass of water next to my bed. He likes me. And he thinks I’m cute.


***Author’s Note: Hi! Sooooo sorry it took me forever to update. I’m swamped with work and w/ my fur babies. I’ll try to do better. Thanks for reading/reviewing. More to come soon. Promise.

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR @ gmail (dot) com

***CHAPTER 6 - CLICK HERE***

Repentance - Chapter 33

CHAPTER 33:

On Monday night at 10:36 p.m., Molly Claire Cullen entered the world. She weighed six pounds and eight ounces. She had a head full of chocolate brown hair and her daddy’s crooked smile. I picked Molly and Edward picked Claire, after his grandmother.

Shortly before midnight, on the same night, an evil man lost his life. James was murdered at his parents’ home in Seattle shortly after Molly was born.

Charlie waited to tell us until the day after we were home from the hospital. He waited until Edward’s parents returned to their hotel for the evening.

“Thanks for coming, Dad. We really appreciate it.”

“Yeah, you’ve been a big help,” Edward chimed in. Charlie helped keep Masen entertained while we tended to Molly’s needs.

Charlie turned away from the door. “I’m not going just yet. I needed to talk to you two about something.”

Edward and I looked at each other and then at Masen, who was avidly playing with a little fishing game that Charlie had bought for him.

Charlie gave us both a look that said whatever it was he wanted to talk about shouldn’t be around Masen.

Edward and Charlie convinced Masen it was his bedtime. Edward let Charlie read him his bedtime story.

I waited for Molly to finish her bottle before I changed her diaper again and put her down in the bassinet in our room. I carried her monitor with me. I couldn’t stand to not be in the same room with her.

Charlie emerged a few minutes later.

“Well, I’ve got some news that might shock you guys,” Charlie said, facing us as we sat down on the couch.

Edward grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

“What is it?” I asked.

“Bella, uh, shortly after Molly was born, James was murdered at his parent’s home here in Seattle. He’s dead.”

I gasped. “What?”

Edward stood quickly. “Who did it? Why?”

“They won’t tell me yet. I’m not sure they know. What I do know, is having Molly that night was the best possible thing you could’ve done.”

“Why?” We both asked in unison.

“Because you were their first suspect,” Charlie said, looking at Edward. “You’re the one with the most motive.”

I clutched on to Edward and he stood there speechless. “But, I’m not anymore, right? I mean, they know it couldn’t have been me.”

“Right. They came here to question you. They were surprised to find me and Masen here. I told them where you were and they confirmed it with the hospital. They know more than they’re letting on. I just don’t know all the answers yet.”

I didn’t know whether to celebrate or cry. As much I wanted to kill James for what he did to Edward and I, nobody deserved to die. “What happened?” I asked.

“He was shot, three times in the head at point blank range. He never had a chance.”

I took a deep breath. “I’m so confused. Who would want James dead? And what about the guy that took Masen? How does he fit into this?”

“I don’t know, Bella. I’m still looking into it. I’m not going back to Forks yet. I’m staying here a few more days, to get more answers. In the meantime though, I got you this.”

He pulled a small handgun from his bag.

“Dad, no. Absolutely not. I don’t want it.”

Edward stepped up and reached out for the gun. Charlie started showing him how to use it.

“Hello!” I screamed. They both acted like I wasn’t there. “I said no!”

“Bella, it’s for your own protection. You don’t know what these people are capable of.”

I was fuming. “I know that I don’t need to operate a gun and I don’t want a gun in my house. We have children!”

Edward and Charlie were looking at each other, trying to come up with a way around what I wanted.

“I said no,” I stated firmly. “Both of you disgust me. Masen is too young and too curious to have that in this house.”

“Bella, we can keep it somewhere safe, locked up even,” Edward added.

“Oh, yeah? A lot of good that does us when someone comes in here and puts a gun to our heads. Hey, Mr. Bad guy, can you hold on a minute while I go get my gun out of the safe? Yea. Fucking. Right.”

Edward’s eyes got big. He knows I’m serious if I’m cursing. “Bella, I would just feel so much better knowing you have this when you’re here alone.”

“Uh! Don’t you get it? I’m accident prone. I will shoot myself in the head and not even realize it! I don’t want that thing in my house! So help me God if you think you’re keeping that thing, you can go sleep somewhere else.”

“Bella...” Edward pleaded.

I turned my back on both of them, and then decided against it. I should make sure it leaves with my dad and that Edward just doesn’t hide it somewhere.

Edward caught on to what I was doing and reluctantly handed it back to my dad. I saw my Charlie out and nearly lost it when he was gone.

I didn’t know what to think or do. I didn’t know whether to be sad or angry or happy. James was still somebody’s son. Somebody cared about him and they lost him. Images of coming home and finding Edward nearly dead flashed behind my eyes. It scared me. Who would’ve killed James? I thought he was behind all this. Who was the guy that had Masen? So many unanswered questions and it really made me nervous now that James was gone.

I nearly jumped out of my shoes when I felt Edward touch me. I gasped.

“I’m sorry,” he said. “Where did you go? You completely spaced out.”

I shook my head and took a deep breath. “I was just thinking.”

“I’m sorry about the gun. It’s gone, okay? Don’t be mad at me. It was your dad’s idea.”

I nudged him playfully, but I guess he was right. It just irritated me that he was all for it, without even considering my clumsiness and the fact that we have children in the house that would think it was a brand new toy.

I finally let down my guard and turned to him. Edward opened his arms and I went to him, nuzzling my face into his chest. “Edward, I’m scared.”

“Don’t be, Bella.” He soothingly rubbed my back. “Everything is fine. He had his chance with us. If he wanted to hurt us, he had Masen. He could’ve...he didn’t.”

I took a deep breath. “I don’t know.”

Edward kissed my forehead. “Let’s get some sleep before Molly gets hungry again.”

I made sure the door was locked, twice, before crawling into bed with Edward.

Between Molly and my imagination running wild, I didn’t close my eyes once.

~

Over the next few weeks we learned more about what was going on with James and the person who had been interfering with our lives lately. His name was Christopher Stallings. We had never met him before. He had a lengthy criminal record but mostly petty crimes and possession of drugs.

It took several days for the investigating officer to put all the pieces together. They had an informant working for them. It turns out Christopher Stallings had previously shared a jail cell with Laurent. Stallings was let out early on good behavior. Laurent had a bone to pick with James because James wouldn’t bail him out of jail. Laurent couldn’t put up the money himself. James was blaming Edward’s beating on Laurent. James was using Laurent as his defense in preparing for the trial.

Initially Laurent had given Stallings a few hundred bucks to try to scare us and make us and the police think that James was behind it. Laurent wanted James back behind bars. When the car accident didn’t work and James was still a free man, Laurent requested that Christopher take Masen and dispose of him. He wanted James to take the blame.

Fortunately for us, Christopher couldn’t go through with it. Christopher had a son when he was 16 that he never got see due to his criminal history. He may have been a bad man, but he couldn’t bring himself to harm a child. Laurent grew more and more frustrated as the trial grew closer and James was setting him up to be behind bars for the rest of his life. With Christopher out of the picture, Laurent hired someone to take out James, and in exchange, Laurent set up the hit man with his drug dealer who would supply him with drugs in exchange for the murder.

The murderer hadn’t been caught yet. Laurent wasn’t talking. Laurent told police he didn’t know the guy’s name, only that someone else in the prison set it up for him. Police were still looking into that and trying to track down James’ killer, but in the meantime, James was off the streets and Laurent’s motive for hurting us was gone.

Finally, we had the answers we had been searching for. James was gone, and he couldn’t hurt us anymore. There was no lengthy trial that we would have to sit through. Laurent accepted a plea bargain for the assault and attempted murder charges for what happened to Edward. The charges were dropped to aggravated assault only, and Laurent would spend a minimum of five years in prison. Laurent would also stand trial for the murder of James. He was facing life in prison for that crime. Eventually, his hit man sold him out in exchange for a reduced sentence.

For the first time in months, Edward and I could rest easy and enjoy our beautiful children.


***Author’s Note:

Hi all! Hope you enjoyed this chapter...because it is the last one. I know a lot happened and a lot of answers came out! Don’t worry, there’s an epilogue to follow - it will likely be posted on Christmas weekend. Thank you again for all the reviews!

Check out my newest story - Elusive Reality - it’s on my blog and FF.net.

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com.

<3

**EPILOGUE - CLICK HERE**

Elusive Reality - Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

Maricopia County Mental Health Institute - 2006

One thousand twenty-four, one thousand twenty-five, one thousand twenty-six...

“Swan!”

Lunch was here. I took my tray and sat on my bed. On the menu today was a tuna sandwich, broccoli, and jello pudding. Tuna was always on Mondays...so today was Monday. That’s about all I knew. I couldn’t remember anything today. They must have increased the dosage of my medication. Today I had to look at my wrist band to even remember my own name, and even then it didn’t seem familiar. The “Swan” part seemed familiar, but that’s because that is what they call me here. Isabella meant nothing to me.

Today, all I know, is that I like to count because it helps me keep time. I took a bite of my tuna sandwich and wondered why I was here. I didn’t know any other place I should be, though. I did know that I got some crayons and paper and that was something new. I was going to explore with them after I ate.

The broccoli still seemed frozen today. It was really hard and cold. The jello was good though. It tasted like it actually had sugar in it instead of that artificial crap. It was watermelon flavor, my favorite!

I ate all my food and slid my tray through the little hole in the door and then I grabbed my crayons and paper. It was so exciting to feel like I actually owned something. The only physical thing in this room that I could move was my toothbrush, and it was made of rubber.

I quickly discovered that I liked to color. My hand moved of its own accord. I didn’t really have any conscious knowledge of the picture I was drawing, it just seemed like it drew itself. It wasn’t pretty. I don’t know why I drew it.

I drew a stick figure, a woman, with a big knife in her heart. There was blood everywhere. Her heart was bleeding. The woman seemed familiar, but today I couldn’t remember who she was. But, whoever it was, deserved the knife in her heart. That much I knew for sure. Maybe the woman was me. It certainly felt like I had a knife in my heart most days. I can’t remember why today, but it seems like I remember my heart hurting a lot. I felt like I was always on the brink of remembering something huge, something life changing, but I can never quite grasp it.

After I drew about ten disturbing pictures, all including the same stick woman, I took a nap. There wasn’t much else to do around here except for sleep. I have strange dreams when I take my medication. I had a dream about that pretty guy again. I know that I am supposed to know him, but I cannot remember him today. In my dream he was laughing and happy, and so was I. I cannot describe the feelings that erupt in me when I see that guy smiling in my dreams. He’s so beautiful. I feel safe and warm around him. If it wasn’t for wanting to know who he was and if those were really dreams or if they were actually memories, I’d probably never stop taking my medication. I didn’t want to remember the hurt I felt with respect to my father, but I desperately wanted to remember the happiness I felt with the copper haired man of my dreams.

I didn’t take my medication for the following two nights. I wanted to remember him. Edward. I remembered his name. Unfortunately, that was about all I remembered. That night I dreamt something terrible. I mean, I’ve dreamt of things much worse, but for some reason this dream stuck with me and it made my heart ache. It made my heart feel like it weighed a hundred pounds on its own. It was so heavy, so difficult to carry the weight around with me. It was hard to breath. What if the dream was true? The look on his face. I’ll never forget the look on his face when he gave up, when he concluded that I was never coming back.


I’m there, in the room with him, but he doesn’t see me. He doesn’t know I’m there. I’m hovering. Watching. Invisible. He looks lost and desperate and horribly depressed. He’s in my flat. He came through the door and sighed. He looked around aimlessly before closing the door behind him. He watered my little potted plant near the window. He swept the hardwood floors. He opened the curtains to let the morning sun in. He laid down on my unmade bed. He caressed the sheets and closed his eyes as he inhaled a deep breath. “Bella,” he whispered my name, “I miss you.” He tossed and turned on my bed, eyes closing and opening, memories flooding his mind, the pain evident on his face.

Day turned to night. He stayed. Night turned day. More watering, sweeping, cleaning, caring, smelling, tossing and turning. Day turned night. Nightmares. He had nightmares. Night turned to day. More watering, sweeping, cleaning, caring, smelling, tossing and turning. Day turned to night. Night turned to day. Day turned to night. Night turned to day.

Emmett arrived. “Edward, you have to quit to this. You have to get out of here. She’s not coming back.”

Edward didn’t want to believe him. He continued with his routine.

Emmett pulled the broom from Edward’s hands. “Dude! Quit! You can’t continue on like this. We’re leaving. She’s not here. She’s not coming back.” Emmett put his hand on Edward’s shoulder apologetically. “You only knew her six months man, maybe she wasn’t who you thought she was...”

I screamed from my invisible silent location. Nothing audible left my lips. I couldn’t hear myself. They couldn’t hear me. I wanted to scream that I was there, that I wanted to come back, that I was who he thought I was. They couldn’t hear me.

Edward’s shoulders fell. “You’re right. I’m sorry.” His eyes looked down, and then around the room. He looked deflated. Hurt. Done. They both turned and left. The door slammed.

It slammed so loud it woke me from my sleep. I replayed the dream in my mind over and over that day. I hated it. I think Edward was real. I think he loved me. I think I left London and never returned, without a word. I think I broke his heart. He’s never going to come find me.

I cried the remainder of the day. I felt helpless and trapped. I tried to only focus on Edward so I wouldn’t think about my dad. I decided then that I needed to do something to help myself. I couldn’t wait for someone to rescue me. That night, I started writing things down that I remembered, whether I thought they were real or not. I just needed something to look back to when I was confused. I needed to start putting pieces together.

I used my crayons and paper to keep up with my memories or imagination, however you wanted to look at it. I kept the log inside my pillow case. At least I’d have something to refer to, something concrete when I knew my mind was in the right place.


***Author’s Note:

Sorry for the delay in getting this posted...I have a new fur baby and he’s keeping me awfully busy! Thanks for reading and reviewing....the next several chapters take place in London, this is the last we see of Bella for a little while.

Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR
Facebook: AllOrNothingKR @ gmail(dot) com

***CHAPTER 5 - CLICK HERE***

Repentance - Chapter 32

CHAPTER 32:

Nearly two weeks passed without even a minor disturbance in our lives. Everything was quiet.

The police insisted they had a lot of new information, but couldn’t provide any of it to us. It drove Edward mad, especially because we learned the girl at the flower shop positively identified the guy that took Masen as the same person. They found out who purchased the car from an auto auction a few weeks before the weekend Masen was taken from the playground. That was all they would really tell us. They just kept saying the investigation was still pending and keeping their resources safe and secure was important. They couldn’t give us anymore information for risk of jeopardizing their investigation. They insisted we were not in any immediate danger and they would alert us if they learned differently.

Edward even tried to get Charlie involved. Edward wouldn’t willingly call my dad as often as he had. It seemed as if they finally found some common ground, they both wanted Masen and I safe. Edward and Charlie worked together to see if they could find out any more information, but even Charlie was kept out of the loop. He tried to call in some favors, but everything was very hush hush. Charlie suspected they knew who the guy was and were just waiting to catch him in the act, or do some sort of sting operation, set him up. Charlie couldn’t understand why else everything was kept so quiet.

Edward didn’t like that.

“Catch him in the act? Catch him in the act of what? Taking our fucking children again? Or running Bella off the road? That’s bullshit! If they know who he is, why isn’t he behind bars?”

Charlie was on speaker phone. Masen was in is room playing, at my request. I silently rubbed Edward’s arm, trying to calm him.

“It’s just a thought, a theory, Edward. I don’t know for sure. I just know that normally when they’re quiet like this, there is something else going on that we don’t know about. They seem fairly confident in what they’re doing. The lead investigator assured me that Bella was in no danger, and neither is Masen.”

“That’s it? That’s all we get?” Edward asked.

“I’m afraid so,” Charlie responded.

I sighed, uneasy.

“Charlie, do you trust him? Do you believe Bella’s safe?”

I turned away from Edward and grinned. I loved that he called my dad Charlie now instead of “Officer Sawn, or Mr. Sawn, or Sir.”

“I do trust him, Edward. I went to the academy with his younger brother. They’re good people. They just need to keep whatever they’re doing quiet right now. It will all come out in due time. As soon as I find anything else out, you all will be the first to know.”

Edward inhaled a deep breath and blew it out. “Okay.”

“Now, how’s my girl doing?”

I smiled. “You’re on speaker phone, Dad. I’m good.”

“You eating your vegetables and watching your caffeine intake?”

“Yes sir!” I teased. “Edward keeps me on track.”

“Now, when is she coming again? I need to make sure I can get off work.”

I laughed. “Approximately two weeks. But you never know. Masen was a little late. I hope she’s not late. But, I mean, as soon as I think something’s up, I’ll call you. I can’t really just plan it though.”

Edward and Charlie laughed. “I know, Bella. Is your mom coming up?”

Edward and I looked to each other. I knew my dad was hoping to see her. “I don’t think so, Dad.”

“What? Why not? She was there for Masen.”

“I know, but it’s different now. I want this to be an experience for Edward, Masen and I, not Mom, Alice and me.”

Charlie was quiet for a moment.

“I mean, you know, she would just worry me to death and always be in my space and stay entirely too long.”

Charlie and Edward laughed again. “I guess you’re right, Bells. You’re going to let her come see the kid aren’t you?”

“Of course, Dad. I just want to get adjusted first, and besides, Edward’s parents are coming up and staying a few days too, so between them and you, I’m sure we’ll be fine. I just know if mom were here, she’d want to be in the room when she’s born and she’d make a big fuss and want to hold her all the time and it’s different this time. I’m not a scared little girl having a baby for the first time against my will. We created her, and we want to bring into the world and be the first ones to enjoy her. I’m sorry if that’s selfish.”

“No, I understand, this is different, Bella. You’re becoming such a smart young woman.”

I smiled. “Thanks, Dad.”

Edward and I said our goodbyes to my father. We were both smiling after we hung up the phone. Edward moved closer to me. His fingertips lingered gently on my cheek, as if he was contemplating something.

“Can I kiss you?” he asked.

I smiled. “Edward, you don’t have to ask me.” Our lips met before I finished my sentence. I enjoyed our kiss more than I thought I would. We were both smiling when we finally separated. “I love you.” We said it at the same time and we both laughed. Edward kissed my forehead and my belly before going to retrieve Masen for dinner.


***

The following week I was completely miserable. My back hurt, my head hurt, I ached all over. I walked around our apartment endlessly until Edward finally took a break from studying to watch Masen so I could go for a walk outside. I waddled down the street while on the phone with Edward, it’s the only way he would let me go by myself. If I walked enough, maybe she would come a little early.

I finally turned around to head back to the apartment. It was a nice 70 degrees outside, but I was starting to get warm.

“I didn’t realize how far I had walked,” I said, out of breath, after I turned around to head back.

“You want me to come pick you up?” Edward asked.

“No, no. I need to walk. You could run me a warm bath though.”

“Okay, I can do that.”

By the time I made it back to the apartment, I was completely uncomfortable and crabby. Edward had my bath ready to go and he was working on dinner. He was going to be one hell of a husband one day.

Edward helped me into the bath and left me alone to tend to dinner.

I guess I fell asleep. I was exhausted. A sharp pain in my side, shot around my stomach and went low around my waist. That pain felt familiar to me. I smiled to myself, hoping it was a contraction and I eagerly waited for the next one.

Edward popped his head in, I didn’t even notice. “Dinner’s almost ready.”

I glanced up at him. “Okay, help me?”

Edward entered the bathroom and grabbed a big towel. “What were you smiling about when I came in here?”

“What?” I asked, as he helped me out of the tub.

“You had this big grin on your face before you knew I was here.”

I laughed. “No, I didn’t.” I didn’t want to tell him, or alarm him, or get him excited. It could’ve been nothing and until I was discerning a pattern, I wasn’t going to worry him with it.

He knew I was lying.

“Liar,” he said to me as he wrapped the towel around me.

“She had the hiccups. It made me smile.”

“You can feel her hiccup?”

“Of course. She’s stopped now though,” I said, as I placed a hand on my belly. In fact she had been fairly active earlier on in the day and I hadn’t really felt her that much lately. I prayed she was settling down like a good little girl, getting ready to make her grand appearance.

Edward left me to get dressed.

At dinner, I took the first bite of Edward’s homemade lasagna and I gasped audibly.

“Is it that bad?” he asked.

My face contorted in pain. I shook my head and exhaled a deep breath. “I just had a cramp in my back. The lasagna is good.”

“Is it a contraction?”

“I don’t think so,” I said as I checked the clock on the wall behind him.

He dropped it and we continued eating, mostly in silence. I didn’t feel well. I wasn’t really that hungry but I didn’t want to tell Edward that. His lasagna was good, so I forced myself to eat everything on my plate and I regretted it afterwards.

I had one or two more contractions before we went to bed that night, but there was really no pattern emerging and I fell asleep that night to Edward massaging my back. I don’t think I’d been that relaxed in weeks.

I woke up early the next morning. Edward was shaving in the bathroom. He had to work.

I laid in bed, listening to him humming some song while he was shaving. It was cute.

I started to fell achy, like a contraction was coming on. It got stronger and sharper until I couldn’t stifle my cry.

Edward came out of the bathroom, half of his face still covered in shaving cream. “What’s wrong?” he asked.

I wasn’t able to speak yet. I tried to focus on my breathing until it passed. When the intensity started to lessen, I took a deep breath and blew it out. I couldn’t hide it anymore. “That was definitely a contraction,” I breathed.

Edward disappeared quickly back into the bathroom. I heard the water running and a moment later he reappeared, his face whipped clean, only the left side freshly shaven. I laughed at him. “What are you doing?”

“What am I doing? What are you doing? Don’t we need to go to the hospital?”

He was so funny. “Well, probably, eventually. I need to see how far apart they are. There’s no sense in me sitting at the hospital waiting when I could be here. Labor can last a long time Edward. I was in labor with Masen for nearly 14 hours.

“That is a long time. But shouldn’t you be hooked up to a machine or something? I would just feel better if we were at the hospital.”

“Well, we’re not going anywhere until you shave the other side of your face.”

“Oh, right,” he said as he ran the palm of his hand along his face.

“And while you’re doing that, will you run a bath for me and shave my legs?” I asked sweetly.

He laughed. “Are you sure we have time for all that?”

“I’m pretty sure. And you should call the office and tell them you won’t be there, and call your parents, give them a heads up.”

“Oh, right. The office, that’s a good idea.”

I watched Edward shuffle around me nervously. While he started my bath, I made a few phone calls and made sure I had everything I needed packed in my overnight bag. I made my way to the baby’s room and went through everything meticulously, making sure it was perfect for her. I moved the little bassinet we had been keeping in her room into our room so it was one less thing I had to worry about when she was home.

I felt another contraction coming on, so I laid down on the bed momentarily to ride it out.

“Your bath is getting cold,” Edward warned as he stepped into the bedroom from the bathroom. I raised a finger to him, telling him I’d be there in a minute. He could see the pain on my face.

“Are you okay? Do we need to go?”

I waited a moment to compose myself and looked at the clock. “No, stop pestering me. They’re still 45 minutes apart. When they’re closer to ten minutes apart, we’ll go. It could be a while. Chill out.”

“Oh, okay.” Edward went back to the bathroom and helped me in the tub. When I was finished I sat on the edge, partially covered with a towel, while he shaved my legs. It’s only the second time I’d convinced him to do it, more out of necessity than laziness. This time he even put lotion on for me.

“Thank you, baby. You’re so good at that.”

Edward laughed and I kissed his cheek.


Edward let me relax while he made Masen and I breakfast. I woke Masen up early and we had some mommy/son time before breakfast. I was sort of sad that he wasn’t going to be my baby anymore, but I was excited to meet his sister, too.

Edward took Masen to daycare and we arranged for Rosalie to pick him up. She was keeping him while we were at the hospital. Edward made her swear she wouldn’t lose him or misplace him or let anyone take him. I nudged him when he said that, I know he was trying to be funny, but I’m sure she felt guilty enough as it was.

Edward and I did a few things around the house while we kept an eye on my contractions. Finally, at about 3:00 that afternoon, they were nearly fifteen minutes apart and I was getting to the point that the pain was unbearable so we went ahead to the hospital.

I got checked in and changed into my lovely hospital gown. We got settled in the room and I got hooked up to the monitor. The baby’s heart beat was strong and steady. They confirmed she was in position and examined me. I was nearly seven centimeters dilated. I got my epidural almost immediately. I thought Edward was going to pass out. When I looked up at him, after the epidural was administered, his face was ghostly white.

“Are you okay?” I asked.

He hesitated for a moment. “Yea, I’m okay.”

I sighed. “You better be. It hasn’t even started yet. You have to be conscious through the entire thing!”

Edward laughed. “I will be.”

He seemed to relax then and I tried to get some rest while my epidural kicked in.

I woke a few hours later, extremely uncomfortable. There was so much pressure and need to push. I wanted her out.

When I groaned audibly in pain, Edward turned to look at me from his spot in the chair next to me. He was engrossed in some television program.

“It hurts,” I whined. “I want to push. Will you get the nurse?”

“She was just in checking on you a few minutes ago. She said your contractions were really close together. She just went to call the doctor. I was just going to let you sleep. You looked peaceful.”

I was clammy and sweaty and I ached all over. “I’m hot,” I complained.

Edward went and got me a cold cloth he smoothed along the skin of my forehead, cheeks, and neck. It felt good.

The doctor came in a few minutes later. Without asking he just lifted up my sheet and examined me. Edward looked slightly alarmed and it almost made me laugh. “Well, the nurse was right. You’re ready to go.” The doctor rambled off some orders to the nurse and she hurried out of the room.

“Are you serious? I can start pushing?”

“In just a few minutes,” he responded.

I smiled, excited. I can’t believe I slept through the boring part. I must have been really tired.

Two more nurses and the doctor returned a moment later. The doctor was wearing scrubs and gloves now. A nurse readied the area where the baby would be taken to be checked out and cleaned up.

Edward held one knee back while I pushed and a nurse held the other.

After pushing several times, I was completely exhausted and in a world of pain.

“Just a little more, Bella. I can see her head. Reach down and feel.”

Before I could even let go of Edward to lower my hand, Edward’s head dipped between my legs. “Whoa,” he said, “Look, Bella.”

I reached my hand down and sat up to look in the mirror that was placed behind the doctor. Her head was crowing. Thank God. It would be over soon. I rested for just a moment before I started pushing again.

Thirty minutes later, I felt a huge weight lifted off of me and I heard the contents of my insides spilling out onto the floor.

I was so relieved I instantly started crying, and then I heard her crying and I cried even more.

I opened my eyes as the doctor put her on my stomach for a moment while the nurses attempted to clean her and Edward cut the cord. He looked so proud and happy. I was so grateful he got to be a part of this.

I didn’t even get a good look at her through my tears, before the nurse swept her away. I couldn’t even recall what she looked like and it made me frantic. Her cry was muffled and not as strong as I thought it should be.

Edward was at my side telling me how amazing I was and I urged him to go check on her.

I was so exhausted I couldn’t even keep my eyes open long enough to allow them to follow him across the room.

I vaguely remember hearing them cleaning out her airway and hearing her cry louder.

The next thing I remembered was Edward saying my name.

“Bella. Bella...look at her. She’s perfect.”

Edward was holding our little girl, swaddled in white, with a little hat on her head. I instantly pulled it off, to see her hair. It was dark, but full and wild.

We both laughed, and I cried. She looked like Edward, but with my hair. She had his lips and his animated eyes. I took her from him and she looked at me in wonder.

I talked to her until I didn’t feel safe holding her anymore. I felt sick to my stomach and tired. Edward accompanied her to the nursery for all her little tests and I fell asleep.

**CHAPTER 33 - CLICK HERE**

Elusive Reality - Chapter 3

CHAPTER 3

London, England - 2004

Edward Cullen was too good to be true. We had spent a lot of time together and we had only met a few days ago. Edward showed me around campus on Sunday and took me to brunch. It was so nice. He was so much fun to be around and he always had me laughing.

Monday was the first day of classes and I was taking a pretty heavy course load. I was exhausted by the end of the day and it was dark on campus by the time I started to try to find my way home. I wasn’t that great with directions to begin with, but it seemed like every road in London just went in a big circle. I tried for over an hour to find my way before I finally gave up and called Edward. He laughed at me for quite some time before telling me to stay put.

Edward snuck up behind me on campus and nearly gave me a heart attack. I smacked him playfully. “That is not funny! You scared me!” I said seriously. He pulled me down the steps and led me across campus.

It was a beautiful night. Stars sprinkled the night sky and the nearly full moon lit our way. Edward and I were walking close together and out of nowhere he grabbed my hand and held it. It made me gasp involuntarily. I had a hard time believing this perfect beautiful man could be interested in me.

“Is this okay?” he asked.

“It’s more than okay.” The words came out of my mouth before I even thought about them and I wanted to kick myself for saying something so cheesy. Edward smiled down at me and I realized we had stopped walking. His hand left mine and it cradled my face. I stopped breathing. His lips were dangerously close to my own.

“You’re freezing, Bella.”

I nodded my head. It was a little chilly and I had been outside for a while by that point. His breath against my lips was the most intoxicating thing. I suddenly felt drunk. He did things to me that I had never felt before. I felt sensations in my stomach that had never been there before. If he didn’t kiss me, I would surely pass out at any moment from lack of oxygen.

And then he kissed me. I breathed in his breath. His lips were warm, soft and inviting. The kiss was just supposed to be a small peck, I could tell. Neither one of us pulled away. I had been dying to kiss him, and now that I finally was, I didn’t want it to stop.

When Edward finally pulled away, it felt like he took all the oxygen in the atmosphere with him and I stood there dumbfounded.

“Was that okay?” he whispered.

I finally gained my composure. “It was wonderful,” I smiled.

He gave me the most beautiful grin as he grabbed my hand again and continued to lead the way. I couldn’t help but look up at him and his green eyes sparkling in the moonlight. Maybe that is why I hadn’t found my way around campus yet, even though he had shown me. I was always too busy looking at him.

“I’d like to take you to dinner. Have you eaten?”

I shook my head and did and internal happy dance at the opportunity to spend more time with him.

Edward took us to a small little family owned restaurant. It was quiet and cute. Edward and I sat side by side in a little booth in the corner. We drank wine and tasted each other’s food.

“Tell me about your life before you came here. I bet your boyfriend was devastated to find out you were leaving.”

I nearly choked. I hadn’t thought about Jake in a long time. I apologized for nearly spitting my food out.

“Damn, so you do have a boyfriend? That would make my prior behavior entirely inappropriate.”

I laughed lightheartedly. “Well, I don’t have a boyfriend anymore. And your behavior earlier was welcomed.”

Edward raised a brow at me and I grinned. “Please, continue,” he encouraged.

“Well, I lived in Phoenix with my parents. My dad, Charlie, is a police officer. He wasn’t really happy that I was coming here. In fact, he threatened to disown me. We sort of had a rather large falling out before I left.”

“Why, what’s the big deal? It’s a great opportunity, most dads would be happy for their daughter.”

I looked away. “Well, Charlie seemed convinced that I wouldn’t come back and he didn’t like the idea of his little girl in a big city like this all by herself.”

“Oh, I see. Do you ever think about not going back?”

“I don’t know. I just got here. But it feels more like home here than Phoenix ever did. I’ve just always wanted to live in London since I was little. I can’t explain it.”

“What about your mom?”

I shrugged my shoulders. “She didn’t really care, as long as she didn’t have to pay for it. I think it affected my dad more because he feels like he’s losing both of us.”

“What do you mean?”

“Oh, well...” I hesitated. I’d never really talked to anyone about this before. “I’m pretty sure my mom is fooling around on my dad. I think he knows too, we just never talk about it. He doesn’t want to be alone.”

“I’m sorry. That’s terrible.”

“Yeah, I mean, Renee, my mom, would be happier if she just left. I’m sick of watching her pretend that we are what she wants. But, Charlie, he’s still so in love with her. He still thinks she’s the most amazing thing in the world and he will be as ignorant as he has to be to keep her around.”

“That’s sad,” Edward said.

“It is. It’s really sad. I worry what will happen between them now that I’m gone.”

Edward didn’t say anything for a minute, as if he didn’t know what to say.

“So, what about your boyfriend?” he finally asked.

“He’s not my boyfriend anymore.”

“Well, what about your ex-boyfriend?” he laughed.

“His name is Jacob. We grew up together and were always best friends and as time went on we grew up, we just naturally became boyfriend and girlfriend.”

“Oh, so when or how did he become your ex?”

“When I found out I was coming London. I loved Jake, I still do, but it just didn’t always feel right. I always wondered what else was out there. He was always way more into me. He just always seemed like a brother to me. I don’t know. It’s tough, I guess. He knows me better than anyone, but at the same time I don’t feel like he knows me at all. I just thought it would be best for us to take a break while I was gone. I didn’t think it was fair to him to wait around on me, although I knew he would. I wanted to find myself here and discover who I was and what I wanted out of life. I just wanted to live and be independent for a change instead of always having him there to rely on.”

“You can’t even find your way around campus, you might allow yourself to lean on someone every now and then,” he teased.

I laughed and nudged him in the side. “Shut up.”

Edward continued, “So, was he really upset when you broke up with him?”

“That would be an understatement. He didn’t want to at all. He swore up and down he would wait for me, that there was nobody else. He still calls...” I trailed off. I didn’t want to talk about Jake. It made me sad. I did care about him, but I needed to be my own person now.

“I’m sorry.”

I shook my head. “No, this is what I want. There’s nothing to be sorry about.”

“I kind of feel bad for the guy. I imagine anybody that had the opportunity to love you, would never want to stop.”

I had my glass nearly raised to my lips when I froze at his words. I looked over at him, expecting to see a sheepish grin, but he was absolutely serious. I didn’t know how to respond, and wanted to lighten the mood, so I said, “Are you hitting on me?”

Edward laughed loudly. “Only since the day I laid eyes on you. It’s not every day I let some random girl spend the night at my flat.”

“Your friends made it sound like a common occurrence,” I teased.

Edward pretended to be shocked and we both laughed. We were quiet for a moment as I sipped my wine.

I felt Edward’s hand graze mine at our sides. “You’re different, Bella.”

All the air left my lungs and I wanted to throw myself at him, but I contained myself, smiled genuinely and returned to my glass of wine.

I’m fairly certain it’s safe to say that Edward and I had a bit too much to drink that night. After dinner Edward and I returned to my flat and we started to watch a movie but I quickly fell asleep. It had been a long day for me and I didn’t realize how exhausted I was, and the wine didn’t help.

I woke up some time later to Edward’s hand ghosting across my cheek and whispers fell from his lips. “Bella, wake up sweet girl...”

I heard him, but I didn’t open my eyes. Hearing him speak to me like that was something I wanted to hear more of. His voice just intoxicated me.

“Bella...” he continued. “Why don’t you get up and get ready for bed and I’ll tuck you in before I leave.”

Damn it. He was leaving. I wanted to sit straight up and beg him not to leave, but instead I groggily sat up and crawled of my bed/couch and went to the bathroom to change and get ready for bed.

I purposely changed into a little pair of shorts and a small spaghetti strap tank top. I padded bare foot across the floor and crawled into my bed. Edward was staring at me, open mouthed.

“What?” I asked.

“You’re beautiful.”

I smiled. “Are you going to kiss me goodnight, or just stare at me?”

Edward laughed and leaned in to kiss me. His soft lips covered mine and I couldn’t help but smile against his lips. He smelled delicious and I was tempted to try to deepen our kiss and convince him to stay, but I knew I shouldn’t. I hadn’t been with anyone other than Jake, and I didn’t want Edward to just be some quick fling, but damn he was good kisser.

He finally pulled away and I pouted. He gave me that crooked sexy grin and kissed my cheek. “Goodnight, Bella. I’ll see you soon.”

“I hope so.”

“If your directional challenges are any indication of when I’ll see you again, I’ll probably see you in the morning.”

I laughed and lunged a pillow at him. He caught it and threw it back at me before heading to the door, turning off the light, and seeing himself out.

I laid in bed that night, the moonlight shining in from outside, and couldn’t help but replay all of Edward and I’s “firsts” that happened that night. I hadn’t intended on coming to London and being swept off my feet by the sexiest man alive, but I sure as hell was enjoying every minute of it. I smiled to myself, pulled my covers up over me, smelled his scent on them, and closed my eyes. Coming to London was definitely proving to be a good thing.

**CHAPTER 4 - CLICK HERE**

Repentance - Chapter 31

CHAPTER 31:

More than a week passed before the police actually shared anything concrete with us. When we questioned them previously they told us they couldn’t release any more information or it could jeopardize their investigation.

They initially showed us a photograph of the abandoned car. It was really old, and gold in color. It meant nothing to Edward or I. We had never seen it before. The police said there were no tags on it. They believed it may have been purchased from a junk yard or auto auction, but they were still checking into that.

That same week, the police had us come in to the station to review some surveillance video. There was video of the person dropping Masen off at Pike Place. The guy just pulled up to the curb, got out with Masen, led him into the toy store and then ran out and took off. The video quality was grainy at best, but I had no idea who the guy was. He was tall and appeared to have dark hair, although he was wearing a baseball cap.

I shook my head. “I don’t know who that is.”

“I’ve never seen him before,” Edward chimed in.

“Are you sure? Look closer.” The officer zoomed in on the gentleman’s face but it still meant nothing to us.

We both shook our heads.

“What about friends, family, co-workers? You’ve never seen this guy before?”

Edward and I both said no.

“You know what? You should call that girl at the florist and have her look at this,” Edward said.

“Oh, that’s a good idea,” I offered.

“What girl at the florist?” the officer asked.

“Some guy, described as attractive, tall, and having dark hair, anonymously sent Bella flowers to her office a couple of weeks ago. One of the girls there, I think her name is Tina, she saw the guy. I wonder if it is the same person.”

“That would be really weird,” I said.

Edward gave the investigating officer the name, address and phone number of the florist and he said he would follow up with the girl and get back to us. In the meantime, they were still going to be trying to find out where the car came from and if the buyer could be tracked down.

Edward was insistent that I should know the guy from somewhere, otherwise, how would he recognize me, or know where I worked or lived? It just didn’t add up. He was driving me crazy about it.

Masen was screaming at the top of his lungs because I took his little guitar away because he needed to finish his dinner. Edward was on my case, and I was about to lose it.

“Edward, I don’t know! I’ve never seen him!”

“What about in any of your classes? Think back, do you remember anyone that looked like him in any of your classes? Has he ever come into your office?”

I dropped the dish I was washing loudly in the sink. “Edward! I told you! I don’t know who he is! I have never seen him before. Quit interrogating me! I’m so sick of this!” I stormed out of the kitchen and went to our bedroom and slammed the door. Masen instantly stopped crying and said, “Momma mad!” and then he laughed like it was the funniest thing he’d ever seen.

I sat on the edge of the bed and let the tears flow. I was so uncomfortable. I was huge and hot and I always felt disgusting. I was so beyond ready to have this baby out of me. I was angry that I didn’t even feel like I had really gotten to enjoy being pregnant with her because there was always something going on. I just wanted one relaxing evening where I didn’t have to feel the pressure of screwing up or keeping myself and my children safe.

Edward knocked on the door a few minutes later.

“Go away!” I yelled back to him.

He slowly opened the door and I looked around for the nearest object I could launch at him, but didn’t find anything, and even if I did I wouldn’t be able to bend over my enormous stomach to pick it up.

“Bella, I’m sorry. I didn’t meant to upset you. Can I come in?” he asked as he stepped through the door.

“You’re already in,” I responded.

He sighed. “Bella, I really didn’t mean to upset you. Why are you crying?”

He sat down next to me on the bed and started rubbing circles on my back. It felt good. “I’m just frustrated. If I knew who the hell was doing this, I would tell you. I’m just so tired of always being on edge and I’m exhausted. I just want it all to stop,” I cried, “and our baby still doesn’t have a freaking name!”

Edward tried to hide his laugh. He pulled me close to himself and hugged me. “I’m sorry I questioned you too much, it’s frustrating to me too. You don’t know what it’s like to have to walk out of here every morning not knowing if you’ll be here when I get back.”

I sniffled but didn’t really respond.

“And we can talk about the baby’s name tonight, I promise. We really do need to get started on it, we only have a few weeks left.”

“Thank God,” I mumbled. I was so ready to have her out, and I really wanted to see what she would look like.

“Why don’t you lay down for a bit. I’ll make sure Masen finishes his dinner, okay?”

I nodded my head and crawled back up on the bed. As soon as my head hit the pillow, it felt like heaven. Edward pulled a blanket over me and kissed my cheek.

Later that night after I woke up from my much needed nap, Edward had cleaned the entire apartment, did two loads of laundry, and bathed Masen. He looked exhausted.

“I really appreciate you doing all this. It takes a load off my shoulders,” I said as I sat down on the couch.

“That was my intention, Bella.”

“You poor thing, you look exhausted, though,” I teased.

He scoffed. “That’s hard work. Our child is a hand full, plus trying to keep him out of danger and doing all the housework. I thought law school was tough.”

I giggled. “Yea, try doing it all like that every day, with a full time job, and an unwanted 40 pounds on your stomach.”

Edward looked at me seriously. “I really don’t know how you do it. And what do you mean by unwanted 40 pounds? She’s wanted...” he said as he rubbed my overgrown stomach.

“Of course she’s wanted. I didn’t account for her 6 pounds. Those are in addition to the 40 I’ve gained that are unwanted.”

“Oh, please! Bella you have not gained 40 pounds.” Edward said as he pulled me closer to him on the couch and kissed my cheek. I swatted him away. I didn’t like to be touched lately.

“I have easily gained 40 pounds,” I said seriously.

“No way,” he countered. “Unless most of them are there,” he said pointing at my chest.

I laughed. “I wish!”

Edward tried to kiss me again. I pushed him away.

“What’s wrong with you? Are you still mad at me?” he asked.

I shook my head. “Edward, I‘m not mad at you. I just need space. I’m horribly pregnant and feeling very unattractive and I just don’t want to be touched.”

The hurt look on his face made my insides ache. “I’m sorry,” I said.

He looked away for a moment, his mouth hanging open, as if choosing his words, then he looked back. His eyes were burning holes into mine. “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.”

I sighed. I didn’t want to ask how he saw me. I didn’t care. Nothing he said would change how gross I felt and how ready I was to meet our daughter and have her on the outside of my body. Truth be told, I was anxious about her birth. I felt safer knowing if someone were after me I could out run them, or hide or something. But, with my belly as large as it was, there was no hiding me. There was no out running the person after me or Masen. I just wanted her here. I wanted her tangible and safe in my arms. I just wanted to know she was real and healthy. I wanted to smell that new baby smell, and count all her little toes and fingers and see whose smile she had. Hopefully, Edward’s. I was lost in my thoughts when he spoke again.

“You’re so beautiful. Even your additional 46 pounds you insist you have hidden somewhere.”

I scoffed and rolled my eyes at him.

“Bella, I get that you don’t feel like you normally do, but don’t be such a downer. I love seeing you pregnant. It fascinates me.”

I cocked my eyebrow up at him, in question.

“I never got to see you before, with Masen. I always wondered what you looked like while you were pregnant. There were so many things I missed out on. I’m just enjoying the experience I never thought I’d have, of seeing my child grow inside the woman that takes my breath away every single day. So, yes, it hurts me when you don’t want me to touch you, or kiss you. You’re beautiful. You’re breathtaking. Yes, your body is rapidly changing, but only to accommodate our baby girl. Don’t be so hard on yourself.”

He words touched me. “I’m sorry. I’m selfish. I should’ve known what it meant to you.”

He leaned over and kissed my cheek. “I love you, always.”

I cracked a small smile and pulled him to me. “Want to name our baby girl now?” I asked and pulled back to look at him.

His perfect crooked smile I loved so much danced across his face and his eyes lit up. He reminded me of Masen getting excited about something. He jumped to his feet and went to our bedroom and returned with a baby name book.

We sat closely together on the couch, sifting through the book until nearly midnight, before we decided. I was so glad she finally had a name.


***Author’s Note: Sorry this chapter was a shorty. There are at least 2 to 3 more chapters and then the epilogue. Thanks for all the reviews! I promise a longer chapter next weekend! <3 Twitter: @ AllOrNothingKR Facebook: AllOrNothingKR at gmail (dot) com

**CHAPTER 32 - CLICK HERE**